he is an N but I am not ready to leave him.

[Hopalong]

Oh wow, Lupita...it sure sounds like progress to me!

(And CB, wow is inadequate.)

wowowowowowowowowowowowowow

Lup...you are Meryl Streep.

You are faking it until you make it.

And everything we do can be lightened if we tell ourselves, "I am practicing."

love to you,
Hops

[Lupita]

usually, when he asked me he wanted to dance with this or the other, I got in a bad mood ans asked him why do you want to dance with that shorter woman, fatter, and dacnes much less than me. He got mad and we had more problems.

Las night, when he said, Dont you think it is about time that I dance with somebody else? Can i dance with T? I said, go ahead. He hesitated a moment. Then I pushed him. he got up and asked her, and I got up and asked another gentleman. Fortunately for me, this gentleman was very nice, very experienced dacner and he was patient and caused me to have a great sensation.I even allowed him to get a little closer to me, for a moment we put cheek to cheek and it was great. I was afraid to let M see me having such a good time because he has stopped completelly the dancing close and smutching other women, so I do not want him to start again. He was very respectful to em when dancing with those ladies. He dance with four ladies. I went to the bathroom, put lipstick, I went to the other room and say hello to other people and he came a looked for me. He must have danced with ladies just one song instead of the set. Then he sadi how much fun he had.

Today, suring breakfast, he told me how well he danced last night. I said, you dance with beginners, i had the cohones to ask an experience dnacer to dance with me and I leraned a lot. he frowned and told me to keep reading the paper.

Lat nigth

[Lupita]

Last night he put me down several times. That is why I know it is not going to be possible to spend my life with this person. In the car going there, he told me that he felt the smell of my shaving cream. Not possible since I washed it so well andputt different creams and scents. I said, cannot be true, youa re just trying to make me feel bad. He shut up.
On the dance floor, he told me that I was not stretching my legs well, that I was not doing embellishment like the other ladies, and he constantly tols me to pay attention to not to look at other people. Then he pulles my hand several times in a string way, causing me a shock of adrenaline everytime. He said that I am the one that is extending the hand too much and it should be in 45 degrees. After several times, I cought him doing it and pulled his hand with not so much force like he did to me and then laught. I said "I cought you" it is you, not me. H eluahgt and never did it again.
I am learning to handle my responses to him and I am learning to handle my emotions, despite that I know I do not deserbe to be treated that way. But I know that I have my own problems and he puts up with my porblems too. I have a strong ADD and he puts up with my constant distractions. He puts up with my lack of concentration on conversations. I scrwe up in social stages and he helps me. So, I guess is not equal, because I work harder, and sacrifice more for our relationship and put up with more. But I have never encountered a man who does more than the woman. Anyway, ask me questions, I need to know if I am doing the right thing because I do not trust my perceptions.

[Lupita]

Thank you CB, Hopsy wopsy, Mo2, PR, and Ami for all your responses. Please, keep talking to me. This is a very important learning experinece ofr me and I need you so much.

Love you guys. Hope that one day I can talk to you face to face and see you in person.

I said

Chelsea Clinton Married last night.

He said
   
You don’t read the papers, you don’t know current events. I have read of that all week.

I said

You are putting me down. I just made a neutral comment.

Ha said

You are full of baloney.

He has ignored me all the rest of the day, he is mad at me. I took the paper from the table and put it away while he was reading and told him that he should talk to me during breakfast instead of reading. He said, what can I say, I said, do you have anything positive to say?
He shut up and has ignored me since then. For two hours. Just like my mother would do.

I said, you tell me ugly things and blame me for being in a bad mood and accuse me of having a bad attitude. Oh boy, he is mad at me.

[Lupita]

The main point was, no matter what...do not EVER look at them. This will drive them crazy and undermine their "performance

So with any tormeNtor, whose mechanism is the seeking of N supply, I'd simply withhold that.

the Cesar thing is like...in order to interact safely with an aggressive dog--you don't meditate on what the aggressive dog is thinking (his brain is busted). You just remember how YOU are supposed to behave, put out that vibe...and he can no longer intimidate you.

(Unless getting inside their minds is entertaining....but ewww, that means they're still dominating your life.)

That is why when I left the dancing room and went to the other room, he stopped dancing and came to look for me. I guess. he thougth I would sit and watch him dance like I used to. 

What a wonderful idea I have gotten from Hops in one of her posts. Hmmmm. I will be aware of that in teh future. 

[Ami]

I am so glad to be back, Girlfriends ,cuz I am a daughter of an N who is in love---head spinning icon like Linda Blair in Exorcist.


                                           Ami

[lighter]

(((Lupita)))

Nothing to add, just sending a hug.

Mo2

[Ami]

Honestly, Lupita
I can't believe he turned in to an N.
You got the face lift, looked beautiful, found a great guy, doing activities and then WHAM---N comes flying out of the closet door.

I am astounded and looking at my own life.

I have really strong feelings for someone. Is it instant replay waiting to happen???????????         


                   Ami

[Lupita]

Ami, they have antenas looking for victimd, not anybody fit the oattern that they like to abuse, but unfortunately we are the perfect material alawasy looking for someon to protect us of for someona to give as a little bit of love because even if they give the food of the dog, metaphorically speaking, you come back because you habe nothing else. We attract them with are victim mode.

I am getting a new lfting tomorrow, Pray foir me. My son offered to take care of me but it was too alte I was desperate and acceoted M to take care of me after he had threw me out of his house. He said, get out of my life so I can have a normal life. I was nagging him all day because the day before he was very nasty with me, I introduced a freind to hin and he totally ignored her , Then he did not hold my hand at all, then he dance with another woman instead of me, un tup he was flirting witha nother woman who was in my back and I did not dare to look back and see who she was,

Next day I was so mad that I was nagging him all day about that and tellinh him how nasty he was and how offle he look that at 66 years old he bevaves like a highschool kid, He git mad and told me to leave him so hec oudl had a normal likfe.
If I just coud have visit one of you I would habe sved my self, but I do not have anybody to see, so I called the surgeon ahd he agree, and took a bank loan, and at those moments he came to my house to ask me to go back to his house, I said I was going to have surgery and hesaid I will take care of you.

Here we are at his house again after I had to put all my nelonmgiongd in my car in 10 minutes, including myu piano. But now i have ony a change of close, no big things,

My therapist indidt thsat he liked to torment me and he enjoyd outting me dow,

Example, I said something nice todfa, I said I remember when we fiorst starting dating and asked you to go to a night club and you said no, i was sadbecause we had to spend a lonely night in your housde, Now after eight months I aodre and welkomc the quiet  cozy warm night at yourt home,
He barked:

I am training you correctly. I sadi, that is not nice, I am telling you something nice.

Well he is doing thid negative things all day lonh and put mwe in a bad mood allday. <y T said that I am depressed becasue he is recreating the same patterm I had with my mother, I have to leave him. H edoes not love me,. I dont think so.

[lighter]

Oh dear, Lupita.

I'm sending prayers that you get through this operation without complications....... just heal and smile and agree wtih everything M says. 

Don't

make

him

mad

whatever

you

do.

When you're feeling better, perhaps you'll have more insights about your relationship wtih M.

Heal, Lupe.  Try not to worry.

Mo2

[Ami]

Why do you need another lift, Lupita??


I think my guy and I are waning. After I hear you talk, I feel better lol.
Goodness, I am a N magnet, too.
I mean--Lord--I have been through enough grief for 10 lifetimes as YOU have.

Maybe, I should thank God my guy and I are seeming to go separate ways.
 I am SOOOOO attracted to him

You KNOW what that means???     N


                     Ami

[lighter]

How'ya doing, Lupe?

You OK?

Mo2

[Lupita]

He told one of his friends that he was scared of me. That I am so paranoid that it is scary. He is driving me insane. I have to get out of here. I cannot deal with this man any longer.
God, help me.

[CB123]

Hey, Lupita,

yes, you do need to get out of there.  Nothing is making sense for you right now and you need some distance.  Do you still have your apartment?  Make a plan and then go ahead and leave.  Once you have some space, you can think about everything and sort it out.  Dont try to sort it out now, and dont try to talk to him about it. 

First, leave, then think.

Love
CB

[Lupita]

I called my son's fiance and she picked me up. I am in my son's house now but they will take me to my apartment this afternoon. He called me ungrateful when he saw I was leaving.
I sent him an e mail of "I need to be independent, but I love you, hope you visit me soon"
I did not know what else to say. I am scared of him.
I dont think we can go back again. He will not forgive me. He is extremely selfish and revancheful.