Hi MB,
Those standardized rejection letters can get to you...I wonder if a lot of it is that these days people submit resume after resume over the Internet. It becomes an automatic checklist kind of thing but isn't always the path in to a workplace.
Whenever you get the chance to write a cover letter, your writing is so good that I hope it will catch an ear. Keep on doing the Internet search, but make sure the online submissions don't eat all the time/energy for the job search. Make another block of time about in-person contacts, volunteering, attending workshops, writing personalized queries and thank-yous to individual people, stuff like that.
But this is also why your in-person volunteering and engagement is such a brilliant move. That really is networking. And you're already doing it very intelligently. I am very impressed. It's not that you can control or predict HOW things will change, it's just that you really are doing wise things that ENCOURAGE the openings to present for you.
Don't panic. Each question or encounter or communication? It's practice. It's going to be okay. Just try as best you can to do the "one day at a time" thing.
I don't know if this works for you but sometime ages ago when I was very anxious about something similar, somebody told me to think of it as "good practice" -- and that took so much pressure off the event itself. I let go of the outcome and got relocated in the present. So I could be more relaxed and engaged without focusing on my anxiety. Literally letting go the result made the effort more easeful.
One last bit of random advice? Don't begin to "believe in" your homelessness. Don't wrap yourself up snugly in that label. Don't let the word take on a toxic glow, like a special disease that dooms you. Or that it's something you "deserve". Nah. It's weather, rough weather, and it will change. That's the certainty.
You and millions of other Americans are going through a difficult time. And you are not a drug addict, you are caring for your appearance and health, walking, continuing to reflect, write, search and drive forward. You are showing up in your life. You have not abandoned it.
Don't "believe in it". Homeless is one adjective and it is temporary. And it will be a meaningful benchmark when you look back as a wise old thing just the way people who weather a terrible accident but heal and return to the world with immense gratitude for life.
You'll find a job, you'll eventually have a pleasant housemate, a simple place to live, and it will be okay.
There is no reason for you NOT to be one of those who moves up and out of this situation. You have a lot going for you, MB.
Don't "believe in" your mother, either. She's unable to be helpful. And as you gather more of your OWN experience that you look at through your OWN thoughts and opinions, you will be less rocked by what's missing with her.
One day if you write a memoir, I'll gladly buy it. In hardback.
love
Hops
