Boat, all that wedding-fantasy touches a little close to home here.
My weakness is wedding dresses and all the foo-foo (and artifice) that goes into them to create what has to be the weirdest genetic memory in women (and sometimes men) about the symbol of what a BRIDE is. For me the symbol is the exact opposite of what people "really want" from that relationship. There's usually this desire for absolute "perfection" in physical looks and attire and demeanor - the whole woman on pedestal concept again - like a goddess, really. Untouchable... out of reach...
when the relationship that results from being a bride is a whole lot more human, practical, emotional than that... and the expectations/roles of "wife" - coz y'all know there's way more than one, if you've ever been one! - is laughably nowhere as glamourous!! Maybe there's a transformation symbolized in this whole ritual, too... it hadn't occurred to me before.
I haven't read a romance novel in years, Boat. I guess the closest I've gotten is Nicholas Sparks; there's a connection to where I live in his books and MIL read them all. I wouldn't put down romance novels... because there's a need that I've noticed that these books kinda fill. I'm not sure how old you are... but I'd say Hops, Izzy, and I were part of the 60s-70s women's liberation generation. We've each been influenced by this social change, because we were at different parts of that change when it happened, age-wise. And I know I've noticed that some of the value and importance of "being female"... and what those traditional, female things even are... has changed as a result. Most of my better jobs, were considered "non-traditional" for women and I was constantly competing with and trying to prove myself to men (and never, ever cry) - until women were mainstreamed into the workplace.
Some silly commercial from the 80's kinda sums up the symbol I was trying to fit into... I can't remember what the product was, but the message was that women can "do it all" - get up & make breakfast, get the kids to school, put on the power-suit with shoulder pads out to there (for, me a symbol of carrying the word on my shoulders; over-responsibility...), impress the boss, get a raise, pick up the dry-cleaning, dinner, the dog from the vet and the kids from school... and still look fresh (and more unbelievably) HAPPY while cooking a full meal, while hubs gets home. This was impossible - for all of us, all of the time. It was too much to juggle and if any one piece dropped... well, we were a failure as women. As people, even. At least that's what I saw in that message and symbol at the time.
I think that's why I've been reading a lot of Lisa See - the inner, hidden women's circle and society in China is her topic. Isabel Allende also speaks to the "inner life" and what "female" is... the "girlie", foo-foo stuff, you know? I wanna have a sleep over and braid each other's hair, and paint our nails... and maybe someone can teach me how to put on and wear make-up without feeling like I've joined Cirque du Soleil. Part of me craves that "community of women" I think... 'coz my mom sure didn't teach me any of that and even got in the way of other people teaching me; prohibiting it...
all that personal blather is to say, that I'm sorry you feel ashamed about liking what you're finding romance novels, but I can relate to why one might. I don't see a thing wrong with it these days... and I think you might even find another "puzzle piece" for yourself in the process. Read what sounds good no matter what it is... and don't analyze it; just read it.
Here's one to look for and read - it doesn't tackle "female" head-on (the story/plot are quite good and the narrative even hypnoticly riveting), but at the end of the book... there were conclusions it was hard to miss. The author is Ann Patchett - the book "State of Wonder".
I didn't want this book to end! I enjoyed the words on the page that much.
