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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 09:00:09 AM »
Sounds like it's a lot warmer there, than here. We've had a couple 50 degree days but that's it. Rest of the time, there's no confusion about whether it's still winter here. I think it's going to be March before I'll even get tempted to think seriously about garden.

I've mostly been really lazy this winter, just hanging out with B.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 08:54:27 AM »
Yup. We have sinus cavities just below, above, and behind the eyes. When I get congested it adds pressure to the eye; optic nerve. So with the surgery being recent - it's changed the shape of my eye. The inflammation is going down and I am retraining my vision out to distance again. And part of that is retraining my brain to focus better.

Just a hiccup.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on Today at 07:56:46 AM »
The "arch" 4x4 posts went in yesterday..... I'm hoping cement sets up today.

The capacitor on cooktop vent is bad....trying to find a new one. 

A couple grill parts need replacing.

I stepped on a nail at Home Depot.  It caught my outside left heal.....was small, but went in through and through.  Slowed me down.

Neighbor family uninterested in housekeeping work. Sort of a relief, if I'm being honest.

I found a lady, who's also a chef, and I'm hopeful about her working out....and possibly her son.  Will interview a second gal soon.

I hope to have the arch roofed by tomorrow.  Maybe get siding up too. I intend to plant micro clover.  I can hang a little chandelier.....will be so pretty.

Boulders getting moved around area, filled with dirt, where larger shed was removed. Could make that area a big fire pit spot....or more parking. I think fire pit.

I need metal recycler to come back, or it's another trip to the dump for us.

The two felled trees are almost split, milled or on the burn pile.
just a few limbs left to deal with.

Lighter

 



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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by lighter on February 12, 2026, 07:30:50 PM »
That's some crazy sinus trouble, Amber.  I don't understand how your sight's been altered.

Seems things are resolving.

Did the doctor understand what happened?
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 12, 2026, 09:57:16 AM »
Well, doc sez eyes are much better and for 2 weeks I use 2 drops a day in each eye till then. R eye is getting clearer but I'm having to "train it" to focus at distance again, like I did right after surgery. Whatever happened with my sinuses knocked some things in the eyes sideways, I guess.

Going back over the mountain this morning for B's usual refill appt. Then stopping for steaks at our butcher's for the weekend. Regular shopping tomorrow. The snow is melting finally. Seeping into the ground nice and slowly.

Kitties have had some good runs on the warm days - and they're trying to chase our '"brown cows" - there's a group of 7 yearling deer hanging around the house. I stopped hunting on the property a couple years ago, to let the herd build back up. Might take a couple this fall.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by lighter on February 11, 2026, 07:59:13 PM »
Hops..... deteriorating?

Before you turn on yourself fully....
sometimes being still is necessary. 
Sometimes it's exactly what needs doing.
Sometimes, asking for help, is catalyst for difficult strides....
but you're always worthy, good and well intentioned.
Even when challenged by old foes.....
paperwork and organization.

Be kind to yourself.

There are amazing things only you can do. 

No one is great at everything.

Lighter



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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 11, 2026, 10:31:30 AM »
Well, when one is stuck inside because the weather is brutally hostile, I think we need to give ourselves some slack on how we're coping inside the house. Yes, I still do the dishes in the morning - but it might be 3 pm when I finish. B vacumns woodstove & surrounding mess every morning... and the rest of the house gets cleaned when I can write my name in the dust.

But basically I treat it like a 10 yr old treats a snow day off from school. LOL. The big Have To is usually cooking dinner. And what we watch on TV - if we watch something.

Seems like R eye vision is getting a bit clearer, some days; not consistent. The floaters in the other eye are going away. But I hope he can explain the slidy bubble I notice sometimes out of the corner of my R eye. I do spend an above average amount of time looking at screens.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by lighter on February 11, 2026, 08:56:34 AM »
What you're describing, Meh.....feels adjacent to my "nose on pebble" lesson in therapy.

When one's nose is ON the pebble/problem/trauma/person,/people who created the trauma...

the pebble is HUGE .....
it's all we see.

Once we learn to create some distance......emotional distance.... the crude up and view the entire field....
we begin to see the other pebbles.
We see grass and flowers.....
we see trees and eventually sky and stars and moon and sea. Amazing.

Learning to meditate/breathe/rest our limbic systems.....
creates a split second of choice, IME.

Choice to NOT tumble down old, familiar rabbit holes of reactivity....of lightening fast brain pathways.

It builds a split second to SEE choice, and sometimes select it, IME.....to build on new choices.  Build them strong.

Your father and mother are pebbles, and you're learning how to create enough distance to see other things.....
this is HUGE, Meh!!! IME, of course.

In your experience, it may feel like something else.  I look forward to hearing about it.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Hopalong on February 10, 2026, 10:00:04 PM »
Meh,
I don't believe there is a "right" or "wrong" time to process your path to mental freedom. I spent YEARS (living with Nmom) analysing, reading, breaking it down, spotting and recognizing the behaviors, figuring out sloooooowly what behaviors and damage it all left in me.....

There were times I was absolutely thrilled about getting a new insight into Nism. Every single small thing I learned about it felt like the window to my mind had opened another inch and more oxygen was breezing in. There were times I felt so drained by it that I was paralysed into that work-home-survive thing you've experienced so much of.

It's easy to say at 75, but time does heal. It doesn't perfect, but it does heal. My mother, at 98, finally left the planet. And eventually, left me too. And in time, I found out more about her, and unavoidable compassion and forgiveness occurred.

That said, I seldom think of her in my liberated life now, and I don't wake up thinking about narcissism. Endlessly grateful for a name for it, I'm just living and writing, and facing up to my own mess now. Not liking it, but not ashamed.

I think you're beginning to weigh and value and defend your OWN TIME.

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by Hopalong on February 10, 2026, 09:33:03 PM »
Pickles & Freddy, such wonderful names for your kitty heating pads.
And the wood stove....thank the lawd for that.

I'm glad you sound calm, peaceful, and coping.
It's warming up a little here....hope it is there too.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow's eye appt.

I've deteriorated home-wise, a lot.
Grappling with that.

hugs
Hops
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