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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on Today at 12:38:30 PM »

My cousin's stbx menaced their college aged DD yesterday.  DD lost her keys, so cousin dropped her off a block from the house, where stbx is living alone.

Stbx chased her, while demanding her mother appear....he chased her into a neighbor's home....she felt threatened enough to pick up a copper pipe to defend herself.  The neighbor forced stbx out of his home, and stbx ran to the street, screaming for cousin.

When DD looked, back at the house, as she ran away, stbx was on his back, no shirt, red pants in the driveway....a bit in the street.

Cousin going to ask a Judge for whatever protections she can get for herself and both grown children.

Last weekend stbx took a Vietnamese woman to church, introducing her as his soon to be wife.  She wore an engagement ring, and his DD needs new tires.

Priorities@@

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on October 01, 2025, 12:57:08 PM »

DD23 and I voiced up the balance of the white and black basket weave marble tile for up bathroom floor and tub deck.

Will lay it out, in my bedroom, as DD planned a border, laid on diagonal, and a black 1/2" black pencil trim, with balance laid straight in the middle. DD can do the math this time.

She's loosened up and has her sense of humor back....notes how difficult it is to renovate....fetch and figure.

We also picked out paint, got samples and parkoured over the hip high rug stack, large enough for 2 rapid rolls.  Well.....I rolled, popped up, said "parkour!" Think The Office....then ran after DD, who picked up my pens and markers after I parkoured a second time. Highly recommend, but maybe remove hip bag, tape measure and phone/pen pouch first.

The water closet's up and running.  Needs a little paint and trim to finish.

Bathroom is ready for tile and last coat of sheet rock mud.  Electric and plumbing is in.
4 panel, folding shower door sits in living room, along with the fixtures and lighting.









 

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on October 01, 2025, 12:37:36 PM »

DD24 made smash burgers, last night, while DD23 made loaded baked potato soup with green onions, cheddar cheese and bacon toppings. Both were super delicious, and we have soup for the week.

We watched a new American anime pilot called The Knights of Guinevere. DD23 planning a costume, for it, as we speak. It was surprisingly good.

I glued teeth on 7 clown heads last night.... they're so scary! 

Will be doing dolls and stuffed animals next.  Every year we up our Halloween game.

It's October!!!!!! Sunny. Breezy. Cool. YES!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on September 29, 2025, 12:51:56 PM »

I get it Lighter; no worries. I'm kinda liking the longer unlined knit blazers that are showing up - can be worn like a sweater or sweatshirt over a long sleeve T, turtleneck or regular shirt. Jeans or stretchy pants/leggings.

And the folk-peasant dresses with any style boot looks like a good change of pace. I figure I might pull out my tights and see what shape they're in (and which ones I still have left). Found a cute pair of orthotic shoes that will serve for fall; they're sturdy and comfortable. The test on concrete floors in an extended shopping scenario hasn't happened yet - because we limit those trips.

I'm sure I have some old voices in my head too, dismissing anything "girly" as impractical for a klutz like me or labelling the look "floozy". SIGH. It's nice to ignore it now.... but yeah, it echoes forever.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on September 29, 2025, 11:06:06 AM »

Didn't mean to wrap your knuckles, Amber.  Just re.....sponding to a very familiar, once internalized, belief.  Mostly father-coded for me.  The man lives inside my head, noticably, still. 

So does my mother, so I pipe up with short seats, against him, at times.  Not at you.

Let me know what you land on, style wise.  Every time I find something "different", I kill it quick with paint and caulk, then end up back in my Joseph A. Banks shirts, Lucky jeans and Shoreland Converse All Stars.

It's weird.....my girls wear similar things, but not exclusively.  They changed to boot cut jeans, as well......my head cocks to the side every once in a while, noticing how their style's, been influenced, by proximity.  I did my best, so no crying over it now.  It is what it is, and their wardrobes are vast and diverse, compared to mine. 

I'm due for another big closet clean out, btw.

Lordy, it's beautifully breezy fall weather this morning.  Blowing leaves, and enjoying semi-wet moss, which stays in place while blowing. 😁

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on September 29, 2025, 10:43:47 AM »

Maybe you associated more personally to that remark than I did, based on your experiences and current work. I was making a critique of the fashion industry (again). So much of what's out there for "older women" is based on styles that work better with younger women's bodies... and so, doesn't exactly flatter us crones... or shows more skin than we're comfortable force-feeding the public.

At the same time, schlumpy, frumpy boring clothes (while comfortable as hell) are boring. My old knit pants, leggings, tshirts/tunics is boring the crap out of me. And gravity's work on my figure is the main contributing factor for even acquiesing to the comfort mantra. I definitely need to do some core work and strengthen my upper back - but that conflicts with a lot of the time I spend on admin stuff. So, I'm working on getting myself to "just do it". I could stand to lose 15-20 lbs too.

Strength and stamina are slowing coming back with some attention and the experiment of adding collagen to a cup of morning coffee. It's also helping the inevitable crepey skin issues.

Yeah, my stubborn streak of vanity is raising it's head again and while I accept that I AM old... I don't want to LOOK old and defeated; like I've given up. Superflous or not, taking care of the image I project has also positively affected my inner self-appreciation; that I at least matter to myself.

No, I don't need a "business professional" wardrobe anymore. That stuff is all gone. The beach style stuff has been more weeded out too; except for some linen. That still comes in handy at high summer. I don't go to parties or have a social life...but I'm not sure I'm ready to look like my mennonite gramma... who even in her later years, also cared about "style". (She died at 56.) She was able to pull off a "statuesque" look, since she was 6 ft tall. I do need a certain amount of outside work clothes that are comfortable and protective. But I need to experiment/establish a casual style for the running around we do to medical appts, shopping, etc. And now, I can be a bit more playful with it...and suit myself.

I'm just disappointed at so much that's "on offer".

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on September 27, 2025, 02:45:26 PM »

I'm working on it, (Hops.)

I guess.....
I'm learning, it all, the hard way.

Thanks for your care.... and your input.

Light

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on September 27, 2025, 02:35:49 PM »

A stuffed monkey
OR
a real live, with working thumbs.....
monkey?

Good on'ya for getting truck repaired, elevator details figured and refreshed style choices made.

I must admit.....my head turned, ever so slowly, when you described "sleazy, cougar tryin'be hot" style.  I thought.....I recognize that particular mysoginist judgement.

I'm noticing very soft, mindful thoughts, about all women.....which is opposite my upbringing.....and it's so very helpful to my spirit.

Sorry you're dealing with stress fractures and shin splints.  I'm sure you know what to do to limit problems and pain.  Being consistent, with new routines, is the rough part, IME.

My army ranger buddy has lost his dam mind, over the Charlie Kirk thing, btw.  Huge reactivity..... dysregulated. 

Glad H taking time to enjoy nature.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on September 27, 2025, 01:36:05 PM »

I think B & I are going to look to adopt an undead monkey, as the farm mascot. LOL. We did watch all 4 Pirates of the Carribean, just for a mindless fun entertainment. The first 3 were so tight, fast-paced and well produced. The last, "Stranger Tides" felt like a different level of production. I had a moment of sheer delight when Blackbeard turned out to be Ian McShane (Deadwood & American Gods) with his usual Shakespearan delivery of his lines.

The electric work for the lift is done. Just waiting for next week to contact the company about ETA of delivery & installation. They did say 6-8 weeks so it's not urgent at the moment. We do have to cut a hole in that corner of the deck and reinforce the inner edge with 2x6s & joist hangers. I ordered a few special extra goodies like a roof and a call/send remote - which is more handy than you can imagine.

Hol is off camping with C, at his friend's farm in New England. The leaves are changing faster here than in the picture she sent; it's very green there. Her friend Hope is dogsitting the pups getting some solitude from her life at home with 3 guys - hubby and boys. I've known her since they were in HS. Last night, we met at the studio for a "girls night out" and had a good chat. She is very good people.

B's bout of pain two weeks ago has lessened. Don't know if the cortizone shot Monday will help or not at this point. But we also don't know if the insurance has approved it yet.  <rolleyes> With a gov't shutdown looming, it might not get approved in time. We'll know before we leave for appt.

We've been having a lot more "us time" lately. And that's very good. Some of the irritating moments have stopped. I also took the one jeep that needed work to pass inspection to a good garage. The "fix" turned out to be way more involved than just replaing brake pads and would've taken B over a year or two. Got the jeep back, just after he got here and now we have two vehicles and he can be independent around here. He's learned his way around riding with me, but so far he's just driving here - not over the mountain - because I know exactly where I'm going over there and the fastest way to get places. He hadn't driven a manual in a long time, but since he's used it to go south & back last time, he's remembering again. It's good for him, too.

I'm in the middle of a "style reinvention" again. Been wearing my simple knit look for 10 years now and I'm bored with it. I still had lots of things taking up space in my closet/drawers that I'll not wear again; some didn't fit. I've been fighting stress fractures in both feet and shin splints on big shopping days... so I went looking for some non-ugly styles. Believe it or not - they're out there and don't cost a fortune. Next haircut, I'm going back to bangs again... and I have an eye appt next week, too... so new glasses. No idea what to call this new style... but there are two kinda peasant-y, romany dresses that I liked. Not old lady frump-stuff... but not sleazy cougar trying to be hot stuff either. I still need to look for some sweaters, cardigans... and reassess the stack of tshirts.

I still need a fair number of work clothes for the seasons, but LL Bean has turned out to a good source again for durable stuff. And I'm hoping - more of my "work" involves my sewing machine.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Thought slams: sudden insights that surprise

« Last post by Hopalong on September 27, 2025, 01:13:56 PM »

Thanks, ((botha youse)).

It was just a lovely addition to my reasons for forgiving her more completely.

I've come to believe deeply that genetic stuff explains 90% of who we are. Hence, blame...even for people with personality disorders, is the wrong path.

It's a massive relief, and creates space for more unconditional love.

xxxxooo
hugs
Hops