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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: 2021 Farm Log
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 09:49:36 AM »
Yep; oatmeal raisin (regular & golden) & craisins & nuts. Sorta a granola cookie.  :D

Yes also to the alone time. This is actually already built into our long-distance interaction, whether from being busy or just needing some space. He's fine if I wander off for some hours, even a day or two of inner retreat and just do my own thing. It's not like living with Mike. While it's fine to have learned lessons from prior relationships, I still struggle with the prior experiential part of being with someone and expecting the old stuff of day to day to return in the same way. B IS different; we're different; I'm different. That "normal" of the past, had it's good moments for sure. But it was unique to the relationship and there was friction over some of the things.

There's going to be something that causes friction in this one too; it's just people being people - but it's probably going to be DIFFERENT things. It could be minor; it could be serious. Don't know till it happens. Especially since B isn't the psyche/emotional type I've tended to connect with in the past. When I'm expecting the old pattern/friction to resurface - he surprises the hell out of me. With something new; unique to how he sees the "us"... and what he wants, which has been explicitly stated as equal standing between us. Even though the things of importance to us as individuals may not be equal - our need or desire to fulfill those IS. And it's usually stuff we've each been self-sufficent in, in the past.

OK, I have an agenda of things that were on my list but haven't been done yet... so ONWARDS. I'm hoping to have some hours of downtime, too. So I might be back. Who knows?
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Coronavirus
« Last post by lighter on Today at 09:28:14 AM »
My brother was dx'd with Covid.  He texted he's been to the doctor's twice, labs are ok..... he's bunkered down at home. 

We had lots of questions.  He answered 2.  Said it feels like the flu.  He doesn't think he needs help.

I pray he doesn't have a tough time and there's no lasting health issues.


I dosed my chicken and kale with a Trinidadian hot sauce last night. 

Boredom extinguished for a while.
All 4 of us were up at 7am this morning. I walked the pug, sans leash and that was lovely.  Nice and cool out. No bugs divebombing my eyes. She listened and didn't bark at anything. If I hadn't walked face first into a spider's web, it would have been perfect.  Overcast. Breezy.  I love that.

Youngest dd wanted to shower,. but wasn't happy about the drain not working properly, so..... it was time to teach that important lesson.
One flathead scredriver and a pair of pliars later..... we had a thin wire hanger bent to it's proper form, drain removed with DD doing a proper squat in the tub. Poised for what she'd find, always very funny.......  She pulled out a huge hunk of conditioner  coated hair, hers, pronounced it "something they put in mummy's throats" then struggled to get the screw back in place on the drain after I santizied the situation.  My least favorite part, btw, is reseating that screw.  We did the downstairs drain, then played with the just fed, ready to nap pug who could not be coaxed into puppy pretend.  She had the eyes of a very serious shark and is snoring by my side as I write this.

I have  an errand to run this morning.  Good coffee and gf cookies for the teachers today.  I have DD's yearbook to pick up, and her diploma.  WHEWhooohoohoohoo!  High school is OVER!


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: 2021 Farm Log
« Last post by lighter on Today at 08:43:05 AM »
Well.....sharing your space with B will be new and there will be adjustments, no doubt.  Maybe you'll end up with separate bedrooms.  Maybe you'll require alone the regularly or now and again.  You'll figure it out.

I can smell those cookies baking....oatmeal?


Hey, if Tupp can't have a bonfire - she CAN have a candle! Works just as well, sometimes.

You've got a good realistic handle on your time management while still making consistent, significant progress Tupp. I wouldn't worry over the emotional ups & downs; sounds pretty normal giving you've aligned yourself with this big change. Maybe you'll notice something important about it; maybe you'll be too busy (even when resting) to bother with it. I see this "pacing yourself" as making the investment of energy into what most moves require at some point in the process - either extreme patience with other people, a physical push beyond what you really feel up to in that moment, or having to make a quick adjustment/decision because of the unexpected things beyond your control.

My last move got delayed because what was supposed to be a tropical storm, turned into a hurricane and knocked out of commission, one of the important "dominos" I was counting on in my logistics and timeline. What are ya gonna do? LOLOLOL. Not saying it WILL happen, but sometiimes it does. The "decision" wasn't much of one; mother nature decided for me. I could only accept the obvious.

Hang in there kiddo! (By the way, I was thinking, having the carpet install delayed is actually a blessing if you'll still be painting after you move into the flat. Drips will be way easier to clean up and when the carpet's laid, it'll be pristine.)
HRT, Tupp?

And..... congrats on leaving things as they'll be.  New flat residents will have a better idea about their new reality.  No big shocks.  That seems fair to me. 

This was always a short term escape hatch for you.  Lasted longer than your preferred, but lead to your next, much improved situation. 

This flat will likely be an escape for the next occupant.  Will feel safer than where they were.  Will be enough as long as it has to be.

I'm so proud of you for making a cozy home of it.  Glad you'll be moving furniture more suited and functional.  Glad there are people rooting for you, friendly and armed with a puppy waiting to absorb you in new, sheltered community.

You have conjured this yourself.  You have persevered and overcome.  That's what you do and I wish I could pack, cart, paint and help arrange furniture with you. 

We'll all be there in spirit.

Have you figured out where the bonfire goes?


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: 2021 Farm Log
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 07:31:00 AM »
Well, he's on the road. See how he does driving in daylight this time.
I sure didn't sleep very long. But I'm pretty relaxed and calm still. Heat wave seems to have broken, but yesterday was a mess. Couldn't maintain focus and everything seemed harder than it needed to be.

Still have a couple little things to do before I make cookies. We had a nice shower this morning, so the humidity is something else. Weatherman assures me that this will clear off and humidity drop and it's supposed to be a gorgeous weekend.

Just before I called it a day, I figured out what was so hard about the day yesterday. My personal space is going to have another person in it again for a few weeks. And since I'm a bit tired, I don't wanna share. Just want to do what I want to do, the way I want to do it... and everyone else can take a flying leap at a rolling donut. There's this little whiny feeling - that sense of loss of privacy - that's trying to justify negative feelings, and turn my (otherwise) natural excitement to "blah... I don't wanna". Hmmmmph.

For whatever reason, I've been noticing this about myself lately but it hasn't been verbally coherent. I don't do this all the time anymore. But I do it enough, that Hol's pointed it out a couple of times. I know how I got in the habit of it. So, I'm making a big deal this morning out of doing what the whiny inner twerp wants for a few more hours than has been my wont the past couple weeks. (You want THIS? OK. Here ya go. The time limit is till _____. Pay attention, enjoy yourself, take a break.) I AM tired, because I'm not sleeping long. And there are multiple reasons for that - but I don't have someone pulling my strings right now or needing anything of me - so ya know, I think I know the person who needs to do something about that. It's like I've been putting my actual inner needs last on the list of all this "busy doing" list. Again. Jeez, I know better than that.

I don't think B is gonna be upset because the cookies are still cooling and I'm cleaning up the kitchen when he is due to arrive. Ya know? Get off the road to fresh, navy-strength coffee and fresh out of the oven cookies? C'mon now... the only better "man bait" is bacon.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

"Kissin' don't last; cookin' do."

Hol will be around this weekend some before going to work. We haven't planned any joint activities but both kids are going into town today and she's gonna drop off a couple things here that my distracted & spaced out brain forgot TWICE, on two separate gathering runs. No clue on the timing of that; doesn't matter. It's how we live around here.
21 days until we go and it can't come soon enough.  There are people coming round to view this morning so I cleaned top to bottom yesterday and more stuff went out to the car to go to the charity shop and dump.  Even freshly cleaned the place still looks like a dump.  There's literally nothing you can do to it, it's so stark and soulless.  The personal things that made it home have all been packed and it does just look awful.  Clean, but awful.  The dogs started at 6.30am, whether they'll still be going when people get here I don't know.  It's bin day and windy, so huge amounts of rubbish have blown up and down the street and it's like living in a skip.  There was a big dog poo on the path when I went out to feed the birds this morning; normally I'd pick that up (this is a public path, it's not in my garden) but I've left it.  Best let them see as much of what they'll be getting as possible.  Poor sods.

Doc has agreed to HRT so I am hoping very much it does something to help with this bone deep tiredness I get.  We are out this morning running errands while letting agent shows prospective tenants around, home for lunch and then back over to the flat for some painting and to let the water meter man do whatever it is he needs to do.  Home for dinner and then cinema tonight.  I'm going to spend as much time resting over the weekend as I can and then crack on with things again next week.
Spread through the blood ...
That's about all I need to know.
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