Recent Posts

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: March 17th
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 11:07:51 AM »
So what's new in your world G?
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Relationship
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 08:25:39 AM »
So GOOD... that rough patch was navigated delicately and successfully. Onwards!

(Had an odd idea that might help with the sex thing... I wonder if he could completely give you control over taking the initiative? That might work well for breaking the ice. Maybe it's a dumb idea, but I didn't know if you'd considered it.)
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Thanks all. I found some balm, after watching some wacky movies all afternoon with her. Hot, warm, gooey brownies as a bedtime snack. That must've hit the spot because she promptly wiped out a third of the pan, scooping 'em into a bowl and retreating to her cave with Steve. When she brought the bowl back I got a smooch on top of the head... and a hug. Steve brought her fresh red clover to make tea with and a lovely piece of wood, with two hollowed out holes - resembles a primitive goddess figure.

Tupp, don't feel bad about not having words. I didn't have any either. My heart hurts for them. So I just was quiet and let her "be"... even Knuckles was quiet until Steve got back. He even let me bury my face in his neck and snuggle; usually he can't stop dancing around long enough to pet him. Beebs is not leaving Hol's side, maybe that's why.

I guess she was on the phone all day. Both her sisters knew when I thought to let them know in the evening. Autumn invited us to the pool next Sunday for Logan's birthday party. He's 11 already. And Amy actually had appropriate responses, for once. Shocking, that.

They'll definitely be trying again.

So, it lifts some of the urgency on projects around here until then. Talked to Buck last night too; his infection is kicking up again and he has an early appt today. He's running a fever again. He said he hasn't slept as well as he did here, in a long time. Thinks it's because it's so quiet here. Even with the fever, I can hear the wheels turning in his head - LOL. The no-see-ums are out in full force this year; the cool start to summer seems to have prolonged their season. Maybe the heat this week, will knock them down some. I'm miserable with itchies I can't even reach. That's going to be fun at the lawyer's meeting this week, LOL.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Relationship
« Last post by Twoapenny on Today at 05:44:38 AM »
Hops, I just want to say that I think your fear of ending up alone in some grotty care home is, unfortunately, a reality that many people have to face and is therefore not anything you should feel bad about fearing.  Nor do I think wanting to achieve a comfortable later stage life is the same as gold digging or just doing that 'hands in the air, look after me' thing that so many of us have fought hard against throughout our lives.

I think it's balance, as always, and you know yourself well and know what you can and can't sacrifice.  You won't throw aside every principle you have to secure a comfortable retirement; you know that and so do we.  But if it gets to the point where life with M can be a bit testing but is on the whole good and you can cope if you get a long weekend to yourself each month then I think that's okay.  Sometimes a picture perfect life doesn't match with reality and the drop between our ideal and then what we really get can be huge.  So finding a place in between the two is okay, in my opinion.

I hope that you are able to find a path through with him.  The good bits sound very good and it may well be that the mad bits are more to do with the grief (which presumably will ease in time) and maybe just even getting used to being with a woman who doesn't think he's amazing because he can throw a bit of cash around - maybe he's going to have to work at impressing you in other ways and he's not used to it.  Either way I'm sure you will keep your head and make sensible choices and it would be nice if there is a happy ending to this but equally we all know you will put the brakes on if need be xx
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Well.

New grandbaby not coming anymore. Hol miscarried this morning.

I know; sadness.... but she's doing OK under the circumstances and Steve has been protective and doting on her. He's promised to bring her a surprise today. I might be sadder than she is - FOR her.

Oh Skep, I'm so very sorry to read this.  I never know what to say at times like this, everything sounds trite and cliched and never seems to sum up the huge range of feelings that everyone goes through when these things happen.  So I will only say I am thinking of you all and please give Hol a big hug on my behalf xx
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Love Is All
« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 01:17:28 AM »
Moonlight,
I was just telling CB what it feels like to hear her here...it's just amazing that you two beautiful people have resurfaced at the same time.

To hear you is like looking out an open window on a beautiful spring night, seeing the full moon glow, feeling a soft breeze and hearing a night bird sing.

I'm so happy you're happy and grateful to hear your voice again!

Love,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Relationship
« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 01:14:43 AM »
CB,
It is so amazing to hear your voice here again.

It's like somebody opened a window and the oxygen just poured in, plus sunlight and lots of flower fragrances!

Thanks for the support. Can't wait to offer it back.

xxoo
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Relationship
« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 01:08:55 AM »
PS  We also talked about the money stuff. I told him it most definitely is one of my future worries, but it is also extremely important to me that I maintain my values and character and not get confused about it. He said he was very surprised that I'd mentioned early on that if we wound up together it was critical that he have a pre-nup. (I'd told him it was because I was affected by the paranoia of some other affluent men I'd met re. gold-digging women, and also because if his family is going to feel good, they have to KNOW that things are clear.) He's going, oh that's totally unecessary, I'm still taking care of my mother's retired housekeeper etc (which I know he is, and through a lot of other-country bureaucracy). I do not abandon people.

I believe him. But I said you need to take care of your kids' and grandkids' futures, and he said, I can. So I said I can tell you right now what I'd ask for: If you should predecease me which you're not allowed to do, I would like enough money to fix up my little house plus enough for a decent care place if I needed it one day. He suggested a staggering amount and that shut me up.

I think he really is not worried about all that. So I feel less so. If we get our communication in gear (oh god, please teach him "I messages") ... we might be ok.

He's seeing his new T tomorrow. Please send him light! He'll love it, getting to talk nonstop for 90 minutes.

Whewwww,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Relationship
« Last post by Hopalong on June 23, 2019, 08:31:59 PM »
Amazingly, we just had a wonderful few hours again.
I went to swim with him, got there full of anguish over politics,
vented about it and was crabby and critical of his Knowitall Professoritis....
and then just relaxed a bit and enjoyed some affectionate banter again.

Somehow, having evaded his management of everything (he didn't know
I was coming so I surprised him), I got back into balance.

I just told him that I'm worrying about a lot of things,
and he (in his fashion) actually heard most of it, and responded
with such determined commitment that I softened a bit.

We're in a better place. He rushed to declare that everything was
perfect again, so I peed on the fire hydrant ("No, I guarantee we will
each be disappointed in the other again") and he responded as though
I was the Oracle of Delphi and proclaimed that I am "teaching him things."

I got to just laughing and not taking him so deadly seriously (his nonstop
narratives are nearly compulsive and truly part of who he is, so I need to
deal realistically with his scholarly reality). But I made headway and we
didn't argue.

I even taught him the active listening formula, and the difference between
a true "I statement" versus the "I feel that YOU...." stuff.

I feel better. We haven't lost hope. I told him truthfully that I've stepped
back a few paces and need a reboot, and he reaffirmed that he's all in but
didn't keep arguing with my reality. What a relief.

I think we need swimming pools.

xxoo
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: 2019 Farm Life
« Last post by Hopalong on June 23, 2019, 08:21:17 PM »
I am so very sorry.
That's heartbreaking.

Mature gravida is so challenging.
I can imagine the joy she experienced at the possibilities, followed by crushing loss.

I grieve for Holly (and Steve, and you).

With much much heart,
Hops
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