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Got it. No distortion, no drama.

It sounds fantastic that his energy energizes you.

Lovely -- lovely and wonderful!

SO happy you're feeling so happy, Miz A.
You were patient for this and it's a joy to think of you two now.

Hmmm. Depends what "ignoring" looks like. No idea if any of this works, but just to imagine scenarios:

He walks onto your property. You snap a pic of his trespass on your phone, turn your back and go indoors.

He spots you outside or at a neighbor's (if he's still allowed at other neighbors' gatherings). He walks near to start up some fake conversation under cover of acting friendly at a social event. You instantly turn your back and walk away from him in perfect calm, regardless of "what they might think."

He sees you anyplace and speaks or calls out: "Lighter, hey! Hey hey! HEY! LIGHTER!" -- you do not acknowledge but instantly turn away, in another direction, etc. In perfect calm.

He pesters you for reaction in some way you can't find a way out of. You take your phone and call Cowboy. (Maybe that should be up higher on the menu.)

I have no idea if any of these are realistic (situation or response fantasy). If he escalated in any way, I'd visit the police, make a report. Not demanding police action but simply creating a record. So if a more serious breach of NC takes place and you need to call them, it's in the system already that he's causing trouble.

If you feel it's serious and escalating anew, you could also ask Cowboy if he'd make a report about the time he had to order YG out of his home MULTIPLE times before he would leave and how much resistance YG put up.

Aaargggh. Hope we're just musing about hypotheticals...and in reality he's pretty neutralized by now? Hope hope.


Maybe B can learn leatherwork from Hol.

She's a novice; he can teach HER.

Maybe you can teach him to knit.

I never learned to knit.

Maybe he can take more responsibility to be mindful his body....

Yes; No - the man requires adult supervision because he reacts with 20 yr old brain in 65 yr old body.  :D

Just because I'm pretty busy, doesn't mean I'm tired. B & I do get downtime - sometimes together; sometimes separately. Nothing I'm doing feels like "work". This weekend, anyway. His energy energizes me - by osmosis, maybe. Everything is REALLY GOOD right now for me - as it should be in the real world. So, nothing negative should be implied in the fact that I've never really had much "slow, downtime" in my life. Just that one stretch after I moved.

If ignoring Yelly Guy isn't working... what do you suggest?


Yup, bravo.
NO attention is better than negative f-you attention (my opinion only).

I remember reading something about "the narcissist in court" that advises to literally not look at them. No eye contact, just turning your own expression into gray rock.

That kind of blew my mind because when I did it with my brother (never once looked at him directly) in court, I swear that helped me win. He wasn't rational anyway, but I think I sensed he began feeling less confident. And it DID protect me from melting with fear.

I can imagine YG dressing like the Q-Anon rioter, running through the neighborhood seeking attention.

But a better fantasy is YG moving away. Buh-bye.

Maybe B can learn leatherwork from Hol.
Maybe you can teach him to knit.
Maybe he can take more responsibility to be mindful his body....

Sounds like you do have good reason to be tired and yearning
for some you-time, Amber. Hope you can soon claim it so you
don't burn out.

You could feed him deep-fried everything, though. (Joke!)

It seems my life isn't meant to have any quiet, open space, downtime. Maybe at some point I decided to ask the universe to fill my life with "one thing after another". And that wish was granted, in spades!  ;)

Whatever. My man is doing the hard work of healing, by sleeping longer and more hours than he has in most of the years and years I've known him. The back incision is healed enough that I didn't bandage it last night. Bandages itch in this heat & humidity. (That's the access doc used to run catheter lines into the spinal column, Lighter.) The front incision looks WAAAAY better, sooner, than his previous ones. That's where the pump is. And yes, the outline of the device is slightly discernable - B hasn't been able to put on much weight/inches since the doc suggested it would help the implant heal in better. He just doesn't sit still long enough.

I need to keep him focused on light-duty tasks as much as I can and maybe get him out walking some to keep his strength up. All the surrounding physical systems as he adjusts to the absence of the majority of the back pain. Keep his mind busy, too. He brought things to do that are very low physical demand... but he's not that bad off. 

I guess I need to revive my current track of "things" to do and let him start defining his own day again, since I did "win" a full week of non-physical activity compliance from him. We have things to plant; aloe to pot; I may need more potting soil. I have a pair of moccasins to make and purse to repair. (Snap buckle failed.) It looks to be a kinda rainy weekend and I do have a list of "Buck jobs" to do... little things that won't require a lot of heavy lifting. Next week, we have lights to hang in the shop and stuff to move from barn to there - which means I can move my seed starting stuff back to barn.
If you didn't responsed exactly like you wish you'd responded to the recent situation.... it just takes time to reset default settings and internalize the new ones.   No failure...just more opportunity for practice, IME. 

I look forward to practicing wry responses without hesitation and I DO that with the Cowboy... all the time.  There won't be any misunderstandings, bc NO to whatever it is I won't tolerate... and I say NO whenever it needs saying all
when we're sharing company.  It's wonderful practice and feels amazing.

Responses that don't invite challenge or questions.... just the best, IME.

I think it helps when we (feeling very Royal today)  aren't buying into whatever the difficult person is suggesting about us.... we're "resisting" or whatever it is.... when we don't buy in or doubt ourselves..... it gets easier and easier, IME.

I have to admit.... it pleases me to picture myself handing you a sharp pen with which to defend yourself, Hops.  However you use it... write out ways to respond in the future.....practice saying them out loud...... or just poke people who enter your emotional or physical safety zones..... just pleases me to picture it; )

For my part, the next time I run into the yelly guy, I'll give him almost nothing and maybe NOTHING, depending on how he looks at me and speaks.

I'm not afraid to say F off.  It's right there, on the tip of my tongue, along with an impolite grunt of displeasure at having to see him or a straight up refusal to acknowledge his presense.... just.....
right there.     


THANKS, Lighter.

That is such a mature perspective and I'll aim for doing better at it.

(Recent situation just was unexpectedly trauma-ish, but I dealt with it fast enough. And fairly well, I think.)

I just imagine, as you did with YG, having FASTER wise reactions to people like him. But I suppose a couple weeks as compared to a couple years is progress! Even though there's frustration in the short term, I think I can focus on what you're talking about.

I did learn.


M was a master course for you, Hops.

He was more than the problem.  He helped shine a light on your causes and conditions. 

He smacked (fig.) that Hops eating zombie fork out of your hand.  It was magnificent!

I think time with M taught you how to keep yourself safe.

Time with M was more than wasted time, IMO.

Yup yup yup.


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