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« Last post by lighter on December 04, 2024, 03:33:00 PM »
Oh dear, ((Tupp.)). I wish we could sleep trauma off....or vanquish it with an Amazon bonfire.
You're in the abyss now. It's scary and no one knows what's beyond the point they've never traveled beyond. That stuck place, where trauma bounces around, has always been there....distanced....never far. It doesn't know you can move through and beyond it ....relieve it .
The cow and buffalo analogy pops up for me. Cows run from storms and the storm moves with them, over them, they're in the storm longer than if they stood still.
Buffalo run into the storm and the strategy moves them through and out the other side with economy if motion. I'm paraphrasing here.
Your wounded and protective parts fly into action when old trauma/danger pops up, as they have since you were a baby, likely ...and that's ok. Their intentions are always positive. They're trying to help, but they don't know you're an adult, able to care for yourself and them ...so they can stand down and rest.
I notice things get calmer when I face them....just notice and acknowledge them without expectation....do my best to drop judgement and just be present. The parts want to help....not terrorize you, IME. You can ask them to calm down.....tell them you can work with them now.
In the meantime....
I hope you can practice finding your center ...the light that is you.....
the blue sky......
everything else is storm and cloud and wind, not you. Never you.
Whatever works....EMDR, breathing, touching trees, pushing on door jams with everything you've got while focusing on breathing......
you can find a way to calm survival brain and bring problem solving/logical frontal cortex back online. You're integrated whole brain can process this.....if it just has the chance. If you can engage your Parasympathetic Nervous System, IME.
Your protective parts don't believe that can happen, bc it hasn't around this trauma....
yet.
Not gonna lie.....I have to push on door jams when deep in survival brain activation, bc survival mode actually believes I'm back in that danger, physically, and survival brain wants to, neeeeeeeeds to ACT. It's an imperative and it's good to understand intentions are to protect, however misguided.
And it feels like dying......to be back in that kind of danger, ime.
It's the past, stuck in your limbic system, bouncing and howling, unaware you're safe now. And you are safe.
In your bed or car or the garden.... you're safe to notice shapes and colors and smells and your peripheral vision.....to notice the space above and beside and beneath you.
Perhaps, find, name and breathe into the pain in your body....tend to it....breathe space around it, when calm enough. Or not and that's ok too.
No shoulds or have to's.
Just openness to curiosity and possibilities.
This too shall pass, darling one and you don't have to be perfect for your ds. Being sad or upset is part of life. Your son learns it's ok to not be ok all the time, and it passes. He learns by watching you come through it, IME.
You are the sky. The sky is always there, aware storms are temporary and not part of the sky at all.
::nodding::.
Lighter