Recent Posts

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Thread Deletion

« Last post by lighter on April 02, 2025, 11:47:19 AM »

 I'm so sorry, Tupp.  I'll not make excuses, only say I want more 3D connection and fellowship for you.

I know you're smart and resourceful.

Once a mom of 2 same age sons, as my girls, wanted the trade off playdates.  I kept her children and enjoyed being present with her autistic son.....guess he was about 18mo.   I learned not to put my face near his, bc he punched.    I learned he focused and made eye contact when I sang.  We did that and played and played ....4 kids.... playroom was a mess, but went it well. I was super happy with the arrangement. Kids were bathed and fed when other mother picked them up.  I'd call that entire day fun.

Come time for the other mother to watch my girls and it lasted an hour before she asked me to come get them....... they'd made a mess of her playroom, "it wasn't working out."  I'd watched her kiddos for 6 hours and was feeling great about working with her autistic son.....to painting and making up songs. His Grandmother was astonished at the connection silly singing made.  Seemed an ideal situation to me.

I hope you find 3-D connections with other like minded people soon, Tupp. 

I hurt you, I see that now.  It wasn't my intention.

Come back if it feels right.
Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Thread Deletion

« Last post by Twoapenny on April 02, 2025, 06:55:52 AM »

I've just come back on to say I've deleted the previous thread.  I'm sorry to say I found the way in which a lengthy post I'd made was largely ignored apart from one throwaway remark at the end referring to rethinking our situation which led to two, unfortunately, quite patronising posts about getting lifts from people.

I am so tired of not being heard, and it's worse when it happens here, because this is supposed to be about Voicelessness.  I know that intentions were good, but would it really be so hard to stop and think for just a minute before posting.  I have explained my situation with my son over and over again.  I've explained repeatedly about the constant refusals for support for my son.  The notion that our situation would be perfectly workable if he could get a lift somewhere every now and again is a real insult to the complexities of his disability, to our situation as a whole and to my level of intelligence.  On what planet would I have sat here for the last three years and at no point thought to find out what's on offer locally?  I am so tired of the constant attitude I get everywhere.  My son's disabled, therefore I am too stupid to look up basic things and do some basic problem solving.  I am also tired of people assuming I make the decisions.  My son is miserable, there isn't enough to do, he hasn't met anyone he particularly wants to spend time with and he doesn't enjoy all the time we spend in the car, or seeing me struggling to drive when my back's bad or my hip's gone again.  He is a human with the same needs, wants and desires as any other man his age, in exactly the same way that I am only 52, yet for the last twenty years I've been forced to live like a nun with no social life, no paid employment, no relationships and no money for anything other than essential spends and the very occasional treat.  Why everyone I encounter thinks this is perfectly fine has always been a complete mystery to me.

I am very grateful for all the board has given me over the years but I won't be posting anymore.  It's simply too exhausting to have to keep dealing with these situations, where my response can only be either a rant, ignoring the comments or having to write yet another lengthy explanation about a situation that I didn't raise in the first place.

I'd suggest to anyone who wants a taste of my life to commit to a year with no contact with anyone you know.  Place yourself in complete isolation.  Get up at 5am every day and spend your entire day either driving, sitting in your car, or at home alone.  Pay yourself half of whatever your area's minimum wage is and live on that.  Nothing else.  Then remind yourself I've done this for 23 years now, and come back and tell me that not once in that 12 month period did you think to go online and see if there was any sort of viable alternative.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Common Side Effects on Adult Swim/MAX

« Last post by lighter on April 01, 2025, 02:08:58 PM »

Meh, it's the age old story of greed, the bravery of little guy "do-gooders," betrayal and redemption, this time focused on big pharma and a blue healing mushroom from Peru.

It's a roller coaster of emotions, hope, wonder, confusion, and outrage at the depth of selfish greed, to the detriment of humanity.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Common Side Effects on Adult Swim/MAX

« Last post by Meh on March 31, 2025, 10:44:33 PM »

Nope, never seen it but recall someone talking about it long time ago.

What do you like about it?

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Common Side Effects on Adult Swim/MAX

« Last post by lighter on March 31, 2025, 01:31:29 PM »

Is anyone else watching this series? 

It's been green lit for a second season, and I'm very glad.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on March 30, 2025, 03:08:16 PM »

Oh, Tupp.....half of me wants more electric shocks and pain, as proof the needles are exacting the best possible healing benefits.

My other half digs fingernails into armrests, and dreads the pain.....really frightened of the shocks.

After the needles are in, I feel pretty brave and conflicted.  I rarely go to my happy tomato garden.... usually bc Sam Sam the needle man is taking pulses in both wrists and asking questions, giving information, expressing concerns, etc.

It's raining, finally, but very gently.  A little here.  A little there.  The moss was desperate for it.

There's no smoke in the wind, now that I think of it.....no scent or sight of it.

I hope you have moments of joy, peace, and rest today. 

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Twoapenny on March 30, 2025, 02:27:01 AM »

I love the foot needles, Lighter, about the only thing that brings the energy down from my head really quickly.  Love that feeling, although have to steel myself for it as I can't bear people touching my feet!  It's a real 'brace yourself' moment x

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Nothing much really

« Last post by Meh on March 29, 2025, 02:29:42 AM »

Yes, I've heard of Valley of the Dolls though I haven't watched it.

I like seeing all the old advertisements just wish the small text was more clear/less fuzzy.

https://mindfreedom.org/kb/view-d171/

"Burroughs Wellcome (sold meth) eventually merged with Glaxo to form GlaxoWellcome, which then merged with SmithKline Beecham to become GlaxoSmithKline (GSK). So, in a sense, Burroughs Wellcome's legacy is part of the modern pharmaceutical giant GSK"

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on March 28, 2025, 10:55:40 PM »

Well, 2 hours of focused focusing in the acupuncture chair.

I'm figuring out how big picture thinking, for me, gets derailed by the details....pulling me off track....into meandering and worry, bc I can't solve them allin the moment.

That's ok.  I'm interested in turning that around, but realized......the focus on what's important feeeeeels grown uppy in a very foreign way......in an unconscious belief , I don't deserve that, way.

But it's exciting too....sends my stomach flipping, in a good way.

I'm jumping around ...multi tasking....hitting the high spots.

Acupuncture was focused on more giving me energy....but calmer energy.  One needle in left foot, the last needle, felt like I was being electrocuted. Most of the needles were in ears, behind ears, R hand and both feet.  At one point in meditation, a big pain hit me behind R eye.....was thinking about how praying, working with wounded/protective parts and meditation feel the same way.......like a 3d stereogram coming into focus.....but, between my eyes, inside my skull. 

This focus.....dropping into the zone......came and went for 2 hours.  I noticed the music, many times, noticed weird noises when needles went into a client...think lamaze, but men giving birth.  The guy slept like a baby and snored softly, soon after.

Noticed the smell of smoke...... there's a haze everywhere in town.....that smell is in the house now.....forest fires.

Sometimes, I got back to the zone through the tomato garden.  Sometimes, through breathing......"I'm home, I've arrived", sometimes through observation mode and problem solving.....very satisfying, but always back to the zone.....so joyful.

And I saw why daily mindfulness practice is necessary....bc it trains the mind to return to the zone, again and again, and maybe be there more often than not.  What if it leads to never or rarely leaving the zone? Worth the time! Yup yup yup.

And it wasn't like I intended to SEE the value in mindfulness meditation today.  It just appeared toward the end.....feels like it should have made sense before.....I simply couldn't get it into focus and keep it long enough......I guess.

I smelled a hair salon and children's pretend perfume.....and noticed mostly blissful peace.....a little discomfort when I lost focus..... but it came back.  I got it back. Over and over.

I think it's not what I thought it was.....yet it is.

And mostly it's been me, walking myself through my own T session, intuitively, to see where it goes.

I've stopped wondering how T would handle this or that......what tool she'd reach for or not.

In the end, I decided the same thing about food.  I'm not following Whole 30.  DD22 can, but she's making inclined to eat intuitively also.  We talked about it over dinner tonight and I will say this.....the doc gave her herbs for improved appetite and digestion...... they're working!  So quick!

Will likely write more as I remember them.... what's feeling real is

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Hopalong on March 28, 2025, 04:19:17 PM »

You sound really overall good, Lighter.
You trip over Yet but most of the time you're in Now.

Bravo to you for it; your work has been deep and borne fruit.

I thought of your Keystone Cops move w/the garbage, plus the salmon fiesta and what popped up was Emergency Mode. You have had so many situations, from YG on back, which seemed to come across as dire (or in one of your recent meditations even horrifying) -- who wouldn't hear sirens in the psyche? It's as though fear has been a friend (in the good way of Gavin DeBecker) but then it moved into the guest room and eats all your food sometimes.

But you spot it every time, you know what to do, and that's a huge accomplishment.

Glad DD24's moving forward in her life. Personally, I'd move several states to escape potentially hyper-religious future in-laws, but that's my bias. Good luck to her and to them! It's an exciting chapter for her and sounds like she has good plans.

hugs
Hops