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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on Today at 01:37:37 PM »
So I went to a pagan gathering after I went to church. I feel like I am too old for this.

Wanted to write about it earlier but board was down. Getting ready to get out and do errands.

Had never gone to a pagan gathering before so it was new experience.

- I did not feel overly awkward about meeting new people this time
- The stereotypes about pagans seemed to fit these people
- People wearing black, dark makeup, too much cheap jewelry (the garments of paganism identity thing)
- I did not dress up for it. I do have a witchy scarf I snatched from a free table but it's not practical for me to dress up just to do some social theater

- someone asked the group if they deny anybody inclusion and they do
----- MAGA witches
----- MEGA witches
----- Catholic witches
---------------- Italian Catholic witches
---------------- Something about Irish something

I had asked them about it and when I had mentioned it I had said "oh right okay like Mexican-Catholics also going to A Bruja. This seemed to have been a dead end in their mind. Mexico is also off limits for this group I guess something to do with the border politics lol.
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Well I never heard of a MAGA MEGA Italian Catholic witch thing.

In any case I might be in-the-closet amongst the pagans as it seems to be overtly political. Someone brought up the topic about how she was proud her company at work was still doing DEI.

I'm not Christian enough to be Christian.
I'm not correct-pagan enough to be socially-pagan.
I'm okay with this but it gives me some feedback about my history of not joining social groups. Reminded that it was not just my shyness it was also that groups often felt not-me.
So I know I need to join outdoorsy and sports groups I just can't access it now without vehicle. Oh well.
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I suppose I must ask myself what does participating in this group have to offer me?
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Made some oatmeal and dumped coconut milk on it. It's actually delicious never had tried this before. Total winner.
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Tried something new so giving myself credit for it. New thing points accessed.
Didn't lose my shit over the focus on politics and LGBTQ.
I'm NOT there to earn any person's fake friendship.

More rando thoughts and noticings.
There were two women who were talking about their religious upbringing that is extreme christian like culty christian so I can see why they rebelled against it but it makes me think their involvement with the paganism has to do with like some personal angst thing. I didn't say anything against them. I'm just questioning why I would want to get to know these people. One of the two women seemed really clueless "I'm tired, I almost tripped on the dirt, what spiritual meaning does this have?" she says.... also she told us how she just started taking new medication but .... she can't connect the dots herself.

So anyways. What am I saying now that I have reflected.
I'm saying I have to be very careful and guarded around these people I think is what I am saying. They review some books which seems interesting to me.

organizer -- seems to have some ideas from reading etc which are worth discussing seems positive
person with dark eyeliner -- seems a bit aggressive and lash out type
blonde with big butt -- seems clueless
some guy -- I couldn't read very much from this guy only he was into the typical trinkets gems- crystals --
me- dressed in suspiciously average clothes not looking witchy they might suspect me of being not liberal enough as what I was wearing inadvertently looked vaguely patriotic.

What am I saying. Guess just doing preliminary reflection.
 
 





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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 10:28:41 PM »

Made it to three yard sales. Feels like a waste of a day.

Got a free little plant cuz I couldn't carry the giant ones.

Found no hats. No shoes. Oh well.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 02:40:21 PM »
Quote from: sKePTiKal on July 18, 2026, 09:46:24 AM
It's a shame more of us aren't taught to recognize and tune in to joy. Silliness too. Instead we are guided into pseudo-emotions like "duty" or "obligation" or "responsibility" - not emotions at all, so they are emotion-nutrition empty: neutral, not positive or negative, not even a sense of satisfaction of meeting the expectation of a high standard of those objectives.

Some people are so "other-oriented" (or as I learned it - outwardly considering) that we get sucked into the people-pleasing trap where we don't take ownership of our inner emotional state - it's dependent on all those outside of us. Too much inner considering is the other extreme on that yardstick - and is self-limiting and self-isolating.

The FOO and societal pressure to conform are the rules of the interaction "game" which some of us just aren't predisposed to play. We might enjoy it as a diversion from time to time - but it's not required for inner well-being. I get to be 70 this year - so NO.MORE.RULES - is my motto. My north star. I've already accumulated all the standard behaviors to be able to navigate among people in the outside world enough to not attract attention or stand out like some ancient mad fairy. But the madness and happiness is just below the camoflauge and will peek out unbidden, when called forth by a kindred spirit or someone in despair.

FLY, BE FREE.

pseudo emotions huh --- interesting concept

yeah I figure people age out of imposed rules eventually

PRESSURE is a big thing I mean it's somewhat important to be able to get stuff done as I procrastinate and that snarls into perpetual motion anxiety machine lol

a perpetual motion anxiety machine is related to one of those desktop knocker ball toys except it's in a human body 😜😜😜😜😜

alright off I go to dodge the sunrays
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 02:32:41 PM »

I'm going to try to walk to a couple yardsales far away look for hats and shoes.

Slather my neck and cheeks with sunblock. Wash my water bottle. I have to get outside and I have to conserve my few dollars.

I scribbled a map on a little piece of paper.

but most of all I will find dogs to pet

yesterday I pet a dog who has always barked at me before but yesterday he was randomly in a different mood and I got to pet him and also a puppy that was so excited she peed at least not on my shoe

avoidance -- yard sales feel like avoidance ---- I have to do adulting   anywhos here I go wasting under beautiful summer day in the city -- who knows

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 02:28:15 PM »


narcissists :  ??? involuntary dumping of unprocessed, aimless noise ???
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 18, 2026, 09:46:24 AM »
It's a shame more of us aren't taught to recognize and tune in to joy. Silliness too. Instead we are guided into pseudo-emotions like "duty" or "obligation" or "responsibility" - not emotions at all, so they are emotion-nutrition empty: neutral, not positive or negative, not even a sense of satisfaction of meeting the expectation of a high standard of those objectives.

Some people are so "other-oriented" (or as I learned it - outwardly considering) that we get sucked into the people-pleasing trap where we don't take ownership of our inner emotional state - it's dependent on all those outside of us. Too much inner considering is the other extreme on that yardstick - and is self-limiting and self-isolating.

The FOO and societal pressure to conform are the rules of the interaction "game" which some of us just aren't predisposed to play. We might enjoy it as a diversion from time to time - but it's not required for inner well-being. I get to be 70 this year - so NO.MORE.RULES - is my motto. My north star. I've already accumulated all the standard behaviors to be able to navigate among people in the outside world enough to not attract attention or stand out like some ancient mad fairy. But the madness and happiness is just below the camoflauge and will peek out unbidden, when called forth by a kindred spirit or someone in despair.

FLY, BE FREE.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 18, 2026, 09:27:05 AM »
Smoke SHOULD be gone from here sometime Sunday/Monday (for you, Hops). Or so the AI weather "imagine-er" sez. Sigh. B can predict weather more accurately, by how much the metal in his body vibrates (what frequence it's at). I watch clouds, feel the barometer in head & sinuses. Neither one can predict the smoke tho because it's source is so far away. I think the closest is Ontario and the Boundary Waters (closed & evacuated).

Sounds like you and BN need to define what level of trust you both have - in yourselves and each other. At least establish a baseline. With a range, of more or less as certain triggers alert - quietly or loudly. And THEN, just go have fun without thinking about it. B and I are still working on our range of comfort/discomfort and fortunately our communication style is open and trusting enough - we can just remind/warn off each other - or throw a general "I am grumpy and this thing - whatever it is - bugs the hell out of me". That's usually enough to rebalance the energy between us. Which is amazingly sensitive and strong. And unspoken - most of the time.

I am spending a lot of my time enjoying that energy connection. It's a kind of dance - and he is joyously unpredictable & adorable in it - so I end up letting my hair down and playing right along with him. Lots & lots of emotional nutrition there! This is a new thing that I've not experienced in relationships before. Our trust "savings account" balance is increasing. The only thing I've noticed - and it's probably unavoidable - is how in-sync our energy wavelengths are. Both of us can be consumed (attention-wise) in personal pursuits or external to us things. And so the elastic of the energy stretches to give space that allows full attention to those things and then returns to our comfy "us" state of flexibility and stability again.

Yeah, there's an inherent risk in investing so much of oneself into a relationship; well aware. Especially at our age. But to be so risk averse that we choose to "be safe" rather than experience this... well, sorry. I'm old enough to enjoy the risk level that I barely acknowledged when a lot younger - just because it didn't end well then. It's nice to feel alive!
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Hopalong on July 17, 2026, 03:25:32 PM »
Our town was just put on Red Alert for dangerous air quality.

Gotta zip out and fetch Pup, then I ain't budging. Back to N95s.
Do have a date w/BN for a matinee of the Odyssey tomorrow.
We'll get from car to theater as quickly as we can....

Aaaaghh,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 17, 2026, 03:08:58 PM »

Hope the pollution and heat clear out soon. It's stifling. Had that happen few years back and I went out of for a walk could only see a few feet really and of course predictably got an asthma attack but there is only so long I could sit indoors with the windows closed. Without an actual fancy air filter what is the use of staying inside all the air is the same.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Hopalong on July 17, 2026, 01:00:50 PM »
Happy to hear about deck and life ongoing, Amber. Your productivity level is astonishing. Thanks for asking....

HOME: The team of saints, the Mexican crew, restored the house to cleanliness and better order and it is a wonderful kickstart for me.

PT: Not going today because my lungs (Dx: "reactive airways") do not want to spend an extra second in the smoke-soup air. Very sad, amidst serious drought too. Water restrictions may kick in soon and I hope they do. Anybody watering a lawn is blind to climate change. I took Pup to his play camp afternoon and they have a big space indoors, so he'll have a blast anyway. But just going to and fro the car, my chest felt it.

BN: Well, I think we both have a foot over the top edge of the slippery slope. My incontrovertible evidence is we're exchanging heart emoticons and xxxxoooos. Gasp! He also proposed a five day trip together, which spooked me a bit. I'm nervous about implications, both financial and intimacial....which we can resolve with a good, trusting talk. We will. He is open, kind, honest and ... eager. I feel the same. Foot firmly on brake, however. My old throw-heart-over-bar-and-hope gambit is outdated.

It's nice and slooooooow, and increasingly affectionate. He sends me amazing photos all the time. One of them the other day was of his squirrel pal who has taken to eating every single cherry tomato off the big deck planter. BN's reaction was to buy Squirrel his own pack of cherry tomatoes the next time he shopped. [MELLLT...]

Okay, we're pretty caught up. I truly am worried about Lighter and hope your guesses about her being off on an adventure are good.

hugs
Hops
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