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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Thought slams: sudden insights that surprise
« Last post by Meh on February 07, 2026, 10:54:03 PM »

Have had similar thoughts that maybe the N father was/is on the autism spectrum but then after seeing him again I am back at the low-functioning covert narcissist explanation. It grosses me out he makes a phone call merely to ask his friend in the nearby apartment building if she has plastic bags as if he can't get some plastic bags. It's such a pathetic, pointless, not urgent, non-need. But he will act helpless and stupid even if he doesn't actually NEED it in that moment. Gawd I hate this stuff.

Lighter's point about the WHY not mattering so much that is probably a useful point of view. I am trying to get there to the end of asking the Why part. It has helped to label things for me though due to it has been a key to finding info. The WHY part I get almost OCD about it.

The grief of not having good care takers is awful maybe the WHY comes up as still trying to buffer and cope with how awful the truth of it is. Shrug.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on February 07, 2026, 10:05:20 PM »

Maybe too much to write. Maybe analysis paralysis. Maybe a beer-induced brain fog.

I think I've been getting a beer once ever 2-3 days. Not exactly extreme more more than my normal. Definitely a minor self medication. Now it appears there is info out says alcohol is carcinogenic and that is a new one on me.

And now I am spacing out and have not much more.

Earlier today I was writing out a worry inventory. There are just too many big and small things that I worry about all at once and if takes up all my cognitive space like worry hoarding. I hate the word hoarding because I've come to loathe hoarding.

Had a book at the Narcissist's place "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad. I had to throw it into the garbage dumpster yesterday on my way out. If I had left it laying around it would just give them some kind of ammunition maybe. Who knows not something I want to find out.

So I walked into a thirft store today didn't get anything but I saw a book with the title Garlic Is Life by Chester Aaron. It looked like an easy to read micro-.... well maybe not a micro history but along that line. Maybe "Object Studies" is that genre. And then a shelf of self help and a book in front that said something about being controlling. And I wonder if I am controlling as like a reaction to being around a controlling person who feeds on antagonism.

It's only 7:00 pm it feels dark or late yeah both.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by Hopalong on February 07, 2026, 09:09:23 PM »
Amber, how are your eyes?
How is the rest of you?

I'm sorry this has been slow healing; hope the sinuses insights will bring relief.

Hoping y'll are still cozy. It was shockingly cold here when I was out and about today.
Maybe you and B and kitties are doing living warm blankets stuff together.

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on February 06, 2026, 05:02:08 PM »
I led the Covenant Group last night on Friendship; used this as an opening reading:

Alone by Maya Angelou
[Excerpt]

“Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.”

Thank you, VESMBers, for helping me understand this.

big hugs,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by Hopalong on February 04, 2026, 05:29:49 PM »
Love the electric charge image, Lighter. So spot on.

I have a place/space...my study (original master BR). Now with a couple antiques
clogging the middle since Pup discovered animal hide varnish is yummy.
Hope he's outgrown that.

Have a lovely large 2-drawer file-credenza made of cherry and matching desk.
Neither's fully visible under the paper debris. The reveals will be so happy.

It's not hard for me to imagine a practical system for the process.
Execution is the challenge. Hope this new potential helper will ride with me.

Hmmm, you got me thinking of baskets. I think the cheapest and most practical might be rectangular laundry baskets. File folders can be stacked in those in alpha order, once we/I do the basic sort.

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by Hopalong on February 04, 2026, 05:25:16 PM »
So pug left the nest along with the DD?
I'm sorry.
It's been so evident how much you adore this little squash.
I bet it took pug about 5 minutes to collect new admirers.

Well not while you're up to the eyebrows in so many complex
things, but somehow I hope you'll find a sweet pooch who's just
plain old companionable, and might even enjoy coming along to
the lake. I swear, some dogs might make great project managers.

(But most wouldn't, LOL.) I like the old dogs who are part of the
truck, understand the trip, get the routine, and just lie around at a
safe distance while the humans are busting butts to Get Stuff Done.
Dogs are great reminders that catchin' some Vitamin D rays or a scrap
from somebody's lunch is the real point of life. And squirrels.

Back in the day when I was strong, I worked as a carpenters' helper
building a squab barn on the eastern shore of MD on a huge plantation.
Carrying a half-bundle of roof shingles up the ladder was a huge personal accomplishment. Never managed a whole bundle, so heaaavy!
I loved just being leaned on by my huge yellow Lab after. He knew
that shoulder to shoulder was the finest way to relax. He liked beer, too.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on February 04, 2026, 02:23:05 PM »
I have friends who've had covid four or five times. "I don't know how, but somehow I got covid!" I think it's the same kind of thing. Knowing the facts about prevention and ignoring them. So for me, that's a helpful analogy.

If I choose to keep interacting with a volatile person, then I need to get a booster, and wear a mask in crowded indoor spaces. Neither choice hurts me one bit; nor anybody else. I think y'all are my booster, and thank you profoundly for it.

"I just don't know how, but somehow I got triggered by Poet!" ain't gonna fly.

Pup and I are going out for duo do's. While he's getting bathed and trimmed, I'll be doing the same around the corner. Oooo, faaaaancy!

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by lighter on February 04, 2026, 12:51:17 PM »
Hops:  I find an organized person, to help sort, but mostly take things out of my arms, is be very helpful.  Especially those things with emotional charge.

Paperwork, particularly, used to have an emotional charge of an electric chair.  Thank goodness, not anymore.

Having a plan, for dealing with things....files, space, ability to access....is good to figure out ahead.  Typically, I don't know how much space I'll need, so it all has to be figured at the end.  Right now, I have more than one clothing basket full of papers for particular projects papets/samples etc.  Having one basket, for each, would be better.

Amber....food allergies/sensitivities impact my sinus, sometimes eyes, often skin.  I hope things resolve soon.

Lighter





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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on February 04, 2026, 12:30:23 PM »
Ok....I texted the lake handyman....
"If you're not hunting the property, I'll pay you the $150 for clearing driveway...seems fair."

He texted back "Hunting season is over."

Ummmm....I already knew that one.

Then he texts he'd like to continue hunting, feels the the $150 isn't a problem, and feels ok with the situation, if I don't mind him hunting the n the future.

I texted back, it's fine......I want a fair situation.....does he know if wood cutter is ok, since he's ghosting me?

Handyman says woodcutter "has no wood right now."  Do I want more woodcutter referrals?  I say yes .... haven't heard back with more names yet.

::texting him now::.

Got a new woodcutter number: )

Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 04, 2026, 06:46:12 AM »
Just a tech observation: seems the board is easier to access in the early morning now.

Having some issues with my eyes; the optometrist panicked and went worst case scenario on me. Got me a 9 am with the surgeon the next day. Surgeon double checked and finally agreed with me, that the issue with pain (inflammation caused) in right eye was from sinus. Could be a lot of different things for the floater in the left eye - so back on predisone drops 6x a day for a week; then a recheck. He said he could try oral prednisone later, if the drops don't clear it.

The snow here has turned to slick ice. Impossible to walk on, so we're trying to melt what we can during this slight warm up. I've been hearing water in the gutters, so it is melting. I'll probably grab some ice melt when we go shopping this week.
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