Recent Posts

1

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / facing the world

« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 09:33:28 AM »

I'll commit as ever to not talking politics here, because we love this board and want to protect it from division.

Sometimes, though, it might be a comfort to talk about my internal reactions to what's going on in the world and the country. I don't want to analyse it or offer here my biased thoughts about or explanations for one thing or another. There are plenty of Substack spots for me.

I just wanna say that today I'm in a renewed state of shock and grief over it all. And there's a lot of "all" right now. So, maybe talking about coping with the world is all I'm referring to.

For me, escapism has been first, and isolation next. Neither very useful. I'm okay, just had to put it somewhere. Not even looking for any suggestions, just wanted to say "this is part of my energy field right now." Thatssit.

hugs
Hops

2

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 07, 2026, 09:22:49 AM »

The January "thaw" is early this year. Warm enough that Jack & Stinkers stayed out all night hunting. Yesterday was Hol's birthday... and this year, she's being self-sufficient about it. Took a friend to a fancy spa for lunch and massages. Drove home picked up the dogs & packed and drove to a nearby airBNB to spend a few days away from here with the BF. They'll have plenty of hiking spots; Appalachian Trail is close; and the town is pleasant this time of year without tourists. There are a few closeby places for them to sight-see and entertain themselves.

I have the studio all to myself for a few days. Will likely head out there and start this victorian chemise. And deal with the pile of mending. Clean up from our previous "sessions" there. Break out some albums & CDs, since I've killed my little used spotify account. When friend Debbie was out, my hands gravitated to a 3 CD set of Motown hits... and that set the right mood for a fun afternoon/evening.

B and I are rediscovering some intimate "activities" that have been on hold till he felt better physically. I also found a new formulation that includes a dopamine energist... and he has confirmed what I suspected. His way of dealing with pain not controlled by the pump or muscle relaxers gets completely shutdown by sheer mental determination. Which method, as we know from our own experiences, shuts down ALL feelings, indiscriminately. Now, we're going to try experimenting with changing the balance of good/bad feelings, on the theory that increasing "good", leaves less room for "bad". And if that positively expands his tolerance to life's little challenges & indignities. I think it will.

I know he has incredible will/determination AND physical ability to "keep on working" at things he values as his contribution around here. Like taking down trees & splitting wood. Tilling the garden. No matter how much it hurts that day. He is slower, but he gets there. He's told me how good he was with bio-feedback training. So I know his brain is flexible enough to re-draw/re-connect neural networks. Neuroplasticity is a real thing. So together, we're working & growing the relationship together.  This trip, we've spent way more time together and he is flatly jealous of Hol's claim on my time... and I'm OK with that. I see his point, and want her to live HER life without depending so much on me anyway. She's almost 50, FFS. And actually, she is at a point in her own "work" that she's seeing the value (to her) in that. So adjustments. Mistakes, too - and we keep on trying, making progress one baby-step at a time. It is working itself out.

But overall, things are good. It hardly feels like winter (at least this week!). The seed catalogs are stacking up now... but I think I'm going to cut back this year. There are perrenials that I've wanted to get planted. Might start frequenting more of the farmer's markets instead for veggies/fruits. And we need to get out & go visit places around here some more. Just coz. He wants to go to the Mothman festival. LOL.

Hope you guys are weathering the season's changes in fine fettle!

3

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 06, 2026, 10:43:43 AM »

We are very much allowed to rest and care for ourselves (however we define it!) after giving so much of our time, effort & caring to others. For whatever reason. Ya done "good" for other, Meh. That's some of the best of being human, IMO.

4

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 06, 2026, 10:40:45 AM »

I'm glad for you, that you tried to help "decent-fy" these people's living conditions even though you've given yourself permission not to like them, even if they can't help being who they are. That's pretty magnanimous of you. And now, they can't touch you anymore.

No, we'll never understand why people are like this. No, it's not our job to "fix" them. Yes, we have a life that involves way more enjoyable experiences. We are pretty fortunate that we do.

5

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by lighter on January 05, 2026, 10:47:17 PM »

I recognize that need.... to understand nonsensical people, Meh.  To dissect, research and perform forensic acrobats.

You understand....you wrote it yourself.....
the important thing is how you feel.

That's what's yours to resolve.  Only that.  And it's a relief when everything else drops away, bc it will....usually does....IME.

Once Brother Mud wrote to me, on this forum....
"You'll never make sense of something nonsensical." I'm paraphrasing, but he wanted to save me from the extended puzzling, and needing nonsense to square up....I really needed it to.  Again.

Hops once wrote....."we stop when we become sick of ourselves being sick of ourselves being sick. " Again....paraphrasing, but a necessary thing to plod through, IME.

All the research helps.  Understanding there'll be no understanding, eventually, helps, ime.

You haven't asked for advice, or given enough info to hang it on, so will just say.....
you deserve to live in the light, with clarity, and understanding of your own true self. 

I fear you're in the dusty dark, for whatever reason....and it's not your darkness to fix, though I understand that longing.....and need to act. 

Once I realized I had no power to change, the things I can't change, it got easier.

No.....not easier.

It became possible, bc.....I fail either miserably
OR
do what I can, then put the story on the shelf, and turn back to the joy in front of me.

All things remaining the same....I win every time I choose joy, and responsiveness, over abandoning myself to things I didn't create, and can never change.

Wherever you are, Meh....you deserve the lioness's share of your compassion.

Lighter

6

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by lighter on January 05, 2026, 08:51:51 PM »

I'm picturing you tucking into a book, Meh......with cup of tea.....soft pillows and comforting favorite blanket.

Hear hear to self care....and focus on
yourself. 


Lighter

7

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Hopalong on January 05, 2026, 12:10:23 PM »

I do not have to match their inertia. I do not have to match their negativity. I do not have to match their neglect. I do not have to match their self absorption.

Love this, Meh. Inspiring mantra!
If it's an affirmation, research says it works best within the subconscious/brain if framed positively, though, as in:
I turn toward positive action. I turn toward positivity. I turn toward rest and nourishment (for ex). I turn toward interest in others. [It can be phrased any way you like, just an example....]

It sounds like you've just done a really Deep Dive on these disappointing people, so you understand your reasons for recoil. That's awesome.

hugs
Hops

8

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Hopalong on January 05, 2026, 10:33:09 AM »

I like that last...

I hear a lot of affirmative things from you recently and it reminds me what a ditch I've let some of my self-talk become. Thanks!

hugs
Hops

9

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Meh on January 04, 2026, 10:58:35 PM »

Thanks Lighter and Hops.

Just in cope mode I guess. Working my way through a book I guess it's my momentary cope.

The one thing I am excelling at is feeding myself a lot of food. Tis the holiday season anyhow. Not sure that I need to excel at that but oh well. I will give myself credit for any self care I manage to do.

10

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on January 04, 2026, 10:54:19 PM »

Googled about limited interests:

"Yes, static or limited interests—such as sticking to a few long-term activities for decades, while showing no initiative for new ones like learning —can indeed relate to certain personality disorders beyond autism. While restricted interests are a hallmark of autism spectrum disorder (a neurodevelopmental condition with early onset), similar patterns can emerge in personality disorders as secondary traits tied to rigidity, resistance to change, or emotional dysregulation, without the core social communication deficits of autism.

mdpi.com

For instance, in schizoid personality disorder (Cluster A), individuals often exhibit a limited range of emotional expression and interests, preferring solitary or repetitive activities due to indifference to social engagement or novelty. This can manifest as "static" hobbies that provide comfort without requiring adaptation or interaction, but it's rooted in detachment rather than neurodevelopmental fixation.

mdpi.com

 Similarly, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD, or anankastic traits in ICD-11) involves rigid adherence to routines, stubbornness, and inflexibility, which might limit interests to a narrow, familiar set—resisting new ones like a card game because they disrupt established patterns or require effort seen as unnecessary.

mdpi.com

 This aligns with the negativistic or passive-aggressive traits you mentioned earlier (removed from DSM but still discussed in psychology), where procrastination, inefficiency, and passive resistance to demands lead to inertia and avoidance of change.

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

In narcissistic personality disorder (Cluster B), limited interests might stem from entitlement or self-focus—disinterest in anything not enhancing their ego or requiring vulnerability (e.g., learning something new where they might "fail").