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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 09:46:24 AM »

It's a shame more of us aren't taught to recognize and tune in to joy. Silliness too. Instead we are guided into pseudo-emotions like "duty" or "obligation" or "responsibility" - not emotions at all, so they are emotion-nutrition empty: neutral, not positive or negative, not even a sense of satisfaction of meeting the expectation of a high standard of those objectives.

Some people are so "other-oriented" (or as I learned it - outwardly considering) that we get sucked into the people-pleasing trap where we don't take ownership of our inner emotional state - it's dependent on all those outside of us. Too much inner considering is the other extreme on that yardstick - and is self-limiting and self-isolating.

The FOO and societal pressure to conform are the rules of the interaction "game" which some of us just aren't predisposed to play. We might enjoy it as a diversion from time to time - but it's not required for inner well-being. I get to be 70 this year - so NO.MORE.RULES - is my motto. My north star. I've already accumulated all the standard behaviors to be able to navigate among people in the outside world enough to not attract attention or stand out like some ancient mad fairy. But the madness and happiness is just below the camoflauge and will peek out unbidden, when called forth by a kindred spirit or someone in despair.

FLY, BE FREE.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 09:27:05 AM »

Smoke SHOULD be gone from here sometime Sunday/Monday (for you, Hops). Or so the AI weather "imagine-er" sez. Sigh. B can predict weather more accurately, by how much the metal in his body vibrates (what frequence it's at). I watch clouds, feel the barometer in head & sinuses. Neither one can predict the smoke tho because it's source is so far away. I think the closest is Ontario and the Boundary Waters (closed & evacuated).

Sounds like you and BN need to define what level of trust you both have - in yourselves and each other. At least establish a baseline. With a range, of more or less as certain triggers alert - quietly or loudly. And THEN, just go have fun without thinking about it. B and I are still working on our range of comfort/discomfort and fortunately our communication style is open and trusting enough - we can just remind/warn off each other - or throw a general "I am grumpy and this thing - whatever it is - bugs the hell out of me". That's usually enough to rebalance the energy between us. Which is amazingly sensitive and strong. And unspoken - most of the time.

I am spending a lot of my time enjoying that energy connection. It's a kind of dance - and he is joyously unpredictable & adorable in it - so I end up letting my hair down and playing right along with him. Lots & lots of emotional nutrition there! This is a new thing that I've not experienced in relationships before. Our trust "savings account" balance is increasing. The only thing I've noticed - and it's probably unavoidable - is how in-sync our energy wavelengths are. Both of us can be consumed (attention-wise) in personal pursuits or external to us things. And so the elastic of the energy stretches to give space that allows full attention to those things and then returns to our comfy "us" state of flexibility and stability again.

Yeah, there's an inherent risk in investing so much of oneself into a relationship; well aware. Especially at our age. But to be so risk averse that we choose to "be safe" rather than experience this... well, sorry. I'm old enough to enjoy the risk level that I barely acknowledged when a lot younger - just because it didn't end well then. It's nice to feel alive!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on July 17, 2026, 03:25:32 PM »

Our town was just put on Red Alert for dangerous air quality.

Gotta zip out and fetch Pup, then I ain't budging. Back to N95s.
Do have a date w/BN for a matinee of the Odyssey tomorrow.
We'll get from car to theater as quickly as we can....

Aaaaghh,
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 17, 2026, 03:08:58 PM »

Hope the pollution and heat clear out soon. It's stifling. Had that happen few years back and I went out of for a walk could only see a few feet really and of course predictably got an asthma attack but there is only so long I could sit indoors with the windows closed. Without an actual fancy air filter what is the use of staying inside all the air is the same.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on July 17, 2026, 01:00:50 PM »

Happy to hear about deck and life ongoing, Amber. Your productivity level is astonishing. Thanks for asking....

HOME: The team of saints, the Mexican crew, restored the house to cleanliness and better order and it is a wonderful kickstart for me.

PT: Not going today because my lungs (Dx: "reactive airways") do not want to spend an extra second in the smoke-soup air. Very sad, amidst serious drought too. Water restrictions may kick in soon and I hope they do. Anybody watering a lawn is blind to climate change. I took Pup to his play camp afternoon and they have a big space indoors, so he'll have a blast anyway. But just going to and fro the car, my chest felt it.

BN: Well, I think we both have a foot over the top edge of the slippery slope. My incontrovertible evidence is we're exchanging heart emoticons and xxxxoooos. Gasp! He also proposed a five day trip together, which spooked me a bit. I'm nervous about implications, both financial and intimacial....which we can resolve with a good, trusting talk. We will. He is open, kind, honest and ... eager. I feel the same. Foot firmly on brake, however. My old throw-heart-over-bar-and-hope gambit is outdated.

It's nice and slooooooow, and increasingly affectionate. He sends me amazing photos all the time. One of them the other day was of his squirrel pal who has taken to eating every single cherry tomato off the big deck planter. BN's reaction was to buy Squirrel his own pack of cherry tomatoes the next time he shopped. [MELLLT...]

Okay, we're pretty caught up. I truly am worried about Lighter and hope your guesses about her being off on an adventure are good.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on July 17, 2026, 12:46:06 PM »

What a wonderful post, Meh.

You brought me JOY by sharing it. I'm so happy you had a mostly happy day.

Fakers don't like to dance. AMEN.

You are one cool cat. Perceptive, alive, growing all the time.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 17, 2026, 10:12:09 AM »

Well, the recent heatwave broke last night. It'll be 10 degrees cooler today and the foreseeable future - normal summer temperatures. But that outdoor issue is replaced by pretty heavy smoke from Canadian wildfires. The map of active fires up north in the Yukon area is showing widespread fire. It's mostly wilderness; so not readily accessible to try to contain it. And the silly US response of trying to hold Canada accountable is.... rediculous.

It is unhealthy to be outside much for most people. Maybe for a short time, low exertion activity. So my holes to plant my roses are still going to have to wait. I have solid places for two, at this point. Lots of indoor stuff to do anyway. That I keep procrastinating about.

Not a whole lot going on otherwise. Deck is basically complete; the project manager said he would show up to take care of some minor loose ends but I haven't heard from him. Nothing we can't do ourselves. Now to look for someone to seal it & the studio deck; and seal/paint the trim on the house. Maybe late fall; maybe early next spring. Then I think - barring any storm damage - we're mostly done. I need to clean & paint the downstairs doors at the studio garage and touch up at the studio, too.

Sewing & mending are starting to pile up so a couple days on that will be good.

Hops, how are things with you? Are you finding enough stuff to eat what with this parasite issue going around? I've been (re)discovering pasta salads, potato salad, and 3 bean type salad variations. How are you and BN getting on?

Meh - sounds like you're due a lucky streak... in friends, job, general living experience. Fingers crossed you find something to get excited about!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 17, 2026, 02:31:08 AM »

Sleepy

Woke up 2 AM neighbor making some odd racket and someone else reacting to their racket adding to.

Woke up 5 AM went to staffing office. Was necessary. Also was comedy of errors.

Took nap and it lasted too long but oh well.

Went to silly art thing.

Accidentally found some live free music which was surprisingly VERY good actually it was almost great for a free deal.

At the live music deal there was old mother and grown daughter dancing and it was very sweet and it's joy that people really can't fake because fakers don't bother dancing. AND it's seeing stuff like this that makes me realize A) there are a lot of joyful people in the world and B) I've not been around joyful people and C) I'm not sure that I am one of them but still I en-JOY-ed the music by myself.

Seems my friend bailed on me again this weekend maybe she will get bored of being infirm and want to go hiking.

Or maybe she doesn't feel like going far. I could in theory try to go closer to her - what would we do idk - must research now.

Other people canceled their event for this weekend also which is a relief because I canceled to go hiking.

I don't think I have any plans tomorrow which is great because I have a dire and awful amount of adulting to do. All of which would be easier if I had a big fat credit card but I let my finances get terrible ... or maybe just too much happened at once. And I am not going to complain.

I need to brush my teeth and just go to sleep. It was a long day.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 16, 2026, 07:43:13 AM »

they are frozen in a lifelong cycle of empty, resentful passivity.

YES. Spot on.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 15, 2026, 09:24:27 PM »

The interview I have is only a staffing agency. Worked via this company in the past it worked out okay.

But now that I see the text msg the woman sent me it was vague and I am realizing it was not for an in person interview. And she had said she was going to be gone for surgery but would be back in...

I am going in person anyways because I was planning on going.

Going in hopes they just scan my freaking id documents so they are logged. The rest is just fluff. They may not be prepared to deal with me. But she had me already wait 30 minutes late for the first phone interview now I am looking and the text was vague and I am thinking it's because she had been dealing with a mad client and she is preoccupied with her surgery. If anybody else in the office has the ability to onboard me that would be good. I have worked with them before why am I saying this like I have to convince someone.

I will have to take a long bus and then walk 30 minutes I think to get there.

Maybe I am over stressing. I am. But details of logistics kind of important.

I really feel like things went smoother just 5-10 years ago. I think she wants the commission so didn't hand me off to someone else.

I will bring a book. 😈😈😈