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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 06:36:24 PM »

I feel annoyed and stupid with my current situation of therapy appointment.

After looking into the place even more it's not feeling like a good match at all they assign people to a therapist? That seems more like a case-manager. And after reading more on their website I realized it's a Prison-to-Community Pipeline: a major contractor for "Jail-Based Behavioral Health Services" (JBBS). They specialize in transitional care for people leaving incarceration. Their primary focus is on recidivism reduction and court-ordered compliance. And also a lot of focus on some kind of deferral process for drug addiction stuff.

This mental health service center is really just an extension of the prison industrial complex. Yeah they've got some weird government contracts... like whatever.

I think I might flip this place the invisible middle finger and just move on. It's just a conveyor of compliance and conformity lol.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 06:04:24 PM »

???

Distinguishing Neurodivergence from Covert Manipulation

When an individual neglects daily responsibilities while remaining absorbed in digital media, the distinction between Executive Dysfunction (Autism/ADHD) and Weaponized Incompetence (Covert Narcissism) lies in the intent and the reaction to accountability.

1. The "Boredom" of the Superior
To the narcissist, mundane functionality is viewed as "beneath" them. They frame their refusal to participate as "boredom" or a sign of "High Intelligence," suggesting their mind is too complex for "pedestrian" labor. In reality, this is a defense mechanism. Being a functional adult requires humility and presence, both of which threaten the narcissist’s fragile ego.

2. The Mask of the "Innocent Victim"
To protect their low-effort lifestyle, the narcissist adopts a strategic posture designed to flip the script on anyone requesting help:

The "Confused Intellectual": They play the role of someone so focused on "complex systems" that they "simply didn't notice" the environment. This forces others to take over their responsibilities.

DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender): If challenged, they don't address the task; they address the ask. They frame the person requesting help as an "aggressor" or "nag," shifting the focus away from their own neglect and onto the other person’s "tone."

3. Why Functionality Causes Discomfort
The Mirror Effect: Completing a mundane task forces them to acknowledge they are ordinary. It shatters the fantasy of being a "special case" exempt from the rules of life.

Shame-Triggering: In their mind, a task left undone is a failure. To avoid the shame of that failure, they simply refuse to look at the task, effectively "deleting" it from their reality.

Autism (Special Interest) vs. Narcissism (Defensive Withdrawal)
Primary Goal: Autistic focus is for Regulation (finding joy, flow, or mastery to manage a chaotic world). Narcissistic focus is for Shielding (creating a "bunker" to stay unavailable to the demands of reality).

Social Mask: Autistic neglect is Unfiltered and usually due to genuine "blindness" caused by deep focus. Narcissistic neglect is Strategic, relying on a "Postured Mask" of being a "distracted genius" to avoid labor.

Internal Logic: Autism involves Monotropism (the brain is biologically funneled into one channel). Narcissism involves Entitlement (the belief that they are exempt from the mundane duties of living).

Resources for Research
Freyd, J.J. (1997): Violations of power, adaptive blindness, and institutional betrayal. (The foundation of DARVO mechanics).

Miller, J. D., et al. (2011): Vulnerable Narcissism: An Analysis of Its Components. (Detailing the "innocent victim" mask).

Murray, D., et al. (2005): Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. (Distinguishing between biological focus and defensive withdrawal).

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 05:45:19 PM »

Hops, you had mentioned that you had an N relative and you at one point were wondering IF they had some cross-over with autism like spectrum.

This is something I was wondering about one of the covert-paranoid-sadistic narcissist relative in my orbit. If they also had some cross over with autism and the reason why I was wondering it was due to their lack of motivation to do basic things like executive function issues.

The thing is today I was really thinking how the N I know has a sadistic element to their personality they enjoy making other people uncomfortable AND they are passive aggressive and then the more I thought about the situation I thought I think the autism-like traits I am seeing are actually long-term passive aggressive behaviors.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on March 30, 2026, 04:19:42 PM »

I was so confused trying to figure out what B has been President of. Took me a minute. LOL.
Any chance your brother would buy out your share of the factory? Sounds like a burden you'd like to be free of.

I'm happy B is getting a new pump. If you want to share the date, white light coming. With or without.

I love all your plans and know they engage you. Just don't let 'em wear you out.

My Big Project is having my water-damaged cork kitchen floor replaced. (I'll still have the cork, which I love, in the extension.) We can forget the HGTV requirement that open-ish floor plans include a sweep of matching flooring. I've got hardwood in the front room, soon-to-be Marmoleum in the kitchen, then cork in the back room.
No off-gassing, which I'm happy about. I also picked the wildest pattern for the linoleum that they offer. It has colors that work with the wall colors, including the weird one I made up, in the kitchen. I'm excited about it. And linoleum is just linseed oil plus wood fiber. So, "natural" floors throughout, even if they change every 20 feet. Snort.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 30, 2026, 03:59:51 PM »

I dunno. Taking a positive risk, no matter the outcome, is something.

You got close to and loved a dog for a while.
You went to a church. It turned out not to fit you, but you did it. (Try UUs?)

Both of those were human engagement with sources of love. Or potential love.

If your rock didn't have that porosity, you wouldn't be able to try new things.
And it sounds like you're doing better in the self-love department. Whether it's through research, navel-gazing (my major) or taking gentle risks, you're trying, imo.

Small steps can be real leaps sometimes.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 12:09:24 PM »

Sounds like some big heavy projects with the gravel and wall. It's still early spring yet so you have time!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 30, 2026, 10:29:46 AM »

I've FINALLY found the oomph and momentum to tackle a whole litany of spring cleaning tasks around the house. As well as finish painting that godz-awful bench. Still have more to do in the mudroom and it has warmed up enough to start the outside "clean up" and seeds.

Have a date in May, for B's pump replacement surgery so hopefully he can till the garden, before. Hol & I have some landscaping projects on this season's list. Big rains washed out along the front edge of a culvert under the drive to the pond... so we're going to build stone retaining wall and backfill with shale. Then, I'll need to order another big load of gravel for the 3-4 miles of driveway we have on the property.

There is mutiny in my shop. Some of it is personality conflict; some of it is overly ambitious holier than thou overstepping one's role; and some of it is a lack of stepping into a new role. The good thing about all this is bro is taking a more pro-active stance now and I'm standing back advising. We're TALKING a great deal more and sorting all this out. Fortunately the former President is still working 3 days a week and he's been consulted often while we sort out just what is going on. And try to work with people to get them to stay in their lanes and pick up the slack that is falling on subordinates. There is always a loud scream in the back of my mind... about having to deal with this kind of crap... STILL.

I already have plenty to do and I'm enjoying finally having a life outside of managing other people. I would like this later stage of my life to be MOSTLY that slow, enjoyable "just being". Hell, I've earned it. But there is no rest for the weary, I guess. At least not yet. It's going to take some weeks/months to sort this issue out - and the pushy person thinks it needs to happen by Friday.  <rolleyes>

Looks like most of my herbs survived the winter. I've got 5 American Elders to transplant into their permanent home. Once I decide where that's going to be.  <grin> They get 10-12 ft tall. And I want to plant some more berries/shrubs this spring too. MAYBE a fruit tree or two... maybe. We have a lot of local orchards around us, so that's less of a priority.

When B gets back, this time we're organizing, purging, setting up garages and shops to be more functional and where everything wil have a "home".

It's that busy time of year. We still have a few things to refine out in the studio, too.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 02:03:40 AM »

"Scheper-Hughes, N. (1992). Death Without Weeping: The Violence of Everyday Life in Brazil. University of California Press.

This book is considered a masterpiece of medical anthropology. It specifically details her fieldwork in the "Alto do Cruzeiro," a hillside shantytown in the town of Bom Jesus da Mata, Northeast Brazil.

The Core Concept: "Selective Neglect"
Scheper-Hughes challenged the Western idea that "maternal instinct" is universal and automatic. In a world of extreme poverty and high infant mortality, she observed:

Life-Leaning vs. Death-Leaning: Mothers categorized infants as either "fighters" (survivors) or those "wanting to die" (weak).

Delayed Attachment: Because babies died so frequently from diarrhea and malnutrition, mothers practiced what she called "maternal detachment." They would not name the child, talk to the child, or "mirror" its emotions until it had passed the high-risk infancy stage."

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 01:49:55 AM »

I found a book about lament not sure if mentioned that before. It's titled A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. The way it's written doesn't draw me into reading it. Lots of blah blah about nothing it feels like but I just like that a book on this topic exists as I was reading laments anyhow. So I will skim it. Flip through it. I like the concept that there is something in lament that is lost in society and something of value in it. That lament is a legit form of thought or expression. Why not. I feel people have suppressed laments. Not just a suppressed feeling but a whole string of something. Outside of toxic positivity and toxic negativity there has to just be plain real positivity and real negativity. I feel like if I quietly check in with myself at night and sort of think about how I am feeling even if they are not happy thoughts and if it's sad at least it's real and I don't feel that is negative. --- Actually what am I trying to say. I think I often just have a sad disposition and I feel it should be okay just to be that if that is how one is. I don't understand why it has to be like socially unacceptable to be a sad person.

being knee-jerk judgemental maybe is a habitual toxic-negativity thing idk. I'm getting into the false-positive/false-negatives like it's a medical test.

Wasn't always cynical really. It sort of started with one particular work group long ago that were all kinda grumpy and I caught it and kept it and have just been developing the cynicism oh well. 

I'm really not feeling like I have a strong sense of self these days. I feel like one of those ocean rocks that have the holes  all-over them. I think it's because I never keep all juggling everything and I've never had the emotional strength to have a lot of personal life as well as work. I sort of just completely lean into the work identity when I am working. The bits and pieces of me not the work person feel very small. My life is weird. This morning I asked someone how their week had been and they told me they had gone to a funeral ... and they asked me about mine and I couldn't say much because I've been self-absorbed/navel-gazing/barely existing or not existing in a socially acceptable way so what do I say to people: "oh just doing lots of errands." ---

Shrug doesn't matter. There just haven't been any mile stones recently. Nor hobbies. Nor going places. I better not think about it too much I will want to find the nearest moshpit which there are none.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 29, 2026, 07:01:17 PM »

What SHE (Amber) said.
I don't find your thinking dull at ALL, Meh.

You are valuable and interesting to me.

hugs
Hops