Recent Posts

1

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 11:43:27 AM »

Sigh. Slow summer - which doesn't bother me much.
Mowing is on hiatus - have to fix the mower deck and one of the parts ordered was the wrong one. But hot then rainy - as in topical storm downpours - then cooler & cocoonish...

I'm way behind on planting & weeding & building new beds... coz bugs. It'd be different if the bites/reactions went away in a week, but noooooooo. Still waiting on new locking mechanism to come in for front door. Deck is MOSTLY done, but B is using the scrap lumber to improve the lower deck and steps down into the jungle that is encroaching and needs cleared.

Hol's been preoccupied with C - and confusing the crap out of me - so it's not high on my priority "attention list". Usually she just want some Mommy time and I can do that. The frequency has slowed down.

My phone, ipad, and keyboard are all trying to go south on me at the same time. SIGH. And I'm not predisposed to deal with any of them. I think the battery in the keyboard just died; charging now. But the charging port on the ipad is loose so any cable I use refusing to stay "connected" long enough to charge it. Even when I'm not mobile. This is pricey replacement, because I usually get a cell chip in it - lets me deal with travel, etc and never be on public wifi. No Apple stores near me to get the port fixed. Cell phone is close to 18 years old... and can only be updated so much further. Ick, blech, don't want to make any changes in this arena... but I won't have much choice if I wait too much longer.

I'm kinda bored and gloomy doomy; grumpish. But I think I know a way I can change that - just have to get B's attention. Got fooled by Amazon last night - thought they were running the movie Young Washington, but it was just a trailer. Boo Hiss! Washington surveyed and fought the French-Indian war around here... so we're interested in the history.

2

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 23, 2026, 12:53:18 AM »

Won a raffle while back and got some lame-o art supplies.

Took my lame-o art supplies to an art get together and doodled some oak-ish leaf and branch thingy I picked on the way there.

There was not a lot of conversation at this art thing there often isn't or it references so much pop culture that I have no idea what people are talking about. Oh well I went. I am going. I am doing.

The mountain ranges are obscured from that smoke. It's still not awful yet.

The actual tree parts were more beautiful than my doodle of them. I feel guilty for molesting nature just to make a rendition of it. A bullshit rendition. Nature is so wonderful by itself even if nobody observes it or brands it or names it. It's fine all by itself.

I hastily had to put the leaf and twig parts into the bathroom garbage can on my way out. There is the chance I am allergic to it because of course I would have to be allergic to oak? maybe who knows doesn't matter right now .... have to set my alarm before I fall asleep and tomorrow I will wing it in the morning

3

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 21, 2026, 01:08:35 PM »

Yes, all these kinds of groups, IMO, are a lot like HS cliches. Even if they don't enforce political uniformity. Group dynamics is a real thing - and one can even recognize various types or stereotypes of personalities in almost any group. I briefly entertained participating in a local artist's co-op, until I started recognizing some of the types that eventually wear out my politeness/patience.

But there ARE small informal groups around and yes, everyone is friends so getting invited to join might take awhile and some effort. Quilters, crafters - lots of spinners, weavers, knitters etc - make an effort to get together on a regular basis, like monthly to share, problemsolve, etc. Same is true of outdoorsy people - hikers, water sports, rock climbers, cyclists. Forgot - gardeners, too! You can usually meet people like this at art fairs, farmer's markets, or even visiting those co-op store fronts.

4

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 21, 2026, 11:07:33 AM »

Yes, good reflection Skeptikal.

After reading your post I think it's helping me realize that I need both a private world and a social world. Also I think I am getting caught up with HOW OTHER people DO their social world.

I'm going to say that outdoors enthusiasts and musicians seem to have much cooler social lives than pagans. The pagans still seem like the very weird vulnerable kids at school or something but they've all gotten older and are still using bracelets as their symbol of social significance or something. idk

The church has some magical aspects - they prayers for sickness seems to be a constant at the church I attend and they tell the pastor AS IF he is a wizard that can enchant the correct words to bend gods will. This so much reminds me of every other cult.

I guess my concern about paganism is it seems to be a bit of a closed environment I do not really trust what might go on  AND I will say as an older person I don't like sitting at a table wondering who is actually really female and who is a male larping as female. If I look at their tits I'm trying to figure out if it's injection induced or what is going on.

Socializing is a lot of effort.

The smoke seems to be heading in our direction according to the radio maybe idk.

5

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 21, 2026, 09:30:59 AM »

Performative paganism? All props - no beliefs or practice?

Yeah. There is a lot of that. I'd suggest reading in that topic, if you're curious and then practice PRIVATELY.  There are some calender events that are more socially observed but it's not a requirement. A lot of christian groups mirror the same kind of empty, shallow "practice" all for the sake of social stuff. Ego satisfaction.

There's no one answer that "fits all" I guess. And maybe the social interaction is enough for some people. For me it's exhausting.

6

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 20, 2026, 06:01:44 PM »

The church I go to, they had a picnic few weeks back. I went I talked to a handful of people I was sitting at a table where there was a church guy I was too tired to move and I wanted to sit in the shade and there were other people there off and on.

Well over the weekend I caught him focusing on me from across the room at church. This is enough to make me start thinking of avoiding socializing aspect of church.

I don't like the guy he is old of course that is always how they play it.

The church has some women's events I might limit my attendance to only that.

Last thing I want or need is unwanted male attention from some entitled older guy (barf on a bible)

7

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 20, 2026, 01:37:37 PM »

So I went to a pagan gathering after I went to church. I feel like I am too old for this.

Wanted to write about it earlier but board was down. Getting ready to get out and do errands.

Had never gone to a pagan gathering before so it was new experience.

- I did not feel overly awkward about meeting new people this time
- The stereotypes about pagans seemed to fit these people
- People wearing black, dark makeup, too much cheap jewelry (the garments of paganism identity thing)
- I did not dress up for it. I do have a witchy scarf I snatched from a free table but it's not practical for me to dress up just to do some social theater

- someone asked the group if they deny anybody inclusion and they do
----- MAGA witches
----- MEGA witches
----- Catholic witches
---------------- Italian Catholic witches
---------------- Something about Irish something

I had asked them about it and when I had mentioned it I had said "oh right okay like Mexican-Catholics also going to A Bruja. This seemed to have been a dead end in their mind. Mexico is also off limits for this group I guess something to do with the border politics lol.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I never heard of a MAGA MEGA Italian Catholic witch thing.

In any case I might be in-the-closet amongst the pagans as it seems to be overtly political. Someone brought up the topic about how she was proud her company at work was still doing DEI.

I'm not Christian enough to be Christian.
I'm not correct-pagan enough to be socially-pagan.
I'm okay with this but it gives me some feedback about my history of not joining social groups. Reminded that it was not just my shyness it was also that groups often felt not-me.
So I know I need to join outdoorsy and sports groups I just can't access it now without vehicle. Oh well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I suppose I must ask myself what does participating in this group have to offer me?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Made some oatmeal and dumped coconut milk on it. It's actually delicious never had tried this before. Total winner.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tried something new so giving myself credit for it. New thing points accessed.
Didn't lose my shit over the focus on politics and LGBTQ.
I'm NOT there to earn any person's fake friendship.

More rando thoughts and noticings.
There were two women who were talking about their religious upbringing that is extreme christian like culty christian so I can see why they rebelled against it but it makes me think their involvement with the paganism has to do with like some personal angst thing. I didn't say anything against them. I'm just questioning why I would want to get to know these people. One of the two women seemed really clueless "I'm tired, I almost tripped on the dirt, what spiritual meaning does this have?" she says.... also she told us how she just started taking new medication but .... she can't connect the dots herself.

So anyways. What am I saying now that I have reflected.
I'm saying I have to be very careful and guarded around these people I think is what I am saying. They review some books which seems interesting to me.

organizer -- seems to have some ideas from reading etc which are worth discussing seems positive
person with dark eyeliner -- seems a bit aggressive and lash out type
blonde with big butt -- seems clueless
some guy -- I couldn't read very much from this guy only he was into the typical trinkets gems- crystals --
me- dressed in suspiciously average clothes not looking witchy they might suspect me of being not liberal enough as what I was wearing inadvertently looked vaguely patriotic.

What am I saying. Guess just doing preliminary reflection.
 
 

8

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 10:28:41 PM »

Made it to three yard sales. Feels like a waste of a day.

Got a free little plant cuz I couldn't carry the giant ones.

Found no hats. No shoes. Oh well.

9

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 02:40:21 PM »

It's a shame more of us aren't taught to recognize and tune in to joy. Silliness too. Instead we are guided into pseudo-emotions like "duty" or "obligation" or "responsibility" - not emotions at all, so they are emotion-nutrition empty: neutral, not positive or negative, not even a sense of satisfaction of meeting the expectation of a high standard of those objectives.

Some people are so "other-oriented" (or as I learned it - outwardly considering) that we get sucked into the people-pleasing trap where we don't take ownership of our inner emotional state - it's dependent on all those outside of us. Too much inner considering is the other extreme on that yardstick - and is self-limiting and self-isolating.

The FOO and societal pressure to conform are the rules of the interaction "game" which some of us just aren't predisposed to play. We might enjoy it as a diversion from time to time - but it's not required for inner well-being. I get to be 70 this year - so NO.MORE.RULES - is my motto. My north star. I've already accumulated all the standard behaviors to be able to navigate among people in the outside world enough to not attract attention or stand out like some ancient mad fairy. But the madness and happiness is just below the camoflauge and will peek out unbidden, when called forth by a kindred spirit or someone in despair.

FLY, BE FREE.

pseudo emotions huh --- interesting concept

yeah I figure people age out of imposed rules eventually

PRESSURE is a big thing I mean it's somewhat important to be able to get stuff done as I procrastinate and that snarls into perpetual motion anxiety machine lol

a perpetual motion anxiety machine is related to one of those desktop knocker ball toys except it's in a human body 😜😜😜😜😜

alright off I go to dodge the sunrays

10

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 18, 2026, 02:32:41 PM »

I'm going to try to walk to a couple yardsales far away look for hats and shoes.

Slather my neck and cheeks with sunblock. Wash my water bottle. I have to get outside and I have to conserve my few dollars.

I scribbled a map on a little piece of paper.

but most of all I will find dogs to pet

yesterday I pet a dog who has always barked at me before but yesterday he was randomly in a different mood and I got to pet him and also a puppy that was so excited she peed at least not on my shoe

avoidance -- yard sales feel like avoidance ---- I have to do adulting   anywhos here I go wasting under beautiful summer day in the city -- who knows