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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on Today at 10:07:58 AM »I'm a rock hound, love'em too!
Lots of them here.
Lighter
Lots of them here.
Lighter
News:
With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by lighter on Today at 10:06:42 AM »Speaking of adding pressure....the pressure washer has been forced into watering clover seedlings work.
I'm super feeling your struggle, with planting, and all possible weather catastrophies. We've been hand watering with a single hose and sprayer, for 10+ hours a day....seedlings will dry up and die if they dry out, but you know that.
The wild geraniums are plump and blooming like mad.....even after transplanting. Ferns, not as happy, but ok.
The last rain day passed us by. 80% chance tomorrow!! Should be cloudy and wet for a week or so, woo hoo!!
Hops..... I'd be rolling around happily on that new floor.
With CCR playing......loud.
Singing.
Then I'd sing Blister in the Sun by the Violent Fems, ya!
I'm super feeling your struggle, with planting, and all possible weather catastrophies. We've been hand watering with a single hose and sprayer, for 10+ hours a day....seedlings will dry up and die if they dry out, but you know that.
The wild geraniums are plump and blooming like mad.....even after transplanting. Ferns, not as happy, but ok.
The last rain day passed us by. 80% chance tomorrow!! Should be cloudy and wet for a week or so, woo hoo!!
Hops..... I'd be rolling around happily on that new floor.
With CCR playing......loud.
Singing.
Then I'd sing Blister in the Sun by the Violent Fems, ya!
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 09:15:03 AM »Don't feel foolish Hops! You are allowed to enjoy this change/addition to your nest! Sometimes it's little things, sometimes bigger ones.
Looks like B's return is imminent. He's mailing a form req'd by his gov insurance today and since he's tech-abhorent it complicates the process every year. He's probably mostly packed/loaded already. But he does take a full day to rest up before making the drive. This time he's towing a trailer with one of my jeeps, so I expect it's going to be a slower trip than usual, at least in some places.
I've been taking a lot of "easy" days - digging up old movies on Ytube, eating, thinking, just working here & there at various projects... and not adding pressure to my life. May is going to be all medical focused for B. Hol will drive for the surgery, since the surgi-center is near DC, and I can't manage trying to find where I'm going with all the impatient drivers and feeling of oppression that cities evoke for me. Over stimuli, for sure. Too much light at night; too much noise; too many people. I just simply can't rally to get through that day with any composure.
One of the drawbacks of choosing hermitude I guess. There are times one can't avoid that busy environment.
There will be some seeds started soon. Some work in the gardens. But I'm really cutting back this year. The weather is bi-polar and frost got one of my geraniums and the tops of the hickory trees. Not unheard of in April but that followed 3 90 degree days. I don't want to put a lot of work into having a big garden then have it all roast in place in August/Sept. Or wash away in July. It's impossible to predict this year. Might just buy some plants too. The herbs look good and I'm composting/mulching them this year.
Looks like B's return is imminent. He's mailing a form req'd by his gov insurance today and since he's tech-abhorent it complicates the process every year. He's probably mostly packed/loaded already. But he does take a full day to rest up before making the drive. This time he's towing a trailer with one of my jeeps, so I expect it's going to be a slower trip than usual, at least in some places.
I've been taking a lot of "easy" days - digging up old movies on Ytube, eating, thinking, just working here & there at various projects... and not adding pressure to my life. May is going to be all medical focused for B. Hol will drive for the surgery, since the surgi-center is near DC, and I can't manage trying to find where I'm going with all the impatient drivers and feeling of oppression that cities evoke for me. Over stimuli, for sure. Too much light at night; too much noise; too many people. I just simply can't rally to get through that day with any composure.
One of the drawbacks of choosing hermitude I guess. There are times one can't avoid that busy environment.
There will be some seeds started soon. Some work in the gardens. But I'm really cutting back this year. The weather is bi-polar and frost got one of my geraniums and the tops of the hickory trees. Not unheard of in April but that followed 3 90 degree days. I don't want to put a lot of work into having a big garden then have it all roast in place in August/Sept. Or wash away in July. It's impossible to predict this year. Might just buy some plants too. The herbs look good and I'm composting/mulching them this year.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 08:43:25 AM »Well, in my case, I have a random bunch of boulders. With the addition of a short rock wall on the open side between them, this closes in a rustic "raised bed". Add soil, compost etc and plant the mini-bed. Because of watering and weeding - it's necessary to also leave paths between them. I'm working underneath some tall trees - yet there's plenty of sunlight for growth most of the day. (I watch/make notes of how much sun/shade there is at various times of the day.)
I have LOTS of rocks. And I put them to work this way. Some boulders are perfect seating around the fire pit and provide access to adjacent beds. I'm slowly creating a hedgerow just outside the trees of flowering/fruiting shrubs. Color, texture, and of course medicinal uses determine what I plant. And yes - this year I need to buy a dump truck of compost because rock & shale are poor growing material except for the native (very useful) wild herbs. We have many.
I have LOTS of rocks. And I put them to work this way. Some boulders are perfect seating around the fire pit and provide access to adjacent beds. I'm slowly creating a hedgerow just outside the trees of flowering/fruiting shrubs. Color, texture, and of course medicinal uses determine what I plant. And yes - this year I need to buy a dump truck of compost because rock & shale are poor growing material except for the native (very useful) wild herbs. We have many.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 02:10:05 AM »Honestly, I'm not worried about any smearing, Lighter. She can say anything she wants to anybody she wants. I just hope she says it to her therapist, whom she talked about quitting.
I'm pretty secure in poetry and with other writers. I'm confident I long ago earned my place and now that I've found the bottoms of my feet, that wouldn't rock me even if she tried it. I have one friend in the group who's silent as a priest with confidences, and she understood the whole thing. (Has an Nmother herself...oy.)
Poet has a new community and that's where she belongs. I truly wish her peace.
hugs
Hops
I'm pretty secure in poetry and with other writers. I'm confident I long ago earned my place and now that I've found the bottoms of my feet, that wouldn't rock me even if she tried it. I have one friend in the group who's silent as a priest with confidences, and she understood the whole thing. (Has an Nmother herself...oy.)
Poet has a new community and that's where she belongs. I truly wish her peace.
hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on April 23, 2026, 10:51:31 AM »No, but I'm super intrigued!! It sounds most doable, and not at all exacting.......so enticing to my brain!!!!!
Thanks.....keep'em coming if you think of more ideas!
Lighter
Thanks.....keep'em coming if you think of more ideas!
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by lighter on April 23, 2026, 10:48:43 AM »So
Cool
Hops.
I have to remember, stuff ebbs and flows.
I keep returning to my centered self........
over and over.
It's calms me to understand....
I'm changing my brain every time I go back,to my authentic self...feel her inside my chest/torso .. remember it's ok..... I'm doing well, bc I remembered.
Even when I forget ..... it's an opportunity to practice, mindfully.
At a point .....the cultivated split second is born.....before reactivity takes me. That second grows.....feels like it's pushing me up and away .....distancing me .....providing improved/informed perspective....and that's another fruit and flower of restoring choice, which is..... byproduct, IME.
Unexpected fruits and flowers are the sweetest, IME.
I'm so glad you're feeling grounded. Poet will do her best to knock you sideways, I'm sure.
Lighter
Cool
Hops.
I have to remember, stuff ebbs and flows.
I keep returning to my centered self........
over and over.
It's calms me to understand....
I'm changing my brain every time I go back,to my authentic self...feel her inside my chest/torso .. remember it's ok..... I'm doing well, bc I remembered.
Even when I forget ..... it's an opportunity to practice, mindfully.
At a point .....the cultivated split second is born.....before reactivity takes me. That second grows.....feels like it's pushing me up and away .....distancing me .....providing improved/informed perspective....and that's another fruit and flower of restoring choice, which is..... byproduct, IME.
Unexpected fruits and flowers are the sweetest, IME.
I'm so glad you're feeling grounded. Poet will do her best to knock you sideways, I'm sure.
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 23, 2026, 07:45:42 AM »Draw a squiggle. Each area between the lines becomes it's own mini-garden; mini-moment. The squiggle lines are "no particular place to go" - which is the POINT of meditation.
Does that make sense?
Does that make sense?
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 22, 2026, 11:07:04 PM »You're right on point, like the fly on the wall, Lighter. No offense to you or flies.
It's beyond, way beyond, time to let it go. But I think I got there. I'm embarrassed at how much I've perseverated over this drama, especially here. But I'm breathing oxygen, relaxing with Pup, feeling relieved and more or less relaxed.
The whole thing felt a bit like a graduation from revolving around narcissistic people, mainly M at first, then this mask-dropping realization about Poet. What matters to me in the present is not so much about them as it has been recognizing the risks of empathy, how loneliness can drive you into the wrong orbit, how "neediness" (I know you don't like that term) can mislead you too.
I guess what feels good is I don't feel lost. I feel like I've found the bottoms of my own feet, and I am not confused about why I withdrew from this relationship.
Son of a gun.
hugs
Hops
It's beyond, way beyond, time to let it go. But I think I got there. I'm embarrassed at how much I've perseverated over this drama, especially here. But I'm breathing oxygen, relaxing with Pup, feeling relieved and more or less relaxed.
The whole thing felt a bit like a graduation from revolving around narcissistic people, mainly M at first, then this mask-dropping realization about Poet. What matters to me in the present is not so much about them as it has been recognizing the risks of empathy, how loneliness can drive you into the wrong orbit, how "neediness" (I know you don't like that term) can mislead you too.
I guess what feels good is I don't feel lost. I feel like I've found the bottoms of my own feet, and I am not confused about why I withdrew from this relationship.
Son of a gun.
hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by lighter on April 22, 2026, 07:20:45 PM »Stepping back from placating.....is ....sad, IME.
It's me, recognizing self abandonment......
giving myself away, to keep the peace......
bc.....
well.
Because of the reaction Poet's giving your request for decent treatment. Your refusal to swallow your truth.
And.....IME.....the more directly truthful one is.....the more punitive the PD reaction.
That's not about you, imo. That's about whatever cavern of fear and regret the Poet's trapped in.
If she could express it......take it out, in the light ...... examine it with someone who cares about her..... she'd have a chance to seek peace.....feel better..... cultivate joy, imo.
Her defense mechanisms make it impossible to self reflect. I've seen this show up close.
It's sad, like I said. So many good things, but no space for reciprocity.....and it's ok to be done with placating flawed people, at one's expense.
My God.....
it really is time to let it go,((Hops.))
BTW.....I'd be surprised if Poet didn't attempt a character assassination on her way out of the club. I hope you're curious, instead of worrying.
Some dumb bunnies like chaos and the spirit of retribution, IME.
Some will see the Poet for what she is.
Maybe you'll get some terrific poems brewing up from the depths.
I want to hear them!!!
Lighter
It's me, recognizing self abandonment......
giving myself away, to keep the peace......
bc.....
well.
Because of the reaction Poet's giving your request for decent treatment. Your refusal to swallow your truth.
And.....IME.....the more directly truthful one is.....the more punitive the PD reaction.
That's not about you, imo. That's about whatever cavern of fear and regret the Poet's trapped in.
If she could express it......take it out, in the light ...... examine it with someone who cares about her..... she'd have a chance to seek peace.....feel better..... cultivate joy, imo.
Her defense mechanisms make it impossible to self reflect. I've seen this show up close.
It's sad, like I said. So many good things, but no space for reciprocity.....and it's ok to be done with placating flawed people, at one's expense.
My God.....
it really is time to let it go,((Hops.))
BTW.....I'd be surprised if Poet didn't attempt a character assassination on her way out of the club. I hope you're curious, instead of worrying.
Some dumb bunnies like chaos and the spirit of retribution, IME.
Some will see the Poet for what she is.
Maybe you'll get some terrific poems brewing up from the depths.
I want to hear them!!!
Lighter