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No worries. I know you're usually not looking for advice. Just sharing in hopes there might be a bit to inspire you or shine a light somewhere. And to essentially, let you know - it's not just you going through stuff like this.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Meh on March 28, 2026, 06:16:29 PM »
Narcissists (and their children) often confuse the pain of being a victim with empathy.

True Empathy: "I feel the cow’s pain because I value the cow’s life as separate from mine."

Projective Empathy: "I feel the cow’s pain because I am the cow. If I save the cow, I am symbolically saving myself from my parents."


I've sometimes wondered what vegetarianism is really about.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Meh on March 28, 2026, 03:38:17 PM »

I'm a fan of casseroles because it's not what I ate growing up and it's flexible if you get the basic cheese-can of cream of something ratio to everything else. I had an 8x8 pan and I got one of those ham steaks cut it up into cubes browned it, put can of cream of celery and maybe aprox half a cup of milk, some kind of cheap sharp generic cheddar didn't really measure it just like halfish of a small block, some frozen celery, cooked macaroni pasta and almost too much onion powder which I measured with my lazy hand giant pinch maybe three tablespoons idk. I think that is all I stuck in there. It's funny how I always wanted to make homemade macaroni and cheese but for some reason I couldn't figure it out before like I tried making something in a crockpot with cream-cheese I think and it over cooked and all separated etc. I think it was crockpot cheesy cauliflower thing. It didn't work. Anyhow I love casseroles. I want to make one with pepperoni. Since I have weird allergies at least I know what is in a casserole and I can make something like a pizza casserole maybe idk? -- I want to make a weird one pepperoni, yams, corn, olives. I'm at risk of gaining weight. I've never had a weight problem but without doing gardening, hiking, art or something then the next active thing is just like making food stuff. Shrug.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Meh on March 28, 2026, 12:30:42 PM »

Thanks Skeptikal.

I'm not looking for people to give me solutions.

It's more an act of thinking outloud. Some of these things to some extent give me some shame and I've gotten in the habit of trying to like acknowledge the things with some shame around it.

Time limit sounds reasonable. I doubt my mind's mode of operation is reasonable though.

The other thing is I think I do have some important thoughts bubble up from the black bog every once in a great while and I often register it as a blip on the radar and forget it and just keep doing whatever I am doing.

The fact of the matter is I have been living a very schizoid type life style for much of my life and it was imposed on me I think as this is a normal world-view.

I know it's dull to be self-absorbed. I think my "social self" is very fragile and withdrawn.

Oh that is what I have been reflecting on the general idea of being withdrawn and as a child I sort of felt something was wrong with me for various things including the part of being withdrawn. Anyhow. It's very unlikely I should get a chance to see someone equipped to deal with this stuff. I have some appointment scheduled to see a counselor in May it takes that long and it's just an intake on a video conference with a guy in a different city. Anyhow.

I know people say it's improbable but I am at the point of patient heal-thyself.

Right now I have time to ruminate.

Thank you though. The part you say about the time limit seems legit. More importantly I think it's somehow utilizing action steps.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 28, 2026, 08:45:11 AM »
Meh, I tried to reply about your list yesterday but deleted it coz ye olde inner critic thought I was being too... something. It felt wrong.

The important part of my response was your list is what I would describe as symptoms you experience because of your lived life so far - and trauma, abuse, neglect, insecure attachment.... WHATEVER. You could explain most of that list with almost ANY DSM "diagnosis". But that doesn't mean you can't start working to minimize how you experience the things in the list, in the absence of pinpointing a diagnosis.

Maybe it would help to rank the symptoms on the list for continuity - always, sometimes, rarely - and then intensity. Maybe it would let you decide to shorten the list to 2 or 3 things to focus on changing or understanding in a deeper way? Maybe assign a tentative time limit - 2 weeks, a month - always remembering that if your exploration and work shows results you can always devote more time to it. Also - we tend to work on the same things our whole lives - to lesser/greater degree. Just like I can't really change my white hair - different hair cuts are helpful at projecting a younger, stronger image. And I feel more confident.

I know you're creative and very smart. I'm sorry you're also lonely. Maybe THAT'S because you feel isolated from your inner self? Instead of needing other people/community. I dunno - but you can figure that out.

I'm just spitballing some ideas that might/might not inspire you into a direction. You sound a lot more open and clearer these days. So, maybe you're getting close to an actual breakthrough - hatching out into a spring chicken??? LOL. Rebirth.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Meh on March 27, 2026, 11:10:20 PM »
Meh.....when the blunt voice pops into my head..... it's my father's voice.  Always.  He put it there.

How do you feel about your internal blunt voice?

Thanks for sharing your dream.  I already forgot my last one.....have to write them down, or they're gone.

Lighter

Oh I think the blunt voice is mine. I do not think this is anybody else's voice as an introject or something.

I think my blunt voice is anti-gaslighting myself. It does not feel bad to me.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by lighter on March 27, 2026, 07:47:09 PM »
Meh.....when the blunt voice pops into my head..... it's my father's voice.  Always.  He put it there.

How do you feel about your internal blunt voice?

Thanks for sharing your dream.  I already forgot my last one.....have to write them down, or they're gone.

Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on March 27, 2026, 02:26:38 PM »
1. Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD)
As defined by the DSM-5-TR, Schizoid Personality Disorder is categorized as a Cluster A personality disorder. It is characterized by a pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings.

The Clinical Trait: A genuine lack of desire for intimacy or close relationships, including being part of a family. Individuals typically choose solitary activities and appear indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.

The Etiology ("The Why"): Within the medical model, it is often viewed as a stable, long-term temperament. It is frequently associated with a genetic predisposition or early neurodevelopmental factors rather than being a direct response to a specific, identifiable environmental trauma.

2. Schizoid Character Adaptation (The Survival Mechanism)
This perspective is championed by the British Independent School of Object Relations (Fairbairn, Guntrip, and Winnicott). They argue that "schizoid" behavior is often not a lack of capacity for feeling, but a defensive withdrawal into an internal citadel to protect the "True Self" from external threat.

The Structural Trait: Unlike the personality disorder, the individual in this state possesses a deep, often buried, desire for connection and vitality. However, they remain in a "Permanent Observer" state because the external world is perceived as "impinging," overwhelming, or emotionally dangerous.

The Etiology ("The Why"): It is a structural defense against early environmental failure. If the primary environment is intrusive or neglectful, the child performs a "splitting of the ego." They withdraw their libido (defined here as vital life energy) from the external world and reinvest it internally.

The Phenomenological Result: This creates the "Glass Pane" effect. The individual observes life with high intellectual clarity but feels unable to "participate" in it. The nervous system maintains a state of stasis or "Inertia" to ensure safety, resulting in a functional paralysis despite having high-level goals or desires.

References

Guntrip, H. (1969). Schizoid Phenomena, Object Relations, and the Self. New York: International Universities Press. Guntrip's Analysis of the Schizoid Compromise

Winnicott, D. W. (1960). Ego Distortion in Terms of True and False Self. The Concept of the True and False Self

McWilliams, N. (2011). Psychoanalytic Diagnosis: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process. Chapter on Schizoid Dynamics

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Agency and Brain Function
In both states, the "Agency Loop"—the handoff between Perception, Affect, and Motor Execution—is interrupted.

In SPD: The Ventral Striatum (the brain's reward center) is often hypo-reactive. The "Engine" does not produce the dopamine signals that make external goals feel rewarding, leading to a lack of motivation to act.

In SCA: The reward system may be intact, but the Amygdala and Periaqueductal Gray (PAG) override it. When the brain perceives a "High-Threat Environment," it triggers a Freeze/Collapse Response.

The Result: The "Observer" (Prefrontal Cortex) sees the goal, but the "Participant" (Motor System) is chemically inhibited. This is Structural Dissociation: you are intellectually aware but physically unable to move toward an objective.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard
« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 27, 2026, 08:17:46 AM »
Containers, Meh. Nice flower pots! Houseplants!
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Generation Jones
« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 27, 2026, 08:15:56 AM »
There is something to that observation, Meh. Serious people, which is what we call them too, are getting pretty scarce. People who think about little things, big things, who ask more questions of life than what are they going to eat next meal. We also call those people real or authentic, and I think it does involve some bit of not taking each day for granted.

Not all the Jones generation are serious. Some of the boomers got that way - life has a way of adapting people - some GenX are too. I think it just depends what they've experienced in life and how they responded. Maybe. I used to be more sure of my conclusions in the past - these days, it's all probability and maybe. LOL.
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