Recent Posts

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 11:04:01 PM »

So what can I say.

I feel like I am boring the therapist.

There is not a lot of structure to it they say like "so how are things going since last week" and then I sort of feel like I am just rambling and drifting off into thought like I feel like I am trying to make a point but I also just feel like I am boring them. I feel sad that I'm so boring?

I essentially said something like 1) I really don't have much of a support network but am trying to get out more often 2) my relative is always trying to get reactions out of me it seems like that is the point of their interaction is like baiting behavior.

I told her I treat my paycheck like my family, support network and my god. It's pragmatic.

It feels like nothing is happening other than boring her. What am I meant to do in therapy?

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by lighter on April 24, 2026, 01:06:32 PM »

LOL!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 12:22:52 PM »

Wow I would try to get out of that orbit.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 12:19:44 PM »

I've appointment number two with the counselor today and I feel vaguely spaced out put so much effort into getting it set up and going with my insurance and now that I have it feel like I don't care about it all that much. Is that it. It's not that I don't care.

It all really feels like too little too late. I will try to regroup and make something of it I guess. "Show up"

Maybe my goal should be to simplify everything.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 24, 2026, 12:07:59 PM »

Woo boy....... I'm glad you're feeling centered, Hops.  I'm breathing like crazy, tryna make peace with having a special needs 34yo (nutsy sex driven) manboy in our orbit........the stepmom is SUPER reactive...... SUPER horrified at all interest in her.....mast**bating in public spaces......FBI shutting 👎 en his phone bc child p**n and he just stares at women.....any women.  I just stepped out of his site...   he stepped behind me.

::shudder::.

Aaaaand he and his dad dropped off the service pressure washer and are like fascinated children.....wanting to water the clover/yard/weeds......and it's creating such anxiety for me.  I don't enjoy teaching when the seedlings are so at risk.  My hyper focus is missing it's groove.

And
The.
Staring.

Gonna have to speak to his papa.....and maybe the son, in front of the papa.

The stepmom talks about her situation...... every time we see her..... exhausting for her, and for us.

My sister and I gave marching orders for chemical solutions.

I try to put myself in the dad's shoes.......
and I'm almost positive......raising a boy, in this rapey culture, would be something I tried to break, but this dad raised 4 children, alone, working 3 jobs.  This son was the youngest.....raised by the TV.

Terrifying.

That we live such lives......the social media dia, porn and TV shows ....is overwhelming and everyone should feel some pressure/pain/shame about it, imo.  I know I do.

Broken systems in a broke arse culture of extraction, and dominance.

Ahem.....
sorry about barfing that up on your thread, Hops.

I am glad you're not feeling any type-away about the Poet.  Sort  of amazing.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 24, 2026, 11:13:59 AM »

Well, I don't see Hops rolling around on the floor - but maybe sitting on it, petting it!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 24, 2026, 11:12:07 AM »

If none of the paths are straight lines, then one HAS to be mindful to move between the gardens!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on April 24, 2026, 10:07:58 AM »

I'm a rock hound, love'em too!

Lots of them here.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by lighter on April 24, 2026, 10:06:42 AM »

Speaking of adding pressure....the pressure washer has been forced into watering clover seedlings work.

I'm super feeling your struggle, with planting, and all possible weather catastrophies.  We've been hand watering with a single hose and sprayer, for 10+ hours a day....seedlings will dry up and die if they dry out, but you know that.

The wild geraniums are plump and blooming like mad.....even after transplanting.  Ferns, not as happy, but ok.

The last rain day passed us by.  80% chance tomorrow!! Should be cloudy and wet for a week or so, woo hoo!!

Hops..... I'd be rolling around happily on that new floor.
With CCR playing......loud.

Singing.

Then I'd sing Blister in the Sun by the Violent Fems, ya!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 24, 2026, 09:15:03 AM »

Don't feel foolish Hops! You are allowed to enjoy this change/addition to your nest! Sometimes it's little things, sometimes bigger ones.

Looks like B's return is imminent. He's mailing a form req'd by his gov insurance today and since he's tech-abhorent it complicates the process every year. He's probably mostly packed/loaded already. But he does take a full day to rest up before making the drive. This time he's towing a trailer with one of my jeeps, so I expect it's going to be a slower trip than usual, at least in some places.

I've been taking a lot of "easy" days - digging up old movies on Ytube, eating, thinking, just working here & there at various projects... and not adding pressure to my life. May is going to be all medical focused for B. Hol will drive for the surgery, since the surgi-center is near DC, and I can't manage trying to find where I'm going with all the impatient drivers and feeling of oppression that cities evoke for me. Over stimuli, for sure. Too much light at night; too much noise; too many people. I just simply can't rally to get through that day with any composure.

One of the drawbacks of choosing hermitude I guess. There are times one can't avoid that busy environment.

There will be some seeds started soon. Some work in the gardens. But I'm really cutting back this year. The weather is bi-polar and frost got one of my geraniums and the tops of the hickory trees. Not unheard of in April but that followed 3 90 degree days. I don't want to put a lot of work into having a big garden then have it all roast in place in August/Sept. Or wash away in July. It's impossible to predict this year. Might just buy some plants too. The herbs look good and I'm composting/mulching them this year.