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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 09:50:23 AM »

Morning, Meh!

I think it's both brave and wise of you to experiment with a Sunday morning gathering. Mainly, I think it's wise that you realize that for you, a sense of connection to human community has been missing. Just repetitive visiting with other humans is healing, or has been at times for me. I was the strange fly on the wall for a long time before I got into the idea. Still hard to get past my introversion (I have both In and Extraversion) and make myself do it, but I'm always glad I did.

I could feel how that young man's sincere warm handshake affected you, too. How real love or good intentions can feel when one encounters them.

I'm in an awkward spot about religion as an agnostic. I belong to but rarely attend services at a progressive UU congregation. As lefty-liberal as I naturally am, I can find our no-dogma dogma (or virtue-signaling either left or right) annoying too. The other "side" can hurt or scare me as I have heavy family history around it. The "covenant group" approach is still very meaningful for me. We don't assume any theology about each other but do share some "spurchul" topics, sometimes deeply. Alas, we're on Zoom now, so I may hunt up some other kinds of mingle-things. Poetry workshops and readings give me that chance also, to a degree. For me the best or easiest satisfaction of positive values I was raised with, without the religion, is volunteering for a nonprofit that helps the elderly age at home. But it takes wheels, since driving them is the main thing they request. Couple days ago I drove another man about my age to his PT and he and I swapped "stroke stories." He was very happy I brought Pup and showed me a lot of pictures of his old dog, a Bouvier. He also mentioned that he'd lost his son; we shared speechlessness over that. He struggled to speak clearly but we got by fine and laughed together. I could for sure do a "dog ministry" but it might be instead a "dog visit service" through the organization. Pup isn't well trained enough for certification so I wrote a note to someone on the board that I could offer "unofficial, non-credentialed, goofy small dog visits." This man said he'd be the first one to request it. LOL.

I wonder if there's a quilting or knitting group near you. You just hear stories the whole time, can be quiet or chatty as you feel, and have something to do with your hands. Probably could arrange a ride, too. I understand it can be very comforting. Women's groups of various kinds (which this merciful board feels like) have been very important to me at different times.

hugs
Hops
PS -- I do love a lot of hymns. Here's a favorite:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhsXl1_rEwI

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 07:40:12 AM »

It's OK - even nowadays - to be an introvert. Hol constantly lectures me on how I need to get involved in "community" and have real human "connections". Blech. I like people one on one or two-sies or even 3 at a time. I don't like big groups of people. Big groups of people make me dig deep to find an old mask & hat and assume the "role". And I don't like the roles - it's what I wore over my self to do the necessary things of life.

Not all of us WANT or NEED a social life to that extent. I'm still mad at Zuckerberg for convincing whole generations that it's healthy to constantly vomit up every thought and feeling to the whole world - "sharing".

The church experiment sounds fruitful. You've found some things you like - so enjoy those. I don't think it's required to accept/believe in/or swallow everything. Questions always arise. Only time participating in the way you want to participate makes someone an "insider". Maybe belonging somewhere is important to you because of your FOO? Feeling different from them, I mean. (Maybe I'm just picking that thing coz I had a dream this morning, that showed me I'm still chewing on that "problem" in my subconscious.)

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by lighter on April 26, 2026, 08:51:50 PM »

Now that....was an interesting post, Meh.

Lots to experiment with, try on, and seek out, maybe.

I'll say....I enjoyed my church book club, and the elderly members, very much.  I also enjoyed the very small, evening Celtic services....such nice music....candles.....very intimate.

I volunteered where it made sense.....carnivals.....Easter Egg hunts ...popped in on choir practice, which was amazing!

You go try on some tribes, Meh.  That's proactive, and I look forward to being curious with you.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on April 26, 2026, 07:02:24 PM »

Continuing...

Today I think even though the minister's kid gave me this sweet heart warming hand shake in the lobby... the talk started off interesting the topic was related to "superstition" and I thought great it's fascinating that the minister tends to bring up topics that I also was thinking about. I was thinking about how even modern churches seem superstitions. And then the minster went into something where he was blaming some bubonic plague of rats and tumors Samuel 5–6??? -- And the minister goes on to say how this bubonic plague outbreak was the wrath of god. And then later in his talk he talks about gays spreading AIDS... and he talks about STDs... and my skeptical science mind just wants to reject what he is saying because they are cherry picking illness. (I have a point that isn't religious eventually)

Churches don't say kids with Chicken Pox are having a demonic punishment. Or the common cold or the flu.

Am I disappointed that this church is so superstitious... maybe a little. It kinda scares me a bit but I guess the big thing is I know I am an outsider forever to this church thing.

I find the conservatives and progressives in society influencer activism annoying and I also find the two ends annoying in church.

It's terrible but I guess church is just a temporary social experiment for me. There is a part of some of these people they do seem genuinely nice people.

I think conservative churches have a right to not buckle under the political pressure to all become X that which must not be named X.

At the same time I see why people have an issue against the conservative religions.

MY REAL POINT -- I first entered the church with a lot of skepticism and I don't voice it outloud. I guess I am thankful to have a calm place to go sometimes. But I think I knew from the start that I would never be in this community for years or be an insider. And I think it's hard to be an outsider all the time.

Lately I've been trying to get out more and confront my social anxiety and it seemed like the church was a convenient near lifeline of coregulation.   I mean this was kind of the core of it for me not the politics. Some of the biblical messages are worth reflecting on.

I can't be picky right now. Wrecked my car and am not driving a long distance to go find a less superstitious more skeptical church.

ALSO I do find the in-person an antidote to modern culture. ALSO I do find the conservative old-school thing a bit of structure that I like. I guess purpose, organization, structure these are things I really do like. Maybe it mimics a high-functioning lifestyle idk.

In any case I am not making a political statement about the two sides of that social battle.

What am I saying.

I think I am simply saying I am experimenting with socializing but in the most mild safe ways possible. I like that in church there is a little bit of interaction but not a ton.

Also thought about going to a music event at a pub tonight but not sure if I have the full stamina for it today haven't been feeling good. See that is likely loud and it's going to be a guy on a stage with a guitar ... eh why am I analyzing everything so much.

I also like mellow acoustic music stuff.

Honestly I think I am a bit of one of those "highly sensitive people" whatever that means.

--- Is socializing worth the effort. The outcome seems kind of invisible and intangible. Is that my point.

Well I don't have a tribe that is my point.

Socializing is limited by proximity that is also my point.

Self agency I think means reflecting on what one's tribe even is and is it just a bunch of fluff on a screen.

Anyhow.

church seems nice and I do wish that maybe I had grown up in one but maybe not

just reflections not really any questions to the board in here - it's just thoughts about meeting people and what it means to be socially involved and how much is expected of me and my time and my opinions

I'm feeling strangely a little jesus-ified ... it's just hearing the content over and over again maybe is like brainwashing.

I've found value in the concept of lament, and interest in thinking about the idea of forgiveness and how it impacts the brain. But they lose me at superstition etc. 

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on April 26, 2026, 06:30:20 PM »

Been going to a nearby church for a few weeks/months. Philosophically I'm an atheist. It's that it feels like churches sometimes have something to offer.

The minister's kid came and shook my hand this morning when people are all greeting each other and I was coming in a few minutes late still in the entryway and trying to avoid the whole handshake thing this morning.

It was pretty heartwarming how sweet his family is. Like a person can SEE how there is a positive aspect to their lives in cultivating a warm type of personality.

The upside is somewhat the community though lots of people have been going to that same church for years apparently that is what they do. (Sorry if any of this is not clear I've got five or six days of headaches in a row going on just going to squint and not edit)

I feel like an outsider sort of only that the people are quiet friendly. I'm used to the outsider feeling. I'm not judging it I am just sort of thinking about why a person sits as an outsider. 1) trained to but 2) a person has agency & are allowed to have a foot in the incircle and the outcircle.

There have been some political topics that come up in the sermons and I try not to dwell on it. It's a conservative church and that partially doesn't bother me as I think the progressive churches would also be politically annoying to me.

I went to church to find an hour of peace and some reflection that kind of thing AND TO BE SOCIAL AND JUST BE AROUND PEOPLE who are not in high conflict mode.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by Hopalong on April 26, 2026, 12:14:50 PM »

After these enticing descriptions I dunno if I wanna get married by the lake or buy a tractor.

The risk of either is vanishingly small (as in, nonexistent) but i have SO enjoyed all this vicarious digging and planting, y'all! Everything's already blooming and fruiting in my head.

happy hugs,
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by Meh on April 25, 2026, 11:07:21 PM »

The driveway has a central planting area, where the drive goes around at the house.

We cleaned out lots of the dead things.  Will clear out more.  3 pink hydrangea will go near the overgrown azaleas.....but then.... I'd like to use the beautiful big terra cotta baseboard/assorted other til s, to lay out a meditation garden.  Trails to walk.

Any ideas, ladies?

Not really any ideas only that there's always beautiful gardening/design books at libraries. I've never had a use for them but maybe you do? Visual inspiration often helps I think for a target and it always ends up being uniquely your own anyhow in the end.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 25, 2026, 05:39:38 PM »

I see two fixable things?

RESCUING stepmother of the unwell son. Not your job; she can find resources herself. Intimacy with workers' lives and families produce this for you over and over.

SAYING "NO" kindly to father about bringing son. Or NO to either being on your property. Your job is safety for yourself and fam, not hers. He too can find help.

Would this all be easier if you just set boundaries now, instead of letting the old torment about men rise to eat at your peace again? If any male causes unsafe feelings, boundaries -- not fixing. IMn-HO, sorries.

Finding replacement workers has to be easier than going through this....

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Meh on April 25, 2026, 04:34:21 PM »

There's distance and avoidance.....my specialty, btw.

And then I remember how it felt to feel abandoned in my suffering...at the mercy of the systems, set up to allow, dismiss and excuse male interpersonal terrorists.....and how the culture allows and expects it.

It's not ok.

There should be consequences, creating sea change, in this crap patriarchy, bc it's obviously not succeeded.

I'm torn......
Not r my circus, not my clowns ....
but stepmom doesn't deserve to be cut off from "normal" people, bc her life is dominated by distress and deeply felt discomfort and ick......right?

The in between is the father and son.

The good man with the special needs son......who displays egregiously inappropriate behavior towards women ( and it's assumed children, given the chance.)

And the world's full of unsafe men...... can't throw a stone without hitting one, feels like.

Tolerance would have to change into zero tolerance.

Lighter

Sounds difficult, complicated and super gross!!  The special needs part doesn't erase their impact on the people around them. Yuck.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Meh on April 25, 2026, 04:28:45 PM »

Not sure if I said this before.

Found this children's book called Cinderella with Dogs!! The book has a "fairy dog-mother."

I accidentally brought it with me today as I left to get out of apartment. Maybe I need to just clean out my bags of stuff.

Stuff stuff stuff

Anyhow it's a very cute book.