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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by lighter on May 20, 2026, 08:04:49 PM »Decidedly....
A good war dance is prayer.
Lighter
A good war dance is prayer.
Lighter
News:
With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by lighter on May 20, 2026, 08:03:37 PM »::adding powerfully charged surgical dance, to my energetic rain dance'round the bonfire::.
Feel free to join in ladies.....Doc?
Mud, if you ever visit.
If anyone deserves bonfire magic....B surely does on Friday.
To the possibility things go very well!!!
Lighter
Feel free to join in ladies.....Doc?
Mud, if you ever visit.
If anyone deserves bonfire magic....B surely does on Friday.
To the possibility things go very well!!!
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 20, 2026, 05:06:50 PM »Yes Skeptical it seems contingent.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 20, 2026, 11:43:40 AM »Huh. I've had a life; don't recall making any plans for what I did. Now, there were things I WANTED to do: have kids, go to art school, go horseback riding out west where I couldn't see a single fence. Oh yeah - live near "big water".
Maybe thinking about what you want (including what you've dreamed was possible) will give you a way to access ideas for "life plans". Man, plans are so contingent/conditional on so many things... they almost always change.
Maybe thinking about what you want (including what you've dreamed was possible) will give you a way to access ideas for "life plans". Man, plans are so contingent/conditional on so many things... they almost always change.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 20, 2026, 10:21:48 AM »Life Plans
-- write something here
(mind draws a blank)
(Google says blank mind IS A RESPONSE to the prompt)
doing little morning tasks
will come back to this
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 20, 2026, 09:01:37 AM »Oh no... not his last Hops! The batteries in med devices have about a 5 yr life span. So to keep pain levels tolerable for the rest of his life, replacement is necessary.* I just hope we get a closer surgical center.
Yeah - I feel he's kind of entitled to his reactivity. Some days I do a better job of managing of my own; and when I can't we're both good with taking our "stuff" somewhere away from each other until we settle. The only thing I interfere with is when he starts his negative tape in his head about how things ALWAYS turn out badly for him; as if he's cursed. We tend to play out: overwhelming force and immovable object with this. After many repetitions, I am slowly making headway to him seeing the possibility that "this is now; it's different; results will be different" as compared to reliving former trauma.
* The scary part is that already, the surgeons are starting to grumble about going thru all his scar tissue - internal as well as external. And that there may come a point when replacement simply won't be possible. That bridge isn't going to be crossed, even in imagination, until we get to it. You've seen Outlander - B's back is scarred; but not as badly as they made up Jamie's to be. He was self-conscious coz of some inconsiderate comments about it. Until I told him "chicks dig scars".
Yeah - I feel he's kind of entitled to his reactivity. Some days I do a better job of managing of my own; and when I can't we're both good with taking our "stuff" somewhere away from each other until we settle. The only thing I interfere with is when he starts his negative tape in his head about how things ALWAYS turn out badly for him; as if he's cursed. We tend to play out: overwhelming force and immovable object with this. After many repetitions, I am slowly making headway to him seeing the possibility that "this is now; it's different; results will be different" as compared to reliving former trauma.
* The scary part is that already, the surgeons are starting to grumble about going thru all his scar tissue - internal as well as external. And that there may come a point when replacement simply won't be possible. That bridge isn't going to be crossed, even in imagination, until we get to it. You've seen Outlander - B's back is scarred; but not as badly as they made up Jamie's to be. He was self-conscious coz of some inconsiderate comments about it. Until I told him "chicks dig scars".
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming
« Last post by Hopalong on May 19, 2026, 06:49:01 PM »Lighter, I can imagine how triggering your cousin's saga is for you. My hope is that she will take responsibility for learning how to prevail.
I generally haaaate AI, but googling The Narcissist in Court will bring up a ton of very actionable help. I'll never forget taking cues from one article literally. Never use the term "narcissist", don't cry or accuse, stick to FACTS and present them in a calm and organized fashion. Such as:https://www.docthenarc.com/getnow
I did not look at my brother or make eye contact with him once. I remained calm, serious, and focused on my "bizness." I brought a banker's box of documentation. No drama or emotionality, just very clear and detailed written responses, including summaries of the lies he told about me. Our side's information was very well organized and my lawyer explained the issues calmly and professionally to the court. N-bro was chaotic, trying to charm-bomb and male-bond the judge and opposing attorney, and basically not even sounding rational at times. I positioned myself so I didn't even have to look at him and stuck to that determinedly. (I could sense him almost twitching in confusion.)
The judge got wind of who my brother was pretty quickly, and I won. It felt like a miracle but I really think the deliberate withdrawal of "narcissistic supply" such as eye contact during court, as well as my detailed prep beforehand, saved me. Summaries and documentation were very within my comfort zone of writing.
So imn-ho, your cousin needs to search for this kind of info online, and pay attention to it. Her emotions will get her nowhere and undermine her chances of winning. Detailed documentation, even what I wrote (a summary of rebuttals of his lies and irrational accusations) are what a judge will take note of. It also helped that my lawyer stood up at one point and said, "Your Honor, my client is afraid of her brother." When the judge ruled he included that my brother had no further access to the house. The amount of stress that rolled off my shoulders in that moment could have washed the street.
As this person illustrates so well in her discussion, the court looks for a repeated pattern of behavior over time. She mentions docthenarc.com and there's free and specific strategy there. https://www.docthenarc.com/getnow
hugs
Hops
I generally haaaate AI, but googling The Narcissist in Court will bring up a ton of very actionable help. I'll never forget taking cues from one article literally. Never use the term "narcissist", don't cry or accuse, stick to FACTS and present them in a calm and organized fashion. Such as:https://www.docthenarc.com/getnow
I did not look at my brother or make eye contact with him once. I remained calm, serious, and focused on my "bizness." I brought a banker's box of documentation. No drama or emotionality, just very clear and detailed written responses, including summaries of the lies he told about me. Our side's information was very well organized and my lawyer explained the issues calmly and professionally to the court. N-bro was chaotic, trying to charm-bomb and male-bond the judge and opposing attorney, and basically not even sounding rational at times. I positioned myself so I didn't even have to look at him and stuck to that determinedly. (I could sense him almost twitching in confusion.)
The judge got wind of who my brother was pretty quickly, and I won. It felt like a miracle but I really think the deliberate withdrawal of "narcissistic supply" such as eye contact during court, as well as my detailed prep beforehand, saved me. Summaries and documentation were very within my comfort zone of writing.
So imn-ho, your cousin needs to search for this kind of info online, and pay attention to it. Her emotions will get her nowhere and undermine her chances of winning. Detailed documentation, even what I wrote (a summary of rebuttals of his lies and irrational accusations) are what a judge will take note of. It also helped that my lawyer stood up at one point and said, "Your Honor, my client is afraid of her brother." When the judge ruled he included that my brother had no further access to the house. The amount of stress that rolled off my shoulders in that moment could have washed the street.
As this person illustrates so well in her discussion, the court looks for a repeated pattern of behavior over time. She mentions docthenarc.com and there's free and specific strategy there. https://www.docthenarc.com/getnow
hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by Hopalong on May 19, 2026, 01:18:52 PM »When I was deck-dreaming, I found TREX. Excellent timber-lookalike made of recycled plastic plus wood fiber. It can't rot and lasts forever. And though I'm a natural-materials snob when I can afford it, I think it looks great.
hugs
Hops
hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Hopalong on May 19, 2026, 01:14:26 PM »I'll be sending a big cloud of white light down the highway above y'all, ((((Amber)))).
I hope the new procedure might be B's last. What a task it must be to help him manage his reactivity. It's an act of love but at times can also be a burden.
Like gardens. At some point we have to let go and let things happen.
hugs
Hops
I hope the new procedure might be B's last. What a task it must be to help him manage his reactivity. It's an act of love but at times can also be a burden.
Like gardens. At some point we have to let go and let things happen.
hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming
« Last post by Hopalong on May 19, 2026, 01:06:55 PM »https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZEn8ToQCeM
Send this to your cousin.
If she wants to win she's got to focus on FACTS (all the court cares about) and not her feelings.
She should google Narcissist in Court for loads and loads of actionable advice. (One tip that really strengthened me in court was: zero eye contact or even looking at my brother during the hearing. I stayed calm and my lawyer systematically presented our exhibits (including a detailed, point-by-point rebuttal I had written about bro's lies.)
Good luck to them.
hugs
Hops
Send this to your cousin.
If she wants to win she's got to focus on FACTS (all the court cares about) and not her feelings.
She should google Narcissist in Court for loads and loads of actionable advice. (One tip that really strengthened me in court was: zero eye contact or even looking at my brother during the hearing. I stayed calm and my lawyer systematically presented our exhibits (including a detailed, point-by-point rebuttal I had written about bro's lies.)
Good luck to them.
hugs
Hops