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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 12:06:51 PM »

Sounds joyful! Wonder if Hol will love all that black. Bet she will. With enough light it can be gorgeous. But I couldn't, too thenthitive to rithk it.

SERVICEBERRY! That's the tree name I was floundering for. Thinking of replacing my mid-Atlantic fungus-doomed dogwood out front with one. Thank you. Fearful of the cost (why are "native trees" so much more expensive?). Another tree I've always yearned for since having one in the yard in London in full bloom...golden chain or laburnum. But that's not native, either. Sigh.

Well, here's the floor pattern -- feast yer eyes! LOL.
https://eco-buildingproducts.com/products/marmoleum-click-tile-and-panel-flooring?variant=49317094490418&country=US&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22929525334&gbraid=0AAAAAD4Hw7OILrio5VumDwUoO7pecI5FQ&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4a3OBhCHARIsAChaqJNx4_3HISjZTiyPEtr4OQylg1vxe6XpYDge27R83ntGP-vi0Q1a2nQaAsFbEALw_wcB

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 11:48:48 AM »

FWIW (probably not much), about 50 years ago I was at a hospital ER in Louisville due to chest pain (panic attack, but who knows, maybe I also had the microvascular angina that early). Anyway, two psychiatry residents gently asked if I'd like to "spend the night" and I freaked, nooooooo thank you. First time I realized anxiety could be taken quite seriously or called something. I felt scared and relieved at the same time. They referred me to a hospital social worker (MSW) and I attended both her group therapy and individual sessions for a while. Her compassion and insight blew me away and really helped. The group did too, hugely. Speaking of humility.

I think that's one experience that made me believe in trying to hold out the possibility of good things happening (replacement "belief"). Small or large. Q: No guarantee s/he won't be a burned-out prison psychologist, but would it harm anything to talk to this T once? I have a very smart PhD younger friend who's been working at San Quentin for years and loves her job. Her mother was severely borderline so I could see why she's drawn to it.

Some of what you posted made me start another little cycle of worrying I might be an N, or N-ish. I think of it as behaviors rather than branding but scary stuff. Mainly around the why-don't-I-do-home-tasks-like-I-should. It really is mainly about my back though. Nothing superior about all that. I'm nibbling at it. TONS of shame attached.

The possible overlaps between Nism and autism ring true to me. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, autism (then Asperger's), and ADHD after her father died in her second year of college. She's also very very self-absorbed in ways that read narcissistic to me. I often wonder if my Nmom was on the spectrum. My monster-bro has severe ADHD and, imo, is an N-sociopath. He sure had zero empathy. I believe one of my mother's brothers had severe depression. And probably her handsome preacher father, who felt entitled to abuse his daughters. I probably had serious despression too, but just remember being so sad and lonely as a child that I felt my heart was breaking, a lot. Daily. No therapy back then. (The first time I realized that people were actually allowed to talk about sadness/trauma was watching Dr. Oprah. LOL.) Pondering Poet lately, I often wondered about similar sorts of labels like Nism, Borderline (might explain her rage bursts) and definitely manipulation. I was startled to find "major depressive disorder, remitting"--forget the word-- in my medical record but in recent years thought, am I ashamed of that? Fuck NO. I think back then it was ego, iow, I'd rather label myself than let anybody else do it. Now I'm grateful. Less preoccupied with the syndromes or their analysis, more with general life. Just capacity for peace. Whew.

A couple decades on this VESMB have been priceless therapy for me too. No exaggeration.

I admire your guts in taking a deep dive into it all. I don't think it's wasted.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 08:27:36 AM »

I think that's a wise choice, Meh.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on Today at 07:46:06 AM »

Meh, I'll have to have contractor do the gravel. But we need to build that stone wall and backfill over the culvert first. And it's still too wet to get bobcat or backhoe into where the stones are. (I have LOTS of big stones.)

Hops, the multi-image/material floors sound cheery! Just like with art - in interior design all the rules are made to be broken! One does what makes one happy. A future owner can do something else. So there! <makes raspberry sound>

Hol just painted her bedroom. Of course, walls & ceiling are black. With her generous glass doors/windows and hickory floor it looks like a NYC loft instead of a WV solar hut. She's broken a ton of design "rules" and it all works great.

It's going to be warm enough for shorts today. The vinca is blooming; daffs are up and the serviceberry tree is about to pop blossoms. I'm still working my way through spring cleaning the house; almost there. It's supposed to rain later this week - so maybe I can burn the cardboard that's accumulated AGAIN. Windows are open, while I can before the waves of pollen start blowing (another cleanup job AFTER it's done).

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 06:36:24 PM »

I feel annoyed and stupid with my current situation of therapy appointment.

After looking into the place even more it's not feeling like a good match at all they assign people to a therapist? That seems more like a case-manager. And after reading more on their website I realized it's a Prison-to-Community Pipeline: a major contractor for "Jail-Based Behavioral Health Services" (JBBS). They specialize in transitional care for people leaving incarceration. Their primary focus is on recidivism reduction and court-ordered compliance. And also a lot of focus on some kind of deferral process for drug addiction stuff.

This mental health service center is really just an extension of the prison industrial complex. Yeah they've got some weird government contracts... like whatever.

I think I might flip this place the invisible middle finger and just move on. It's just a conveyor of compliance and conformity lol.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 06:04:24 PM »

???

Distinguishing Neurodivergence from Covert Manipulation

When an individual neglects daily responsibilities while remaining absorbed in digital media, the distinction between Executive Dysfunction (Autism/ADHD) and Weaponized Incompetence (Covert Narcissism) lies in the intent and the reaction to accountability.

1. The "Boredom" of the Superior
To the narcissist, mundane functionality is viewed as "beneath" them. They frame their refusal to participate as "boredom" or a sign of "High Intelligence," suggesting their mind is too complex for "pedestrian" labor. In reality, this is a defense mechanism. Being a functional adult requires humility and presence, both of which threaten the narcissist’s fragile ego.

2. The Mask of the "Innocent Victim"
To protect their low-effort lifestyle, the narcissist adopts a strategic posture designed to flip the script on anyone requesting help:

The "Confused Intellectual": They play the role of someone so focused on "complex systems" that they "simply didn't notice" the environment. This forces others to take over their responsibilities.

DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender): If challenged, they don't address the task; they address the ask. They frame the person requesting help as an "aggressor" or "nag," shifting the focus away from their own neglect and onto the other person’s "tone."

3. Why Functionality Causes Discomfort
The Mirror Effect: Completing a mundane task forces them to acknowledge they are ordinary. It shatters the fantasy of being a "special case" exempt from the rules of life.

Shame-Triggering: In their mind, a task left undone is a failure. To avoid the shame of that failure, they simply refuse to look at the task, effectively "deleting" it from their reality.

Autism (Special Interest) vs. Narcissism (Defensive Withdrawal)
Primary Goal: Autistic focus is for Regulation (finding joy, flow, or mastery to manage a chaotic world). Narcissistic focus is for Shielding (creating a "bunker" to stay unavailable to the demands of reality).

Social Mask: Autistic neglect is Unfiltered and usually due to genuine "blindness" caused by deep focus. Narcissistic neglect is Strategic, relying on a "Postured Mask" of being a "distracted genius" to avoid labor.

Internal Logic: Autism involves Monotropism (the brain is biologically funneled into one channel). Narcissism involves Entitlement (the belief that they are exempt from the mundane duties of living).

Resources for Research
Freyd, J.J. (1997): Violations of power, adaptive blindness, and institutional betrayal. (The foundation of DARVO mechanics).

Miller, J. D., et al. (2011): Vulnerable Narcissism: An Analysis of Its Components. (Detailing the "innocent victim" mask).

Murray, D., et al. (2005): Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. (Distinguishing between biological focus and defensive withdrawal).

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 05:45:19 PM »

Hops, you had mentioned that you had an N relative and you at one point were wondering IF they had some cross-over with autism like spectrum.

This is something I was wondering about one of the covert-paranoid-sadistic narcissist relative in my orbit. If they also had some cross over with autism and the reason why I was wondering it was due to their lack of motivation to do basic things like executive function issues.

The thing is today I was really thinking how the N I know has a sadistic element to their personality they enjoy making other people uncomfortable AND they are passive aggressive and then the more I thought about the situation I thought I think the autism-like traits I am seeing are actually long-term passive aggressive behaviors.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on March 30, 2026, 04:19:42 PM »

I was so confused trying to figure out what B has been President of. Took me a minute. LOL.
Any chance your brother would buy out your share of the factory? Sounds like a burden you'd like to be free of.

I'm happy B is getting a new pump. If you want to share the date, white light coming. With or without.

I love all your plans and know they engage you. Just don't let 'em wear you out.

My Big Project is having my water-damaged cork kitchen floor replaced. (I'll still have the cork, which I love, in the extension.) We can forget the HGTV requirement that open-ish floor plans include a sweep of matching flooring. I've got hardwood in the front room, soon-to-be Marmoleum in the kitchen, then cork in the back room.
No off-gassing, which I'm happy about. I also picked the wildest pattern for the linoleum that they offer. It has colors that work with the wall colors, including the weird one I made up, in the kitchen. I'm excited about it. And linoleum is just linseed oil plus wood fiber. So, "natural" floors throughout, even if they change every 20 feet. Snort.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 30, 2026, 03:59:51 PM »

I dunno. Taking a positive risk, no matter the outcome, is something.

You got close to and loved a dog for a while.
You went to a church. It turned out not to fit you, but you did it. (Try UUs?)

Both of those were human engagement with sources of love. Or potential love.

If your rock didn't have that porosity, you wouldn't be able to try new things.
And it sounds like you're doing better in the self-love department. Whether it's through research, navel-gazing (my major) or taking gentle risks, you're trying, imo.

Small steps can be real leaps sometimes.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 12:09:24 PM »

Sounds like some big heavy projects with the gravel and wall. It's still early spring yet so you have time!