Recent Posts

1

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 23, 2026, 11:49:48 PM »

I probably spend an hour a day thinking about loneliness, physical decline, and death. Sometimes I tell myself I'm a brave thinker who's not scared of taboos. Other times, I realize it's just nonstop worrying.

There's a lot to be scared of when you're 75, physically weakening, and live alone. The ADD makes things more chaotic than they are for most of my pals.

My dog helps. Friends help, but I need to see more people more often. It's an Rx.

So I'm off to see my smart, kind geriatrician in an hour. I'm going to hand it all over to her. I know most of the problem is my own resistance to exercise, so the first thing is for me to choose the right exercise class at the Sr. Center and DO IT.

Another problem is occasional muscle weakness that makes my legs shake so hard I feel I might collapse. Happened in the shower a couple weeks back (felt I didn't have the strength to lift a leg to step out of the tub), and returning to my car downtown up a slight hill. I crept up an alley near the police station clutching a railing. Made it home, but. I feel unsafe walking any distance alone, due to this.

Today I'd really like to get an actual diagnosis. I figure it's either my chronic low-BP or something to do with blood sugar. But I don't know. I'll ask her to help me.

hugs
Hops

Well it's amazing that you've been able to clock the amount of time you worry about what.

Yes, health problems and being alone with them is scary territory stuff Hops.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 23, 2026, 11:46:44 PM »

I think I meant for this thread to be random anythings. So anything I guess.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 23, 2026, 05:59:55 PM »

I dunno if I'll start with cardio or mostly strength. I think one of the strength classes will be wisest for now, since my muscles are pudding. I literally need to tiptoe into cardio.

Doc is puzzled by the violent leg shakings and occasional near-collapses and now I have more homework. My BP is so low that this might be triggering it (orthostatic issue when I stand up) but she's not sure. Same could be true with low blood sugar, she's not sure about that either. So I've got to buy a glucometer and a BP cuff I hope I can work and track readings (it was quite low in her office, which I'm glad she observed). BP, glucose levels and hydration. Spreadsheets, fuck!

She is very experienced and deserves her stellar reputation, so I Shall Obey. Will report, but prolly on the Health Issues thread. I could eat up Meh's Anything...lol.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard

« Last post by lighter on March 23, 2026, 05:46:12 PM »

Hops, I woke up feeling wobbly..... I'm sure I looked tipsy on early morning pug walk. 

I picked up another large trashcan of twigs today, one yesterday.  So many twigs!!!

Meh, I started 4 glorious Limelight Hydrangeas, from twigs growing too far outside a neighbor's huge old Hydrangea.....she puts up a chicken wire fence that keep blooms off ground during rain.  I grew each one on the porch for a year, then transplanted.

I hope you can find a way to grow things you love.  My sister has Hostas planted in little pots all around.  I've let neighbors take tons.... I've dug up plants from neighbors thinning plants out.

I hope you can find a few pots, to plant, and care for too.  I dug up one tiny bright green Hosta, from neighbor, and put in a bunny planter....I live it so much.  If you decide you want certain plants, your neighborhood message board, Nextdoor, will likely provide everything you need.

People get rid of pots, and planters....they share, and thin, and enjoy helping others grow beautiful things.

Little ferns with moss make my heart so happy!!!

5

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by lighter on March 23, 2026, 05:24:14 PM »

Hops, I hope you find interesting exercise classes (strengthen those games), and maybe new connections.  Don't forget to stretch.

Lighter

6

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 23, 2026, 02:14:32 PM »

I probably spend an hour a day thinking about loneliness, physical decline, and death. Sometimes I tell myself I'm a brave thinker who's not scared of taboos. Other times, I realize it's just nonstop worrying.

There's a lot to be scared of when you're 75, physically weakening, and live alone. The ADD makes things more chaotic than they are for most of my pals.

My dog helps. Friends help, but I need to see more people more often. It's an Rx.

So I'm off to see my smart, kind geriatrician in an hour. I'm going to hand it all over to her. I know most of the problem is my own resistance to exercise, so the first thing is for me to choose the right exercise class at the Sr. Center and DO IT.

Another problem is occasional muscle weakness that makes my legs shake so hard I feel I might collapse. Happened in the shower a couple weeks back (felt I didn't have the strength to lift a leg to step out of the tub), and returning to my car downtown up a slight hill. I crept up an alley near the police station clutching a railing. Made it home, but. I feel unsafe walking any distance alone, due to this.

Today I'd really like to get an actual diagnosis. I figure it's either my chronic low-BP or something to do with blood sugar. But I don't know. I'll ask her to help me.

hugs
Hops

7

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 22, 2026, 11:45:07 PM »

I get this a lot on this site:

This site can’t be reached
forum.voicelessness.com took too long to respond.
Try:

Checking the connection
Checking the proxy and the firewall
Running Windows Network Diagnostics
ERR_TIMED_OUT

8

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on March 22, 2026, 11:34:17 PM »

Absolutely. How the external training (including brainwashing, religious control, unconscious bias of patriarchy, on and on....) becomes an internal jailer we continue to respect and obey. At the expense of our own best interests.

It's life work. Life-long work, imo, to discover and passionately defend our core values and our core selves. I have mortality on my mind a lot these days but still am animated by the search for MY truth. Made or discovered in ME, by ME.

On we go.

hugs
Hops

I think only some people really pay attention to the self concept. Like some people are oblivious and other people just don't need to focus on it. And then there are people who spend their whole lives trying to figure it out.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 22, 2026, 11:31:04 PM »

I hear that and I get it.
It shocks me at times when a wave of loneliness comes.

Eventually my sea settles again.

Some days I'm okay with being a speck on a speck in a speck of a universe.

Other days I can't BELIEVE how on my own I feel.

But if I distract, or create (anything) or even tidy up, I get through it.

hugs,
Hops

Yeah there are lots of types of loneliness and a while back I was thinking to journal about that but I never did end up writing on those topics. The fact that it ends up being multiple topics got my attention for a while.

People are not really meant to be socially isolated it's bad for the nervous system probably.

10

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 22, 2026, 11:27:59 PM »

This morning I went to a small nearby church due to didn't want to travel. I'm not religious. Mostly I wanted to get out and it was Sunday morning. Being that I had never been to that church before two older ladies clung to me and maybe that was okay or not I'm not sure. They sort of did their inventory of me and realized I am not a super religious person and that I only go to random churches randomly which pleases nobody lol. They made a point of telling me it's NOT a non-denominational church. It took me all day for that to sink in because I didn't much care at the time. Wasn't thinking about their club really but then again that's probably partially why I don't join clubs. It's a club.

The pastor had been talking about how people can know the difference between "still small voice" VOICE and "ego" VOICE and essentially I suppose I think most of it is ego-adjacent. It made me start thinking how the word egotistical has gotten a bad connotation even though we pretty much need our egos. Then I started to think about how children of narcissists MIGHT HAVE under-developed egos. I guess EGO is another term for sense-of-self.

After the church experience I aimlessly went to a farmer's market I had never been to. Didn't buy anything. It's usual stuff like soap, candles, cutting boards.

My feet are sore I think my transportation of last resort are depleting collagen or whatever is in one's feet.

The two women at the church they both told me they had basically grown up going to that church. I can't fathom such a thing. To have a set social-bubble.

I had tried the still-small-voice thing yesterday Saturday and all I got from it was "be where you are" - which of course is just my ego trying to sound wise but not saying much at all.

I don't want to think about it.