Recent Posts

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard

« Last post by lighter on Today at 12:06:27 PM »

I dug up 2 Hemlocks from the forest preserve yesterday afternoon.....at dusk, in fact.  My huffing and puffing would keep bears away....whew boy!  Quite a job.....both trees 4 feet tall, with large root balls, pulled a half mile on a sled.  I think I treated both for woolie adelgid last year, but one looks like I missed it? Lower branches are all dead. I ordered Ferti-lome root drench....just in case.  Will treat again when planting. It's not the fast acting choice.....I might get something else. The smallest Hemlocks, planted in porch pots, are ready to transplant as well....maybe 3 of them.  I'm thinking of grouping them on the property line, between retired nurse's weedy moss yard, and my rock bed......in the leaf island. It'll make it harder for her to blow her leaves into that bed, and I don't want to do that.  It's an unfortunate part of a plan she made necessary.  ::picturing dense hemlocks on border::
I like it.

I still have 5 blue hydrangeas to plant.  The ground's wet and nows a good time for it.  Yesterday was warm.  Today's much cooler....37°.  Will be good for digging.

There's moss needs replacing where electric ditch was covered.  It's mud now.....moss was carefully saved.  Will be happy job.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on Today at 11:49:30 AM »

Correction......
Youngest DD's sgl mum boss has 7 children. That's shocking to my mind. She's still fighting with her second baby daddy over his having contact with a woman he cheated with. Again, shocking to me. 

DD joined a dating site.....it has prompts.....must address interested parties in a queue....limits pics and info....very clever.  The kids put it on the TV, and sort through it together. Lots of laughter/amusing commentary.....lots of the same type profiles popping up.  Oldest DD says youngest DD doesn't know how to....."deal with it yet."  She'll teach her.  Needs to go on many first dates...... banter more.....respond, not just swipe left, which is the prevailing choice so far.  I think youngest is guarding her energy..... discerning.
::shrug::.

I will say this......both DD's standards are very high..... now.  There's no gifting positive motives, and assuming the best of others.  Things begin at zero...... everything must be earned, humor on board, second half of lifers only.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on Today at 11:34:18 AM »

So..... dopamine.  What creates in.  What doesn't.  Habits. Motivation.  Others. Self. Doing. Giving. Receiving. Being still. Escaping. Time enough. Not enough time. Just enough time.

The gut punch of a cancer dx.......a mate's, a parent's, then a child's (not in the family,) but close enough.  We were responsible for the entire family....newly arrived immigrants. Truthfully, the child's dx was the only one I lost my senses over. Everything would stop, if he didn't survive.....my Nervous System didn't have any answers to plug in. I felt like Souron's eye, before it exploded....looking everywhere for answers that would not come.

Of course, the little chap survived after 3 years of the best care....free of charge.....the family fully supported....positive cash flow, in fact.  All their energy went to coping with fear, and healing their youngest child /only son.  Everything stopped for them, but Covid and chemo. The little guy's in HS now.....taller than his parents.....he wants the be pilot.  His sisters graduated nursing school in the Philippines.  All seems well in their world.  I hardly ever hear from them now.....only from the daddy, when his car breaks down, or a toll bill from Toronto arrives.  His English hasn't improved much, and I remain salty about his family refusing to speak English with him.....to help him improve.  Oh well.   

Oh well?  Ya.  Just that.
Oh.
Well.

Water under the bridge, but there's a hard but....a boundary....I won't deal with his wife.  My reasons are my own, and are enough..... I'm sure I  listed them on the board. The husband understands, and that's enough. 

Looking back, I see a thready line of boundaries, developing into secure walls, sans confusion.  Even in the face of misogynistic ridicule, and shaming/disdainful pressure to continue caretaking/doing the work others must now do... I'm never going back, bc that time's passed. Something clicked....however out of character it seems to everyone around me.... it's done.

Being nice isn't an option any more, and it feeeeeeels villainous....but it's just steady, appropriate boundaries held without bobbles. 

Revelation. 

Freedom from generational, and sexist expectations....women will always perform free labor of caretaking everyone....even those kicking them in the teeth (fig.).

Nope. 

And so.....dopamine.  Doing. Giving. Receiving.
Being still....escaping....discerning.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Hopalong on January 10, 2026, 08:02:29 PM »

Sounds GOOD, really good.

Thanks, Meh. On my list.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Meh on January 10, 2026, 07:37:16 PM »

Hellebore and quince are blooming. 

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on January 10, 2026, 07:32:48 PM »

Thanks Skeptikal.

I try when I can to mildly upgrade my quality of life by means available.

Today I went for a walk, grabbed an old frayed free-library J. Conrad book/ Made a random junk casserole because casseroles are pretty good even with random junk on hand. Finished the anxiety self help book on tape. Got out a sewing kit to try to fix some ripped pants later. Did some grocery pick up. (I am too food oriented right now)... anyhow.

There is always so much more to do. In fact I think I want to get through some stuff tonight.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: facing the world

« Last post by Meh on January 10, 2026, 07:19:25 PM »

I get it I think.

When I was taking classes I become crazy consumed with political weirdness though it didn't feel like it was by choice. I'm glad that was a phase and I came out the other end.

Reading a book with a war theme currently. Humans forever have political problems.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Meh on January 10, 2026, 07:12:17 PM »

Random mention.

On a whim a book stood out to me next to a table I had sat down at. I was definitely NOT out to shop was only having some food. I went back "home" and looked for an audio version and I found one. Been out of the self-help phase for a long long while. This was actually pretty darn good and I have to try to listen to it again. It's very hard for me to find any privacy right now but I was able to finish this book today. It wasn't just generic statements there was some insight into anxiety that I had never really heard before. The start of the book does list A LOT of examples and that part can feel pointless but overall the book is good but my memory is kinda crap right now so I can't articulate If anything it helps with the having more meta-cognition.

"Overcoming Anticipatory Anxiety: A CBT Guide for Moving Past Chronic Indecisiveness, Avoidance, and Catastrophic Thinking - Sally M. Winston PsyD (Author), Martin N. Seif PhD (Author), Linda Jones (Narrator), Tantor Media (Publisher)"

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: facing the world

« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 09, 2026, 11:05:36 AM »

You and me both, Hops.

There are several very important (geopolitically) news stories this week and it's definitely more than "normal". Some of them aren't even mentioned by the big news outlets. So, it feels like a tsunami of "news"... but when I look closer, the actual amount of "news" is just a fraction of what's online, in reference to that "news".

It's people's reactions and opinions mostly. I've been hard pressed to sift fine enough to find the actual news updates. I'm sure it's affirming for people to post all that stuff; but I have a deal with myself, even if I agree with someone, that I'll go away long enough to do my own thinking about it. My way. Sans "influence".

And I can and do limit the time I allot to reviewing all of this. (Yes, I often have the experience that "while I was away" even more new attention-getting stuff happened. So be it.) Sometimes, I return to a forum thread that has grown 5-10 pages while I was "otherwise occupied". Sigh. Most of it is "noise" to me, these days.

The stuff right in front of me, IRL, is WAY more important to me, than my curiosity or "need to stay informed". B and I have taken advantage of Hol not needing attention from me, to go do some "fun" things for us instead. And it helps clear my head. Yes, escapism helps me relax - my epic fantasy books (mostly multi-book series) and tv movies and series, too. B and I just revisited Lonesome Dove. That felt peaceful and more "normal" even with the usual wild west violence. Hol & I will have an afternoon to compare notes & debrief when she gets back today; maybe tomorrow. And I have things "to do" which pays me tangible, self-sufficiency dividends. In satisfaction.

Isolation for me, or hermiting, simply is a way to reduce the over-stimulation of too much sensory input - as long as I drag myself away from the computer. I have enough physical space around me, that I don't have to navigate the unsolicited "inputs" from other people. That helps.

Space and time for me to process all this big change in our world's "landscape" is how I cope. A lot of it isn't going to personally impact me anyway. Sure, I want to understand what's going on. But there is a lot I don't have to bother myself with - so I choose not to.

Like I started out saying - I feel it too Hops. You ain't alone. We'll get through this time to another, more stable, "plateau". I trust in that.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / facing the world

« Last post by Hopalong on January 08, 2026, 09:33:28 AM »

I'll commit as ever to not talking politics here, because we love this board and want to protect it from division.

Sometimes, though, it might be a comfort to talk about my internal reactions to what's going on in the world and the country. I don't want to analyse it or offer here my biased thoughts about or explanations for one thing or another. There are plenty of Substack spots for me.

I just wanna say that today I'm in a renewed state of shock and grief over it all. And there's a lot of "all" right now. So, maybe talking about coping with the world is all I'm referring to.

For me, escapism has been first, and isolation next. Neither very useful. I'm okay, just had to put it somewhere. Not even looking for any suggestions, just wanted to say "this is part of my energy field right now." Thatssit.

hugs
Hops