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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on December 09, 2025, 05:12:48 PM »

So, Poet invited me to be a presenter at a Detroit Poetry Vespers (online). Just another Zoom. Hah!

We did a rehearsal (about 8 poets) a few nights before, and had a script, the link, etc. So on the night, I couldn't get fully onto Zoom! I also was juggling having a split view on my monitor (program/scripts on one side, Zoom gallery on the other), since I've left my new printer in its box due to Fear of Tech. Just have to set it up!!!! So the host wound up reading my first poem for me, though I managed to appear for my second. Still a good experience.

As for the friendship story, I spotted sticking points I haven't made complete peace with about Poet. Critical thinking is not supposed to be just critical of another, right? So, bitch or critical mind engaged, I realized more things I don't like about the personality though I still love the person.

It was like the "Poet show." In rehearsal the poet-cohost asked if she would be able to drop reading one of her multiple poems to make room for another poet, and she objected in her most aristocratic accent. The host caved, so Poet read about 50% more time than others. Her poems are fine, but not traffic-stopping, imo. As a cohost, I think she should've made it more about lifting up other voices. Sigh. I fear using the N-word (not that one) about her, but if ego on display fits....

I wasn't impressed. Maybe she saw it, I dunno. Anyway, she called me the next night just gushing about a new anthology project she wants to do, about visionary obscure poets, and told me fairly ponderously that she'd like to invite me to be part of it. HELL NAAAAAAH. I know what that means: I copyedit it, support her through endless idea sessions, and she floats on her self-image as Sage. I edited her entire damn book a few years ago, gratis, with barely a thank you.

What I'm pleased with, dunno if this is healthy or not, is that I feel utterly clear about it. It was for me verrrrry obvious that she was reaching out to re-connect because she has great radar, and senses I'm just not as available and vibrating to her tunes as I used to be. She's trying to pull me back in and I will not go.

When she called she was near tears, expressing love and appreciation, and I'm sorry but I just view it as a reflex: Don't lose Hops' attention! Keep her focused on MEEEEEEE.

I know that sounds awful and maybe it IS awful. Or awfully ungenerous. But it's how I saw it and how I felt about it. Not my circus, and I don't have to ride around her ring on the back of a pony.

Well, that was kind of poisonous. Sorry, all.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by lighter on December 06, 2025, 10:07:27 AM »

Meh:
How did your day off go? 

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on December 06, 2025, 10:01:42 AM »

Yikes, Amber.....Hol's bf sounds concerning, IME.  I'm sorry he's suffering.....sorry he, IME, needs someone to stand in, as wall (fig.) so he can throw himself against it.  I'm relieved Hol recognizes....she can't fix him, though he likely insists she's part of his solution.  We all know better.

Blech.  Contemplating this.....brings up feelings....of revulsion for me.

Glad you're enjoying the snow.

Hops, about neurodivergent behaviors.....we do a lot of good humored laughing, at ourselves, in this house.  Esp when words lead to songs, lead to blurting movie lines, lead to verbal stims, etc.  There's no stopping it.  Might as well embrace it...... sometimes it feels like a 10 second dance party here.  Passes more quickly if we let it have it's way.  Took a while to get here..... dropping judgement was a balm.

I'll take that suggestion, to watch Rewilding Jude.  He looks so young.  I thought for sure he'd be a big bear of a man with raided beard in a kilt.  Maybe he is in a kilt.  Will see!

BTW, I have a hard time getting posts to go through.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Hopalong on December 05, 2025, 03:00:25 PM »

We got snow! Just a few inches but damn, it's beautiful.
Watching Pup outside is like watching a black tumbleweed on a glacier. (Well-known natural phenomenon....)

Well, I itch for you and Lighter to watch at least ONE episode of Rewilding Jude. He's funny, self-deprecating, wicked smart and...well, dif'rent strokes is true too. I ain't pushy, is I?

I'm wondering if the Italian mountains guy is the one with a stone cottage, and a stone bridge, and all sorts of marvellous restorations/improvements. I was very taken with that.

I hear you on Living Big fatigue, I think because Bryce developed a format that doesn't offer much vision beyond...that. I'd be more interested in equally small homes with foundations, not wheels.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on December 04, 2025, 08:20:09 AM »

I'm watching Martin Djoolard (in the Italian mountains), Domaine Sauvage - a young family restoring a french farm, and of course Chateau de Chaumont, Dan Preston's masterpiece restoration of a historically important chateau ruin. I'm pretty over the tiny/schoolie stuff... but every once in a while, some wood artist has made a bespoke design that defies the usual layout. Those are fun. OH... for a funny almost literary bent, The Duncombe House Diaries is another favorite.

And of course, my curated seamstresses. There are some interesting cowboy/western wilderness channels showing up too.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Meh on December 04, 2025, 01:34:10 AM »

I hope mother's email was an apology for what she'd put you through. Maybe there's hope?

But I know hope is the small thing with feathers that raptors go after, sometimes.

I felt like a fox in a holding trap when I was in my most dead-end jobs; I understand.

I like hearing of you having a long weekend and treating yourself to some hair care. Bravo.

And meanwhile, peace to you, dear. From wherever it may come.

hugs
Hops

Thanks out there.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Meh on December 04, 2025, 01:31:59 AM »

Sometimes, a haircut, a splurge on some new clothes - at least new to you - can be real self-care.
That's my story & I'm stickin' to it!

AGREED 100%

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey

« Last post by Meh on December 04, 2025, 01:30:57 AM »

Had shot of espresso at work around 3 or 4. Workers bought a fancy machine recently.

Now I am frazzled and wired.

My father is getting really old was texting him tonight. The whole him talking about assisted living thing is sad and scary. In the background of my life it feels like that looming eventuality is sitting heaving on my shoulders/chest/soul I don't know where but somewhere it's hovering in the shadows... that emotional worry.

Got to get up for work early tomorrow. I just feel burdened in my personal life and then I get to work and the workplace is permeated with young coworkers fake drama. They lose their lanyard for 15 minutes and they turn it into a whole office circus. The boss seems to thrive in this kinda bogus chaos. I need to detach from it and just do my work.

I'm failing at dealing with my own life. All I do is go to work and then when I leave work I think about work or I get barely anything done in my own life. It's a serious problem. I need to conserve my energy.

We were understaffed today at work, it was busy, and some of my coworkers don't do self-management and the nice people pleasing boss is often away so it's a shit show somedays. Someone higher up complimented me supposedly and sent that compliment to my boss today so that's something. Just been at my wits end wanting to yell at my coworkers to SHUT THE FUCK UP and go back to working. I haven't. No meltdowns yet. YET but verging on yes.

Sad and can't sleep yet I guess.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Hopalong on December 03, 2025, 01:49:45 PM »

No snow yet?
So sorry about Hol's BF's crisis.
But it's good to learn that she has set a clear adult boundary around him visiting before it's better.

Funny, when I learned the term I saw neurodivergent as a welcoming description. Gave me a new way to think of brain differences, and all I heard was "different" in the term, not "defective."

Maybe they both are, it sure is common. My bipolar D is also ADHD, on the spectrum (diagnosed, psychiatric care) and though I'm just ADHD, there is often overlap between the two. It's helped me to pause, especially when anxious around other people or groups, and remind myself that my tendencies to blurt, interrupt, train-talk or be overstimulated sometimes....are not about failure to control myself or a "character flaw" but just how I am sometimes. How I'm wired. No self-loathing any more.

I hope he gets a professional, accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment soon, poor C.

Overall, Hol's choices sound more adult than reactive and that's wonderful.

Lastly, what a wonderful thing, the way your other forum has supported the man in Montana. I hope he has a great experience as a nomad. I practically know how to build out a skoolie by now, thanks to Bob Wells, not that I could. I've watched hundreds of those videos, plus Living Big in a Tiny House. And now, not so tiny...every Sunday I watch Rewilding Jude, the guy in Scotland. He's not going nomad, but his Scotland adventure on YouTube is so beautifully done.

You and Lighter would enjoy it a lot, I think. He's into DETAIL, and especially a soft green, and I believe he went over the top with an amazing chicken coop. He's also funny, smart and very soothing to watch. Oh, the highlands.

Hang in there and send snow reports!

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on December 02, 2025, 09:07:40 AM »

Yeah my eye appt was cancelled but I didn't get the memo, since i'd opted out of their AI software after confirming my appt. B has appt Thursday, so I was able to get in at noon on that day. If things aren't too crazy in town, maybe we'll eat lunch somewhere. Traffic was INSANE yesterday - based on my years of living there; years ago. It was only the first, so I figured it was just early Christmas shopping or people buying what they needed to bake... until B mentioned the milk & bread panic run before the "storm".

We were forecast to be right on the edge of it. Which we are. Yeah, there's a little ice on the deck - but we have been getting mostly rain, which we desperately needed! The pond level is still down 6-8 ft.

-------------------
About that cheese and cracker situation... this year, we're hearing a LOT of stories from people going through pretty hard times. Sometimes emotionally; sometimes financially. It's hitting home more: one of our forum members, older gent - got divorced last year. So he moved to Montana. Then his job evaporated... and he couldn't find another. So he's going nomad. That forum usually has a gift exchange every Christmas and this year we all donated to his cause instead - to get him south of the winter weather. Another member, offered the gift of a good sized travel trailer - that member is going through persistently awful medical stuff. But we had to get the other member from Montana to a straight shot further south. It is now possible, as soon as there's a break in the weather. He said our willingness to help - even with just moral support - is what is keeping him going.

Hol's BF is in some kind of crisis or breakdown. She is TRYING to be supportive of him, but she can't be around him when he's in that state - which has been constant since he got back from being around family - a couple weeks ago. So it's been phone harassment instead. We were having a hang-out afternoon with one of her friends and when BF called (again - sigh) she put him on speaker. He descibes himself (when he's more coherent) as depressed - but this is not any kind of depression I'm aware of. He kinda reminds me of the other friend, that she took to the mental ward at the hospital, because he was suicidal. That guy had me on pins & needles. BF's talk is cognitively incoherent. Makes zippo sense, since he goes from topic 1 to 35, as if they're connected.... back to trying to identify root causes (a techie term, which I've connected with him sometimes using)... and he's clearly in agony.

She will not invite him here until he gets some longer term help for himself, which isn't her. She won't go there - coz he threw her out on Halloween night at 3 am. Both he and her are convinced they're neurodivergent (the fashion of the day; self-diagnosed) because they have some characteristics of high-functioning autism. SIGH. No one listens to mom's common sense or experience. Which doesn't bother me, but I would like to help.

Maybe he's dealing with unresolved trauma, poorly. Maybe there's more to it. She gets upset if I do research into symptoms, and try to diagnose tendencies. But whatever is eating his cracker - he isn't functioning and THAT'S a problem. When he is functioning, he's talented, skilled, and a pleasant human being to be around. So next stop, I'll be looking at symptoms of some existential mental illnesses.

I'd like to hit whomever came up with this "neurodivergent" idea, with a rock. It's convincing young people who are "different" that there's something wrong with them and actually exaggerating those differences beyond practicality. Yes, WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT, FFS. SIGH. Measuring sticks, continuum, degrees.... are simply discarded & dismissed; it's either you are or you aren't. Total B&W thinking.

I hope TikTok goes bankrupt.