Still need to work through early trauma

[ann3]

my parents had to destroy me for their  narcissistic feed.  That is something that I have not read about.  I have mostly read that n parents fed off of their children's success but with mine it was my failure and suffering...My father had trained the joy and exuberance out if me

There's a movie that depicts this.  It's called "The Heiress"(1949).  The father tries to destroy the daughter for his narcissistic feed.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0041452/?ref_=nv_sr_1

[BonesMS]

my parents had to destroy me for their  narcissistic feed.  That is something that I have not read about.  I have mostly read that n parents fed off of their children's success but with mine it was my failure and suffering...My father had trained the joy and exuberance out if me

There's a movie that depicts this.  It's called "The Heiress"(1949).  The father tries to destroy the daughter for his narcissistic feed.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0041452/?ref_=nv_sr_1

NWomb-Donor also got a sadistic thrill trying to destroy others around her.

[Gaining Strength]

Thank you very much Dr. Grossman.

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks for your suggestion Hops. It's not really a problem looking for a solution. I'm sharing that experience because it is just one example of an excruciatingly painful rejection.

[Gaining Strength]

Ann and bones thank you for sharing that. I think that drive to destroy an offspring will always baffle me. It certainly is not something that others in my life understand or even believe.

[Gaining Strength]

All of my life I have had this "bad" feeling, like something bad was about to happen. I used to call it my" other shoe about to drop feeling." In recent days it has lifted but today it is back full force. That's all right, I know with proper mental exercises I can overcome it but I look forward to the day when it doesn't come around me at all.

It takes 30 to 45 days to retrain a brain according to several Neuro scientists. I hope they are correct.

I would really love to have a retreat Center to help  people retain their brains. One with lots of nurturing and comfort. I could use that today.

[BonesMS]

Yes, there's hope for all of it!

Re. the prayer group. Do you have the option of forgiving them for dropping you from their email list? It may not have been a big personal rejection. Perhaps they didn't know how, for you, it would be experienced as a huge, cripping rejection.

What might happen if you just reached out to one of them and said, 'I couldn't come for a while and realize I got dropped off the list. Can you add me again?"

If you kept it that simple, couldn't you return and enjoy the group again?

Just a thought.

xo
Hops

I think the Al-Anon suggestion might apply here ... just listen ... don't fix.

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

Here is a weird battle I am fighting.  In the past when I wanted to break through this stuff and get something done I would muster up all the stength I had an bully my way through. Eventually itwouldn't  even do that.  Today I have something very important to get done. Some paper work due.  It is such a struggle and this project has depended on others who are not cooperating.  This totally shuts me down,  it totally hardens back to childhood.  And talking by phone sends me into shut down.  I have to get back into my mindset but boy do I want to avoid.  I hope to report back a victory.

[Gaining Strength]

I like that bones. Being heard is of course important to those of us who were rendered voiceless.

[Gaining Strength]

Hating shutdown.  Totally understand why thanks to last post.  I don't have control, anyone else can shut it down.  That's what always happened . Must get though the blockage that is mine.

[Gaining Strength]

Wow, I have to say this is miserable.  The only good thing is that for the first time in my life I now know what went wrong.  I have been asking that question for decades and now I understand how it all worked this way.

  I do believe I have the tools to change it.  Only time will tell. I know why my life has been so miserable. There is always time for things to change.  In the midst of the pain it is had to deal with but I plan to get through it.  I cannot help but feel the visceral longing for a mother to help me but that also helps me to be kind and nurturing to my child.  Occasionally he tells me that I am being critical and I find that I am able to correct myself.  That is such a gift.  I don't want to spend ONE more summer caught in irons like this one, not one more fall, one more winter, one more spring.  I want to be free and I see how very close it all is.  The cork is wiggling, I sure wish it would blow.

[BonesMS]

I like that bones. Being heard is of course important to those of us who were rendered voiceless.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((GS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hear you!

[ann3]

BonesMS & GS,

"The Heiress"(1949) is a good movie, it won 4 Oscars.  If you watch it, you'll see how we are not alone and that there have always been parents who narcissistically thrive on crushing their children.  It's based on an old story from the 1800s, so this has been going on for a long time.  Make sure you have popcorn & kleenex!

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi ann3,

"The Heiress" is one of my favorites:  http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=10146.msg165054#msg165054

Richard

[Hopalong]

Point well taken, GS and Bones. I keep veering into advice-giving when I know better!

FWIW, I think in unaware moments I feel frantic to fix
somebody (even unasked) because I can't fix my child.

Not a good way to express that though--I need to go volunteer.
Meanwhile, back to just listening.

Love and support,
Hops