Well, 2 hours of focused focusing in the acupuncture chair.
I'm figuring out how big picture thinking, for me, gets derailed by the details....pulling me off track....into meandering and worry, bc I can't solve them allin the moment.
That's ok. I'm interested in turning that around, but realized......the focus on what's important feeeeeels grown uppy in a very foreign way......in an unconscious belief , I don't deserve that, way.
But it's exciting too....sends my stomach flipping, in a good way.
I'm jumping around ...multi tasking....hitting the high spots.
Acupuncture was focused on more giving me energy....but calmer energy. One needle in left foot, the last needle, felt like I was being electrocuted. Most of the needles were in ears, behind ears, R hand and both feet. At one point in meditation, a big pain hit me behind R eye.....was thinking about how praying, working with wounded/protective parts and meditation feel the same way.......like a 3d stereogram coming into focus.....but, between my eyes, inside my skull.
This focus.....dropping into the zone......came and went for 2 hours. I noticed the music, many times, noticed weird noises when needles went into a client...think lamaze, but men giving birth. The guy slept like a baby and snored softly, soon after.
Noticed the smell of smoke...... there's a haze everywhere in town.....that smell is in the house now.....forest fires.
Sometimes, I got back to the zone through the tomato garden. Sometimes, through breathing......"I'm home, I've arrived", sometimes through observation mode and problem solving.....very satisfying, but always back to the zone.....so joyful.
And I saw why daily mindfulness practice is necessary....bc it trains the mind to return to the zone, again and again, and maybe be there more often than not. What if it leads to never or rarely leaving the zone? Worth the time! Yup yup yup.
And it wasn't like I intended to SEE the value in mindfulness meditation today. It just appeared toward the end.....feels like it should have made sense before.....I simply couldn't get it into focus and keep it long enough......I guess.
I smelled a hair salon and children's pretend perfume.....and noticed mostly blissful peace.....a little discomfort when I lost focus..... but it came back. I got it back. Over and over.
I think it's not what I thought it was.....yet it is.
And mostly it's been me, walking myself through my own T session, intuitively, to see where it goes.
I've stopped wondering how T would handle this or that......what tool she'd reach for or not.
In the end, I decided the same thing about food. I'm not following Whole 30. DD22 can, but she's making inclined to eat intuitively also. We talked about it over dinner tonight and I will say this.....the doc gave her herbs for improved appetite and digestion...... they're working! So quick!
Will likely write more as I remember them.... what's feeling real is
Lighter