Mindfulness and codependence thread

[Hopalong]

You sound really overall good, Lighter.
You trip over Yet but most of the time you're in Now.

Bravo to you for it; your work has been deep and borne fruit.

I thought of your Keystone Cops move w/the garbage, plus the salmon fiesta and what popped up was Emergency Mode. You have had so many situations, from YG on back, which seemed to come across as dire (or in one of your recent meditations even horrifying) -- who wouldn't hear sirens in the psyche? It's as though fear has been a friend (in the good way of Gavin DeBecker) but then it moved into the guest room and eats all your food sometimes.

But you spot it every time, you know what to do, and that's a huge accomplishment.

Glad DD24's moving forward in her life. Personally, I'd move several states to escape potentially hyper-religious future in-laws, but that's my bias. Good luck to her and to them! It's an exciting chapter for her and sounds like she has good plans.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Well, 2 hours of focused focusing in the acupuncture chair.

I'm figuring out how big picture thinking, for me, gets derailed by the details....pulling me off track....into meandering and worry, bc I can't solve them allin the moment.

That's ok.  I'm interested in turning that around, but realized......the focus on what's important feeeeeels grown uppy in a very foreign way......in an unconscious belief , I don't deserve that, way.

But it's exciting too....sends my stomach flipping, in a good way.

I'm jumping around ...multi tasking....hitting the high spots.

Acupuncture was focused on more giving me energy....but calmer energy.  One needle in left foot, the last needle, felt like I was being electrocuted. Most of the needles were in ears, behind ears, R hand and both feet.  At one point in meditation, a big pain hit me behind R eye.....was thinking about how praying, working with wounded/protective parts and meditation feel the same way.......like a 3d stereogram coming into focus.....but, between my eyes, inside my skull. 

This focus.....dropping into the zone......came and went for 2 hours.  I noticed the music, many times, noticed weird noises when needles went into a client...think lamaze, but men giving birth.  The guy slept like a baby and snored softly, soon after.

Noticed the smell of smoke...... there's a haze everywhere in town.....that smell is in the house now.....forest fires.

Sometimes, I got back to the zone through the tomato garden.  Sometimes, through breathing......"I'm home, I've arrived", sometimes through observation mode and problem solving.....very satisfying, but always back to the zone.....so joyful.

And I saw why daily mindfulness practice is necessary....bc it trains the mind to return to the zone, again and again, and maybe be there more often than not.  What if it leads to never or rarely leaving the zone? Worth the time! Yup yup yup.

And it wasn't like I intended to SEE the value in mindfulness meditation today.  It just appeared toward the end.....feels like it should have made sense before.....I simply couldn't get it into focus and keep it long enough......I guess.

I smelled a hair salon and children's pretend perfume.....and noticed mostly blissful peace.....a little discomfort when I lost focus..... but it came back.  I got it back. Over and over.

I think it's not what I thought it was.....yet it is.

And mostly it's been me, walking myself through my own T session, intuitively, to see where it goes.

I've stopped wondering how T would handle this or that......what tool she'd reach for or not.

In the end, I decided the same thing about food.  I'm not following Whole 30.  DD22 can, but she's making inclined to eat intuitively also.  We talked about it over dinner tonight and I will say this.....the doc gave her herbs for improved appetite and digestion...... they're working!  So quick!

Will likely write more as I remember them.... what's feeling real is

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

I love the foot needles, Lighter, about the only thing that brings the energy down from my head really quickly.  Love that feeling, although have to steel myself for it as I can't bear people touching my feet!  It's a real 'brace yourself' moment x

[lighter]

Oh, Tupp.....half of me wants more electric shocks and pain, as proof the needles are exacting the best possible healing benefits.

My other half digs fingernails into armrests, and dreads the pain.....really frightened of the shocks.

After the needles are in, I feel pretty brave and conflicted.  I rarely go to my happy tomato garden.... usually bc Sam Sam the needle man is taking pulses in both wrists and asking questions, giving information, expressing concerns, etc.

It's raining, finally, but very gently.  A little here.  A little there.  The moss was desperate for it.

There's no smoke in the wind, now that I think of it.....no scent or sight of it.

I hope you have moments of joy, peace, and rest today. 

Lighter