Noticing what's not working in your routine...changing what you can to create more comfort and ease.....
paying attention to your inner world.....
internalizing the fact-you're no longer a small child at your M's mercy.....
extending yourself compassion and curiosity, consistently....
are daily care rituals you might step into, as you leave past rituals and belief systems behind, Meh.
As Hops said.....you can be you're own best ally. You will come to realize....you are your own best ally.
The crazy making pd behaviors can make us feel crazy, but must not make us act crazy, IME. PDs depend on unhinging us...they depend on our blurting out things they've done, truly, and giving the Judge reason to believe both parties are unstable, unreliable and....
9 times out of 10, the PD story makes more sense than our undocumented facts about the PD behaviors, IME.....
bc those behaviors make zero sense. It's really unfair to be a 100% truth teller, then labeled "non credible" by the court. Ouch. So painful, IME. That's why we look at our documents and craft our story around what we can prove
THEN zero in on what's relevant and not st important to the case at hand. It helps to pretend you're helping someone else pull things together.....as an observer, not as Meh fending off her unstable mother, kwim?
What advice would you give a younger niece, in this scenario? Get advice from folks with a clear perspective,candy lean on them. It's reasonable to feel overwhelmed. It's ok to ask for help. It's normal to become emotionally disregulated, then pull it back together and get the job done, better than you imagined you could.....and you will, Meh.
The court doesn't want the entire family history.
The court wants to focus ONLY on the facts in the Complaint before it.....and the facts each party can prove. I'll repeat this many times, bc it's easy to lose perspective, IME.
Remember that, when considering firing off an email or text. Evidence is evidence, in both directions.
She, with the best documentation, (usually) wins.
Judges will have space to punish the PD if we remain calm, rational and hold compassion for the PD, without fail.
You can state unflattering truths.....but you better sound like someone who wishes she didn't have to....
bc your mum is mentally unstable, but is still your mum. Judges want litigants to love, respect and still care about their crazy mums, IME, even if they're corrosive and egregiously harmful to you.
After living under siege, for so long ....
after fending her off, to the degree you've become accustomed.....
it will be a truck to find, Express and consistently extend compassion for your mother always, in word and deed, throughout legal skirmishes.
Even if your mum produces unflattering texts, etc, from you...... it's ok to be human, admit you made emotional choices in that moment, and get back quickly to the facts.
Keep it super short.
No shame or guilt.
Only human recognition of anything unflattering......you will bounce over it, unfazed, Meh.
You will take Hops, Amber and me, and our filters, into that hearing and SEE what's really there. Not what your mum is driving you towards, bc her nonsensical/ilu hinged reality is no longer yours.
I know you're exhausted. I know you have little bandwidth for this skirmish.
It's ok. It's normal. It's something you'll get through. and put behind you.
Lighter
PS. You will have moments of fear and dread. Typically, there's a sweeping energy of self protective energy that follows, and focuses you on what needs to be done to rebutt and restore sanity to the situation.
And....the PD might manage to sway one dumb bunny court officer, but she won't fool all of them. Trust the facts will shine a bright light on the truth, esp if/when the PD manages to produce something that appears to be negative on your part.
You still remain calm, sensible and rational. You treat it as opportunity to educate the court with your evidence and compassionate demeanor, (Meh.). All will be ok,even if it's not ok, IME
