Nothing much really

[Meh]

And.. Incoming I just got a threatening text from my Aunt. Haven't heard from her since my brother kicked the bucket. That's the only time she bothered to call me and I didn't want to hear from her then. Had nothing to say to her. She had nothing kind to say to me. Man I haven't had any reason to think of her in a while.

Deep breathing.

Perhaps I will mark it as spam and pretend I don't know her.

Let me see I think I haven't seen them in, well it's been over 10 years I think.

Nice to know all the fam is talking shit about me. But actually that doesn't matter.

This is the aunt who claimed my father molested me in court records for my brother's divorce. Something which my aunt made up and never happened. Yeah that was an ugly lie.

She wants a piece of the drama. I can picture her now just waiting for any tidbit like a vulture.

Meh, Blocked and reported it as SPAM. Was that a flying monkey that just flew into a wall... maybe.

I'm not responding to her. It's only a text. Cheap talk that fills some need for drama.

God what day is it anyhow Sunday? It's still only Sunday.

I look forward to Monday sort of I mean at least it's so busy at work I can't think about anything else when I'm there really. Contemplating my nicest and easiest outfit. It's 6:00 PM...

So
- cops
- MHP
- Lying Aunt

Good ol' mom is on a role this weekend.

I have to find my makeup. And order something new.

[Meh]

A truck I was taught....
when people, in positions of authority, say dumb things......
treat it as an opportunity to educate them.

Like you're talking to a child .....calm, simple, very short.

Also .....nobody can do/think 2 things at once, so choose the thing you'd like to do/think, and focus only on that, maybe.

Worth a try.

Lighter

  sounds good Lighter

it is important to think positive stuff. It works sometimes. Not ALL the time but sometimes it does shift stuff.

I am just going to do simple tasks tonight and as I do them I am going to enjoy the feeling of being organized afterwards I hope.

[Hopalong]

((((Meh)))))

If the mother-trouble starts around 9am, does that mean phone calls
from her?

Hoping if that's the case, you can ensure you have caller ID and control
when you are interrupted by her (or your aunt).

I would find it impossible to tap into morning serenity if someone who
was disturbing my serenity and causing anxiety were calling me then.

Maybe I'm guessing wrong about her patterns, though.

I'm glad to know you have a new job and hope you'll prioritize taking kindly,
gentle, loving care of yourself. Treating yourself the way you wish to be treated.

Mothering yourself in a good-mother way. Not waiting for the turnip to shed tears.

You deserve it.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

It's important to give your energy to what you want more of.

Starve, the things, you want less of.

I like the strength in your posts, Meh.  A lot.

Lighter

[Meh]

for F sake... I'm at work opened my personal laptop on my lunch break for a quick personal task ... and of course I see court documents about my mother ATTEMPTING TO get a restraining order against me and looking at it for 60 seconds looks like the judge denied it as not criminal and not a legal issue

I am going to close it go back to my personal tasks and try to do some deep breathing. This is a new level of messed up even for my N mom. I wonder if it's also related to aging but I don't care.

And I will have to look at it closer tonight. Have never seen one of these before.

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry, Meh.
A toxic family survival dance.

I hope you can keep your balance and dance out of her orbit.

I do think reading it all carefully including any fine print is a good idea, even if on a quick glance it sounds like the judge didn't buy it. Just be sure.

Using the legal system to bully someone is really wrong; my brother did it to me and tore my life up for several years. It was hell. I hope this one goes nowhere.

What a shock. Breathe, be well anyway.

hang in there,
Hops

[lighter]

What Hops said, Meh.

All that, and.....
there can be comfort in pd's showing everyone what they are.....
what they do.....
what they've been doing, to others, all this time...escalate, till they gain compliance.

I'm curious, if the thought of having a TRO, on your mom, creates feelings of comfort, dread or something else, for you.

That's more involvement....more fodder....more time stolen from your serenity.

Escaping, her orbit, is better.

As I read your posts, I picture you pulling yourself, from a very sticky swamp, Meh.....
and you're mostly out.

Lighter

[Meh]

It's Saturday and I am just now scrolling through this restraining order court document thing. I thought the judge had denied it. I have no idea. What is written on there is really awful. It's very weird. And she is using the phrase "our family" in a way that intentionally excludes me entirely from everything. She is really bat shit crazy. Well if I have to do a hearing I am attempting to do it by phone first thing in the morning so I can get it over with and go to work. She listed anxiety and depression on the form like these are character flaws that I have. This is just a very weird situation. But like everything it will pass. I just don't see why I have to defend myself against her accusations. I think she is asking for a court ordered mental evaluation.

Lighter "I'm curious, if the thought of having a TRO, on your mom, creates feelings of comfort, dread or something else, for you."

It all just stresses me out and it feels like a negative distraction. The way I think and feel about the courts is that I don't really want to participate in this stuff. I just want to move on. I don't want to THINK about it that much. I want the hearing to be by phone and I want it over with. I don't have any legal stuff on my permanent record and I don't want anything on my record. I think it's gross that she filed these papers to begin with.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the "WHY" of stuff but I don't even want to do any of that anymore.

I've got other things I have to do today. I don't see why I have to prove my mental health in court because she is forcing me to do that?? I've got other things going on in my life it all feels like it's piling on.

[lighter]

Oh.....such a familiar cadence to the PD legal dance.  Forcing one to disprove negatives, with no consequences, for making false allegations.

And, for what?  Her actions are nonsensical.... bc they make no sense.

As Brother Mud said to me ..... it's a waste of time trying to make sense of something that will never make any sense.

It's good you stopped trying.....
stopped needing it to make sense, Meh. That's a big step towards healing, IME.

About the legal documents.....you have to answer, bc I've seen TROs granted when the Defendant didn't show.  No one needs a restraining order on their permanent record.

I will say this, about representing yourself at any hearing......if the Judge seems perplexed at your mother's actions towards you.....
don't be afraid to ask that Judge for a TRO barring further harassment from your mother.  Judges can, and have, granted TROs, in my affairs, without my filing a thing.....I didn't even have to ask.  The Judge clearly understood what needed to happen.  He granted a TRO. It was in the record. 

Your mother might well suffer a consequence for her actions.  Maybe this hearing will be a needless bother.  Maybe it'l won't.

In any case, there are rules to speaking in Court and to Court officers.

1.  Speak like you're talking to a very young child you want to understand you.

2.  Do not tell your listener what to think, feel or do.  Instead,refer to your evidence, before hand, then state your strongest documented facts, without expectation.  You want your listener to come to their own opinions, that way, they might punish your mother for you.
3.  If anyone says something ignorant or profoundly stupid about you, treat it as an opportunity to educate your listeners....as though you're helping them.

Do not get angry, exasperated, or react in any way.  You remain calm, steady and self assured....you understand what's happening with your mother.  You'll help the court understand too.
Don't interrupt, or say negative things about anyone.  Always address your mother/everyone, in and out of the room, respectfully and with compassion. 

Keep your statements super short.  Always.  Eye on the ball..... it's easy to ramble when an unhinged person is involved, IME.

No rambling.  The court will have a very narrow focus, and you'll do well to figure it out, and address ONLY that, IME.

Once it's over, it's over.  Your mother will try to muddy the water.  You'll stay focused.  The Judge will not be pleased with nonsensical behavior in their court.

As you said....this shall pass.

Lighter

[Meh]

"it's easy to ramble when an unhinged person is involved, IME.

No rambling.  The court will have a very narrow focus, and you'll do well to figure it out, and address ONLY that, IME."

Thanks Lighter. I'm reading your thoughts. I appreciate it.

I went from asking WHY to feeling dismayed and asking HOW DID THINGS GET SO BAD which is probably just another version of asking WHY do N's do what they do. Now I am just rather tired. Had breakfast. Going to do personal work today I guess. Try to be organized. Try to be proactive and take action steps instead of laying in bed all day. I will get some stuff done. And I will feel slightly better for getting some stuff done.

[lighter]

Your mother has her limits, as far as how far she'll escalate to gain your compliance, goes, IME.

You likely have an idea how far that is.  I find getting slapped around in Court dulls a PD's energy......so don't fear the hearing.  Might be a big surprise.

Focus on your evidence, like .....
1.Texts from mother and her flying monkeys.
2. Notes
3. Calendar of her unhinged calls, actions, etc.
4. Your calm responses.

Best not to mention anything you can't back up with evidence, IME.  Just talking about PD behavior can make us appear unhinged IF we aren't backing it up with evidence, IME.

Your facts will inform the theory of your case/ your story, future actions, bc you're documenting, in case you get dragged back into court again.

Remember, when you put the negative stories on a shelf (fig.) you're able to pick up joyful things instead.

I find focus, on one thing, is a joyful activity.  Doing dishes, putting a bird feeder out, discovering a happy bathing ritual....can all be walking meditation, IME.  Doing that, often requires I pretend to put the negative stories on an actual, imagined shelf. 

Whatever works for ya, is right for you, ((Meh.))

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Stellar advice from Lighter, Meh.

My disturbed sociopath brother's testimony was disorganized, insinuating, and evidence free. (He acted as though he was buddy-bonding with the judge while telling him wild lies about me.) But, my lawyer and I had a rational, documented and detailed rebuttal to every one of his delusional accusations. And three character witnesses. One was a widely respected 90 year old classics scholar, professor emeritus. The judge and both lawyers knew his reputation and nearly melted when he walked in. And my brother's irrationality was obvious to everyone.

The judge put bro in his place and after an hour, he drove out of my life. For good. I actually felt sad for him as he walked past us on his way to the parking garage. He looked like the loneliest person in the world. (He didn't see us in the car.) My lawyer said, I understand. I felt it too. But if you see his truck going past the house again, call the police. And change the locks right now. I've never seen my brother since and the weight of several years of battling him and all the damage he did just poured off my shoulders.

Something the case did for me was the recognition that bullies don't always win. He'd bullied me all my life and his last effort failed completely. I behaved with dignity and clarity in court.

Lighter's tips are golden. Hope you'll go in confident in the truth. Don't focus on the outcome, focus on being your own ally in the present moment.

hugs
Hops