What would you think about this comment?

[OR]

Mum, GFN, Mud, Brigid,

Thank you all for your warm words to me.
I'm going thru waves of emotion but ok.

GFN, this has been a suggestion in the past I do believe I will take the advise this time, my emotional tank is just too full to take anymore.

don't even read his silly emails while you are grieving the loss of your nephew

I will try this idea. I know he is miles away, and I can look at him as a small insect to minimize my stess as much as possible.

 

We have to try to think of them as insects.

Brigid, I have compromised enough in my life, I stand firm in my goals.
I have come along way to get here, with more support than I ever imagined in my life. I do believe my H has huge problems that he must own. I have come along way to let go of the unlovable.
Pushing me away with hate, wanting to draw me near with a faulse kindness, over and over.

don't compromise your position.

Mud,  This kind of comment hits me deep. I wonder why? It would be showing a lack of respect to your parents, if it's not important maybe it means little. Someone dies you only have the respect left to give them,
holding them dear in your heart, then some BUTT head makes your special thoughts poisioned with a act of hate. Pisses me off.

My brother has accused me of spitting on my fathers grave (he didn't quite explain how I did this) and being responsible for my mother's heart disease and even preemptively accused me of killing her if I didn't stop fighting for a fair share of my property and just accept his lopsided offer.

MuM, I have been good about not responding, I don't know if my H saved what I did send him, I have asked him to share with me his medical reports how I don't feel safe leaving our D with him until I have peace of mind. Sometimes I draft a letter then delete it. That helps me too.

I will have some answers Saturday when I speak with a T regarding my H's medical report. I expect they will give some guidance on how my D should  respond to him.

I write a lot of responses, but don't send the first draft

I wil be better in a short while, I have not yet got all the details from my BIL. I know he his so sad, I hear it in his voice, so heart breaking.

Thank you all so much .........OR

[Anonymous]

I wil be better in a short while.

You're still my heroine OR!!!

(((((OR)))))

GFN

[OR]

Just updating on the past few days.

1. Nephew's car was not found, he liked to gamble and may have been in Illinois on a boat. I guess he had gobs of cash in his wallet. He did die from drowning. My BIL just left for the airport, to Balboa Island where the kids lived after the divorce. My Nephew  was sparated from his wife who lives in SF. She went to claim the body and belongings. He has been cremated and the ashes will be divided with the sister and mom.

My BIL is going thru so much and called my H to tell him to be in New Port on Sunday. My H is such an A#$%hole, he told him he is angry  and would not be there, he didn't want to ruin things too.
This is not about my H, being an N he shows how only his feelings matter.
My BIL was pist that my H could not get beyond his own feelings.
It would have been nice if my H could be a man instead of a 5 yr old.
Amazing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even in a death how they just can't get beyond themselfs.

Along with a nasty note to me he wants to make sure I change my
Married name back to my madein name. Tells me to move out of Texas leave his family alone and HE WILL QUICKLY GET MARRIED TO RESOLVE THIS PROBLEM? That was today.  

Im not clear how being married again will change much with me. I would be happy incase I have to pay him spousal support or something money wise.
It would  a great thing because he would leave me alone. How wonderful that would be.

Went to the T today, talked to her about what was going on and getting help for my D.  When my D  walked in the office she was glaring at me.
She wasn't mad but was not sure what to expect.
I told her we were comming here to speak with a T regarding the communicaiton with her dad. I think she thought it was a legal decision she was making.

When we were sigining out we bought 2 books 1 called Crazy Makers that Dr. Meiyers wrote, the other She bought written by Katie Meiyers his daugher.

She did appear happier and even hugged me. She wants to go back once a week to speak with the T. I asked why she thought 1 time a week VS 1 time a month or everday? She said as things happen she could remember better if she went weekly.

She did not tell me what her T talked about.
I know the T said she would go over a few things, Trusting me,
Safety issue, understanding about her dad how his emotional problems are concering and she also needs someone to help her through this divorce.

We leave for Kansas on the 29th to see my Dad will be back on the 5th.
Looking forward to seeing him and my twin brother too.

My Dad tells me I should be reading her letters from my H.
He said she should not be having this privacy because he could be telling her to meet him somewhere.

I told him he could e-mail her and she could easily call him anytime. I know she would not want me to read her mail. My Dad said too bad for her I should read them.

The last email after I said I would not open them anymore,
he tells me she wrote him that I had listen to his phone conversation when he called the fist week. I told her I was listening but that was the only time.

She has called him 1 or maybe 2 times that I know of that was to talk about his nephews death. I don't know of anything else but she has been writing him and he tells me he is using her letters in court.

It doesn't matter he will get an eye full in a few weeks when I send out the OSC with all of his wacko e-mails.

Thanks for reading .............OR

[mum]

It doesn't matter he will get an eye full in a few weeks when I send out the OSC with all of his wacko e-mails.

There you go, OR!!  That's the way to keep thinking!!!! YEAH!!

[OR]

Update,

The sevice was Sunday for my Nephew. I was told my H would not come
because of his anger towards his brother about helping me.
I wrote him, told him to go to the service be an man not act like a 5 yr old.

I wrote more but this was part of what I said.
He did go, and wrote me back.
Nothing in reply to  being N, only for his nephew he would not say the negitive things he says to me. (don't believe it for one minute).

I felt better to tell him he needs HELP, I say very little because of the Divorce.

This is all coming out in a few weeks with the OSC, so for now I guess he thinks Im just giving my opinion that he is an N.  His reply to me makes no mention about being an N.

He did say he felt like his family cared about him and felt he was loved.
He changes with the wind, I know he will need extensive help.
This is not the first time I have told him he is an N, I mentioned 1 time shortly after we moved here.
I think it odd he would not say "NO IM NOT an N," or maybe he likes being an N and it's no big deal to him????????

I wrote this to my H.

You are a text book case, the way you react and the things you say and do are all ready written down.
You have a problem called self absorb Narrssistic behavior. You can be helped with lots of therapy. Problem you CANT see it in yourself. it's too painful. YOU must press through this take a step of faith, GOOO! to the service.

Don't talk about yourself or your problems but about Steve.
Don't cry and make a scene that you have this sorrow, you just need to be calm and listen to the pains of others learn from people who have emotions that are real.
You have lost your emotions  somehow and not expected to be emotional, just try and feel, not to mask what you think, you should be.
 

My H did say some other wako stuff, this is what I said to him.
trying to keep in mind what I have to say is more important than the Wako stuff he comes up with.

I responded back only with how "great it was he felt he was loved by his family."


Thanks for reading. Im reading a book called Crazy Makers, it gives advise to tell these N people they are N's.
The thearapy is extensive with more than 1 T, to do the job on a daily treatment plan, lasting for a very long time depending on the degree.

I wonder if you go from one degree to another but would always be an N never able to be healed.

Thanks for reading. OR

[OR]

I  printed out all 283 pages of this thread, reading and amazed at where Im at today.

I wanted to tell everyone that helped me on my way to Dallas, thank you so much.
As time was getting close to that tramatic day I could feel the fears and how much your support got me through.After I left the house with our D and all the prayers that followed me during my journey here.
My story brought tears to my eyes, maybe someday I will share it with others.

I was reviewing what took place so I can answer questions if asked.
I'm sure the Judge only wants to know how we're going to deal with custody and not so much why we want to divorce. It helped to go back and get in touch with the pain, I'm still sorta numb about it all but I feel more angry about things and will work through this in time.

I have been having difficulty talking with our D about her Dad.
I found e-mailing her from my work so she can read it without shutting me down has helped.
I try and say what needs to be said in love but just the same some truths had to be said.
This has helped and I feel she is breaking down her walls to let me in a little.

After I mailed the court papers My STBEX, he has not given me any BS. he has been very quiet.
(other than to tell me another lie how his lawyer e-mailed to remind him of court on 8/1, when it was my SIL who mailed him all 32 pages to the house)


I checked the court web site today and if any one knows what" CASE TRACKED TO CP17 FOR HRG8/1"
means let me know.
I don't see where my H has responded to my OSC filing, maybe the Case hearing is being prepared for Monday the 1st.
Im going to call the court house in the AM and ask if he has not responded and if he is  no show what happens.

My H now knows he has been caught in lies, will be view with emotional problems and admitted he had money but made the court pay for his divorce filing fees. A letter from his brother about how he wanted to leave us, telling me to leave with our D, the Gun remark, him talking about how sick he is with MS, how I left him to die and all the other crazy e-mails.

I am truely getting upset inside about everything, as I was reading thru this thread where I mentioned about a legal aid telling me I could leave with our D if NO court papers were filed.

Please know I need some good thoughts about what's about to take place. I will be with my SIL at 8:30 on the 1st. I have been able to hold it together but once the judge makes a decision I may find myself upset or just so happy this part is over.

I wrote the phone number on the court papers for my H to call in for the telephone appearance, but I wonder if the leagal aid that helped him file his divorce papers  for FREE, will read the papers and see he lied about his income.
He may not wish to file the response and maybe won't show up!

Thanks for reading ...........OR

[OR]

I called the court today, found the H did not pickup the court papers for the OSC.

He has not filed the response but  may plan to show up anyway.
The court clerk said the judge has the option to deny him a response without the papers filed.

I faxed the court the proff of service papers and the confirmaiton from the post office the papers have not been picked up. It works out for me, H will not have any Idea about the 32 pages of all his lies the judge will have read by time the hearing starts.  Im able to call by phone, H doesn't know that because he never picked up the papers. Im sure he is thinking Im flying into CA on Monday with our D. He will be all ready to find he may not be having the kind of day he planned on.

I also learned he has no divorce lawyer,like he said. He has the SSI lawyer who helped him file his papers.
She is a WC/SSI lawyer.

I also learned I have to file more papers for the divorce to be finalized. I have a lawyer here in TX that Im talking to about this, on Monday.


Talk later, ..............OR 

[mum]

(((((((OR))))))) It will all be ok. Keep focused on how far you have come....how happy you and your daughter can be.  All will be well. Sending lots of love and strength.

[OR]

Hey Mum, Thank you so much for the good wishes. I'm looking at you and your story, all the BS your EX
puts you thru over and over. I know if my H had the money he would never let up.
I get worried sometimes how the family courts work and the horror stories I have read.


My D asked me the other day if I remembered the dream she interpeted about the beast.
(she doesn't know you thought it was of me)
She remembers it and talks about the beast and how the woman had others that loved her and to have faith to let go, others would be there to catch me. In time I will let her know it was me running away from the terror.

I will keep a good attitude about what ever happens , I will not let the crazy beast make me bitter about my life.

Thanks Mum, You are so good at sending good energy to others, no matter what difficult matters you are going through yourself.   Take Care ...............OR

[Sela]

Hi OR:

Been following your thread and I just want to say that you are still one of the best inspirations around!!  Your attitude is just the best!!  Keep going OR!!!

I will be going on holiday....leaving Monday night...and I may not have much pc time for the next couple of days, if any.  I will be thinking of you and praying for you that Monday goes well for you and if I can possibly pop in here to read I will.

God Bless you OR!!  I have a good feeling about Monday for you!!

  Sela

[OR]

Sela,

Have a great time on vacation. Where you going ?

Im on one myself until the 8th, praying it's not used to pack my stuff up to move back to CA.

Thanks for the good wishes, you too have been a pilar of strength for me. I'm feeling the pressure and want to cry sometimes. After I printed the over 200 pages of this thread and sat to read it, I was reminded how much others do care. When some members of your own family could care less about you.
I have had posters here show  more compassion and understanding than I have ever felt.

My two of 3 sisters and mother have not ever contacted me about the move here to TX or the divorce.
We have had a strained relationship from many years so no surprize. So I have appreciated the warm thoughts from you and others too.

Sometimes I try not to be too needy but I have empty holes in my heart and want to heal them some how.

So thank you again Sela, have a wonderful vacation..................OR
 

[Sela]

Dear OR:

Compared to the size of your heart, picture those holes as very small, and very sure to heal!  Poo on your sisters and mother!  They are nothing!  They have no clue!  Let them live the way they choose and you live your way!  I like your way a whole lot better!

Courageous!
Determined!
Full of hope and faith!
Honest!
Open!
Giving and sharing!
Reaching for help when needed!
Not ashamed of being human!

I could go on but I won't.  Not that I don't want to.  Just that I don't want to embarrass you, only to encourage you to keep going!

You won't be moving to CA!!!  No need to!  No judge in his/her right mind will order you to!

I will post to the "anything" thead about my trip.  I'm very excited!

Enjoy your holiday too OR!  Let go of your fears for a little while and just relax!  Revive your strength!  You have it!  You are still my heroine!!!

((((((OR))))))

  Sela

[longtire]

Hi OR,
Its been a while since I really replied to you.  I always remember you and say prayers for you and your daughter and for others here.  When I'm feeling like this is all too much to handle I remember you taking that huge step of making the move to Dallas and I feel encouraged.  I am making final financial preparations before I tell my wife that I want a divorce.  I follow your example and plan for the things I can plan for and trust for the rest.  I know it hasn't been easy for you.  But if you've looked back at those old posts, I'm sure you can see the wonderful changes in yourself as well.

This place and the people here are very important members of my chosen family.  I rely on my chosen family, here and elsewhere, to help me through difficult things.  I am fortunate to have good contact with my parents without NPD or other major issues.  They can't really understand where I am with all this, but they do support me.  After reading about many people's situations here, I am very grateful for that.  I will still pursue better relationship with my parents and other family, but doubt that it will be as important to me as my chosen family.  I'm glad to see that you are going back over some of these things from the past and are able to see them with new wisdom and awareness.

[OR]

Sela,

Compared to the size of your heart, picture those holes as very small, and very sure to heal!  Poo on your sisters and mother!  They are nothing!  They have no clue!  Let them live the way they choose and you live your way!  I like your way a whole lot better!

  Thanks for this thought about the big heart, I feel better about those holes being small and more managable. I know everything has it's time maybe some day they will have a clue but for now it is POO! on them. They are  all some type of (N's) anyway.
I guess sometimes when you feel empty about these people in your life you still wish you knew what it was like to have a mother that cared.
Your mind reaches as a child for a mother's understanding.
I'm not a child and I tell myself "who needs the mind games".  Then Im not so sad about the way it JUST IS!


Long

I follow your example and plan for the things I can plan for and trust for the rest

Your right! I have done all I could do and TRUST is what I will do now! Thanks for the reminder, you can get caught up in the worries, the laws, what my H and his verbal attacks on  at me.
Sometimes life can take an unexpected turn to live out another plan than what you think your plan should be. I want to believe so much the way things happened to get me here, can't be the wrong place for me to be.

This place and the people here are very important members of my chosen family.  I rely on my chosen family, here and elsewhere, to help me through difficult things.

You are right! a chosen family can be rewarding. I do think having positive role modles to replace the empty places in our heart is what can heal us. God adopted all of us as his children and will put people in our lives to mend the broken relationships. I can't do anything about how others choose to ambutate me from their lives but I can grow a more fruitful relationship with those that want to be part of my life.


Thanks for the warm thoughts ................OR 

[OR]

I'm staying in tx not going anywhere for now. H could not make me come back today, no mention about
plans to make me move.........HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oct. 4th will be another hearing. The judge knows Im in TX, no problem...........what a relief!!!!!!

This is what took place....... H- is in the court room, I'm on the phone the judge ask why my H had not filed the response papers

He tells the Judge he was not served..........I chime in "YES he was, he did not respond and a copy of the Post office notice of service had been faxed. to the court"

 ......Paused, Judge locates the notice
It was noted that H did not respond and the Notice WAS SERVED!.....HA!!!!!!!!!


Next was the SSI money for support, judge says to me so you are now receiving this money?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! H put a hold on the money then SSI released the money , I received 2 mos and NOW I have to pay back this money BECAUSE H, was collecting WC while he received SSI. Now I get nothing

Pause......... Judge tells H to account for the money he is getting and how HE WOULD RESPOND to me within 10 days and would also need to respond within  20 days of the OCT date with papers for mediation.

I must file an appointment for Mediation to work out custody I don't know if I understood the OSC process I thought the judge would rule on something today and mediation would also be part of todays processs.

I understand now I have to make an appointment first with the mediation and the judge part, takes place another time.  The Judge first mentioned  Oct 17th, then the clerk confirmed  the 4th. so maybe the mediation is the 4th and court with the judge is the 17th. 


I know the judge got my 32 pages, I don't know how much of it he read, he did see the SSI papers so he must have looked to some degree, only the SSI was  discussed, he said he was sorry he could not help me more, he did make MY DAY letting me know H, would comply with rules and respond like he should.
I will be calling legal aid on how much mediation can help the the evaluation papers and the other evidence.
I have been here in TX long enough now to seek council here and see about having this all transfered.
will be working on it this week

sorry to ramble Im so excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!OR