An unanswered question

[Stormchild]

This is one of the things dad says I am supposed not to think about, because I have to remember the good times.  Which means that he remembers too. :

And that he still isn't willing to take responsibility for it, and is still pushing that back on to you.

((((October))))

I'm so sorry that your brother is perpetuating the cycle of abuse; the sad thing is, apparently either we face these things and deal with them, or we act them out because we aren't dealing with them.

God bless you, October.

[sleepyhead]

Who knows? Maybe. If I had not been there it would not have happened.

October, if you hadn't been there she would have found some other "reason" for hitting him.

[Anonymous]

I am often exhausted just from the effort of staying alive. I wake up exhausted, and then it gets worse all day.

Ok......so just to stay on my band wagon and see if I can fit all of my 42 feet in my mouth at the same time   ......this is a good example.

What if......part way through the day.......you sit in a comfy lounge chair, or lay in a comfy spot, where it's quiet, close your eyes, take some long, slow, deep breaths, relax your body as entirely as humanly possible, and silently tell yourself:

"I'm renewing my energy.
I am gaining energy this very minute.
I will feel more energetic after this short rest."

While at the same time, visualizing yourself getting up and dancing around, smiling, full of energy and happy, ready to do whatever it is you want to do next.  You could see white light coming into your body and giving you strength and energy.  You could see yourself swallowing cans of spinach like Popeye (Hey Mudpuppy.....he's my hero too!!) and imagine yourself filling up with lot's of wonderful energy.  Picture any good thing that might help create a real impression of energy coming into yourself.  (These can vary for entertainment value too!)  Repeat these positive suggestions to yourself, while you imagine yourself.... gaining energy and feeling more full of energy.   Then say:

"When I get up, I will feel full of energy and enjoy the rest of my day".

Now this isn't to say....that you spend 10 minutes doing this....and suddenly you'll be bouncing off the walls looking for ways to get rid of all the magical excess energy you just created and all while trying to erase your perma-smile.

That's not how it works.  But........with time and repetition......you might see some benefit and actually begin to feel more energetic, especially, after this little rest, part way through the day.

It's truly amazing what our minds can do for us given the chance.
This technique is just a way to be kind to ourselves and make use of the power within.
In your case, October, the worst thing that can happen is a little time is wasted, while you rest up for the next onslaught of energylessness.
Or maybe you fall asleep....so you get a little nap in...no biggie.

Sometimes it's tough to get started, or hard to really concentrate....but it can't hurt, as far a I know, unless you tell yourself nasty stuff....like terrorists do.
Almost always.....there will be some improvement and sometimes.....quite amazing things can happen...but it takes time to have an effect.
As you work through your feelings about the past, it is still possible to instill good ideas about the future by developing this skill.

I didn't invent this concept.  It is widely applied in many avenues of care because it does work for many, many people.  It's virtually free and requires no special training.  It's not difficult to learn, doesn't take a whole wack of time out of the day, and has the added benefit of reducing the effects of stress, when applied on a regular basis.  What a deal eh?    

Anyhow.....enough from me.  I'm glad you still have a T to speak with and I hope things improve for you, no matter by what method.  
   
GFN

[Butterfly]

Hello again everyone,

After reading the postings again, I realized that I misquoted a few ppl...particularly, Bunny, Mudpup, and Delphine.  So sorry   Please accept my apology.  I guess this is prove that I'm making mistakes day by day. I'm getting better at this, slowly but surely.

Delphine and Jaded, if you are reading this post, just want to say "hello" to both of you.  Which I failed to do on my original post.  I don't know how that could have happened   Silly me.

Mudpup,  thanks for mentioning the misquote.  Glad to know that you tend to quote Jesus.  I would be interested to know what Jesus means to you and why you believe he IS the mountain.  If you don't want to go into detail, then I won't mind.  But it would be interesting to know

October, everytime I see your name, I always want to say October Sky.  I'm not sure why.  I think it's b/c October is one of my favorite months and time of the year.  Now I understand what you were saying about yourself.  Thanks for making it clear to me.  I find your attitude about where you are, how you got there and where you want to be encouraging to me.  B/c sometimes I see something wrong with me for where I am in life and I loose heart b/c of it.  So your healthy outlook on your situation in life is a big inspiration for me to see that I'm okay for who I am and what I am.  B/c this is me, and this is right.  I agree, in some ways we can grow stronger than before.  Alot has to do with perspective.  The glass is neither half full nor half empty.  It is both half full and half empty.  To see either or is to see only half the picture.

[Anonymous]

Hi Butterfly,
I have no problem talking about Jesus. I'm sure some here think I do so too much already, but they're very polite and don't tell me to clam up.
He IS the mountain to me because I believe he is the immovable rock of the Old Testament and the New. He is the rock on which I lean.

He's also the bread of life and the living water, but what I need in the battle with my brother is an immovable rock. When my brother started falsely accusing me of various felonies and having a nervous breakdown and of being just plain evil, he knocked me off my rock for quite some time during which I was quite depressed, not even caring about my own life many times. When I got my feet back under me in the last few months, the anger has remained. And to be frank the depression has come at times. But I have had an anchor to hold me in place, unlike before. Before it was a constant chronic thing. Now he causes pain and damage, but it is healed rather than being a constantly open wound.
Jesus never promised we wouldn't have pain in this life, only that he would heal it.
In fact he guaranteed we would have trouble; "In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world".
My brother can squirm and wriggle and do mental backflips  to project whatever pathologies he has onto me. He can cause me an immense amount of damage(he already has) but in the end I know who my rock is. A great many prideful, destructive men have broken themselves on that rock over the centuries. I'm counting on one more by the time we're done.
Hope that answers your question, butterfly.

mudpup

[Butterfly]

Mudpup,

That definitely answered my question   I'm glad you are open about your faith in Jesus Christ.  Why should you hide something that means so much to you?!  I'm so sorry about your situation with your brother    

I, too, believe that God is our source of strength to live day to day with a level of sanity in our lives in this crazy world.  Better yet, I like to think that God provides us the source of strength which is found within each of us.  We'll be alright as long as we stick close to the Vine, isn't that right?  What gives me great comfort is knowing that there are better things in store for us beyond this earthly world.

Thanks for sharing what Jesus means to you.  He means the whole world to me, too.  Mudpup, you are in my prayers and thoughts.  As well as your brother.  I believe miracles do happen.  Heck, they happen everyday.  Just the fact that we are saned in this insane world is enough proof that miracles do happen  Not to mention the fact that we are able to wake up every morning, is a miracle .
 

Maranatha,
Butterfly

[mum]

Hey, Butterfly: totally off subject and out of the air, but "October Sky" is also the name of one of our (kids and my) favorite movies.  Check it out.
((((October)))), sending you love.

[Butterfly]

Mum,

I think it's neat that one of your kids' names is October Sky.  What a neat name   I haven't watched the movie by the same name yet.  But it sounds like a good movie to watch.

Nice to hear from you,
Butterfly

[mum]

oops, sorry butterfly.......I write a little nuts sometimes....I sure can see why you misunderstood (can't seem to form full sentences, can I??)  My kids and I love that movie, October Sky, but alas, my kids have very pedestrian names!

[Brigid]

Mum & Butterfly,

I think it's neat that one of your kids' names is October Sky. What a neat name Very Happy I haven't watched the movie by the same name yet.

I had to laugh at this one.  At least I am not the only one who gets a little confused by your postings, Mum.  Is that left brain fighting the right brain.    I did love the movie, too.  

On a more serious note, I have read this whole thread (it is really hard to be gone for 10 days and then have to catch up) and wanted to comment on the original question.  Having been raised by an N father who criticized my every move, I always second-guess everything I say and do.  I feel so much safer communicating in writing so I can read and re-read before sending.  So often I don't comment on things for fear of sounding dumb, even though I am constantly told that I am bright and have good ideas.  It is hard to get that negative tape to stop running in your head and replace it with positive, affirming statements.  Therapy has been helping alot, but I still have a long way to go.

Butterfly, you are so young (I am in my 50's) and fortunate to be aware of your issues now.  I have just started to face the damage my childhood has done to me and wonder how things could have been different if I had been aware early on.  But, I can't be sad about what could have been and must just deal with what is and be grateful for the blessings in my life.

October,
Please forgive my psychological ignorance, but what does PTSD stand for?  This may have been addressed before, but I missed it.  I feel so badly for your situation and pray that you continue to heal and feel better.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

Good morning Brigid,

I feel so much safer communicating in writing so I can read and re-read before sending.

You know that made me start thinking. I feel the same way, but always assumed it was because I was just more articulate in writing. Maybe it actually comes from twenty years of having most of what I said challenged or put down. Hmmm.

I also am a psychological ignoramus but I believe it stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sorry for talking out of turn, October.

And finally, don't feel bad Butterfly. For awhile I thought mum's kid was named October Sky too.  Having never seen the movie, I visualized a bunch of hippies watching some acid flick from the sixties. I didn't want to think what her other kid's names were.

mudpup

[mum]

Okay, you guys have me cracking up....and only a little bit paranoid (man, am I that hard to follow???) My exN would harp on my "grey" thinking, and that is a sore spot for me.  I really am very dominantly right brained, but that is my strength in life as well (artist, former actress, and teacher).
I try not to take myself so seriously now, but I can see I need to read and edit and edit and edit before posting...(but that may just stop me from posting....seriously, that gets really boring for me).  I write like I talk, fast! and I promise, if you could hear me, I do it with inflection and personality, so it would make soooo much more sense in person.
That said, (gee whiz, could I get more defensive?) I love the image some of you may have of me from that: little hippie chick with a sitar, bohemian love children everywhere with dirty hair..."oh, moonspirit!  It's time for dirt meditation!"
If you knew me, and my kids, you would be rolling on the floor right now!!!!
I simpy have to share this with someone who knows me in person (even though I look like a moron!) I don't care, it's funny!  

Now, with tail between legs (but obviously indominatable (sp?) spirit) and no editor in sight) I will focus on the thread again.

I hope no one is offended by the use of "we" in this little thought of mine.  I am speaking for myself, and other "nice" people I happen to see going through the same thing.

I think basically, N's are threatened by the innate power and love (the ultimate power) that we, as nice people, have.  They see this as a threat and want to shut us up. They are so afraid of the "truth" coming out (that love is everywhere, love is all there is, love is the power/God is in all of us)....  and worse yet, that the truth may come out of US!!  How dare we speak and demonstrate power?
WE are so nice, we assume everyone is, and agree to shut up. We think, well, they must be right, as everyone must be as loving as we are.
The worst of this "wrong" learning (that most of us now "unlearning")  is that its' done when we are young, innocent and impressionable, so it becomes a belief system.  Then it runs our lives, until we figure it out.

If anyone could follow that, I am happy. (geeesh)..if you can't, I apologize. (geeesh again).

[Anonymous]

Hey mum,
Your October Sky post wasn't that bad. When i went back and read it a second time it made sense. Maybe me and Butterfly and Brigid have the problem. No offense guys.
I'm right brained as well, maybe that contributed to it.

I definitely followed the last part of your post and agree completely. I think that's where a lot of the envy that is so characteistic of Ns comes from. Something like "Why is everyone else happy and normal and loving and nice? Maybe I'll show them its normal to be miserable and manipulative and grouchy. Otherwise that means I'm nutty and that can't possibly be."

Clear as a bell mum. As usual.

mudpup

[Brigid]

Mum,
Don't change a thing.  We love you just as you are.  I knew what you meant as I have learned how to read and interpret your postings (at least most of the time).  But it was so funny to see that Butterfly made the same mistake that I had made at an earlier time when reading something you had written, especially with the outcome being your child's name as October Sky.  My "problem" is that I taught business letter writing and typing in a previous life and my writings must (in my mind) be very clear and concise, correctly punctuated and no spelling errors.  I'm sure you would find them these days as I have gotten lazier over the years, but I still give it a lot of consideration.  I would like to be more free-flowing and less structured in my communications.  Something to strive for, I guess.

The balance of your posting was as Mudpuppy said, "clear as a bell."  I totally agree that they want the world revolving around dysfunction, anger and lies rather than love, kindness and logic so they can fit in better and maintain control.  Deprogramming the negative thoughts is an on-going process and takes a long time to reorient since it was started for many of us at such a young age.  As I have said many times before, it is so sad that parents could choose to treat their children this way.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

Mum,

Don't change a thing. We love you just as you are. I knew what you meant ...

My turn to ditto.

GFN