Now I remember why I'm edgy--

[isittoolate]

mornin' lighter

4 days and I must be stressed as a few physical ailments began to act up just yesterday--will see how the next few days go, being I'm always out of touch with identifying.

Thanks for asking.
love
Izzy

[CB123]

Iz,

Hang in there.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers for the duration. 

Much love
CB

[isittoolate]

Thank you, CB

*scratching rib cage, both sides*
and
*places that wouldn't be pleasant to read about*.

Pains in upper arms, shoulders and neck.
and
this from someone who seldom complains.

Love
Izzy
(EDIT)
Well I might as well milk this one....
eyeballs are itchy..
lower arms to elbow and my anti-itch creams aren't working (soon be sliding outta my chair)...
diazepam's not stopping muscle spasms...(like last night--couldn't have pulled a needle out of my butt cheeks with a team of horses...
so tired today
(might be more a day goes On...

[lighter]

Oh no, Izz!

I think you need something besides the diazapam for the muscle spasms.  Methacarbamol or something like that?

The itching..... gee, I have no idea what that could be.  Something to do with the nerves?

Just in case it's something blooming...... try some benadryl?  There's spray too but the pills do a better job for me.  The cream seems to be the weakest form.

No doubt your nerves are on edge as the day approaches.  Busy yourself with something you can control and try to remember it's gonna be all right, even if it's not all right. 

Other suggestions..... nap? 

Make an ice cream sunday and enjoy it?

Buy a cute little neti pot and try it then notice how wonderful life is when that's over.... shoooooo! hee

Just kidding, Hops.  Sort'a, lol.   

[Certain Hope]

Oh, Izzy...  I don't have any cures (except for maybe that cute lil neti pot thingy - lol)

Just had to say, I get the same way and I guess it's for the same reason... ?  Being out of touch with identifying... feelings?

Used to be hives, then migraines, and now muscle spasms... like it just keeps morphing. Get "in touch" with one thing and learn how to bring it back in line and it just pops out someplace else.

Recently I had alot of fear about a situation and I knew it was fear... so I spoke of it, wrote of it, got it out (thinking this was a good thing, right? Putting it out there...)
Well, within 30 minutes of spewing it all out into the open, muscles in my back seized up and I spent the next 2 days trying to ease them back into some semblance of relaxation.  I just don't get it... like some sort of aftershock.  Maybe it's just such a foreign thing to own these feelings and try to dispose of them properly... almost like my body tried to forcibly reject them as some foreign object. Weird.

Heating pad and ibuprofin were all I had... helped, but I would sure like to skip that part of the "in touch-iness" next time!

Feel better.  It will all come out just right!

Love,
Hope

[lighter]

Oh Hope and Izz:

The only thing that got my muscle spasms under control, in the heat of the worst of times, was a neuro muscular therapist. 

Can you get an appointment Izzy?

Hurts like hell but they work the muscle fibers apart, break them apart with their fingers, and if you go regularly, it helps a lot. 

I guess this is where some people buy buhhda beads and learn to meditate? 

I haven't been able to do that effectively yet, but I think about it, lol.   

[Certain Hope]

lol Lighter... I dunno about the beads, but I just remembered - Calcium tablets helped alot with night-time leg cramps when I had a siege of those. Wonder if they'd ease up some of this other spazzing?  Gonna take one now.  What do you think, Izzy?

Where I live, you won't find neuro-muscular therapists listed in the yellow pages... lol. I wish! 

Love,
Hope

P.S. Lighter, I do remember the heat of the worst of times... unspeakably awful... just after NPD-ex left... this is not even close to that.
It does get better... so much better. (((((((((Lighter)))))))))

[lighter]

Hope:

I've been NC with N for a couple months now.  I can't tell you how much that helps.

I still have muscle troubles with neck and back but I can function.

When all this started.... I couldn't breath and sometimes couldn't get up off the bathroom floor bc of back and neck. 

I crawled to the car to go get Bio Ice so I could just function till my appt. with NMT.

Very awful and talk about hurting! 

I had to force myself to go because he helped me so much one other time, I knew it would at least get better eventually.

The pain was so intense, I dreaded going. 

It hurts more when I don't go steady. 

If I skip a week.... I start having trouble turning my head to drive then it's all downhill from there,

esp with intense stress and fear.

I think I'm handling things better now. 

I hope that remains the case.

I forgot to say that I make sure I take extra good care of myself when I know things are going to get chaotic.

I drink a nutrition drink in the morning and skip coffee.

I down water and make sure I eat protein, fresh fruits and vegetables.  Not much bc N takes my appetite away. 

Curiouse that my BPD sib makes me starvin an'Marvin y'all, lol! 

Izzy.... make sure you're eating extra healthy and take B vitamins for stress. 

Be very very kind to yourself.

[isittoolate]

I been out all afternoon:

First, diazepam  (generic of Valium) was prescribed for me in Feb. 1970..... 8 months after the accident. It is addictive and is what was being prescribed at the time for Muscle spasms for spinal cord injured patirents.--addiction not yet known.
***********************************************
I took one in the middle of the night and wondered by morning if I had forgotten ALL my meds yesterday. Am fine now re spasms.

I can tell you that I know by afternoon of the day, that I forgot my morning 7½ mg of diazepam. I was busy and didn't clue in, and the itching had really taken over, but that is not news--the spasms were.
*********************************
Nope am fine. After 15 years on Dzpm, a new doctor took me off suddenly and switched me to Baclofen. I was so close to convulsions when I hadn't slept, eaten and did strange things for a whole week and even my face was all spazzed up. When I called my new Dr. he said , "No way! You are having an anxiety attack" and he pawned me off to an Emerg with a psychiatrist., who was very angry that Dr. had done this. Phsy wrote me a prescription (I had been on 10 mg a day then)  for 1 week and sleeping pills til I saw Dr.

Dr. was livid that psychiatrist gave me Dzpm back and I started at 2½ and I upped very gradually until I reached a new confort zone of 7½ mg--no Dr. after that EVER denied me that small amount after all these years (37+).

Rashes and shoulder pain are stress, too, but all are gone now.

I was at therapist's, then sibs on Sat/Sun and therapist next Tues. too.

Will see what this whole mess entails.............??

Love and thanks
Izzy

[lighter]

Oh Izz.... you complain so little and deal with so much.

You're amazing and shame on that doctor who took you off dzpm then wouldn't take responsibility for his actions.

DA!

Itching gone and muscles under control.  WHEW!  So glad that settled down. 

[isittoolate]

Ha! Ya! lighter.

All fine.

When bro said he was coming alone, I don't think I reacted in the negative. It was when sis became an addendum and would be here that I said "DAMN!"

I am striving to be a gracious hostess and have them see my world. I've said it before---and if they are bored, let then wonder about my 38 years of it!

On that note, there is more to say, but I don't have the words yet. I might have them AFTER they leave!


Love
Izzy

[lighter]

You'll have plenty to say after they're gone.

Just try to wrap your mind around your regular schedule, keeping them aware (read that as heading them/sibs off from doing anything too stupid)

They haven't been real aware so far.

When you bring them into your life you should give them a short synopsis of DO's and DONT'S. 

CAN'S and CANT'S. 

Let them know what you have to do ahead of time so they can plan around it and not be dissapointed because they thought something else was gonna happen or there would be some choice in the matter.

I think your doing reall well in the "appropriately asserting yourself" department. 

Sometimes I think you don't speak up about your needs bc you feel whiney but..... just speaking up does everyone a favor and makes things clear so they don't get murky. 

::Sigh::

I'm a bit fuzzy tonight, admittedly. 

What does your T say about all this lately?

[isittoolate]

lighter

Today my therapist told me to look ahead to when they are leaving, then gone and what I will have wanted to happen that didn't....?  Meaning do as I have chosen to do to show them my world, and since she knows this area, she liked my choices and accepted my turning down one of her suggestions because I haven't been there.

I do not want to be 'dipping my toe into the water'. They will be doing that! I will KNOW what I am doing! ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''I hope?

Want to take them across the 3 lane bridge that goes in 2 directions, a mess



and see, from the other side, the new bridge being constructed... so each will have its own way.

[Hopalong]

Aww, Izz...

I remember their emails.
They're NICE PEOPLE.

Nice people aren't going to have a bunch of perfectionistic expectations of you...

I hope you can just breathe, be in the present, try to enjoy whatever presents itself...

Go with the flow hon. Concentrate on delight.

love
Hops

[lighter]

Izz,  I wouldn't want any surprises either.

I'd want to have a plan and be comfortable with every aspect of it.

I like the idea of thinking past the visit to what you would WISH you'd accomplished. 

Heh... did that make any sense at all, lol?