Do not know how to call this.

[lighter]

Sit and write about it for a while.

Start with the screaming upset raging anger you have. 

The heartbreaking pain of the worst case scenarios.

Re read it and write about it again.

Re read it and write about it again.

Re readi it.... if you still need to..... and write about it again.

Eventually, you have everything internalized and understood so that you can respond and remain calm to any craziness they throw at you.

It's the best feeling to face a person who causes guilt and confusion to keep you off balance.

Imagine their surprise when you stare them straight in the eye and stay on track. 

People of the lie...... don't like to be nailed down with facts. 

don't like to answer on target questions that expose them.

don't like to stick to the subject.

don't like it when you remain firm in your ideas and refuse to be sidetracked with emotional terrorism.

Lordy Loo..... the ones that ACCUSE you of DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY"RE DOING.....

really don't like it, lol; )

Maybe that's what becoming comfortable in our own skin is all about?

Just figuring out how we really feel about something.... then honoring it?

Not sure but I see you grow and apply lessons you've learned, ((Lupita))

It's so satisfying to read I get tingles: )

[Lupita]

Lighter, Thank you. I love this board.

[Lupita]

This is the most important. I believe this is called projecting. If I am right my mother is projecting all all all the time!!!!

It's the best feeling to face a person who causes guilt and confusion to keep you off balance.

Imagine their surprise when you stare them straight in the eye and stay on track. 

People of the lie...... don't like to be nailed down with facts. 

don't like to answer on target questions that expose them.

don't like to stick to the subject.

don't like it when you remain firm in your ideas and refuse to be sidetracked with emotional terrorism.

Lordy Loo..... the ones that ACCUSE you of DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY"RE DOING.....

really don't like it, lol; )

Moving on. I need to stop thinking of my mother. I guess that cant stop until my family goes away. Soon school will start. They will go home in two more days and I will be back to my routine. Gym, dance classes, study for my exam, work, etc.

I need to move on. But, believe it was not a step back, this visit of my family was not a steo back, it was a step forward, it taught me a lot.

[lighter]

I need to move on. But, believe it was not a step back, this visit of my family was not a steo back, it was a step forward, it taught me a lot.

You don't need to stop thinking about her, Lupita.

It's more a matter of going through the process of giving up hope and admitting you'll never be treated well or loved by her.

That hurts a lot and there's a little girl inside you that needs to talk about it. 

She needs to rant and mourn and wail and give up hope to.

If she doesn't get her say...... you'll never be able to stop thinking about your M.

It'll come out all over your life.... in ways you don't understand.

After you've done that....and it takes a little while.....

you can be done thinking about her.

You can turn towards new things without her following you.

Finish that business.... don't turn away from it. 

Start new business and be very choosey, in the meantime.

Before you know it.... you won't fee so bad anymore.

You'll turn around and realize you feel good.... and you're glad to be alive again. 

[Lupita]

Well, today is Wednesday, and they are almost gone. I have a mixture of sadness and happiness. Loneliness and relieve. I do not know how it will feel to come back home after the airport and find my lonely apartment, no suitcases all over, my bedroom all or my self, my bed back, my space. But my play companions are going to be gone. Like in my childhood. Nobody to play with. Always playing by my self. Despite having a brother and a sister. My apartment will sound like a cemetery.

I am just waiting for what she is going to say about me, there at home. My mother is going to use it against me. She will tell me, I told you, nobody loves you, she is a hypocrit.

I want to think that she is a good person and that she likes me. Or, weather she likes me or not, it does not matter. Nothing will change in my life if she likes me or not. It does not matter.

I had fun anyway. That counts.

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
   I think that you are a DIFFERENT person now than when your mother came. I think that you are getting better and better.                     Love     Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lighter,

I just now read this:

"Eventually, you have everything internalized and understood so that you can respond and remain calm to any craziness they throw at you.
It's the best feeling to face a person who causes guilt and confusion to keep you off balance.
Imagine their surprise when you stare them straight in the eye and stay on track. 
People of the lie...... don't like to be nailed down with facts. 
don't like to answer on target questions that expose them.
don't like to stick to the subject.
don't like it when you remain firm in your ideas and refuse to be sidetracked with emotional terrorism.
Lordy Loo..... the ones that ACCUSE you of DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY"RE DOING.....
really don't like it, lol; )
Maybe that's what becoming comfortable in our own skin is all about?
Just figuring out how we really feel about something.... then honoring it?"

Yes!
That's it!!
Lupita repeated it.
Just thought it bore repeating... again! Thank you!

Dear Lupita,

I agree with Lighter about the need to finish this business.
When we try so hard NOT to think about something or someone, that's exactly when the haunting begins. This stuff needs to get out there into the open where the Light can chase away the shadows. You write and talk and let it all out there until it's purged.

And dear Lupita, I believe that your sister-in-law honestly likes you.
I cannot imagine someone not liking you, Lupita.
Whether she is strong enough to stand on that truth and walk by it in front of the rest of the family doesn't change that fact. You are likeable and loveable, Lupita.
If your sis-in-law is too weak to let the rest of the family know how wonderful you are and how much fun she had with you, then that is her weakness showing, not anything about you. Her weakness does not reflect on you at all, okay?
Yes, it counts that you had fun. In your heart, I think you know that she had fun, too. I hope that you will be able to stop feeling like there is some weight hanging over your head about what she may say to the others. She may not be strong enough to speak her truth before them. But you are!

Hugs and love,
Hope

[lighter]

:::Beep beep beeeeep ba beep beeeep beeep beep:::

Orders coming through for Lupita, the lovable.

Put some music on.... whatever makes ya happy..... when you get back to your apartment.

IT MUST SOUND HAPPY, Lupita!

THAT's an ORDER!

And..... smell good would be nice too; ) 

But only a suggestion.

ps... if your SIL says mean things about you, she does it bc she feels it makes her look better.... when she criticizes you.

She wouldn't say mean things if she was threatened about how she looks to others, ya know?

As for your mother..... you'll never make sense of why she does what she does. 

It's nonsensical and we all LIKE YOU VERY MUCH,  so there!

::sticking tongue at at Lupita's mum:: NA Nuh NA Nuh Boo Poo!

[Lupita]

Family, a pain in the neck, but when they are gone they leave a vacum heart. I wish I had somebody to hug right now. I used to feel this pain when my mother left after vacation here with me. I do not miss her anymore. So, this indifference and fidgust I feel for my mother will come too with the rest of the family. Until I do not feel anything for anybody.

I know I will feel better. It lasts ofr a day or two. I am very familiar with this.

[Lupita]

My son knew. He just came. He knows I need company. How can he be so mature and so giving? He misses his cousin and I miss my play mates. Nobody to play with, like in my childhood. I feel sorry for my self, not for her, I guess. She is going to  naricissistic husband and an invalid 18 yo son, in an underdeveoped country. I am in the US of A, nice malls, nice theme parks, my son in a nice University, healthy, great musician. I am so confused. My mother programed me to hate this woman, and I like her. I enjoy her company. I do not want to feel guilty because I am "intercahnging chewing gum wih my mother's worst ebemy". I feel sorry for her. It most be very hard to be married to my brother. God knows I wish I was her friend with out betraying my "family". She was abused too. Her mother is a parasite.
God, I am so confused. Then she said she wanted to buy a shirt for my son. We went to the mall. She bought the shirt that my son wanted. I was very surprised when I saw the recit, $78.00. He deserved it. He is the one that was driving around to get the computers they wanted, to consult different prices, to call my brother for aproval to spend the money.
I told her that she needed professional help. She said that she was going to the T with my brother but he spoke all the time. I told her that she needed to go by her self so she can express her self with no witnesses. She promised me to do it. I hope in the Lord that I did not do anything wrong. God knows that if this woman does not get help, something is going to happen in that home. I asked to come back here whenever she wanted.
God knows I am acting out of love. God knows.
I am so confused.

[lighter]

Two things come to mind....

"No good deed goes unpunished...."

and....

You told your SIL your truth. 

You tried to help her. 

Now sit back and wait for the fallout you expect to come of it.

WHat the heck!?

 You're an awsome person who extends herself in all ways to people she loves, you don't deserve to live in this kind of fear! 

You are a terrific family member and you've done NOTHING wrong.... please try to curb the guilt and dread of waiting for their innapropriate response, for surely it will be innapropriate.

You're job is to act towards them in a way that encourages more of what you want.  Short of that.... you can't encourage or control better behavior from them. 

They are marching you towards No Contact bc they can't be decent or kind.... never mind loving or non toxic.

::shrug:: 

Lupita.... dear..... they can't do any better. 

You've been trying to show them and model better behavior. 

I don't think it's working.

What you can do, in that case, is reach out mindfully to new people and activities. 

This you've already started to do!

Tell me about the last dance class and what you wore and who you danced with?!!?!? 

How many people showed up and where do the really good dancers go for fun to enjoy themselves outside of class.... where do they dance?! 

You can go too and you can dance too and you can meet new people and practice observing yourself and them and enforcing those shiney new boundaries. 

Time for Lupita to LIVE!

Lighter quote for the day....

"Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starvin"
Wasn't that Auntie Mame?

[Iphi]

Why yeah it was Auntie Mame!  Who are we to question an expert like her?

Lupita just reading your posts about your visit, you are so hospitable and considerate and thoughtful - a wonderful, kind hostess!

You know my grandmother hated and always criticized her 2 daughters-in-law.  I always thought she would hate anyone who married her sons.  Maybe your mom is just the same and she just gives her daughter-in-law a hell of a time, just like she gives you a hell of a time.  I don't think you have a solitary thing to feel guilty over.  That was very sweet of you to support your sister in law.

[finding peace]

How can he be so mature and so giving?

Because of you.

((((((((((((Lupita)))))))))))))))

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
  I wanted to echo what Peace said. He is the way that he is b/c you were,probably, a very loving and supportive mother                                                Love    Ami

[Hopalong]

Hi Lup...
It was such a rough start to the visit and it ended so well!
With genuine affection and bonding between you and your SIL.
Who knows? Maybe one day she can move to the states.

Even if you never see her again (I don't mean that literally) this experience was real.

Try to take good evidence of good events into yourself, along with the farewell...

Good evidence of good things can be cumulative, and change the way you look at life.

One other thought: can you NOT OPEN your mother's emails for two weeks?
Since you are smart and can predict she'll be spiteful, why let her spoil the happy times you've just had????????

hugs
Hops