My New Counselor

[Gabben]

And yet the more wounded we are the more rejected we are the more difficult it is to connect and be received by others the more rejected we are and round and round it goes. Doesn't it?

Hey GS, that is the story of my life, how did you know??? -- lol 

[Ami]

Dear GS,
 You describe the cycle so well. I think that as I get a stronger core, I can be more vulnerable, and then I can let people in more. It is really sad when we are so shamed that we cannot let anyone in.
  So many lies we believed as true!               Love   Ami

[Gaining Strength]

So many lies we believed as true!

[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
  My deepest heart had been shut down to everyone.Now, it is opening. That is what I mean,Izzy .                  Ami

[Gaining Strength]

"Need" is a bit like co-dependecy, if used with people. Agree? If you need people, it could be unhealthy emotionally.

I know what you mean....... and I think of the quote:
"Man cannot live by bread alone" meaning we ought to be interacting with other people.

Izzy, this seems contradictory!! 

I definitely connect with Ami here.  I see thaqt you have reached a place where you are able to live on your own but not everyone is abe to do that.  I am thankful that you are able to live on your own and able to find some great peace in that but that is unusual.  That Ami or anyone else needs people is actually reflected in the passage, "Noone is an island."

I don't hold Ami, nor me, nor anyone else in contempt for longing for nor needing others to help us live thi strange life.  I support you and anyone in you strength to live alone.  I also support anyone and myself in the hope of living in supportive need to be in relationship. 

I bet we are not in disagreement about this.  Let me know - yours - GS

[Iphi]

Dear Ami - I have just read this topic and hope to echo the cautions others have expressed.  I have a lot of confidence in you being real with Ann and honest tomorrow.  Ann, I don't know and don't have the same confidence.

I have a question though - How come she is so sure she knows the Truth.  Lucky mortal!  My goodness if I owned the certified Truth, I wonder what I could charge for it?

Also, I think it is wrong to demand a godlike responsibility of you.  You are not omniscient and you are not omnipotent and you are not omnipresent.  If you knew everything and could do anything and could be anywhere then your responsibility would be without limit.  I am positive you have loved Scott every day of his life the best way you knew how that day, month and year and no more can be asked of us.  We here have all seen your incredible drive to grow in love and truth and I am positive your kids had the benefit of it. 

In my eyes it is a supportive thing to say true good things to someone and identify negative destructive lies as what they are.  It is an action in good faith done for the benefit and nurturing of the health of another.  Can you control the outcome?  No.  Maybe there was some confusion and miscommunication in phrasing about not wanting to hear negative lies or maybe Scott was so far gone that he blamed himself and held himself responsible for the very presence of negative beliefs in his mind.  I can't know, except that I know what it is like to be suicidally depressed and have an N for a father, so... well maybe I do know a thing or too, in general. 

I wish so much he didn't do it.  I feel sure Scott had such a kind and loving heart and so much to offer and imo he took after his mom that way.  (((Ami)))

[Ami]

Dear GS,
  As I get stronger inside(stronger core), I can be more vulnerable with others b/c I know that I will not be destroyed ,if they don't like me.I WILL be upset , even very unglued ,as with Ann, but I WILL get out of the pain  s/how. I will find a friend to help;I will go to the Board; I will go to God;I will s/how not be totally destroyed by another person's rejection.
  That is a wonderful step. It allows me to open my heart more---- to give love and recieve love.
  I believe that no man is an island. I am seeing that ,truly ,it  IS love that  brings the beauty to life. I am opening up to love and I want to open up more so I can give and recieve more.
   I see the way to open up is to get my core stronger and stronger,so I don't have to continually gaze at my navel to determine if I am OK.
 GS,I appreciate your post about "NO man is an island". You understood what I was saying.
 Izzy, we are each on our own journeys,in our own ways.I started my journey ,on the board, to find my core. I am doing that,slowly.Now, I see that the next step is to get out of myself and give . I am not quite there,yet,but I see it beckoning out in the future.           Love    Ami
 

[Ami]

Oh Iphi,
  My Goodness, you touched me so much with your words. Thank You.
  I have not talked to Ann ,yet. She did not call back. Thanks to many friends, here, I figured out what to say to her. I am going to be totally honest. I will tell her that she has given me so much. However,I think that she victimized me b/c she was triggered by my pain about Scott. She "lashed ' out at me when I was telling her about Scott's last day.My intuitive feeling about what happened was that she got triggered by all the pain.
 She was with me for 3 hours. I could see that the subject was taking a toll on her.
 What I will take away from the situation is that I CAN survive a counselor's abuse(with a little help from my friends); I can stand up and tell her my feelings. I will or will not continue,but I learned to have a stronger core, which was my overall goal. So, Ann did not deter me in my overall objective.She has not hurt me, in any permanent way.I  learned that I can survive abuse from a counselor---bleh.
  When she lashed out at me, God had s/one who was sent to help me. That person had a sense to help me from the beginning of my ordeal with Scott.
 So, I have to have faith that things are planned .
I am more and more convinced that I have to keep strengthening my core, as you would a muscle, and from that I will go in the right direction. I am so glad that you are back and posting more, Iphi.Thank you, again, for those beautiful words.          Love     Ami