You've all made some very good points. Amber, what you said about making the list sure gave me something to think about. Yes, if I made a list spanning the last 30 years, with the things they've done FOR me on one side, and the things they've done TO me on the other, it would be a very imbalanced list. In fact, I think I could work at it for several nights straight and not think of a single thing they ever for FOR me. Even things like giving me Christmas gifts were done with an ulterior motive. My mother never gave me a gift because I would get something out of it. She gave me gifts because SHE could get something out of it.
Guest, I get what you're saying about not giving a crap, and that it CAN be done, albeit over a long period of time. I've been partly successful in that area. I can honestly say that at this point in my life I've completely and totally quit caring about NM. It took decades, but I'm pretty certain that if she died tomorrow, the only emotion I would feel would be relief. With my Co-F, I feel like I'm only just starting the process. I knew my NM had some kind of mental illness by the time I reached high school, but it's only been in the last few years that I've realized my father is also mentally unbalanced. I never knew that there was a disorder called co-dependency until about five years ago, from being on this board and talking to therapists, and a whole lot of research. I spent 30 years making excuses for him, convincing myself that he was brainwashed, even questioning if he might be mildly retarded. So the process that I went through with NM has sort of started all over again. That said, I'm pretty certain that I'll come to terms with it pretty quickly. This time around, it won't be a decades long learning process. It's like watching a movie, then a few years later, watching the sequel. You already know what to expect. That might be a weird analogy, but sometimes (most times) I have a very hard time putting these things into words.
