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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything
« Last post by lighter on June 02, 2023, 03:41:30 PM »

I saw a couple of th TV Series, M. 
Watching Victoria turn her justified anger into acceptance, then action.....
 swinging the pendulum wildly in the opposite intended direction.... 
was deeply satisfying on so many levels.  Esp for that time in history when women had no rights. 

You'd think the mum would see possible negative consequences of her "System", but nope. She couldn't do it.  Even at the expense of losing Victoria AND all control over her.
 Just couldn't do it. 

V had pretty good instincts for identifying supportive aliances and relationships, thank goodness. Her anger likely wouldn't have gotten her so far. 
Thanks for posting this.


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on June 02, 2023, 02:07:52 PM »
Lordy, Hops, thanks for the reminder!

When I'm having trouble releasing a negative situation.... I should check myself for resistance to
Why does the concept come and go?
 Ummm...bc it messes with my rice bowl, my ability to enjoy pleasant interactions, but mostly it messes with my attempts to release an imagined grip on people's irrational and nonsensical behaviors... as if. 
The LET THEM theory raises it's enlightened head.

Amber, I'd like to have a friendly understanding with all my neighbors..... as you're enjoying with yours.  It was nice of you to make that phone call about the bear.  It's nice the guys are helping each other, sans drama. 

 Don't Get Distracted by OPP
is in full swing.


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on June 02, 2023, 08:53:26 AM »
Lighter, that neighbor situation is why I live so far "out". I have enough going on with myself, that OPPs problems are a distraction to me. With only 3 neighbors (not including Hol & S) in the hollar, we do tend to look out for each other but everyone minds their own gardens. Hol & I have done enough work on ourselves and together, that we know when to allow space.

One day last week, it was midmorning or so, I was typing a post on the porch. I had heard a noise which I figured was one of my pack of tomcats or a deer. It was a shock to look up & see a 3-400 lb black bear strolling thru the front yard just as Hol & her friend were about to join me at the studio for some "girl talk". I gathered my stuff right quick and got inside & told her to hold off a few minutes till Yogi moved on. Of course, that resulted in them arriving in a dust cloud of speed in Helga... LOL... Hol still hasn't seen a bear here.

I texted the closest neighbor, coz she seems the anxious type to me, to let her know. She also has a pair of deaf beagles who occasionally wander our way. To my surprise, she laughed and sent me a pic saying - was it this one?? Seems he'd visited them & took a dip in their pond the day before. B has helped the widow's son, at the end of the road with some mechanical issues already. All 3 of the men on the road, already have a working relationship. LOL.

But other than that, there just isn't a lot of social expectation on anyone. Doesn't mean we don't stop & talk. Chit chat stuff. The only time I encounter drama these days is when Hol feels compelled to empty out her head of all her insecurities and fears and old stuff she's still reliving on a visceral level - even though it's no longer actually happening to her. But that's getting less & less, now that she has 3 big dogs to wrangle. She's worn out!  ;)
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything
« Last post by Hopalong on June 02, 2023, 08:17:25 AM »
That was fascinating!


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by Hopalong on June 02, 2023, 08:12:17 AM »
I'm standing too close.

I'm feeling analytical, Lighter toss anything that doesn't ring real:

On the one hand you are very closely observant of and involved with so. many. things. about your neighbors. There are many texts and calls and dramas; neighbors seem to be filling your daily needs for connection. You volunteer for responsibilities ahead of time, like snow transportation, as though it's your automatic role as rescuer. How does this feel? Are there other places in the community you might volunteer without unhealthy vigilance? Make new friends outside the cul de sac, for balance?

On the other hand you feel the need to tighten up so people can't encroach on you.

I don't think I'm sketching a problem as much as maybe a situation to ponder.

You deserve peace, not vigilance, not anxiety, in the place you live.


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything
« Last post by Meh on June 02, 2023, 03:19:16 AM »

The Kensington System, somewhat interesting, of course these people are unusual and have unusual lives.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on June 01, 2023, 11:56:47 PM »
The decision to pull the pinch pleats OUT of the gorgeous draperies we bought from ReStore..... drapes still have tags on them from workroom.... some don't have hems, but they're all over 104" long, but for one panel I have a use for, at about 80 wide.  A lovely pattern on top drawer fabric.....the best linings..... came out of a workroom in California..... never hug.  At 25.00 a panel, they were a crazy good buy 8 years ago.  Kind of crazy they found their place 2 States away.

This means I can cover almost every bedroom wondow with these fantastic black out lined English wood floral and my girls have signed on to help me do that with DD22's fancy sewing machine.  Should be straight sewing and finishing edges..... cutting straight... the girsl can do the stright part.  Not my forte.

My post op buddy met me at the lake a couple weeks ago and we moved truck loads of stuff to the out building and dumpster.... made a run to Goodwill.  Felt amazing.  The place is coming together.

I promised my brother I'd take out the big stained glass window over the kitchen cabinets to let more light in and man... tons more light spilling into the center of the house.  Seeing the sky, trees and clouds feels good too.  Of course, about 50% of those who care HATE the stained glass is gone.  About par for the course. Taking the glass out meant we were on a very tall ladder with tools, handling heavy weight while leaning precariously over the cabinets..... went well and both sides of the remaining clear, if sketchy, glass is clean and looks like a hole in the wall, rather than a window.  It's kinda grand.

I'll likely fetch the draperies, window measurements and work on the remaining flooring this weekend, which I'm not dreading at this point.  Before putting a large room of LVP in with BIL the idea of all that solo measuring and cutting on the saw would have created anxiety.  Not so much, I'm noticing.

What else..... I won't have time to work on anything else, but I'm excited about how the fast and dirty distress of doors came out.  Takes 4 hours approx to do an entire door, front and back.   It would be good to put a bow on the renovations we started over a year ago.  Niece and nephew's B Day party is happening, so that means flooring won't even get started, but lots to do.

It's weird to be sitting in a coffee shop window.... by myself.  Not sure why, but it is.  I think it has more to do with being around people... prolly.  I feel like flinging myself back, by miles, emotionally, from people lately..... like proximity is a disease, but I'm working on calming that down. 

It's me.  I'm "nice" ..... too nice.  What i can change, I'm going to change.  Firstly, will draw energy back to my body and tighten it up.... keep other people out of my space, emotionally and physically as a habit and see what, if anything, shifts. 

Second, I'm going to validate the chaos people  in my neighborhood have sprayed all over the place....... if I get splashed.... I'm standing too close.  Have to figure how to stay out of the splash zone.  THAT is the me part and the only piece I can control.  Will be enough. 

4 out of 6 houses on my street have had big drama.... the latest ambulance call was out of those neightbor's control.... but still.  only 2 of the neighbors are good as gold, never a negative peep lovely people and the single guy shared similar experiences with his dog being pide pipered away by Cowgirl and her sweet treats, and the Retired Nurse ordering him to man the snow throwing machine, even though the snow will be melted in a couple days without breaking our backs.

I'm never blowing snow again.  If a neighbor needs to get to the hospital, I'll drive them.  All three of my vehicles will drive through the snow. WHY in heaven would we need to blow off every single driveway?  I just shovel the tire tracks away so they don't ice over i n my driveway.  Heck, an ambulance can get thm there...... single guy and I have the same small cars...... he's in healthcare.... no reason for me to drive most of them anywhere.  I'll take a few of them, no worries, but the rest shouldn't have to rely on me for that.  Wow...this knd of insecure attachment stuff feels like it's working it's way out of my constitution via my skin sometimes....
left armpit. 

Amd I'm not upset about any of this.  I'm clear..... I have clarity and today was a beautiful day. I enjoyed both my kiddos and the pug.  Got more stuff together for the Vets.  Going through kitchen stuff and replacing things I don't love with old family farm things... knives and spoons and what looks like hand wrought BBQ forks, etc.  Cast iron skillets coming in..... cheap skillets going to vets or the island.  I'm in the mood to clean pan bottoms!


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates
« Last post by lighter on June 01, 2023, 03:55:01 PM »
I know I've written about lentils on this forum before.... so in love with them, esp the little black round lentils,. yum.

I could live on a pot of them, with a small chopped salad of carrots, cucumbers, parsley, lemon, red wine vinegar and Nature's Sesoaning/olive oil and radishes for a month.... but I'm "sensitive" to lentils, which wasn't always the case.

I used to cook down tomatoes and onions in olive oil ... till almost a paste, then add lentils and water wtih Nature's Seasoning.... rice was nice with, but not necessary.  SO GOOD.

I hope you find lots of recipes you enjoy, Hops.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Thanksgiving
« Last post by Meh on May 31, 2023, 09:00:34 PM »

It's not normal for young children to feel sad and alienated most of the time.

It's not normal, it's not normal, it's NOT normal... and for people who want to constantly redefine the concept of "normal" I would tell them to go to hell.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Thanksgiving
« Last post by Meh on May 31, 2023, 08:48:31 PM »

"The parent has no problem believing that his childrens role is to reflect him."

"In an enmeshment situation, the child is raised to serve the parent and anticipate the parents needs."

"Because the parent raises his children with a selfish mindset, the child receives no real guidance for life. The child is left to figure out his own way. The parent cant be bothered with teaching the child how to navigate his own way because hes too preoccupied with self."

That is what I grew up with.

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