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81

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on June 09, 2025, 12:08:41 AM »

Hops:  The kind of people, who leave dog mess on other people's property, aren't the kind who bother picking up dog mess, IME. Ever.  They can't bend over/see OR they figure the rain will wash it away, no big deal, IME.  I know people who say these things out loud.  Not bad people.  Just people who hold piggy beliefs around their dog's messes, and not feeling responsible for them.

Gently suggesting, they become people who care, is wasted effort, IME.

I'm happier, accepting their piggy ways, sans needing them to change.

It's the way it's always been.....some clean up messes.  Some are little piggies.

And....
Killing people with kindness.  I still do, some, but it's not on auto pilot anymore.

My inner gremlin wants to rise up.....perhaps BE the person some neighbors think I am. Ya.

People aren't used to me creating chaos, just bc I can.  I wonder if it would feel like freedom......and/or release....to BE that gremlin?  Well.....just saying their embarrassing truths, out loud, would feel like being a gremlin, I suppose.  Will see.

Curiosity, replacing judgement, is an interesting thing, IME.

Lately ......the urge to bark ....
"You should have known better" and "Let that be a lesson to you," when dumb stuff comes up, is on the tip of my dismissive tongue.  Wag my finger at them, maybe, but with humor.  There's very little emotional charge involved lately, if any.  I simply don't care.....and it's revelation!!!

Not sure, but it's a balm to "consider the source, and dismiss."

Yup yup yup.

 DD22 and I enjoy barking....
"I simply don't care about that!" And, just like that, freedom and release arrive.  It's a celebration every time.

DD24 pretty much rolls that way.  So did my mother.



Lighter

82

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Hopalong on June 08, 2025, 08:15:21 PM »

What about a sweetly-phrased, friendly sign about "Please pick up your dog's poop and THANKS!" instead of silently simmering? Including a little stash of poop bags on a stick?

I saw a bunch of those on Amazon and thought how clever they were. Not confrontational, just gently asking for an "we all live here together" vibe. ("Kill
'em with kindness, dontcha know....").

hugs
Hops
"

83

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on June 08, 2025, 10:46:01 AM »

I woke up, made coffee, walked the pug and experienced such clarity this morning.

The shift to immersion in nature, pug, stretching and walking....
vs
Readying an FU deployment, should one of my, very human, neighbors is inappropriate, again.

I ticked through morning ablution, sans auto-armoring up, preparing mentally, making sure I had something....a pen/phone in my hand.....and just enjoyed the rain soaked moss, hydrangeas and cool morning.

That's the switch ... th stay grounded in the food things, while gliding over the stupid and harmful things, bc they win if I'm stuck thinking about them.

And I noticed what's in those spaces, instead.

"Sitting in non judgemental awareness" is the shift?  Is part of the shift?  Feels like the thing, that's really 100K small choices in a day, firming and making up new defaults.

But one must notice first.

Yesterday was completely angst free walking,c working, covering over massive pile of dog mess,  Neighbor's leaf pile, mdm several smaller piles on the trails and other lead pile.....zero emotional charge to it.  New.  A relief.

The real challenge will be noticing charge/lack of charge when BGP snarfs the top off a leaf look gob of poop, or I slide through another pile, esp in my yard. 

::breathing::.

I wonder if this is where the saying ..
"Don't sweat the small shite," came from?

Someone identifying an old reactivity default overlaying their present....and refusing to suffer twice about it.

Bc that's how it feels, to feel it, and put it down .. no tapping on the shoulder, again and again.  Just, have it, and notice it dissipate and quiet.  Leave neutral space, rather than continue filling space with resentment, frustration and anger.

And there's justified anger when people leave dog mess in public places/private yards, etc.  But it shouldn't be in a day, or pop up, like a demented jack-in-the-box, unbidden, throughout a person's daily life, IME.

Nobody needs that.

And in that open space, I seek out more joy with my 3 girls.  More singing, dancing, cooking, talking, laughing and bouncing logistics around.......checking in.

For a bit, it was overwhelming to think about ....but it's rolled forward, smoothed out and taken shape ......
girly girls ...
Renovation....
Readying lake for weddings ..
Upcoming family visit and travel for our if State wedding in 2 months.

I'm enjoying discussions with cousins over decorations and rustic serving pieces, vases, cupcake and nut vessels.

Enjoying 90% research, 10% execution on my considerations.

I notice editing my house didn't make the list.  Hmmmm.🫣

Lighter

84

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 06:13:06 PM »

 Contractor planting figs at his home. FIGS!

Door to outside shower ordered this afternoon.

::crossing fingers::.

Contractor helper just retired, so I'm it.

85

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 01:46:00 PM »

The dad and son are starting on a 7 course dinner for the upcoming wedding at their chateau!  Apple sorbet!  Toasted nuts and seeds for the cheese coarse!  Seems insane, but my brain is thrilled!

I imagine pig roasts at the lake.......and wildflower meadows!!!

86

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 01:40:06 PM »

At the moment, Escape To The Chateau, season 9 on Peacock is tickling my brain, in the background, as I work on master bathroom renovation, here at home, numbers. 

Also got the motherboard from the stove, figured roofing materials for shed, which will become studio space for DD24's boyfriend and his band mates.  He could use it to give private lessons too, should he like.

I switch to the logistics around all that, then switch back to decisions at hand.
The wedding prep, on the show, reminds me of the lake chaos, before first guests arrived.
My lake contractor's out of town, so will get whatever's I need him to handle, figured out.  Perhaps materials on site. 

I guess I'm doing this.

I have a lake sofa and bed with mattress and box spring to carry home, as I move between properties.

The idea of turning the basement mechanical room into a marriage room for flowers, etc, pleases me a lot.

Perhaps put in a little sleeping room....BUT.

And it's a big BUT.....my heart years to offer the bedrooms, sans sheets, for wedding party use......I just don't want to keep up with that much laundry.

I almost booked a San Francisco property requiring guests bring their own sheets and towels.

I have a bad feeling about that, BUT it's feasible, to my mind, as I focus on micro and mini elopement wedding packages.


Straight forward.....pared down...."affordable", but also special, bc on a private peninsula with 4 fireplaces and 3 fire pits.....if I settle on that.

Basement area turning back into one great space, with kitchenette, huge bar, fireplace and patio, waiting to be tweaked and lit with big floral chandelier arrangements!  The part I love!

Angel, the lady wife at the Chateau, is setting tables, in the orangerie, with mix and match china ..
:: swooning::

So beautiful!




Heading to ReStore and Home Depot now.  Must order the door and select tile and flooring.

Lighter

87

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by lighter on June 07, 2025, 07:47:18 AM »

Maddening!!!!
:::pulling out hair::..
But, thanks, Amber.

88

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by sKePTiKal on June 06, 2025, 12:29:26 PM »

There is an all natural ingredient spray called No-no-see-ums. It helps. I even spray it on soft furnishings if the cats or I are followed inside by the little buggers. I STILL get bit - no matter what repellent I use. Even the high content DEET doesn't protect me.

Lots of Afterbite, cold black tea bags on the bites in the shower, an ACV rinse... all help with the itching.

89

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on June 06, 2025, 10:08:02 AM »

Oh, joyful cadence of the zone.

Darn it.

Trying to hold my finger on the pinpoint... but shifting into auto do do do....feels like I should be doing something else.

Creates pain....top left top of head.

:: forgetting exactly what my finger's in, cabs what::.

And THAT'S how it happens folks.

::,putting productivity on the shelf::.

Oh .....ya. 

Mindfulness.  Discernment. Choice restored.  Turning away from default settings and reactivity.

Turning, back towards,cegat I want more of, again and again.

It's a loop ......will it get smaller and tighter, or wider and looser, till it's just space?  Mostly discernment and responsiveness?

Hopefully, Contractor will be here, so I've cleaned the oven, and will try to figure out mother board removal for oven settings.  If I can't, I'll ask him for help.

I need tools to take apart bed upstairs, and mount headboard to the wall.

Need to clean out down bath cabinets....maybe today. 

::breathing.....focusing on what I want::.

Would rather have sunny access to outdoor shower than new vanity.

Would rather have light green glass tile shower tiles, but will use huge grey stone looking tiles, if I have enough.

Will purchase LVP flooring this contractor prefers......
need to ask who he used for glass shower doors and countertops.

Considering replacing one 2' sink base with a less deep storage cabinet to the ceiling, so door access less cramped.

Th th th th that's all, for now, folks.

Lighter

 




Lighter

90

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by lighter on June 05, 2025, 12:12:46 PM »

 Guest left 5 Star review, despite no-see-ums bites, reported as "bedbugs," but guests talked into understanding NOT bedbugs....only "clever beast no-see-ums" carried in by guests, as another guest wrote in prior 4 star review. 

The bugs are tough, not gonna lie.
The stellar review, and relief of it....amazing. 
Will navigate even more proactively, going forward.

A reminder.....my karma IS immediate.  Touching the frog, no bueno.

Lighter