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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 27, 2025, 09:25:50 AM »It might be handy to have a tech glitch around the time of the zoom, Hops. Yeah, it's dishonest. BUT if it's causing this level of anxiety/stress reaction - honor YOUR NEEDS first. Better a white lie, than a trip to the ER.
Now, about poet-friends N-spot(s)... what Lighter has written is insightfully (probably) true. YOU are to be THERE FOR HER... to meet her needs... but when you express a need for connection (with boundaries)... she nosedives. And catastrophizes. Dramatizing her emotional situation as bait to reel you back in. You sense this, don't you? I'm pretty sure you do. Even commiserating, her needs are more important than yours.
She has plenty of resources to help her, if she's heading into a crisis. She can even call her maligned husband; just because he's away doesn't mean he's dead yet. I think I'll prescribe for you a message: "I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must suck. What are you going to do about it?"
A significant chunk of "fear of being alone" is based on not trusting oneself... which starts with accepting your weak spots/coping mechanisms/self-sabotage. Yep; that requires dealing with any shame that exists too, as well as taking accountability for the self-created Hell... AND DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT. A lot of the time, this fear is based on what someone's imagination creates and NOT on reality. But a person doesn't ever know that until they walk that.
Maybe she needs help doing that; that's what her T is for. You, aren't her T. Not your job to help her "see the light". You aren't responsible for how she got this way either. So you shouldn't shoulder the burden of consoling her, keeping her company, or showing her the path that's hers alone to walk. (Fact is: you can't truly know HER path... just see common elements that we all deal with.)
Yeah, my compassion well is on the dry side these days. So many people have been sipping at it. Being an introvert at nature... I minimize my contact with those who are "needy" and spend time meeting my own needs as best I can. I get quiet; don't interact; focus on my own transient or lingering feelings. Crawl into the turtle shell until I have more energy for that kind of interacting again. It certainly feels good to me. Other people can take a number and exceptions will be made for people who reciprocate.
It's important not to just focus on the inward universe on this topic; but also look at what you're DOING in the outward one... it's kinda amazing what you might stumble across in the process.
Now, about poet-friends N-spot(s)... what Lighter has written is insightfully (probably) true. YOU are to be THERE FOR HER... to meet her needs... but when you express a need for connection (with boundaries)... she nosedives. And catastrophizes. Dramatizing her emotional situation as bait to reel you back in. You sense this, don't you? I'm pretty sure you do. Even commiserating, her needs are more important than yours.
She has plenty of resources to help her, if she's heading into a crisis. She can even call her maligned husband; just because he's away doesn't mean he's dead yet. I think I'll prescribe for you a message: "I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must suck. What are you going to do about it?"
A significant chunk of "fear of being alone" is based on not trusting oneself... which starts with accepting your weak spots/coping mechanisms/self-sabotage. Yep; that requires dealing with any shame that exists too, as well as taking accountability for the self-created Hell... AND DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT. A lot of the time, this fear is based on what someone's imagination creates and NOT on reality. But a person doesn't ever know that until they walk that.
Maybe she needs help doing that; that's what her T is for. You, aren't her T. Not your job to help her "see the light". You aren't responsible for how she got this way either. So you shouldn't shoulder the burden of consoling her, keeping her company, or showing her the path that's hers alone to walk. (Fact is: you can't truly know HER path... just see common elements that we all deal with.)
Yeah, my compassion well is on the dry side these days. So many people have been sipping at it. Being an introvert at nature... I minimize my contact with those who are "needy" and spend time meeting my own needs as best I can. I get quiet; don't interact; focus on my own transient or lingering feelings. Crawl into the turtle shell until I have more energy for that kind of interacting again. It certainly feels good to me. Other people can take a number and exceptions will be made for people who reciprocate.
It's important not to just focus on the inward universe on this topic; but also look at what you're DOING in the outward one... it's kinda amazing what you might stumble across in the process.