What would you think about this comment?

[bunny]

onlyrenting,

It sounds like he's rationalizing your move and trying to look like a "good guy" to his e-friends. GOOD!!! I hope he keeps up that line of thinking.

bunny

[onlyrenting1]

Mum, Bunny, GFN,

Thanks for checking on me.  I'm still here. I've been reading and responding on other threads. Sometimes I get board with my problems, so I like to see if Im able to learn from others.

I'm expecting my tax data to be mailed and from there will be waiting for some money to move with.


I have decided to move asap rather than wait for applying for divorce papers here. I worry if I don't, I will get stuck here longer than I want.
I read my Hs Chat notes and thought maybe he is re-thinking the move.

Yesterday My H- got his Workerscomp court date for march 23rd.
I opened the letter and hesitated to give the letter to him, because I knew if I did he would find a reason to get upset to tell us he wants us to leave.

He would be expecting a settlement or who knows another postponement, anyway if he thought he had money comming he would not want us to see any of it. Knowing this if I held onto it maybe he would keep his cool and realize what he really wants, his family or freedom.  

Well I decided Im giving it to him and if he does this then so be it Well 2 hrs later my D was asked if she had seen  some candy he had and she said maybe, then no, then maybe.

He went off about her lying to him. Help me, I told him I'm afraid to tell him the truth he gets unglued scary and very angry, if he would lighten up she would not be afraid of getting in trouble from him.

He got mad and said he doesn't deserve lies and If I believed he was so mean, then we don't belong together. I said OK I think you're right.

She doesn't deserve to  feel sad about herself having to lie. I know its wrong for her to lie no matter what. I know why she avoids the truth with him, and I go over with her I understand why but just the same she needs to stand up to him. do you have any Ideas on this.


With him on SSI, I wonder since I'm working I may be looking at giving him support. And if I have our daughter then maybe it would all even out.
So my best thoughts are to see if he could put in writing he wants us to leave, maybe get a tape recorder and have it as a backup and leave. He said he would pay the next rent and I could use the money to leave, so I will.

I have contacted the Dallas, Plano school district to find out about the studies and will get with social services on maybe what districts are the safest to live in. I got a reply from one of the schools to contact  the school counselor and they will help me with what they are currently teaching.

We have lots of rain and mud slides, Im concered about the drive on my own.  His brother was going to come out but now It's getting too complicated, not sure how I will pull it off. I will look at the maps and check the weather for the upcomming days and just go.

Always lots to think about. I needed to sort this out, it helps thanks for reading and keeping in touch.  onlyrenting

[mum]

Onlyrenting: So glad to hear from you.  You can check for road maps and routes on line....when I thought I was going to move, I did that...but can't remember what site. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
I wish I had run like hell and just told my kids to come on.........but I waited, to do the right thing, and here I still am.  
I'm with ya kiddo.  Save your life...I mean that in all ways.

[vunil]

With him on SSI, I wonder since I'm working I may be looking at giving him support. And if I have our daughter then maybe it would all even out.
So my best thoughts are to see if he could put in writing he wants us to leave, maybe get a tape recorder and have it as a backup and leave. He said he would pay the next rent and I could use the money to leave, so I will.

I think the courts will figure out who gets what and how it all works regardless of who wants who to leave-- so don't worry about that stuff.  And in Texas I think that the spousal support laws don't tend to award that much spousal support, so that should work out in your favor, too.  He will probably be responsible for child support.

I think you are very brave.  Please keep us posted about your journey into this next phase of your life.  We are all rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

God speed, Onlyrenting.

Don't look back.

GFN

[onlyrenting1]

GFN, I feel Brave like I did when I left home at 18teen. I told my self to have a place before I would ever do this, not wanting to impose, so I'm working on it now.


I expect my finished taxes in the mail by Friday,I sign them then I will get direct deposit and hope it will not take long for all this to happen.

I went on Map quest found directions, to Dallas (Plano TX)

21 hrs, 49 min.  from CA

My daughter is also telling me how 3 of her friends are moving, so maybe she won't miss her school too much if we leave.

I feel some sick leave coming from work. They already told me I could use it if I need to.

Onlyrenting.

[longtire]

onlyrenting1
I feel very touched by you and your courage in in taking care of yourself and your daughter.  I stared at your last reply for about 5 mins and couldn't think to what to write.  I'm just going with feelings here...

Remember that most people everywhere are good, caring, helpful people.  You will find friends everywhere you go.  (Unfortunately they don't usually take jobs in government or service positions.)  Don't forget that this move is also a great adventure, not just for pragmatic reasons.  Enjoy it!  Don't forget that you have many people here rooting for you every step of the way.  Good luck, and God bless.

[Anonymous]

Dearest Only:

I read with great emotion your last few posts.  I can only tell you it takes so much courage to just "face it".  It is time to go, time to get on the boat and set your sail.  It brings back all the emotion I experienced.  I wish you and your daughter GodSpeed.  I will be praying for you both.  Much love, Patz

[Anonymous]

Hi Onlyrenting:

GFN, I feel Brave like I did when I left home at 18teen.

You are very brave Onlyrenting.  This reminds me of something I heard when I was a kid:

"We all have courage.  We just have to use it."

I remember deiciding to believe tha and:

"Courage is not the absence of fear...it is acting regardless of fear".

It must be very frightening for you, Onlyrenting.  Thinking about leaving where you've been for so many years, driving there on your own (with your daughter....but being solely responsible for her).  Going so far away, to a new place.  Not knowing what the future holds or how your husband will react.

I like Longtire's idea of thinking of it, believing it to be...a great adventure.

All adventures hold some danger......but the fun is what is enticing about them, right?  And most adventures end up being great memories too, don't they?

God will protect you and your daughter.  I hope you will have some fun on your way and enjoy the trip and the hopes and dreams for a much better future that is bound to come!

My prayers are for you this next while.

GFN[/quote]

[onlyrenting1]

GFN, Longtire,PATZ, mum, Guest, Bunny , bludie

It's on your mark get ready set  .........

Longtire, I do believe people will help me as I go and my daughter is old enough to understand some of what is about to happen.
She is angry at her Dad, and is willing to trust me.

I'm getting my daughters room apart as soon as I can, I've been working on putting things in the garage and now its the furniture, this next step will be disruptive . A little bit at a time things coming off the walls, closets almost bare, but yet hidden by doors not to remind me of my plans.
I've got my D down to bare minimum already, don't want to get her upset until the last minute.

I'm in daily contact with many of the employes in Dallas, I had a chance to meet them in November when I flew out for my Interview. I make friends easily and expect hearing names and matching faces will be a comfort to being on my own.  

This is the dangerous part as my H admits to himself, his daughter will be leaving. I'm upset that our family dog will need to stay, this is almost too much to bare. She would be difficult to find a place to allow her. (pitbull)

I need to play it cool and will wait for the right time to leave, I have neighbors to help me load my furniture, we will see what happens.

onlyrenting

[onlyrenting1]

Hi, all

I made a big commitment today with my moving plans.
Working on setting up a position for my job in Dallas.
I had to resend my resume for them to review.

The positions are so new nothing formal has been anounced.
My Corp Boss said he could help me get in but would only tell me It would be something I could qualify for.

My Corp Boss is transferring to Dallas to head up this new department.
He is married with two kids and has a 13yr old son.  looking  with his family to move to Plano also.

A lucky break for me, he will be driving one of his cars on the 9th, so I asked If I could travel behind him as a safety.
I have few options but taking advice from Patz to reach for the life savers as I go. With my H not wanting me to take help from his family, I'm to make it on my own power, so I will do what I can.

I have let my BIL know about moving and may need some help to find a place, but if not then I will need to sign a lease on my own, and that's fine to.  Will see how far I get, hoping he can get something set up before long.

I talked to the councellor at a school I might be intrested in and he told me my D would be fine. Testing starts the end of April and they study the history of Texas so that's a required test, but not to worry.
I will need to get a  resident address to be able to get her into a school.
I have lots to do.

I feel the Boat and the sails are set.

onlyrenting.

[Anonymous]

With my H not wanting me to take help from his family, I'm to make it on my own power, so I will do what I can.

Who cares what he doesn't want???

Good work, and good luck!!

bunny

[Anonymous]

Dearest Only:

If I can made it through, travelling with an autistic son 1500 miles to another destination, to start a new life, you can to.  I cannot tell you how proud I am of you.  It will not be easy, but then again, really nothing in this life worthwhile comes easy.  I can only say over the last 6 years I have carved out another life.  You will look back at this time and it will be as if you are reading another book, another life, unrecognizable to the one in D.

You must have the desire, the drive to want something better for yourself and daughter.  Clearly this is the case.  You can do this and do not let anyones opinon, threats or otherwise stand in your way.  If you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your daughter.  This individual who is also going to D represents an opportunity.......take it and go.  

Try to imagine the individuals at this site in a stadium, we all have pom poms and we all shouting "Go Only, Go Only, Go Only."  The field goal is in sight!.  Love Patz

[Anonymous]

Onlyrenting,
Good for you. I am glad to hear you will be moving with an escort, and one with several people. That's very good on many levels.
I posted a few suggestions to you on the "most narcissistic comment ever" thread, at least I think it was that one. I hope my suggestions don't raise your stress level, they are meant to lower it, but your own thread started out with your concern about his comments on O.J. and Scott Peterson so I don't think I'm putting anything in your head that is not already there.
You SHOULD NOT needlessly provoke him but you SHOULD make sure you took every reasonable precaution. I would much rather know that I alarmed you and you took unnecessary precautions than I held my tongue and he turns out worse than you think he is. Just do what your instinct, intuition, heart, whatever you want to call it tells you to do. It is hard to go wrong when we really listen for that inner wisdom.
Just be safe and God bless you.

[onlyrenting1]

Bunny,Patz,Guest,GFN, and all of you out there cheering for me,

Bunny,

Who cares what he doesn't want???

I'm dealing with a person that has lied to his family and even tho
I believe my BIL, will be calling me today and wanting to help, I must be willing to do this on my own.
somehow when people lie there is always a question in other's minds about the truth. I have total confidence he will help me but I will only ask where Im at a dead end. He will be calling me at work, today to talk about my recent e-mail about the move.

In my mind, I can't be too needy, it's in my character to pull as much weight as I can,  if it was my own  family it would be different.
My BIL, can't believe we would split after 26yrs, and has tried to talk sence into my H, so Im sure he has had an ear full lately.

Guest

Good for you. I am glad to hear you will be moving with an escort, and one with several people. That's very good on many levels.

I know I will be more relaxed about the trip. It made my day, I was really happy about the Idea. We sat down and looked at the map to travel the 10fwy straight thru to D.

and Scott Peterson so I don't think I'm putting anything in your head that is not already there

My H makes comments that are out of line, sometimes not understanding what's in someones head and what makes them snap was my fear.
When someone has never hit you but says things, what will it lead to.
maybe noone knows this answer. ( Im not waiting to find out as he gets worse in his old age.

I was wathching a show last night about a married couple, having problems. The doctor told the wife her wealthy husband was a Physco,
told her she could expect him to even kill her, she was give a written warrning.
He did kill her. She went missing when she confronted him with telling everyone about his mental Issues.  

Im worried, even tho my H is telling me to be sure and take certain things around the house, as to confirm he knows I'm leaving.


Patz

If I can made it through, travelling with an autistic son 1500 miles to another destination, to start a new life, you can to. I cannot tell you how proud I am of you. It will not be easy,

I will keep this in mind I know it's been done and will not be easy.
I want a better life and as the doors fly open for me I will know it's the right way.  I still get emotional thinking about the next 10 days and wonder if my goal will be met with ease or my H will cause me more heartache.

I'm trying to deal with alone as much as possible not letting on when this will all take place.

Lots to do onlyrenting