What would you think about this comment?

[Anonymous]

Onlyrenting,

Sorry I forgot to sign my post at 10:49 that you responded to about O.J.and Scott Peterson. Not that it matters much, just FYI.

Mudpuppy

[onlyrenting1]

Hi everyone,

I'll be busy today getting things ready to get out of here.

I may find myself with out  a PC computer for a while but will keep in touch as much as possible until I get it together.  

Keep us in your prayers.

Onlyrenting

[onlyrenting1]

I have been spending most of the day moving furniture
and my H is getting the Idea Im leaving now.

His elderly mother just called and I let her know about my moving.
she said to let her know If I need anything and to call her about the situation. She knows her son and understands why I would leave.

Now his brother is upset because, he wants us to communicate and be mature and not put him in the middle to our battles.

This may have been partly my fault, I told him not to let my H know when I would be leaving because of the saftey risk.  

now he is a bit pist that we are not in communication and being honest about When I am leaving.

I think it is so difficult for others to believe what living with an N is like

onlyrenting

[mirror2]

Only renting, it is so inspiring and heartbreaking to follow your efforts to free yourself.  Today is the one year anniversary of the day that I got on a plane with my kids and left one coast to go to the other and return to my family who I had not seen in nearly 7 years.  It was absolutely terrifying, and I left everything except what we could put in a couple of suitcases.  I told my partner that we were only going for a visit, but at some level he knew it was the end, and I was in knots the entire day as we went to a school play, picked up the kids, and drove to the airport.  But all of that was so worthwhile, and in just a few days after we left the toxic environment of that place the kids and I were feeling so much better.  It makes me cry just to remember the feeling of this incredible weight lifting off my body.

A couple of months later, with the help of my family, I returned and packed up my stuff and shipped it all away.  What helped me most was being extra careful about everything related to this person -- I had the locks changed, the police notified, I explicitly emailed him that I did not want to see him, and I had some impressive family backup.  It all worked, and we were able to get away.  I am so glad that you will have some backup in Texas.  Don't be afraid to ask for help, that is the single biggest change in my life.  Before my freedom I was completely isolated and would never think to ask a friend for help.  Now I ask for help when I need it and I always try to help in return, and things are easier for all that.

Hang in there, because if you can get through the next several days the sun will come out and shine on you.

Best wishes,
Mir

[onlyrenting1]

Mirror,

Thank you for your encouragement, I worked very hard todayin my Ds room, moving furniture in the Garage.
 
Trying to get my daughter to get with the program, I know she wants to get away to, but we would be leaving or dog and we are so upset about it.

This is so hard for me, my H keeps me isolated from his family as much as possible. It is difficult in this situation when you have family members who want to help but not quite see what you are dealing with.
I have this problem too, asking is so hard, Im left with this move at the worst possible time after 5 yrs of my H on Disability and cost of living going up and up.

Before my freedom I was completely isolated and would never think to ask a friend for help.

Your life sounds like it turned around for you. It must have been difficult for you after not seeing your Ps over 7 yrs. Hopefullly they loved you and had open arms for your return.

Keeping things QT until you get to a safe place is important, but I guess when other people are involved it becomes a burden, asking for help is just no fun.

We will see how it goes.  onlyrenting

[Anonymous]

Good morning Onlyrenting:

Wow!  That is fantastic about you being able to travel with your boss and his family!  I'm so glad you asked him if it would be ok!!!  You are a smart lady!

Sounds like it's not many days now, so soon you will be on your way and off to start a new life!  Even if it is a bit scarey, doesn't it feel like a bit of a weight has already been lifted?  You've made a decision and your plans are coming along very well.  You have a date that you intend to leave!  You have travelling companions!  You are close to landing a job.  These are all great accomplishments already!  Keep going Onlyrenting!  Soon you will be feeling even better.

I'm so sorry that you will have to leave your dog. Is there a possibility that you may find a place that will allow the dog and maybe you could get him there with you at some time in the future?  I suppose there is a slim chance of that happening.  Leaving your dog is definately a sacrifice for both you and your daughter.  It will be tough on you both.  But safety and care of yourselves are of uttmost importance for you and your daughter now and that's what has to be priority.  As much as it hurts to leave your dog, it is necessary, and I admire you so much for doing this very hard thing.   I wish there was a way to make it easier.

You are doing such a great job of remaining calm and packing things up.   How is your husband behaving now?  Is he asking any questions about when or where you are going?   Do he seem as if he has accepted the fact that you are leaving or as if he is still not sure whether you are or not?

Please ask for help from authorities if you even slightly think you need it.  They will come to your house on leaving day and escort you out, if you need that.  It's hard to ask for help but it may be another sacrifice that is necessary to ensure your safety, right???

I'm so proud of you for doing all of these difficult things.  Still praying for you.

(((((((((Onlyrenting))))))))

GFN

[Anonymous]

Dearest Only:

I am so very proud of you.  Yes, do as GFN has suggested, call for an escort if necessary to get out of town.  As far as you BIL is concerned, I would tell him as little as possible.  This way he is not put in the middle and if he asks why........just tell him you felt the the least he knew about what was going on, your brother could not then blame him.  You are indeed taking him out of the middle.  Just be careful the next few days and I know you will be.  (being a mother hen here)

Just keep us all posted to let us know if we can help in any way. Much love Patz

[Anonymous]

onlyrenting,

I thought his brother saw emails that your H wrote (maybe I'm mistaken) and realized how sick the situation was. Your BIL has *NO CLUE* what you're dealing with if he expects some kind of maturity and adult communication. Maybe his mother can spell it out for him. If he's pissed, too bad! Keep doing what you're doing.


bunny

[onlyrenting1]

Hi, Bunny GFN,Patz

Thank you all for your support.  Today I go into work a little later will be working on transfering med plans to the TX area.

I will call for support if I need to. My H is saying he will leave when I need him to so my lover can come over and help me move. I will be having my neighbor help me.
Most of the things I have I can get with little help.

Bunny

Your BIL has *NO CLUE* what you're dealing with if he expects

I have tried to SPELL IT OUT, he understands we want to split, but not being part of the don't tell My H, where Im going. Now that it's time to leave he finds I have asked him not to tell my H.
I wrote him again to SPELL it out,

HE'S TELLING ME DON'T ASK FOR HELP OR HE WILL SHOOT ME!
he's wanting us to leave now, doesn't care how I do it as longs as he has no part in it. He changes to scary when things aren't going his way.
why would I want to tell him anything?????

I think maybe I will call his Mom to help me SPELL IT OUT

Thanks Bunny,  I was feeling lost for a moment and belived I had been telling him so he would understand, but I guess it's never clear unless you are living it.

My H- is so anaware of anything but his own life. He thinks because he told me not to get help from his brother Im leaveing for Kansas to live with my father. No job just move and get help from them.

I let him believe whatever makes him happy.

7 days go to go Lease is about up.......Onlyrenting

[mum]

Onlyrenting: I have been away, just read the goings on...I am in awe of your and your power.  You might not feel particularly strong right now....but believe me, you are.  Courage is admitting you're afraid but doing what you must anyway.  Godspeed.

[Anonymous]

only,

My H is saying he will leave when I need him to so my lover can come over and help me move. I will be having my neighbor help me.

What a priceless horse's ass. I'll come sit on him while you move if you want!    I think we're in different ends of the same state so it wouldn't be too far.
Please consider GFN's and others suggestion of having some law enforcement around. It couldn't possibly hurt.
As mum and others have said, Gospeed.

Mudpuppy

[onlyrenting1]

Mudpup, Mum,


1. Well what a day, I'm leaving Sunday, or likley Saturday not the 9th.
I asked my nephew if we could spend the last night at his place , where I would feel safer.  Im waiting for a reply.

2. After my phone calls to my Health Insurrance my H realized I was not going to move in with my Father, with no job in Kansas, he was pist.  

He said he would not want to be in the same state with me. Demanded me to take off time this week to go to a lawyer, he would pay 300.00 to  disolve the marriage right then.

(so Im thinking a delay in my plans right now )


3. I talked to my BIL, he made me feel better, telling me he would not tell my H of the plans and just get there, they would be waiting.

4. I believe most the schools in D, have spring break this week, so maybe this is even better. CA schools have spring break in April.

5. My big boss is authorizing me 40hrs of sick pay.

6. The corp office called my home and work about an interview.

I get this note from my H, the Corp office called here and how he
" told his brother to fly me out to Dallas for the Interview" ????

I dont know more about this little comment, not sure if this his is attempt to show how much he cares ???

7. I have an e-mail CC to me, my BIL tells my H to Please not write to him with SHE did this, She did that. I was happy to see it from him.

I have been asking him to respond this way if my H begins to say things about me.  It made me feel like maybe he had listen.

Onlyrenting for 5 more days...

[Anonymous]

Only:

Please be careful.  Hopefully your BIL will be an a support for you as you make your plans.  My prayers are with you.  Much love Patz

[onlyrenting1]

HI, everyone,

Things are getting tense, Today my D is sick, she will be home with him  and now my H is saying she is not to be pulled out of school.
 She is feeling pulled not to go so Im concerned.

I said ok, trying to act cool. Hes saying she can't leave with out his permission. Im to go by myself. Im getting off early today to move on my plans and not sure what to do but be calm.

The fireworks are starting

onlyrenting

[Anonymous]

only,

He said he would not want to be in the same state with me. Demanded me to take off time this week to go to a lawyer, he would pay 300.00 to disolve the marriage right then.

(so Im thinking a delay in my plans right now )

You know he's lying right?

Hes saying she can't leave with out his permission.

True or false?

The fireworks are starting

Document everything.
Write down notes of conversations after they occur. Contemporaneous notes carry a lot of weight in court. Keep all e-mails or phone messages. Hopefully you'll never need them, but it is better to assume you will just in case.
Does he respect or fear your BIL? If so, could you count on BIL to make N back down.
Somebody who knows more about seperation/divorce than me should give onlyrenting some advice. If she just picks up and moves what are his rights to force her back or prevent her from going in the first place?
The prayers of everyone here are with you.

mudpuppy