It struck me..... recently there have been voices that spoke out, bravely.... not bc they wanted to.... but bc they felt an obligation to speak the truth, as they saw it.... to strive for clarity and resolution.
Some voices speak out bc someone's sitting on their chest and they're moved to..... in order to release the pressure. Not speaking about the board, lest you think I am here.
I think, on the whole.... that's a double edged sword...... the speaking out.
If you speak up, you're accused of having an agenda that doesn't include
clarity and resolution. You might take incoming fire you can't handle or actually get injured in any miriad of ways.
Like that's some crime..... to have an agenda that isn't about.... oh well... I can't think of anyone like that so... I'll speak about my 3-d life and a book I tried to read not long ago.
If you don't speak up, you feel like you've left those brave enough to strive for clarity and resolution, hanging.
There are people in the world who have no regard whatsovever for the truth... and they
thrive everywhere.
6 out of 20 or something like that? Makes sense when I look around and see so much conflict and confusion around me.
In the courts, in the workplace, on public forums, in family and at church.
I've learned a couple things since coming to this board.
One was about bringing unrelenting pressure to bear, to maximum ability.... on those who will do nothing but lie, cheat, scapegoat, gaslight and manipulate the emotions and social structure around them to get their way, which never makes any sense, but they're committed, nonetheless.
Thank you Mud for driving that point home...... it's starting to sink in but the desire to shy away is so strong sometimes.... you know it's a struggle.
The other thing I've learned is that NC is preferred over contact....
if you can swing it.
There's no serenity when manipulators are about.
The one thing you can count on....
is strife and confusion.
It follows them like a cloud..... and they're not necessarily still standing there when the cloud hits.... so it doesn't always appear that the cloud's anything to do with them.
And they're finger pointing, plausible possible causes that certainly seem to make sense about what other possible causes might be involved.
I'm at an impasse as to what to do with the ongoing contact.... where NC isn't going to be possible.
::shaking head::
My own private personal little battle being waged, dont'cha know?
I'm trying to remember back to the book... "THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR" was that the correct title?
The Doctor who was dismissed, on a psych ward? for sabotaging, or trying to sabotage rather, another doctor patient relationship..... bc she was enviouse of the other doc?
It ended up that she stuck her foot in it, bc the patient trusted his doc enough that he told on that bad bad sociopathic doctor (who somehow ended up in a position of trust and authority over vulnerable people.)
She was investigated and found to be lying about her background and ya know what?
Her employers didn't
want to make a fuss.
They didn't want
to draw attention.
They didn't want to hold her accountable and they sure didn't want her to face any consequences beyond losing her job. (read that as distancing themselves quietly bc.... bc why?) ::sigh::
Because she's a nightmare walking and nobody wants to deal with a nightmare walking.... esp one that could cost you lawsuits and bad publicity. ::shudder::
So, she's out there in the world, bright, educated, predatory and needful..... with ambition and determination to do whatever it takes to TAKE what she's feels she's entitled to from anyone she feels like taking it from.
No doubt the next problem she creates will be swept under the carpet, geivances ignored and innocent people pretty much injured but what the hell?
At least she's out of our hair and that's all that matters.It's like playing hot potato.... but different.
I'm just rambling now.... for no apprarent destination.
This all comes to mind bc when I tried to deal with domestic violence, with a felony keystroke device put on my pc, with fraud and forged documents.....
what kind of response do you think it received?
::sweep sweep sweep:: Don't mean nothin.....
So much easier to ignore and blame the victim, than draw fire from the loud annoying flamboyant gaslighter who's bent on winning the game, no matter the cost.... and he's got plenty ability to pay while I'm struggling to raise children and stay focused on what's important....
serenity for my children. My serenity wasn't a factor, a consideration.... it was a
given that it wasn't. Even at $500.00 an hour and let me tell ya.... you can't buy better hand tying helpers than that, not in this State anyway.
Did I fall down and go to pieces, sleep with someone who might make a difference and at least act like they cared if I pimped myself, lol?
Did I get loud and make gross accusations as to the integrity and actions of my $500.00 an hour poopey head attorney?
Did I fall on my knees and refuse to leave the building until someone would hear me..... let me be understood oh please oh please....
It's all a game and it's a sick, unhealthy bad bad bad game.
No matter where you're playing it..... or what you're playin for.
Being a grownup sucks
But ya know what? The most fulfilling satisfying thing about is......
that I know.....
without a doubt.....
that.....
my two little bobbins.....
are watching and learning what I model for them.
And if I can make peace with my God and my obligation as sane rational parent.... then it doesn't really matter who gets away with what.
That's MY reason for letting it go.
Of course, if I manage to raise well adjusted children to become rational thinking adults who know the difference between right and wrong.....
what the hell are they gonna do when faced with the 6 out of 20?
You don't just find serenity.... you find a reason to lay down the fight and whew! It really sucked anyway, eh? You find a reason..... to give away what you're rightfully entitled to and walk away.
Oh that's right..... IF you can walk away.
And I'm back to that niggling circular thinkin.
