Hi g101,
No offense intended, but I went back and read your posts on Overcomer's thread and they seemed remarkable for how devoid of emotion they were and seemed to me to be almost completely of an intellectual nature.
mud
Lighter,
OMG! I felt EXCATLY the opposite as you did!
I felt Guest101 was saying his/her post with warmth and comfort. It really made me feel like someone "got me".
I didn't feel like it came from a text book. Just the opposite. I THANK Guest101!
Bigalspal
I'm talking about Guest101's ORIGINAL thread. THIS one we are now on. The first post.
Bigalspal
P. S. for myself, I have a great amount of sympathy for anyone who feels so helpless and out of control that they resort to violence although I wouldn't tolerate that behavior from anyone in the least. I've been both the abuser and the abused so I'm not prepared to condemn anyone for their choices - I don't see myself as "different" only fortunate. All of us will resort to certain behaviors so long as we remain unaware that we have other choices.
People who are in pain make painful choices and usually end up hurting themselves and those who are closest to them, whether it is as "grave" as murder or as "benign" as hurtful words.
Re: Are we mentally ill?
« Reply #53 on: July 16, 2007, 09:13:41 PM »
QuoteIt's not about having control of one's own life so much as wanting control over another's.
Only a person who feels they have absolutely no control over their own life wants to control anothers life.
Anyone who seeks to hurt another does so because of their own internal pain, IMO
Christianity teaches us that there is no "big" or "little" sin.
I don't think anyone suffers abuse on a daily basis as a child and emerges mentally well. Perhaps funtionally, capable and able but not "well".
But be that as it may, I don't have to be perfect to bring up a topic or mention something here, on this open forum.
Guest101
I feel I just have to say this. There's a lot of talk about people being able to say what they feel on this board. So I said it. I know I must live up to that as well, so feel free to bring it on. If I feel I can't handle it, or Dr Grossman feels I don't need to be here, well, I'll be OK. I know my stomach won't hurt anymore from holding this all inside.
Bigalspal
Maybe Guest was unaware that he/she contradicted him/herself and by people pointing this out in a compassionate way, Guest could have learned something about him/herself. I think we post here to enlighten ourselves, not to dump on each other. So, why dump on Guest just because he/she contradicted him/herself?
sally
it might be useful for some who post here to think about the difference between intellectual responses and emotional ones and when one might be given where the other was needed.
for example, it seemed clear to me that overcomer was looking for comfort and understanding on an emotional level when she posted about her friend who had murdered her child and has since been imprisoned in the Are we Mentally Ill thread..
but when I was the most hurting and vulnerable instead of receiving love and support I was attacked.
and it was a very painful, terrible experience.
traumatizing.
What I found when I joined this board, way back when, was that people really were becoming offended that I was talking about my situation. I was told to just "Let it go" by some folks and others just out and out told me to stop talking about it and let the healing process begin. One person even tried to make me feel that X was justified in how she treated me.
So, please EVERYONE, be nice to the NEWBIE!
Bigalspal
I think to ask posters to post in a certain way is creating an atmosphere built on control and a BPD-esque "you should know what I'm thinking".
Celebrate differences, celebrate opionions.
This is what we live for as humans who relate to each other as communicators.
When someone floats a thought on the board, it's asking, pleading for other thoughts to be shared.
That's exactly why we're here, right?
Dandylife
I want to add to that last "rant" that if I've mixed up WHO POSTED WHAT & gotten the NAMES of the posters wrong, I appologize.
I didn't mean to do that. It's hard for me to keep up.
Bigalspal
BG- Don't lecture me. LISTEN to me. If a need a lecture, I have my NMother's phone number.
Bigalspal
. But when an oldtimer gets SNIPPY, that's not gonna be taken very well by someone who is too new to understand what is going on. This idea might never come to fruition, (Newbie Corner), but just maybe an oldtimer & a Newbie can get off on better footing.
Love,
Bigalspal
guest101 i also had to learn how to not deal with those people who were hurtful. especially if they couldn't hear me say ouch.
oh, I also had to learn to read between the lies.
I had to learn to watch what people were actually doing and stop paying attention to what they say they were doing.
I firmly believe that just as our radar goes up when we come in contact with those who mean us harm
when two people hurt each other but there is accountability and understanding, sharing, a reaching out healing comes about -- it is beautiful and powerful
......but when there are ill-intentions, masks, deceit, lack of accountability, understanding and sharing, closed off parts of ourselves in operation it can be devastating, leaving a person at the brink of despair, feeling unloved, betrayed, attacked and labelled.
it is trauma, revisited.
Sometimes, I think I have a kind of hyper-radar and I misjudge those who really mean no harm at all (thinking they do mean me harm) and other times, I trust too much and don't see that someone is intent on harming me, until the harm is well on it's way. Confused I feel like I'm losing confidence in this area, like I should be learning but for some reason....I'm not getting better at it. I guess I just have to keep trying to learn?
Quote
......but when there are ill-intentions, masks, deceit, lack of accountability, understanding and sharing, closed off parts of ourselves in operation it can be devastating, leaving a person at the brink of despair, feeling unloved, betrayed, attacked and labelled.end Quote
This is so accurate, the way you put this, Guest. It's exactly what has also happened and how I have felt. I would only add that it occurs very insidiously and maybe that's why I don't pick up on it easily?
Quote
it is trauma, revisited. end Quote
Sure is. Thanks for putting all that into words so clearly, Guest.
you know that they're trustworthy-- I meant you know they're NOT trustworthy.
hi pal,
this is what I think:
trial and error: you're learning who NOT to trust, but the way you're doing it doesn't make sense because it's emotional. you might KNOW in your head that these people are trustworthy but you don't FEEL that way, you so want them to be different, to be loving.
for me it wasn't until I got:
that they couldn't be loving
that they knew EXACTLY what they were doing
that they were danger
that it was NOT my fault that they were the way they were
that I could NOT change them
that I so much WANTED them to be different
that is HURT HURT HURT --
it wasn't until I could feel all these feelings that I could release the lesson.
I think human beings are made in such a way that much of what is going on for us is going on spiritually and emotionally, under the surface.
we try to understand and make sense of things, but that is only half the battle.
the worst part -- the part we all avoid, myself included, is FEELING it.
that is what we distract ourselves from, but because it is what is necessary, I believe we just keep orchestrating the same events over and over so we can feel it and heal.
hope some of this resonates with you -- you seem to have a great big heart!
you're learning who NOT to trust, but the way you're doing it doesn't make sense because it's emotional. you might KNOW in your head that these people are trustworthy but you don't FEEL that way, you so want them to be different, to be loving.
And I think one key is that it's OLD EMOTION. It's not not not present feeling in response to present reality.
It's OOOOOOOLD yearning and wishing and unfulfilled needs for affection from waaaaay back thennnnnn.
We're lugging around OLD emotion that's so big it covers the lens of our hearts and we confuse our SINCERITY of feeling with ACCURACY and APPROPRIATENESS of feeling!
also think, for me, it is a big thought that
we (me) can confuse our sincerity of feeling
(it's so strong and intense and real it must be telling me something true...)
with accuracy of emotional knowledge.
Hi lighter,
Honestly, I lurked here for a good long time before I ever posted because there was strife on the board.
I am curious. While lurking, reading and posting, have you identified any common denominators to the strife?
tt
Hi lighter,
Honestly, I lurked here for a good long time before I ever posted because there was strife on the board.
I am curious. While lurking, reading and posting, have you identified any common denominators to the strife?
tt
Looking forward to your return... to your computer "drip" ?? (what's that about?)
Hope
Hi CH
tt is addicted so has an IV to her computer.
get it? an I V drip!
at least that's how i see it.............. as I have one!
xx
Izzy
Guest, can you tell me more about your journey out of "mental distortions"? Thanks so very very much Love Ami
lighter,
I'll be back on my home computer 'drip' by the end of July. I'll probably give a report on it all when I get home.
The main thing I needed to reconcile and work into my spirit was the 'savior rising' part of me that would do anything to keep this woman from falling and the real likelihood of a tormenting death resulting from it. No wonder I was exhausted. A savior I am not! A fixer I am not! I finally learned it.
tt
To chronically place blame, guilt, shame, on the board community at large seems unfair and unreasonable.
After a long absence, I have been posting here about two years. My observation is that there is a dark underbelly that drives this conflict, and IMO all the others that have erupted over the last two or so years that I've been a member. I have dissected and explained to myself the common denominators of these cycles/dramas. You see, I'm good at that. There is always and inflicter and an inflictee. I'm able to see the big surface picture of these conflicts and it is ugly! UGLY! The problem is that I have no skills at treating the underlying cause. At best anything I could offer would sound glib and cold. So I decided not to post my analysis of the common denominators of these conflicts until or unless I had something to offer in the way of fixing the wounds that drive the conflict. (This post may be my best or worst effort toward that cause.) And what lies beneath is a serious, psychological issue that has taken a destructive, turn. I don't like being a prop for the drama and except for the inflicter and the inflictee that's what we who participate become. Maybe my 'savior rising' tendency really is on its way out. The driving force beneath these conflicts defies understanding and explaination by your average, run of the mill, garden variety, street talking social psychologist (that is me).
Many have said it before me. There is lots of help to be had here, but when it"s all said and done what you get here could turn out to be to deep psychological issues what a laxative would be to appendicitis. We must exercise reasonable caution here as in all aspects of life.
QuoteWhat I do not see this place as is one of accountability.
I disagree with that statement but I'm willing to accept your feelings and not ask you to doubt them.
If you ask me to doubt my feelings, are you not doing to me what you feel has been done unto you?QuoteAs I looked at my life, as I've recovered from my wounds I looked at myself. I've learned to stop looking for the fault in everyone else and look at myself.
I wouldn't be pointing this out..... again...... but it seems appropriate, somehow.
You made a statement involving your superior ability to reason and understand on a 'specific' thread.
You criticized other board members' ability to understand and post responsibly.
I spoke my truth, as I saw and it was accused of being a meanie. I understand why.
My N always accused me of 'being cruel' if I refused to accept his warped reality, usually flying in the face of all reason.
Are we discussing the same point here?
Or speaking to past ghosts and triggers? I'm not really sure.
QuotePeople who do not readily operate in this way (in protection of the group as a whole) are ostracized or scapegoated -- look at what happened here, right on this very thread -- and immediately, right away.
I think you were asked for clarification, not scapegoated but your feelings about that are valid, no matter how anyone else sees it.
You deserve to feel understood.
I needed to understand why you wanted [me] to accept your statement as fact, when it was actually a contradiction, IMO.
You didn't upset me, I was just curious so I asked and pointed out what seemed like a cotradiction to me.
An attack, at least on my part, would look much different than the interaction on this thread, I promise, lol.QuoteYou're right, Ami, it is a replication of the real world.
and what I've learned is that is TOXIC.
when others will attack you and label you rather than engage you in dialogue and self reflect that is dangerous.
it dehumanizes you. you become a thing, rather than a living, breathing person with feelings.
I wish you'd post authentically and work out whatever problem you had in the past.
I promise, I want to understand and help you feel comfortable on the board......
not dehumanize you, (((Guest)))Quotewhat happens to you becomes "okay". You're hurt but it doesn't matter to the one doing the hurting because after all
they are RIGHT and you are WRONG. they have a point and you don't. whatever they are trying to say supersedes your feelings.
You had a valid point, no doubt.
IMO, it was unfortunately prefaced.
Quoteit becomes clear that you are not a member of the fold unless you can sacrifice whatever issue, pain or hurt you've brought up for examination.
It is expected that this should be done for the benefit of the "group" but at the expense of the individual's well being and emotional health.
this is abusive, toxic, debilitating thinking. the group is made of individuals, all with differing needs and cares. when one suffers, we all suffer.
I don't want to be asked to feel guilt and shame for using my voice either, Guest.
Not that I'm complaining, I simply open this up for honest dialogue without name calling or attacking.
::holding hands up for peace::Quotebut when one is "slaughtered" we are all stained by the blood that splashes onto the bystanders, all who witness, all who participate, all who learn by example -- and it can happen on many, many levels. from extreme to "seemingly" harmless. but all of it eats away very slowly at our collective souls.[q/uote]
:shock:Quotenow I'm not saying who does that here or that everyone does that here but it does happen here. and if someone points it out, they are attacked for it or labeled; some say they haven't experienced it, in short dismissing the one who has -- basically, the toxic, dysfunctional FOO cycle continues.
:shock:QuoteAmi, thank you for giving me the opportunity to say this here -- there obviously was a need.
In my pain and sorrow I reached out to this place for solace and what I received was horrible, bordering on inhumane but none the less unidentifiable to those who participated in it; tolerable to those who witnessed it; acceptable to those who ignored it.
Did it hurt me?
Good Lord and little fishes, Guest :shock:
I think we all identify with past hurts on the board.
Strife's always been an opportunity for growth, IME.
I truly hope you can work through some of these feelings.
Maybe we could have one thread that addresses the old issues specifically, if you think it would help?
Newbies could avoid it and only those up to it could attend.... keep it in that one thread?
I really do get a lot from your posts and hope you can feel safe here once again, Guest.
You made a statement involving your superior ability to reason and understand on a 'specific' thread.
You criticized other board members' ability to understand and post responsibly.
I spoke my truth, as I saw and it was accused of being a meanie. I understand why.
My N always accused me of 'being cruel' if I refused to accept his warped reality, usually flying in the face of all reason.
Are we discussing the same point here?
Or speaking to past ghosts and triggers? I'm not really sure.
I wish you'd post authentically and work out whatever problem you had in the past.
I promise, I want to understand and help you feel comfortable on the board......
not dehumanize you, (((Guest)))
I don't want to be asked to feel guilt and shame for using my voice either, Guest.
Not that I'm complaining, I simply open this up for honest dialogue without name calling or attacking.
::holding hands up for peace::
guest101
I couldn't w/o giving myself away.
I don't want to get into a bruhaha but I noticed the above and have to wonder what you have to hide and why?
The Board does not function well with sneakiness and cliques.
Izzy
I am not asking that at all and if you were not frightened of me and did not feel threatened by me we could have open dialogue, we could talk honestly and w/ an integrity. I don't feel that you can do that though - I don't feel that you want what is best for me -- I feel you want to destroy my voice here on this forum because you find it threatening.
I hope you can read this and accept it as a valid and honest description of WHAT I FEEL and not of what or who you are -- as I have read and accepted your own comments.
I am sorry truly that you have a need to make me a villain here but I do not accept that label.
[/quote
I'm going to slow talk back to you what I think I hear you saying, Guest.
1) You think I'm threatened by you
2) You understand how I've been triggered with regard to my N's expectations that I deny reality
3) You think I find YOU threatening, even after we just talked about what we both feel is the real threat. N's past treatment of me.
You're OP was the trigger.
I've admitted my issue wasn't really your post, therefore I don't feel you're a threat.
4) You think I personally wish you ill will on the board and have labled you a 'villain'
I believe my honest attempt at communcation with you was rejected.
I regret that you feel threatened by me.
I don't think I'm the only factor involved, unfortunately.
I can't fix this one: /
I didn't assume teartrack's post was directed soley at you.
In fact, I read it in your favor, funnily enough.
Maybe everyone assumed she might be talking about them, lol.... ::Shrug::
Not sure but it coud happen, lol.
I'm going to assume you have no intention of posting authentically on the board...... Meaning, identify yourself and post details that would help anyone understand what the hecks going on with you.
That's perfectly acceptable.
I do find it frustrating though, for reasons of my own, so I won't be responding to your posts much in the future.
::a little relieved we won't be revisiting that particular past conflict::
I really do hope you feel better and find peace.
true dialogue is talking about how you feel and asking someone else how they feel and being able to respond -
for ex. so you feel this way? why? Not telling someone what they feel -- there is a difference. and I can't LOL because I don't feel there is anything funny about ignoring another person's feelings.
if anyone can take anything positive away from this dialogue they can take that away. I have talked about my feelings -- my voice which is my own and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
authentically, Guest101
I'm sorry you felt hurt when I responded to TT's post about our limits here.
I wasn't thinking about your feelings just then...I was thinking about her perspective. I thought it was healthy and wanted to thank her.
It's hard to meet multiple needs at once, but I had no thought of hurting you.
I
Guest, I think it's fine if you want to be anonymous. Actually, we are all anonymous on this Board. I think anonymity can give some people freedom to say what they really feel, can really allow some their voice.
So, I'll probably be in the dog house for this post, or just ignored.
bow wow.
I think that enough of us ,on the board, need to stand up when another person is being mistreated so that the few mean voices are squelched. I think that we need to try to make sure that the board is a safe place for everyone. There,really, are only a few"bad apples,.but they can make the most noise. Love Ami
During the Holocaust ,the King of Denmark put on the gold star and all the citizens did,too.. The Nazis had to leave and no Danish Jews were taken or killed,
You don't want to reveal yourself completely because that is your way of protecting yourself. I understand that. You are enforcing your boundaries and part of boundary enforcement is to decide to not reveal one's self if one feels it is not safe. In view of the way you've been treated in this thread, I wouldn't feel safe either.
“Then, surprise: the laughter must be my imagination.
I sat back in my chair and tried to lock it out, but the laughter continued to flow. When I looked up, I saw very far away and high up a fat man shaking with laughter and pointing a finger at me. He seemed to think that my effort to find the right defense was the play of a silly fool. He also found amusing my effort to smile at the realization that I was a fool. He thought my seeing his laughter at his smiling at his laughing was also funny. When I finally frowned, he laughed even harder. ‘Enough,’ I said loudly, but began to laugh myself……..
……At last I stopped.
So did the fat man, although he still smiled, and I felt very close to him. I thought again of the spectacular nonsensical options that I’d been considering and decided I’d throw them out. The fat man began laughing again. I looked up startled, smiled socially at him and decided that I would instead use all three non-rational options. He laughed harder. With a flush I realised that I would have to abandon the dicelife completely, but the fat man laughed on and was joined by three, four other fat men all pointing at me and laughing joyously.
My mind was filled suddenly with the vision of thousands of fat men sitting up there in that fourth dimension watching the antics of human aspiration and purpose, and laughing. Our plans, hopes, expectations, and promises, and the realities of the future which they could also see: only a source of laughter…..”
(Copyright Luke Rhinehart 1993)
Nice to post again, thanks for the nudge.
hi Guest101,
((((((((((((((((((((((((((guest101))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I sure did miss you and I'm glad you're back, no matter how you choose to post.
bean
Honestly, I thought this thread would die!
It was very hard to live through the ranting, screaming, (fake) threats of self-harm, etc. and then have them act like nothing had happened when they next walked through the door.
My response to you is not about my past hurt with other people. It is about your actions. Not something I am projecting
This will be my only response to you. You can have your thread back.
Well when my oldest brother got there he smacked me so hard I literally went black and saw all the stars and fireworks. I think he knocked me out cold for a while. When my Mom got home of course she said I got what I deserved.
I will overcome that voice and you will and we all will. We are a determined lot in spite of the searing pain we have and continue to experience because of our profound wounding. - Gaining Strength
I am as important as any other person who God made. My inherent value comes from Him.
Dear GS,
What I carried in my head was 'Who do you think YOUOOO are?". I always remember this when I want to have dignity and honor in my life. 'Who do I think I am to deserve anything good?" This is the phrase that makes me doubt myself and doubt that I deserve dignity and honor,
I played out this phrase by getting in to and staying in and abusive marriage for 27 years.
Who do I think I am----- nobody. That was always my answer ,but I am disputing it now. I am as important as any other person who God made. My inherent value comes from Him. Love Ami.
Light, how would you feel if the next time you write about the pain of your divorce and your fear in the night that your husband could attack you if someone posted that they want to make pasta salad? How would that make you feel? Please give a serious, non-sarcastic answer.i
I'm sorry I can't bring myself to ask "what happened to you?" here, out in the open on this thread, cause I'm afraid of the response both you and I might get. I guess I don't trust the board that much. Also, I think that would trigger a whole lot of people (including me), and I don't want to cause people anxiety.
however, my post wasn't about addressing your feelings.
In your post #127 and others, you reflect on the way you've presented yourself thus far on this thread. Good for you! I'm beginning to hear your heart. I'm identifying with you. #130 not so good. A lot of blaming and shaming, playing the victim.
7) From the start of this thread, I sensed an underlying theme of exaggerated victimhood in your posts. #175 seems to back up that sense.
7) Responding to your invite post # 161. Honestly.
Cool I also wanted to point out that I'm as "anonymous" as anyone else is on this board. My handle is my handle, and whether it's guest101 or G101 or Mary it's still me. That seemed obvious to me from the start, which begs to question what was behind the hidden identity sham/drama?
Any newcomers to this board, will have no clue who is who and what is being debated or discussed. I'm not saying that you need to shut down the thread. I'm just bringing back objectivity here.
Portia
I didn't post much on this thread, as a guest101 could have been anybody--someone I was very close to, who chose to ignore me, or someone whose posts I never answered because our problems were so far apart.
I am not much into surprises, but I needed an answer if I were to continue.
My answer was that guest101 was Portia---but why be so secretive?
...and that led me to believe there was a conspiracy going on, so I ignored the thread
izzy
I am sorry Portia. your reaction made me think it was you and you never denied it.
Whatever, I can scarcely remember, but if I had seen you as a new member with this name and who told us why you were here woiuld have been different.
Granted, any person on this board can use any name and shoot all kinds of BS, to gain attention, continuously, repeating over and over on ever thread and then feeling adulated...... almost like an N.
I ever wondered if guest 101 was one of those.
I am NOW finished with the thread, especially when I see you taking to yourself, to keep the thread alive.
izzy
in the past, as I mentioned in the Betrayal thread, if I brought up a betrayal that had occurred in my family, a violation or an emotional need, not only was it NOT addressed or met but I was ridiculed for having the need and punished.
The punishments were as follows:
ostracizing me.
ignoring me.
criticizing my reaction to my needs being ignored (you're too sensitive; you're a cry baby; you're so angry -- of course, anyone would be sensitive, sad and angry about being ignored or ostracized but that's besides the point in a dysfunctional FOO)
silencing me
gas lighting me (telling me something that clearly happened didn't)
Then if I withdrew from contact with my family because of their behavior towards me they criticized me for that!
The criticisms were as follows:
You're too sensitive.
You take things too seriously.
You're too needy.
You're too demanding.
You're controlling.
I was too aloof, I didn't want to be part of the family, I didn't know how to act properly around them so that I could be part of the family.
(This means play nice, don't ask for much, don't draw attention to yourself, don't have opinions or feelings and God forbid needs but in a dysfunctional family this is never said outright.)
Then if I came back and tried to interact with them (that means their guilt campaign worked and overruled my need to protect myself from their toxic behavior)
if I had any further needs I was supposed to of course ignore it for the benefit of the family. I was supposed to forget all about what had happened and pretend nothing went wrong. Forget about healing past hurts. That was NOT happening.
My family then labeled me as the troublemaker. They felt (pretty accurately) that whenever I was around "something" came up.
My needs became reclassified as my "looking for trouble"
They could not for the life of them understand what was constantly coming up was my having natural, normal needs which of course every child had and of course needed to be met and their constant frustration of those needs FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES.
This is an example of being DAMNED IF YOU DO --- DAMNED IF YOU DON'T.
Exactly what I said to K in the end. Her response in a very lethargic voice "I don't understand what you mean, girlie" (was she BLIND? was she DUMB? was she PLAYING WITH MY MIND?)
because I point that out and call attention to that toxic behavior, I'll always be a "trouble maker" to those who want me to just go away.
because they just want me to "play nice" or "go away" -- I could never be an authentic person here w/ integrity,
I'd have to play a role of another happy go lucky person who can post recipes and little jokes.
so it doesn't matter what I say or what I do as Guest101 to be included here I would have to stop being Guest101 and become some one else.
I am no longer in the business of betraying my self to please other people.
I just received this phenomenal affirmation and wanted to share it with the rest of the board:God Supports MeIsn't that profound!
God created me to be fulfilled.
I Trust God and He is There at Every Turn.
I am Safe.
God is truly a glorious God.
Lighter,
I don't know how to say this but plainly:
Will you please leave me in peace.
You are not helping me.
You are only being hurtful and mean.
Please leave me alone.
Allow me to work out my own issues without baiting me, please.
I am trying to appeal to the kindness and empathy that I see you extend to other members.
Please, leave me in peace.
God forgive for jumping in when maybe I should not(or maybe I should)but I think that you are being intentionally cruel here where you don't have or need to be. Lighter Ami
Lighter,
I don't know how to say this but plainly:
Will you please leave me in peace.
You are not helping me.
You are only being hurtful and mean.
Please leave me alone.
Allow me to work out my own issues without baiting me, please.
I am trying to appeal to the kindness and empathy that I see you extend to other members.
Please, leave me in peace.
Since you're speaking plainly to me..... I'll speak plainly to you: )
Please do not mistake (my) honesty,
for cruelty.
It didn't work too well for my N, either and he always said.... 'you're being cruel' when I spoke my truth.
Always.
If I post empathy and kindness to anyone here.... it's based on my perception of reality.
If you wish to be treated differently,
just say so. ::shrug::
I can wrap my mind around an honest request to 'gaslight' the board, unhindered.
At least the new posters won't be left in confusion about your intentions.....
and I won't feel obligated to post honestly in your direction: )
Peace to you, Guest....
As always.
dear Lighter,
I see a hurting person trying to make a connection-- in the best way that she knows how. I see someone on the school yard who desperately wants to join the group of kids playing.
I see someone who needs help rather than someone trying to get one over on anyone.
Love Ami
Harris Writes: Cruelty, saying mean things and sarcasm are characteristics of an N.
You justify your cruelty, sarcasm and meaness by saying you are protecting the board. Don't worry about the board. The board was here before you came and it will be here after you leave. People have their own minds and can evaluate your words and actions for themselves. Instead of worrying about the board, concentrate on your own words and actions.
Guest asked you to leave her alone. You just can't leave Guest alone, you keep coming back to bait and bully.
Your position is understood: You think you are right. Fine. But, if a poster asks you to leave them alone, have to grace and dignity to do so.
Did the Kindercare and Nursery School classes get out early this week or something? Come on people...just let everyone do their thing. Im not saying don't comment, cause we all should be able to...but, let's comment on behaviors a bit more than on people, I think.
~Laura
Dear Lighter,
What I see is that someone is saying that they want to belong. This is what I hear under all the words. They want to be welcomed in more than the particular subject matter.
Love Ami