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21
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by lighter on May 11, 2026, 09:36:48 PM »
...."not getting a lot done."

And......in 100 years, what will it matter?

FYI.....healing some generational trauma WILL matter.

Receiving your own permission, to rest, without "earning" it....will matter, IME.

The stuff.....and getting it done.....just won't matter, not at all, but IME.

I wish I could go back and worry less about the stuff .....I really do.

In fact, I wish I could go back and fiercely refuse to worry at all.

Worry got me dysregulated and dumbed down to surviving.

There were so many things I wish I'd done instead.....choose an action, DO IT, then put the problem on a shelf.....turn back to joy, and only that.

What an amazing ride that could have been......if only.

But as they say....
No regrets, lol.

Onward and upward.  Here's to making better decisions/trying out different decisions every day.

Even if it's making coffee different, or wearing different pants, etc ....
I want less of habit, and more of what can be!!!  I want my brain to get feisty.....and choose differently....choose more, and better, and for my highest purpose.

Yes.

Lighter

22
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 11, 2026, 04:32:50 PM »
Me too. Lots of things on my list I want to do - but it's either too chilly making me want to cocoon or too hot, which means I'll be miserable. I did remember that pollen does this to me, some years. But it should be going away soon. I hope!

I dunno; I'm not beating myself up over being "lazy". I have some "have to" things coming up that I need to have a lot of energy/smarts for... sigh.
23
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 11, 2026, 10:56:12 AM »

-- Instead of hanging out with someone yesterday I kept thinking of the regret of not doing it but also I was tired
-- Sometimes there is tired that is cured by doing stuff
-- yesterday morning I identified a feeling of pressure in my chest but then I changed location and didn't want to start again

-- I'm just having morning coffee
-- In a while I will get on bus and go sit in a quiet place to do therapy thing
-- last Friday, Sat, Sun I was in a "down" phase sort of where I wanted to stop the therapy stuff
-- the therapy does take up my time and I feel like I am wasting the therapists time
-- I've been drifting for a few months not getting a lot done  <----
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 11, 2026, 10:47:37 AM »

That sounds very nice Lighter. Good luck with the meese. Have never had a meese infestation though I have seen some wild footage of meese mobs.
25
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by lighter on May 10, 2026, 10:33:16 PM »
You so deserve lovely fellowship, Hops.  What an amazing time you had!  Please do drop interesting points, from that interesting memoir, and it's nice to know one's work is appreciated!

What an uplifting post, yay for'ya!

Lighter
26
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on May 10, 2026, 10:29:21 PM »
I'm baiting rat traps with peanut butter.  Not bc I think we have rats, but bc there are mice, and all traps have, once again, been deployed.

Meeces seem to be mostly on back patio and mechanical room......the traps are set around 2 suspicious holes in the exposed insulation, where drapery tassels have been stolen and stockpiled.

I ripped part of a nail back today.....nutsy heavy king mattress flip..... there's some regret involved.

The yard's clover is lush and happy.....almost everywhere.  Some root rot, but that's been replanted.  Don't put clover in without asking me what NOT to do first, is my advice.

I'm pleasantly exhausted.....oldest DD and bf drove in yesterday morning.  We had a nice dinner out BIL suggested, and covered. We went through photo albums, the kids both on DD's baby grand for a while.....DD played Hans Zimmer's, Davy Jones Theme.  The bf improvised in a style DD recognized.  I did not, but it was heaven.

We watched Practical Magic, sleepy and nestled together with the pug.......a good time was had by all.

Lighter



27
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 10, 2026, 01:28:34 PM »

- I decided not to go to church today
-- there is no reason I have to be a sheeple and keep doing it without thinking about why I am going
-- some days it's okay to have fewer destinations
-- I think I will go off to a cafe eventually once I make some toast etc.
-- not doing is also an act of self agency
-- I thought a lot about the social invitation I received and I feel stressed about it mainly the logistics of it but also I was reflecting on the mismatch of lifestyle
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
28
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on May 09, 2026, 03:27:26 PM »
Amber, your description of how you and B have carefully stepped into this real relationship was mind-blowingly wise to me. Beautiful!

I am nursing a serious crush on the old family friend who once had a crush on me. The reunion finally happened and I felt joyful throughout. The two brothers and the sister....all welcomed me like a long-lost cousin.

As to Crushman, he's written the most brilliant, funny, moving and fascinating memoir I've ever had the privilege to read. It's almost 700 pages long, and completely absorbing. I was up all night binge-reading.

Alas, it's not for sale publicly. He just "gifts" copies to specific people. I'd try to describe it but it's so encompassing I don't know how. He does have an earlier book, Take Me With You, about him traveling the ENTIRE world until he finds a local person to invite to come visit him, on his dime. That book is on Amazon, just ordered it.

My head's still spinning from all that, with gratitude. He loved my poetry, which felt good. But back to California he (and his wife) go now, so I'll be forlorn a bit.

hugs
Hops
29
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Hopalong on May 09, 2026, 01:56:05 PM »
I SO enjoyed that video!
For some reason I asked myself, why no female singers? But, ehhhhh, culture.

I can see why the group is so successful.

hugs
Hops
30
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 09, 2026, 02:11:10 AM »

https://youtu.be/kQRHBoq3Xp4?si=pt7kAgexQKFWSIwZ
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