Recent Posts

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 25, 2026, 04:24:02 PM »

I do weird dumb stuff when I am stressed and out of sorts. I rarely lose things.

This morning instead of making great use of my time I spent an hour maybe looking for a key that was on a cord. I kept looking in bags over and over again. The same bags. I shoved my hands in my back pockets of my jeans over and over again as if the key would magically appear. Eventually as I was grazing my right hand over my right side I realized the key was dangling from my back under my shirt. It was tangled up in my bra I am not sure how I managed this feat of organizational skills. After an hour of looking for it and with my messed up life and my type that I am I felt like I was on the verge of barfing not entirely there but I was getting that stressed mad at self queasy feeling.

The place I was going to chill out to journal is closing soon.

I guess I will figure something out. I've got like multiple notepads with notes on them shoved in my bag. What do I need these notes for I am not sure but they are there.

I feel stressed in general like being delayed an hour doing something dumb I feel so fed up in so many ways. I've had a headache for like 4 or 5 days in a row.

Oh well. In theory I am going to meet a new-friend to go for a walk this week in a town nearby so maybe that is something to look forward to if the weather holds out and I don't show up like a complete basket case. I wish I had started my day earlier.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 25, 2026, 04:13:21 PM »

Thanks Lighter and Skeptical.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 25, 2026, 04:09:00 PM »

I think my chatty mood this morning, has earned me a new penpal. Someone on another forum is looking to relocate to my side of the state line. She's also an herbalist and forager. Gots the skills. She's been telling me her life story and I suspect it's been awhile since she had a female friend. Been married 50 years and happily so. She's 80, so her requirements for a new place to live are going to reflect that a bit. But I think it's doable for them.

It's been awhile since I've made a new friend too. So, maybe periodic reports of how it's going forthcoming.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 25, 2026, 10:29:14 AM »

There's distance and avoidance.....my specialty, btw.

And then I remember how it felt to feel abandoned in my suffering...at the mercy of the systems, set up to allow, dismiss and excuse male interpersonal terrorists.....and how the culture allows and expects it.

It's not ok.

There should be consequences, creating sea change, in this crap patriarchy, bc it's obviously not succeeded.

I'm torn......
Not r my circus, not my clowns ....
but stepmom doesn't deserve to be cut off from "normal" people, bc her life is dominated by distress and deeply felt discomfort and ick......right?

The in between is the father and son.

The good man with the special needs son......who displays egregiously inappropriate behavior towards women ( and it's assumed children, given the chance.)

And the world's full of unsafe men...... can't throw a stone without hitting one, feels like.

Tolerance would have to change into zero tolerance.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on April 25, 2026, 10:07:39 AM »

The shape of the planting area is a teardrop, with various trees and bushes....2 puffballs with white flowers.

I need a break from watering seedlings.......a relaxed break to figure this out.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by lighter on April 25, 2026, 10:05:19 AM »

You can wear stilettos for 3 minutes?

I can't even stand in them!

That's what happens when one lives in Candy's too long. 

Oh....and injures ties in martial arts.

Still .... I'm impressed, Amber.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by lighter on April 25, 2026, 10:02:23 AM »

Meh, what's in your Therapist's toolbox, regarding trauma processing?

Maybe something will click, if you understand how your T can, and usually works.

What can they offer?  What makes sense to you?

My T always goes in through the body ....where is the distress showing up?  What does it feel like?  What's behind it?  She goes from there ....every time, which makes sense to me.

Good on'ya for hanging in there, and not judging.

See what's there, ((Meh ))

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 25, 2026, 08:20:15 AM »

You're doing it Meh. You don't know the therapist; she doesn't know you. To YOU, talking about your life, your feelings your thoughts is boring. To her it's information. From which - with enough information - she may be able to suss out and see some patterns. Which is more information.

Takes a while. Don't expect miracles too soon. Maybe don't expect miracles at ALL, because I found that most of the benefits I got were simple, tiny adjustments in my way of analyzing experiences that allowed me to journal out all the difficult things TO myself. The anger. Frustration. Always putting myself last. People pleasing. Never asking for help.

And from that time (about 10 years ago now; I still have an active journal - but last entry was 2 years ago.) I just kept going... making new choices... accepting that being an introvert wasn't a BAD thing - and learning to push back on my extrovert friends who keep trying to make me more socially active. BLECH! Not to my taste. No thank you, I'm fine.

Of course, I'm skipping over the episodes of rediscovering trauma, all the symptoms that come from that.... and being able park that in the chronological history as just "something I went through". I had a chance as an adult to revisit all those emotions/half theoretical assumptions/conclusions... and choose something else. RESOLVING it once and for all.

I will wish that you find what YOU need in this process too.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 25, 2026, 07:59:22 AM »

My silly absurdist brain just wants to become one with all that swirl of color. To immerse myself in the explosion of riotious joy of it all. It's almost a marinara sauce... spicy sicilian style! It would be like a red carpet experience just to make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in that space.

I'd want to wear stillettos in the kitchen! (for 3 minutes before the pain started)

MAYBE... the magic energy of the floor will act as a grounding touchstone????

(Yes.... I'm right on the cusp of too much coffee....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 11:04:01 PM »

So what can I say.

I feel like I am boring the therapist.

There is not a lot of structure to it they say like "so how are things going since last week" and then I sort of feel like I am just rambling and drifting off into thought like I feel like I am trying to make a point but I also just feel like I am boring them. I feel sad that I'm so boring?

I essentially said something like 1) I really don't have much of a support network but am trying to get out more often 2) my relative is always trying to get reactions out of me it seems like that is the point of their interaction is like baiting behavior.

I told her I treat my paycheck like my family, support network and my god. It's pragmatic.

It feels like nothing is happening other than boring her. What am I meant to do in therapy?