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21

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: I met DD24's bf's parents

« Last post by lighter on November 23, 2025, 11:10:57 PM »

Lordy.....cook.  Don't cook.  Get Thai...no.  Chinese.  Plan for early celebration, so DD24 can go to her BF's family celebration.

Then ......I think it's settled.  DD23 is cooking a new French potato recipe, but.....DD24 thinks we're going out for Thai.....has invited friends..... she's overwhelmed and overtly disappointed.

This, after I had a happy day planning, shopping, roasting chicken bones onions and carrots for the delicious smelling stock, simmering on the stove.

DD25 makes sure there will be gluten in the stuffing. Yes. 

I make roasted brussel sprouts, chuck eye steaks and a crunchy salad, no one eats.  DD25 goes to her car to calm down. The bf chats DD23 and I up, in her absence......more a problem around lack of control and belief she'd be e stuck in the house with "gross" food.  I'll cancel the honey baked ham....bc..... that's....gross.

The roast chicken is still on.  I made the brine ahead..... it's ready to go.

DD23 thinks asparagus will please everyone.

I'm just relieved I got the pie order in early......and relieved the kids want to play games.

All in all....things are on track.  Wrangling a group is what it is, esp when strong opinions are involved.

I'm interested in mining more joy.....maximizing the time.  That's my focus.

DD23 is in the middle, as always..amused at the add/tism dance DD24 and I dance.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 23, 2025, 08:59:03 AM »

Lighter mentioned that blues were brighter. I've been noticing that - depending on the light - some grays are looking definitely purple to me. Even my girlie gray twin kitties. Other colors are normal hue/intensity.

It still feels weird to not be wearing glasses. And because I wore contacts for a couple decades, I can "feel" the lens/incision or scar, in my eye.

I'm still very bright light sensitive, so I'm going to have to borrow a pair of sunglasses from Hol till I get some that aren't Rx.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Hopalong on November 22, 2025, 02:43:06 PM »

Wowzers. I'm so happy to hear all this, Amber!

Not surprised by it but greatly delighted.

That last para is just happytoast.

And the sleep marathon, too.

Yay, YOU! Keeping up not keeping everything up might be resetting something too.
All in favor of you doing a little less and enjoying it more, raise your hands....

hugs and more happies,
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 21, 2025, 02:10:40 PM »

Yup, it's good to carve out space for "just you". It really does benefit a person to build in time each day - week - month - year for solitude. No matter WHAT Zuckerberg thinks is important!

A person discovers a whole lot of new stuff in those spaces, and it makes your time with chosen others more interesting too.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 21, 2025, 02:06:26 PM »

Got off the phone with my brother a little while ago - who needs the same surgery.

I was having trouble seeing the puter this morning; but this afternoon I can see it fine. I'll have to reset the text size on my Kindle tonight (I made it giant; still didn't read much - just crashed.)

Now I can't wait for the full moon, to see if I still see a bright blue circle around it.

The weirdest part is, I'm not wearing glasses and I can still see. Better than I saw WITH glasses!

26

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on November 21, 2025, 10:13:24 AM »

Contractor picked up his tools and installed the porch skirting yesterday.  He just showed up.  No call.  Nuthin.  This, after not showing the day before.

Oh well.....he still has the vanity drawer....it was a tad too wide.  He said he'll be back within a week.

I gave him 10 boxes of tile, I'll never use...... it's for his pig room. 

I have a couple small things, I forgot, so I'll see him again. 

The goodbye was odd......like he thinks we'll never see each other again. Ok, he's been working here for months, so it will be a change.  It's not easy to find someone who's energized, by creative projects, evolving on the fly.  He certainly was, and I'm glad he was here, but ready for this project to end.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on November 21, 2025, 10:04:34 AM »

Well, Hops, the crazy cat man is pretty close by.  He left a for sale sign, by the mailbox, recently, so he's likely still there. 

But......maybe I should see who my other neighbors are, now......then realize.....
I'm a bit jaded/bitter about neighbor interactions, generally.  My instincts are to get busy, find employees and otherwise enjoy lone serenity.

The town is little, but so busy now!  Lots of cars and traffic and business.  It used to feel like one was in the boonies.  No more.

Yesterday, the cowgirl approached me as I was dialing my T and preparing to have a session in my truck.  I had a good chance to notice how disruptive it is to my Nervous System.  Not cowgirl's fault.....but something I will tend to, and limit.

Part of this is feeling obligated to give attention to others/distractions, whatever comes up.  I think I'm back to pulling my energy in, close...... remaining separate and not allowing others IN, unless I've decided I have time, energy and willingness to do so.

It would be good to have a few friends at the lake, tho....and now I'm thinking about it.  Thanks, Hops.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on November 21, 2025, 09:50:48 AM »

Your experience is so different than mine.  I'm super uncomfortable with remembering parts of the surgery....yours and mine, btw.  Ack!  In any surgery......give me deep comforting blackness, please! 

Keep us updated on your healing progress.  I'm fascinated, by the things you notice, and all the changes involved.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on November 21, 2025, 09:46:03 AM »

I was hungry when I posted the above.

I didn't judge my choices.  I didn't tell myself I'd eat this way or that.

I simply pulled out boiled eggs, half a cucumber, the last of the spinach, an avocado, avocado oil and apple cider vinegar.  On the plate, I looked at the food......went for Nature's Seasoning .....read the ingredients....sugar....put it back on the shelf, bc I could. It wasn't a difficult choice.

I didn't even consider the chic fil a dressings in the fridge, or the candied pecans or apples.....nope.

I ate my plate....and really missed dressings and mayo and sour cream.....missed egg salad.....ahhhh condiments.

The cucumber went first.  Interesting. 

The end of the meal was about bites with some of everything.....and noticing I'd forgotten the lime. The lime and salt make it much better, IME.


As I reflect on eating clean......I see the patterns of eating "better" with my girls....to eat with them....the same.....not shame them.....hope we all decide to eat "best" together, eventually.  That's obviously not a pattern working for me....any of us.

I shopped last night.  Asked the girls if they wanted something.  Brussel sprouts, Parmesan and saffron.  Ok. 

I got myself some beef chuck steaks, center cut pork chops to brine, a lamb shank.....and crunchy lettuce requiring a cleaning.  No more soft lettuces for me.

I ate one of the leftover smash burgers, with lettuce bun/mustard/pickled jalapenos, and didn't fret over the cheese.  The kids cooked whatever they had. and DD's bf cleaned the kitchen.  I think I'll have the last smash burger with a couple easy over eggs, for breakfast.

One of my mother's cousin's passed yesterday.....her brother will be stopping by today, with his wife, in their camper....passing through from Florida.  Very nice people.  Not sure what we'll have for dinner, but I'm going to not think about it till after I've eaten.

I'm really focusing on NOT reacting/frenzy cleaning/over shopping in a panic, etc.  I want more ease, focus on important things, like connecting and fellowship.....I want to play games/cards, enjoy simple food and remember good times.

Now.....food.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 21, 2025, 08:09:36 AM »

Well, the universe decided I wasn't gonna sleep well night before the surgery. When I "wokeup" in recovery, she gave me options for a drink (desperately needed) and a snack (ditto). So cheezits & ginger ale it was! I was very much more with it this time "waking up". But the single lens glasses were no go; the new corrected eye wasn't ready for that  Very overcast day, so I didn't need sunglasses. I remembered different things from the surgery this time. Basically aware of everything during the laser removal process. Different bits & pieces from the OR insertion this time; then a blank space. Anastesiologist said that drug is meant to disrupt memory. I wonder if that's so the patient doesn't try to compare how they see, pre and post surgery??

We picked up some Popeye's chicken & B's favorite chips and I was in bed by 7pm; probably asleep by 7:30. Slept straight thru till 5 this mornng. I NEEDED that! It's taking a bit of adjusting this morning to see the puter. Fortunately, it's easy to adjust the size of type. My generic readers are too strong to see normal sizes clearly. Grabbed the one-lens glasses and that's not bad right now. it helps that it's getting daylight now; sun still won't be "up" until 8, and with this fog we probably won't see it till 9. It took me a day or so, with the first eye to figure out best/clearest way to see. And the drops help - a LOT.

There's an anti-inflammatory, a steroid, and antibiotic, which is only used for a week. Everyone I talked to before the surgery, said don't screw up the drops - they are important! I get that. The bottles are so tiny - and I "miss" my eye half the time - so I'm calling doc to call in a refill for me. The anti-inflamatory is called for 2x a day for a month! I'm only halfway with the first eye.

My close vision was much improved after a week, with just the first eye... so I'm gonna be patient and optiomistic about both eyes, getting there. Even though, these lenses are intended for middle & distance focus.

It is amazing, how much more i notice, see, am aware of - and not just visually - because of the increase in "information" my brain is getting from clearer sight. I kinda felt like I was "fading out" before this, even though I was fighting to see/maintain as much as I could. Not ready to drive yet though! I'm giving myself the weekend 'off' to get the first bit of healing done and B can cook. I'm still chief dishwasher - but I might even give the mechanical one an "exercise" this weekend.

I do notice that the differential in focal distance isn't as much of a problem now. So - work on peripheral vision, proprieception, and gentle movements - like spotting in turns - all with an eye to sharpen up my balance while "in motion".