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21
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on April 07, 2026, 11:30:08 PM »


-- I talked to the person and it went okay. I do wish I was near enough to the person that it could be an in-person counseling session.

-- Had anticipated talking to this therapist person so much that I kept stressing about it as if the perfect magical words could unlock the right therapy.

-- I am tired tonight.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on April 07, 2026, 03:21:08 PM »

- It feels like a can of worms.
- Like everything is a "trauma response" --- confusion is a "trauma response" to cognitive dissonance etc.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on April 07, 2026, 03:15:41 PM »


Today I have a pre-phone appointment to talk to a therapist who specializes in narcissism.

They want to know what my goals are I think.

- I know working on awareness about personal agency is one of them
- I know that I want to be more aware about the things I can do to be like "higher-functioning" whatever that means
- I know like larger goals are quality of life though I feel I can only work on small goals right now
- I have social anxiety which I am ashamed of
- Sometimes I get stuck and I don't make decisions fast enough and it because a self-sabotage maybe
- Life kind of demands constant pivots and big decisions and I just feel like I can only manage small things
- I do not know if I am being REAL in life or if I am sticking a lot of energy into being fake -- and maybe I just feel this way because last job was high-customer contact and one IS EXPECTED to put on a shell-face.
- Oh the GAD
- The possible ADD
- The big bugaboo -- the covert N has never been diagnosed with Covert N -- I am the only witness in the family -- brother dead and nobody else cares -- The Covert N is basically now starving themselves to death. I have been shoving plates of food into their gross claw hands without making eye contact or saying anything -- they are so pathetic.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

??? 

What are your opinions?  -- What should I talk to the therapist about.
- my rumination....
- my negativity?  -- criticism --

I don't know honestly I think the big things for me are -- agency and learning how to build a 3-D group of friends and support etc.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 07, 2026, 10:36:36 AM »
What a beautiful metaphor about the redbuds, Amber.
I'm not surprised you've got poetry skill along with the rest of your creativity!

They're (redbuds) up and down my street and make my heart happy.
I have a smaller one out back that's coming along happily.

I keep telling myself I've got to sacrifice the fungus-riddled dogwood out
front but now it's in full pink bloom and oof, it's too hard to "pull the trigger."

Lately, also been thinking that maybe I don't have to time it perfectly and
I can just let it live until the wilt and gray patches leave me no choice.

Back to serviceberry dreams. The flame one would also be amazing in fall.
I also looked up whether it's vulnerable to the same fungus attacking dogwoods,
and it's not. Whew! But watch out if there are nearby cedars, which
host a rust fungus that does attack serviceberries.

I think some plants need to get into therapy, do you? LOL.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 07, 2026, 08:03:34 AM »
I'm not fussed about the eye situation. It can take months for light sensitivity floaters to diminish. Cheap sunglasses!

There is no escaping pollen when your work is outdoors! But opening windows invites it INTO the house. (Learned not to do that at the beach). Some years are worse than others, so we'll see what this spring brings. It doesn't last too long. Local wildflower honey in tea is effective - but it's not a quick fix.

I really don't like the springs where its 80+ for a week and then back in the 20s at night for a week. I have to have base layers AND shorts/tank tops at hand depending on the day. But everything is SOOO pretty right now. Trees leafing out/blooming - redbuds are like sparks of fire in the green.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 06, 2026, 06:28:20 PM »
:(  I'm sorry it's taking such a long time to retreat.

Imaging you starkers (or in tasteful bloomers) enjoying an outdoor shower.
I don't have allergies as badly as you do but imagine thick wonderful hair is target zero for pollen.

Yikes.

I'm sure you saw me preaching at you about a couple air cleaners.

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 06, 2026, 01:43:28 PM »
Sinuses better. But pollen is just starting here.
Eyes... I'm not sure. Still have floaters sometimes and distance vision isn't what I'd hoped. Today, at any rate.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 06, 2026, 11:30:03 AM »
Amber, speaking of organ recitals, how are your eyes and sinuses behaving? Still plumbed together, I hope not?

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Hopalong on April 04, 2026, 08:56:13 PM »
"Unique, tragic superiority" is a helluva phrase.
Something to chew on when I contemplate a few people.

I was locked out (password rejected) all day but as Doc G advised, I just waited a good while to try again and it worked this time.

hugs
Hops
30
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on April 04, 2026, 02:02:44 AM »
"Help-Rejecting Complainer" (HRC), a term popularized by George Vaillant as a "polite" way to describe a specific defense mechanism. When paired with Covert Narcissism, it creates a cycle where the person seeks attention through distress but rejects every solution to maintain their "victim" status.


1. Help-Rejecting Complaining (HRC)
This is classified as a maladaptive defense mechanism. The individual deals with emotional conflict by complaining or making repetitious requests for help that disguise covert feelings of hostility or resentment toward others.

Psychology Today | The Help-Rejecting Complainer: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-creativity-cure/201402/the-help-rejecting-complainer


The "Help-Rejecting" & Narcissism Connection --???
In clinical literature, this is often linked to "Splitting" or "Projective Identification." By rejecting help, the narcissist proves that "no one understands them" or "no one can truly help," which reinforces their sense of unique, tragic superiority.

George Vaillant’s "Adaptation to Life": This is the seminal book that categorizes HRC as a "Level II: Immature Defense."
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