21
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on January 17, 2026, 07:04:25 PM »What company do you order from?
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22
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on January 17, 2026, 06:59:39 PM »Big fire going in the living room fireplace. Contractor left about 4:30pm....the time flew.....felt like 20 minutes only.
Roof leaking in one bedroom....found the problems. Roof vent needs replacing from outside.
Deck has carpenter bee problem....maybe unsafe. Maybe need to replace outer base ards only. Will see.
He wants to put in a retaining wall, with boulders from the property, to place wedding arch, tbd.
He can put in electric and plumbing for upstairs and downstairs washer dryer units. Attic ladder needs repair or replaced.
Outbuilding needs gutter repairs.....water line repairs.....lots of things in that area, frankly.
That's the short list.
Expecting rain.....have to cover a bed and place bucket, just in case.
It's so blustery cold.
Roof leaking in one bedroom....found the problems. Roof vent needs replacing from outside.
Deck has carpenter bee problem....maybe unsafe. Maybe need to replace outer base ards only. Will see.
He wants to put in a retaining wall, with boulders from the property, to place wedding arch, tbd.
He can put in electric and plumbing for upstairs and downstairs washer dryer units. Attic ladder needs repair or replaced.
Outbuilding needs gutter repairs.....water line repairs.....lots of things in that area, frankly.
That's the short list.
Expecting rain.....have to cover a bed and place bucket, just in case.
It's so blustery cold.
23
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 17, 2026, 06:39:52 PM »Alpaca socks, Lighter!
You'll never buy anything else.
You'll never buy anything else.
24
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 17, 2026, 06:37:03 PM »Ummm.... Lighter.... much as we appreciate those things, we don't live in castles.
(I know, I have the same problem!)
(I know, I have the same problem!)
25
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: facing the world
« Last post by Hopalong on January 17, 2026, 04:50:01 PM »I still think scotch tape is a miracle.
"Happiness is small pleasures." --Beaudelaire
Your dad had a little head? That's so interesting.
My dad was Casper Milquetoast, not a macho cell in his body.
But, the brain...respected by many.
I remember very snooty people my parents knew were at a
cocktail party in London and met J. Paul Getty. When asked
where they were from and they named this town, Getty said
enthusiastically, "Oh that's where [Hops' father] lives!" After
the snooty people got home they kept sucking up, but the
contrast was too obvious. Ick. I was proud of my folks for
their disinterest.
It was hilarious to me since my dad was always self-effacing
and we lived so modestly. [He got no money from wealthy
parents until after their deaths. Principled and not spoiled.]
I only understood many years later that him making maps
of the South China Sea had something to do with Getty oil.
Sigh. He was a dutiful man. No aggression or naked ambition,
but ... oil? Near Viet Nam? Made me sad to learn that but
didn't change my feelings about him. The safe, good parent.
hugs
Hops
"Happiness is small pleasures." --Beaudelaire
Your dad had a little head? That's so interesting.
My dad was Casper Milquetoast, not a macho cell in his body.
But, the brain...respected by many.
I remember very snooty people my parents knew were at a
cocktail party in London and met J. Paul Getty. When asked
where they were from and they named this town, Getty said
enthusiastically, "Oh that's where [Hops' father] lives!" After
the snooty people got home they kept sucking up, but the
contrast was too obvious. Ick. I was proud of my folks for
their disinterest.
It was hilarious to me since my dad was always self-effacing
and we lived so modestly. [He got no money from wealthy
parents until after their deaths. Principled and not spoiled.]
I only understood many years later that him making maps
of the South China Sea had something to do with Getty oil.
Sigh. He was a dutiful man. No aggression or naked ambition,
but ... oil? Near Viet Nam? Made me sad to learn that but
didn't change my feelings about him. The safe, good parent.
hugs
Hops
26
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on January 17, 2026, 11:46:39 AM »Arrived yesterday evening.....a 4 car wreck had North bound lane at a crawl. I wasn't sure how to handle the stillness, realized I was leaning forward, anticipating future tasks, and switched to praying no one too badly injured.....wondered who/what caused it.....thought about destructive Ns creating damage every day if their lives.....stopped thinking about it. I might not t wish my ad things for them....but I only pray for them to stop being toxic forces in the world.
The house was fresh and clean clean clean when I got here. I can see where the matriarch spirits required younger family members ...think young 20s parents of small children .... the step up. It's a clear demarcation between responsible adult who's identity depends on the job they do, and a young person tossing not so clean things into upper cabinets, bc figuring out where they go is too much for them. I'm impressed the matriarchs have the patience to ride here like that, bc it's easier to just do it, and know it's done right.
And so.....this interests me.
:: dopamine squirt::.
I'm separating downstairs things from upstairs cupboards....finding and matching lids.....on a step stool....no vertigo.
::more dopamine::.
I'm noticing how the shelves sit on their pegs.....holy guacamole, almost at edge....on several! I shift shelves till I feel safe again....noticing a little dizziness, but mostly life's pretty normal again.
The contractor is "running late."
His wife is "spinning out."
He mentioned they were maybe arguing, a bit, over money and getting their basement apartment rented.....his helper was going to move in, but got drunk, name called, just blew it which is sad, bc the money sorely needed ABD there was a plan for him to help with everything, as a younger man. Contractor maybe 74yo? I think. Wife has back problems and immune disorder......pigs, goats, dogs, 6 new cats....lots of mouths to feed. They would have willed the entire place to the helper, had he held it together. Very sad, but it didn't, could never, work out. It made sense, bc he's certainly special needs....has a special needs DD.....very child like. It would have been a good situation, if only it could.
Back to the job at hand .....I found, measured and took pics of antique Teak and Rosewood architectural pieces, newly arrived, at a place specializing in specialty woods and importing every crazy thing you can think of.
There's carved posts......SO heavy, old doorframes, hinged 20' screens and elaborately carved headboard looking ....pieces. Tables.....my brain's burning....puzzling ideas....how to transport ...install. And so contractor needs to see the site, then we go back to warehouse or select regular wood.... we're in the thumbnail phase.
Here's where I'm at .....if it costs close to the same..... I'd prefer 200 yo Teak or Rosewood, bc it'll last, and we're working with wonderful pieces .....not designing, distressing and fabricating.
On another note....I saw a 10' w island with copper countertop and 3K hammered copper sink at ReStore....asking 2K. It would make a ln amazing flower arranging counter....in a dang castle.
The house was fresh and clean clean clean when I got here. I can see where the matriarch spirits required younger family members ...think young 20s parents of small children .... the step up. It's a clear demarcation between responsible adult who's identity depends on the job they do, and a young person tossing not so clean things into upper cabinets, bc figuring out where they go is too much for them. I'm impressed the matriarchs have the patience to ride here like that, bc it's easier to just do it, and know it's done right.
And so.....this interests me.
:: dopamine squirt::.
I'm separating downstairs things from upstairs cupboards....finding and matching lids.....on a step stool....no vertigo.
::more dopamine::.
I'm noticing how the shelves sit on their pegs.....holy guacamole, almost at edge....on several! I shift shelves till I feel safe again....noticing a little dizziness, but mostly life's pretty normal again.
The contractor is "running late."
His wife is "spinning out."
He mentioned they were maybe arguing, a bit, over money and getting their basement apartment rented.....his helper was going to move in, but got drunk, name called, just blew it which is sad, bc the money sorely needed ABD there was a plan for him to help with everything, as a younger man. Contractor maybe 74yo? I think. Wife has back problems and immune disorder......pigs, goats, dogs, 6 new cats....lots of mouths to feed. They would have willed the entire place to the helper, had he held it together. Very sad, but it didn't, could never, work out. It made sense, bc he's certainly special needs....has a special needs DD.....very child like. It would have been a good situation, if only it could.
Back to the job at hand .....I found, measured and took pics of antique Teak and Rosewood architectural pieces, newly arrived, at a place specializing in specialty woods and importing every crazy thing you can think of.
There's carved posts......SO heavy, old doorframes, hinged 20' screens and elaborately carved headboard looking ....pieces. Tables.....my brain's burning....puzzling ideas....how to transport ...install. And so contractor needs to see the site, then we go back to warehouse or select regular wood.... we're in the thumbnail phase.
Here's where I'm at .....if it costs close to the same..... I'd prefer 200 yo Teak or Rosewood, bc it'll last, and we're working with wonderful pieces .....not designing, distressing and fabricating.
On another note....I saw a 10' w island with copper countertop and 3K hammered copper sink at ReStore....asking 2K. It would make a ln amazing flower arranging counter....in a dang castle.
27
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on January 17, 2026, 11:18:19 AM »It's funny.....I have Carhartt work coats in tan, black, with hoods, without hoods, heavy, and light.....one for every occasion!
But regular clothes? Nope.
I think it's to do with interests......maybe?
I ordered socks....
So
Many
Socks.
Apparently we live in Torrid Halloween socks, almost exclusively. I buy them on sale, in bulk, every so often, bc they're roomy, soft and stay up. I'll take all the old mismatched pairs, pitch the singles, and feel so much better about the overtly full sock drawer, built under the stairs. It's made of barn wood, 3' deep and 18"w......a drawer to be reckoned with, lol. Very convenient, bc shoes are on shelf at front door....keeps same with same, mostly.
For a while we had boots under the entrance landing......if you can picture it, we took out 2x4 railing at top of 2 step landing, then put in antique 10' frosted glass door with mail slot, for privacy, and bc it's was a great place to sit, when open.....to put on shoes. A long tray, for shoes and boots used to collect dust there....it pulled out. Now it houses a single mattress for behind the sofa guests..... there's a rolling trundle frame in the garage.
I wish every stair had a pullout drawer for shoes!!!! The dang thing was solidly built into the house, so settled for new distressed oak treads.
::shaking head::
Not everyone appreciates distressed wood.
Lighter
But regular clothes? Nope.
I think it's to do with interests......maybe?
I ordered socks....
So
Many
Socks.
Apparently we live in Torrid Halloween socks, almost exclusively. I buy them on sale, in bulk, every so often, bc they're roomy, soft and stay up. I'll take all the old mismatched pairs, pitch the singles, and feel so much better about the overtly full sock drawer, built under the stairs. It's made of barn wood, 3' deep and 18"w......a drawer to be reckoned with, lol. Very convenient, bc shoes are on shelf at front door....keeps same with same, mostly.
For a while we had boots under the entrance landing......if you can picture it, we took out 2x4 railing at top of 2 step landing, then put in antique 10' frosted glass door with mail slot, for privacy, and bc it's was a great place to sit, when open.....to put on shoes. A long tray, for shoes and boots used to collect dust there....it pulled out. Now it houses a single mattress for behind the sofa guests..... there's a rolling trundle frame in the garage.
I wish every stair had a pullout drawer for shoes!!!! The dang thing was solidly built into the house, so settled for new distressed oak treads.
::shaking head::
Not everyone appreciates distressed wood.
Lighter
28
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on January 17, 2026, 08:28:48 AM »Oh, the distributions of "things"... I've been doing that a long time.
I hear you about good work clothes; I'm still looking. I'll let you know if i find something.
I hear you about good work clothes; I'm still looking. I'll let you know if i find something.
29
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on January 16, 2026, 12:16:37 PM »It's not radically changing everything...... it's doing less of the things, I don't want the do. It's doing the things....big and small....that I like to do....sans confusion, or guilt..... it's making mindful work of the unconscious belief systems....why it's such a mystery, is my guess.
I woke up with a very sleepy pug....she wanted only bellie rubs.....no breakies or walkie. Like, she knows this is our last morning, living, the way we do. She has 2 portions of pug food in the fridge....will get household through the morning. I'll give a little think to setting them up for.....food better than kibble. Maybe leave already cooked proteins, canned/fresh/ frozen veg, for them to sort out, or not.
Have to put it down.
House care list almost complete. Finish, and put it down.
As I walked the pug, I tried to think about only what I want more of. Proper clothing......is something I'll have to sort. I notice "Get your sh*t straight," self directed, pops up for me. Like a manly order, barked in a manly barracks. My father never stepped foot in a barracks, but that voice lived in his head. He installed it inside of me. I just notice it.....move on to validating my upcoming choices......keep best work clothes. The rest will go to the pug's. That feels fresh and lovely to have sorted.
What to replace them with? More difficult. Many of the clothes in my closet, hardly worn by me, belonged to my mother. I'll likely never wear them.....but they remind me if her.....are still pieces of her....maybe the kids will want some day. Difficult to finish them. It was a huge relief to hand off the suede and western items to my youngest niece. My brother ordered me to throw everything out, then came back, softer, asking if I still had the items ...his DD wanted them. Of course, I did. We agreed she'll get some Grandma J jewelry.....time TBD, as she's not a very organized bear, and has personal items in many places. I don't care if my Grandfather's saddles are lost, but really wanted her to keep them.....bc she loved them.....she may still know where she put them. I hope
Eating, didn't go how I thought it would, this morning. There was a brooding teenager.....resisting. Roast chicken and lettuce? Nope. I backed up, turned my full attention to the task......pulled out beef and avocado.... resistance vanishing with choice. And that's one of the moving pieces. Mindful proactivity......by now.... pretty familiar. Doable, while bumping and gliding along.
, I look forward to more gliding.....maybe some actual full out flying.
Lighter
I woke up with a very sleepy pug....she wanted only bellie rubs.....no breakies or walkie. Like, she knows this is our last morning, living, the way we do. She has 2 portions of pug food in the fridge....will get household through the morning. I'll give a little think to setting them up for.....food better than kibble. Maybe leave already cooked proteins, canned/fresh/ frozen veg, for them to sort out, or not.
Have to put it down.
House care list almost complete. Finish, and put it down.
As I walked the pug, I tried to think about only what I want more of. Proper clothing......is something I'll have to sort. I notice "Get your sh*t straight," self directed, pops up for me. Like a manly order, barked in a manly barracks. My father never stepped foot in a barracks, but that voice lived in his head. He installed it inside of me. I just notice it.....move on to validating my upcoming choices......keep best work clothes. The rest will go to the pug's. That feels fresh and lovely to have sorted.
What to replace them with? More difficult. Many of the clothes in my closet, hardly worn by me, belonged to my mother. I'll likely never wear them.....but they remind me if her.....are still pieces of her....maybe the kids will want some day. Difficult to finish them. It was a huge relief to hand off the suede and western items to my youngest niece. My brother ordered me to throw everything out, then came back, softer, asking if I still had the items ...his DD wanted them. Of course, I did. We agreed she'll get some Grandma J jewelry.....time TBD, as she's not a very organized bear, and has personal items in many places. I don't care if my Grandfather's saddles are lost, but really wanted her to keep them.....bc she loved them.....she may still know where she put them. I hope
Eating, didn't go how I thought it would, this morning. There was a brooding teenager.....resisting. Roast chicken and lettuce? Nope. I backed up, turned my full attention to the task......pulled out beef and avocado.... resistance vanishing with choice. And that's one of the moving pieces. Mindful proactivity......by now.... pretty familiar. Doable, while bumping and gliding along.
, I look forward to more gliding.....maybe some actual full out flying.
Lighter
30
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on January 15, 2026, 08:06:25 PM »Always shocked at how well foot injuries respond to ice, elevation and 800mg of ibuprofen. The difference between crawling for 24 hours, and going back to normal life.....the top of the foot injury more specifically.
Grilled in 22° burr freezin cold.....forgot the surf, but got 4 other dishes out, and the offer of salad. No takers for salad.
My brother made the crossing safely yesterday.....I just found out. It's unnerving to hear nothing, esp when they drive 12 minutes hours after boating 2-4 hours, IME. Long long day.
I'm suddenly very tired.....body wants only to mindlessly digest. I'll be asleep before 9. Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of tasks.....the very best way to edit and give away things, is to apply pressure, IME.
I'll check out an architectural graveyard, then Habitat for Humanity at 10am. Start loading truck with barn wood, if that fails.
Will check, what's on offer, at the lumber yard ....I drove by there today. Twice. Didn't think of it.
I love this......making beautiful things out of old, unwanted bits and bobs. Merging pieces.
Lighter
Grilled in 22° burr freezin cold.....forgot the surf, but got 4 other dishes out, and the offer of salad. No takers for salad.
My brother made the crossing safely yesterday.....I just found out. It's unnerving to hear nothing, esp when they drive 12 minutes hours after boating 2-4 hours, IME. Long long day.
I'm suddenly very tired.....body wants only to mindlessly digest. I'll be asleep before 9. Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of tasks.....the very best way to edit and give away things, is to apply pressure, IME.
I'll check out an architectural graveyard, then Habitat for Humanity at 10am. Start loading truck with barn wood, if that fails.
Will check, what's on offer, at the lumber yard ....I drove by there today. Twice. Didn't think of it.
I love this......making beautiful things out of old, unwanted bits and bobs. Merging pieces.
Lighter