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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on August 11, 2026, 12:43:31 PM »

I wouldn't worry overmuch what they think of you. Could be positive; or a lot of other things. But that's mostly THEIR responsibility and NOT any kind of accurate assessment of you. I think they are probably just curious and want to get to know you a little better. If that sounds like something that supports your self-care, maybe go the NEXT time. If there isn't a next time - again, it's not anything YOU are responsible for.

Unless you LIKE these people, want to spend time with them, and it works into your schedule and budget... don't let this pressure you feel to "socialize" make you do anything you don't WANT to do. When I don't want to put on my "socialize" hat, I've been letting opportunities pass me by - even with people I do like. Because it feels to me like one more thing on my "have to do" list... and I need some slow me time.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on August 11, 2026, 12:26:02 PM »

Don't blame you for hating the bus ride, but is it impossible to ask if any of these good women could pick you up? You might ride one way with one, and home with another?

It's always okay to ask for what you need, and see what happens. NO shame in it. There's definitely a carpool or "give a ride" culture in a lot of church communities.

Hope you enjoyed whatever you decided to do.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on August 11, 2026, 11:51:59 AM »

-- I was invited to go over to a women's group thing at a person's house from church.

-- part of me wants to go
-- part of me is soul-tired - not sleeping well plus many things
-- it would take me "two" bus lines to get there which is actually like four round trip - this is a major consideration
---- I need some ease and this is real and legit and it's not being lazy or rude
-- thinking about it is causing me stress
-- its more personal than church
-- maybe sometimes doing more in life is the right answer and maybe sometimes doing the right things is the answer

If this person was a neighbor a few blocks away and I could just walk there and I didn't have to dress up then maybe I would feel better about it.

-- I really really really hate taking the bus and it really isn't as affordable as people think. It would cost me $8.00 to go to this lunch thing. Instead I might spend the same money and go much much further out of town to go for a hike which calls to my soul also.

I'm not being honest around these people. I mean I am not lying to them but at the same time I am an atheist they just never asked me directly.

I would like to socialize. I feel lonely but I also want to go for a walk and then just take my computer to a cafe for a while.

I feel rude for not going. I also think the pressure vibe I am putting on myself feels strange.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just live my life as it is.
Make the most of my day.
-- SELF-CARE seems to be screaming at me subtly -- dental care is needed some stretching is very much needed.
-- And also hanging out with these women was always ALWAYS a temporary thing a drop in church experience as I am usually working 40 hours a week or more.
-- I am not a bad person I was just coping with my life. I was trying to use church group as emotional regulation and the FACT and truth is that THEY use the church group for emotional regulation TOO.
-- I need a break from the church vibe.
-- I am a free agent.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on August 10, 2026, 08:34:37 PM »

I really understand and resonate with the religion frustration, Hippy. I've decided there is an energy force of love (because of my Dad's face as he died). But to me it's not about a deity or a being....much less about anything at all that human language or perception is successful at putting in a book.

I believe any faith (even if it's just faith in life and/or love) that depends on guilt, shame, fear and/or coercion is poisoned. And it's sad. I know loving people who obey and are devoted to institutions that don't love them back.

My big rebellion started with a gut-level feeling that something was wrong with ANY human-written text (which of course all texts are) is "sacred." And then using language to bully or cow or....to be fair.....even inspire....is a sticky wicket. I think if i hadn't majored in linguistics my reverse awakening would have taken years longer.

Still, I do remember plenty of genuine goodness in some believers. Like my Dad's. He never prosyletized, nagged, preached or boasted about his faith, but he did live it. Everywhere, people responded to the genuine warmth and grace of his personality and in how he treated them. All of them, without judgement.

For me, though a few core friendships originated in the UU community, I no longer attend services. Yet another male minister with a personality problem drove me off. But I'm happy in the small groups I occasionally join as, like you, I only keep that connection for some human community.

I'm finding it more in the Village movement these days. No dogma, just people helping more-vulnerable people. And we have frequent gatherings. And I met C there, which has changed my life.

He's sending me daily dispatches and photos from his current adventure. He just climbed the Spanish Steps in Gibraltar. It's interesting, I have zero envy of the adventure because of my back, and need to introvert for a while. But it's pretty cool to have someone close who's in love with everything and driven by curiosity. He cares about ideas too so we'll never get bored with each other.

A poet and a microbiologist. Who knew?

Props to you, Hippy. I'm so impressed with what you're doing. Layer by layer.

hugs
Hops

"I believe any faith (even if it's just faith in life and/or love) that depends on guilt, shame, fear and/or coercion is poisoned. And it's sad. I know loving people who obey and are devoted to institutions that don't love them back." - HOPS

Yes.. I was writing about what you said related to the shame/fear/guilt part. And yes even though the pastor seems quite nice at the church I go to there is still these aspects.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on August 10, 2026, 08:31:12 PM »

So when I was reading the book adult children of toxic parents there was a section about ROLES being assigned to people rigidly. Like the whole dynamic is based on people before forced into roles and sticking to them whatever that means.

And frankly I am looking at church info and really thinking how the role issue is also a point to notice.

The church I have gone to all the ushers/deacons they've always consistently only been males. The males also seem quite puffed up and proud of themselves. I definitely don't want to do that role. It does sort of creep me out though.

Alrighty then enough of my ruminating.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on August 10, 2026, 07:44:14 PM »

Wow. I generally hate, loathe and distrust AI, but sure did like that one!

hugs
Hops

OS -- woo woo

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on August 10, 2026, 07:18:43 PM »

I responded to you Hops but it didn't post. Maybe I will try again in a bit. I will have to retype it bwa hahahaha.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on August 10, 2026, 06:27:58 PM »

AI:

Core psychological drivers Hyperactive agency detection and theory of mind: Humans are biased to detect intentional agents (better to false-positive a predator or rival than miss one). This easily extends to invisible agents who “cause” storms, illness, luck, moral order, or death. Once you model other minds, modeling super-minds is a small step. Gods, ancestors, demons, witches, and spirits are high-agency explanations that feel intuitive.

Control and anxiety reduction: Uncontrollable threats (death, disease, injustice, randomness) produce distress. Petitionary prayer, sacrifice, or ritual offers a perceived handle—illusion of control, emotion regulation, and sometimes placebo-like expectancy effects. The act of formulating a narrative, focusing attention, and expressing need can lower arousal even if no external agent responds.

Social and coalitional functions: Shared supernatural beliefs and synchronized rituals (prayer postures, chants, gatherings) signal commitment, build trust, enforce norms, and create large-scale cooperation beyond kin. Group prayer is less about private magic and more about public affiliation.

Meaning, narrative coherence, and coping: Randomness is aversive. Supernatural frameworks supply purpose, moral order, afterlife continuity, and explanatory stories. Worship and prayer rehearse those stories, reinforcing identity and reducing existential threat.

Developmental and cultural learning: Children readily acquire agent-based explanations; cultures amplify the successful packages. Once institutionalized, the practices become self-reinforcing through authority, emotion, community, and occasional apparent “hits” (regression to the mean, selective memory).

Empirical patterns support this: religious cognition tracks intuitive dualism and mind-perception; prayer frequency often rises with stress or uncertainty; and the subjective benefits of prayer frequently overlap with those of meditation, journaling, or social support. None of this requires the entities to exist.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on August 10, 2026, 06:17:32 PM »

AI:

"Prayer is a form of mental narrative directed at an invisible agent (or agents). It shares core features with other kinds of magical thinking: treating correlation or intention as causal influence over the world, outsourcing agency to non-evident entities, and using ritualized cognition for psychological effects. The difference is mostly cultural packaging, institutional reinforcement, and social acceptability rather than a sharp psychological or evidential distinction. A pentagram, a rosary, a mantra, or silent petition all leverage similar mental operations."
 

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on August 10, 2026, 02:01:48 PM »

Most of the time, embroidery is "chust fer purty" as the Amish saying goes. I did find a practical use, when for years, I patched worn out jeans and decorated them. You know, the giant bell bottoms? LOL.