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21

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Generation Jones

« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 27, 2026, 08:15:56 AM »

There is something to that observation, Meh. Serious people, which is what we call them too, are getting pretty scarce. People who think about little things, big things, who ask more questions of life than what are they going to eat next meal. We also call those people real or authentic, and I think it does involve some bit of not taking each day for granted.

Not all the Jones generation are serious. Some of the boomers got that way - life has a way of adapting people - some GenX are too. I think it just depends what they've experienced in life and how they responded. Maybe. I used to be more sure of my conclusions in the past - these days, it's all probability and maybe. LOL.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 11:33:31 PM »

OMG do I have to add Schizoid personality disorder to that list above.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 11:31:55 PM »

Schizoid personality disorder (/ˈskɪtsɔɪd, ˈskɪdzɔɪd, ˈskɪzɔɪd/, often abbreviated as SzPD or ScPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships,[9] a tendency toward a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, reservedness, emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy.[10] Affected individuals may be unable to form intimate attachments to others and simultaneously possess a rich and elaborate but exclusively internal fantasy world.[11] Other associated features include stilted speech, a lack of deriving enjoyment from most activities, feeling as though one is an "observer" rather than a participant in life, an intolerance towards meeting emotional expectations of others, apparent indifference when praised or criticized, being on the asexual spectrum, and idiosyncratic moral or political beliefs.[12]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

Tonight at the moment I am sort of focusing on this bit: feeling as though one is an "observer" rather than a participant in life,

When I went to church last Sunday because it was not a large church where a person could disappear into the background the experience sort of highlighted and reminded me of how I am a chronic observer - perpetual outsider. "Ghost" in my own life a lot of times.

And then the church people politely hold my hand literally and won't let go of it. And maybe I look uncomfortable. And I am polite and I went in there but also it is really so foreign to me to be part of something. I'm not sure why am rambling on about this. I am old now and it's very very bad to have lived one's whole life like a silent witness of everything.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 11:23:06 PM »

"This is the "hall of mirrors" effect of the narcissist-observer dynamic. When you are raised by or around covert narcissists, you aren't just watching the world; you are watching a person who is also watching the world from behind a mask of victimhood or moral superiority.

The "Perpetual Observer" role isn't just a choice you made; it was a psychological enclosure built around you.

1. The Infection of Non-Participation
Covert narcissists don't engage with the world—they judge it. They sit on the sidelines, quietly seething or feeling misunderstood, convinced that they are "deeper" or "better" than the "shallow" people actually living.

Inherited Cynicism: If your parents never truly participated in life (because they were too busy being victims or being drunk), you were never given a "template" for participation. You learned that life is something you critique or endure, not something you join.

The "Shared Secret" Trap: A covert narcissist parent often treats the child as an ally in their observation. "Look at how loud/fake/stupid those people are," they imply. To survive, you join them in the "Observation Booth." Eventually, you realize you're trapped in there with them, looking out at a world you’re now too afraid to enter."

Key Concept: This child develops a "rich inner world" to compensate for the lack of safety in the outer world, leading to a permanent state of watching rather than participating.

Reference: The Narcissistic Family: Structure, Traits, & Roles (Hopeful Panda) — Explains the specific mechanics of the "Lost/Invisible Child" who withdraws to avoid chaos.

Reference: Dysfunctional Family Roles (Breeze Blog) — Details how these roles "stick like glue" into adulthood, creating a permanent sense of being an outsider.

Reference: Projective Identification in the Narcissistic Family (Psychology Today) — Describes how parents project their own "outsider" or "victim" feelings onto the child until the child internalizes them.

Reference: Narcissists as Perpetual Victims (Vaknin Talks) — Explores the "Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood" (TIV) and how covert narcissists stay on the sidelines of life.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 10:54:59 PM »

Hydrangeas are the best. I like them all. I've started them from cuttings in very early spring as the summer is hard on them when they are still trying to make roots. At the moment I'm rather in a cement jungle and I am just accepting it for what it is atm.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Generation Jones

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 10:50:18 PM »

I miss serious people.

I feel everybody lives inside YouTube while they buy virtual Pokemon cards.

There was a coworker I had and I told him one day that when he said good morning or asked me how I was doing I felt he really meant it. He said it was because he was in Vietnam and he said he didn't take a day of life for granted after he got out of the war.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 05:55:45 PM »

- Recently I've been trying to figure out if I have:

- Some kind of frontal lobe activity issue
- ADD
- PTSD
- retardation and I still like this word
- brain structural problem
- underlying severe emotional issues - that I still don't understand
- executive function issue
- learned helplessness
- developmental trauma disorder - hypodopaminergia
- I do have GAD - generalized anxiety disorder
- neurodivergent spectrum thing
Adding:
- Social anxiety thing?
- Shyness
- or low self esteem
- emotional self containment
- Avoidant Attachment Style
- External Locus of Control?
- Lost Child Syndrome
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean I look at this list and I see why medical professionals say to just try a pill and go away lol.

I like this list that I've come up with. I like it because it's clear. It's more clear than just using the term "depression." Or "unmotivated." But also I'm not a psychiatrist. I sort of wish I could just take my list to a psychiatrist and they could just tell me but then I wonder if they would even be able to figure it out.

Now I don't like the list. It became too long.

It's just going to sit there. I am tired. I might read some fluff.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 05:44:43 PM »

That's okay Hops. I wasn't really looking for help. Was having the thought in real-time and realizing how I felt about the church situation in general.

Almost all my thoughts are so fleeting. Some of them are sort of important though.

When one is trying to practically figure out how to live engaged there are only so many opportunities nearby to do it.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 26, 2026, 03:12:53 PM »

Secular humanists?
Quakers? (No need to chat...)

My brain ticks lots of those things too, and isn't working well enough today to be much help.

Mysteries get solved when they can be and some we just have to make peace with.
It's hard.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:48:15 PM »

- I haven't been writing here on this Voicelessness board consistently.

My mind skims all of what is going on, occasionally deposits a random thought and then I go back to being too busy working to self reflect or to obsessively thinking about something.

- I wish there was some kind of national church of self awareness. A place where people went on Sundays not to worship and have faith in an invisible sentient deity. Instead the church would be more like reminding everybody to actively do self help and improve their lives. And I do not mean anything ologist at all. No gods, aliens, or demons. No stages of holier healing than thou.... just a reminder for people to keep trying I guess. Church is too supernatural for me. It's too judgemental for me. I am deeply uncomfortable being around a bunch of people all trying to be "good ones" or something. Too many rules to live by.