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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 20, 2026, 08:19:21 PM »I'm tired. I am going to eat some sugar because because indulgence is over-riding health mind.
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I'm tired. I am going to eat some sugar because because indulgence is over-riding health mind.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 20, 2026, 08:17:19 PM »Have seen this book years ago. It's nothing new but reading it again or maybe I never read this one.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Had underlined a few words and lines and clearly part of the book also helps the reader see their own immature behavior and insecurity.
- living life from our own deeper nature instead of focusing on x
- their neglect was not about us it was about them
- efforts at communication never made things better
- the feeling of being alone in the world
- x pg 8
- x pg 9
- EIP don't notice their children's inner experience
- "I had no way of knowing that most people don't feel this way"
- primitive brain likes familiarity
- C of EIP might acquiesce to relationships they don't really want
- you can trust yourself to know when you're emotionally satisfied
- held a low place in the family pecking order
- he saw himself as someone who could be easily overlooked
- isn't it up to me to meet my own emotional needs
- her mother still complains that Natalie never loved her
- Children like Natalie often grow up as little adults... appearing to need practically nothing
- You have prehistoric reasons for not liking to be lonely. (human evolution) pg 23
- blame
- emotional freedom
- differentiated enough to build a life of their own
- rigid or impulsive
- they often over react
- they are subjective not objective
- how they are feeling is more important than what is actually happening
- they don't have enough awareness of other people's individuality
- egocentrism lacks joy and openness
- self preoccupied in an obsessed way
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 20, 2026, 07:48:17 PM »- Well I did not get to sleep when I wanted to last night took two hours longer due to disruptions.
- So last night I was feeling gloomy about today.
- I woke up tired. I didn't hear the alarm go off but I got in shower and cut some apple and cheese and left.
- Got on the bus.
- So arrived at the park with the correct name.
- I arrived sort of at the right location but not near to the trailhead I was going to meet other people at.
Booooooo... see this is how it is riding the bus. In a car a person drives for two more minutes and finds the right spot.
- I ended up texting the person said "well I am 40 minutes behind you guys maybe I will see you on the way out.
- I never saw them.
Booooo
- They texted me an hour after I texted them and said blandly "sorry we missed you"
- I would probably do the same thing too maybe except for.... too tired to finish my thought there
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I walked by myself
I looked at the River and thought about Brad Pitt of all things
I saw red dragonflies
I saw a group of swallows flying circles around a willow tree
I saw a struggling bumble bee not sure what was wrong with it so I put it on a flower and it started eating
Decided to stick the bee on the ground and brought it 8 more berry blossoms set on the ground because what else is a bored human going to do
I saw a couple creepy guys
I talked to a couple looking at a fly-catcher bird
I saw two ski jets going down the river that is all I saw on the river
I saw a fish jump
Stared at an old yellow farmhouse across the river next to a lime green barn and though how different this little area is from the other parts of the city
I saw a pitbull try to attack a smaller dog
I sat down and read a book for a long long while
A dog named Olly came up to me so I patted him and he slobbered on me
I finally found the toilet and there were no maps
Well my list is getting dull
On my way out I went by the wrong location again and saw some people setting up an outdoors buffet style BBQ in the park - could it have been a whole Filipino family or something maybe.
Wooo I feel tired and I didn't walk that far.
At least I met pet a dog. Dog pets have become my new goal it seems doable at least.
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Also while I was at the park my brain is scanning things that should be improved. Why do I do this maybe because I am old. I am thinking the maps are missing the one board they had there wasn't updated since 2025, there was garbage around and they really do need to cut down some of the blackberries because if they don't the river views will be totally obscured and if they have garbage cans in one area why not put them in the main area too. They have it near the dog park of course that makes sense. They actually have an industrial garbage can like one I have never seen before for the dogs.
And there is one particular part of the trail that feels extra sketchy and is really overgrown.
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Sleepy. Came back ate lunch. Heart feeling heavy due to environment.
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I tried it out. Moral of the story is arrive early. But also at least I went.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 20, 2026, 07:25:59 PM »Thanks Hops.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Hopalong on June 20, 2026, 12:42:44 PM »Really like how you think, and test, and ponder and propose states of mind. Your stuff about outrage was extremely interesting, imo.
I also related a lot to your description/s of anxiety. I had "free-floating anxiety" for many years and just hated it. I know that wave of fear. It's way softer and rarer now, knock wood.
When fear becomes identity, ain't no possibility of good things happening. Or less.
I hope you do walk, keep on circulating with hoomins as you can. No need to criticize yourself for microsocial stuff.
I watched myself under a microscope for so long that I forgot to be present, or forgot how. An anxious body can sound like a pipe organ to the person living in it.
hugs
Hops
It's okay to be a citizen of your own world.
I also related a lot to your description/s of anxiety. I had "free-floating anxiety" for many years and just hated it. I know that wave of fear. It's way softer and rarer now, knock wood.
When fear becomes identity, ain't no possibility of good things happening. Or less.
I hope you do walk, keep on circulating with hoomins as you can. No need to criticize yourself for microsocial stuff.
I watched myself under a microscope for so long that I forgot to be present, or forgot how. An anxious body can sound like a pipe organ to the person living in it.
hugs
Hops
It's okay to be a citizen of your own world.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 19, 2026, 06:51:26 PM »"Standing on the bare ground,—my head bathed by the blithe air and uplifted into infinite space,—all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God." R.W.E.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 19, 2026, 03:50:47 PM »Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions—classifies Anticipation as one of the eight primary, basic emotions, right alongside joy, sadness, anger, and fear.
Ah I see it there on the wheel anticipation.
Hum -- frankly it seems smart to try to cultivate anticipation.
I am actively procrastinating too and then is the opposite of positive anticipation.
Anywho.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 19, 2026, 03:44:35 PM »Okay actually what I was saying above without having the right words is this:
-- TONIC STRESS
-- EMOTIONAL RELEASE
Different things
------------------------------------------------
Honestly I am really not sure how emotional I should or shouldn't be. It's so much effort to become unfrozen. Oh well.
Generally these days I usually only feel some kind of mild sadness in my chest OR mild excitement looking forward to something like the walk tomorrow - having plans energizes me and I like that feeling of momentum and feeling of just real motivation. Looking forward to something is the feeling of motivation doesn't that almost make motivation an emotion in itself. ---
-- TONIC STRESS
-- EMOTIONAL RELEASE
Different things
------------------------------------------------
Honestly I am really not sure how emotional I should or shouldn't be. It's so much effort to become unfrozen. Oh well.
Generally these days I usually only feel some kind of mild sadness in my chest OR mild excitement looking forward to something like the walk tomorrow - having plans energizes me and I like that feeling of momentum and feeling of just real motivation. Looking forward to something is the feeling of motivation doesn't that almost make motivation an emotion in itself. ---
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 19, 2026, 03:33:10 PM »-- But you know what okay writing that above has helped me in a general way sort of think about how I do - I must share things about myself with other people and I think listing hobbies is good because my hobbies are common female hobbies.
-- I like to hike
-- I like to do crafty stuff
-- I like to cook new recipes
-- explore music places
-- I like to garden (haven't been so this last)
I feel like THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH. Topical stuff in meeting people for the first time I think is preferable.
So if people say anything like tell me about yourself I do feel like this list is fine. I'm sort of a boring person that is fine.
-- I will NOT complain about anything not even my shoe laces. NOTHING.
-- I will NOT vent or stress even if OTHER people do that.
-- I will be SIMPLE
-- I will try to enjoy and talk about the environment because I usually do like being outside.
That is good enough I did social prep.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 19, 2026, 03:26:33 PM »Tomorrow I'm going to try to do a group walk in the city not as good as a hike but it's something. I don't know any of these people that's okay it's likely to be mostly women. It's a location I've never been to before so I guess I will just consider it exploration.
Yay me. Finding opportunities on occasion to go socialize.
Last night I went out listened to some music it was a mediocre band and I didn't talk to anybody just sat at the bar with a ten dollar beer I think I gotta stop that. Went to same location a while ago and they had some music that ended up being pretty good one never knows.
But if I am honest that is how I am at music places I rarely talk to anybody. Though sometimes I really do go for the music not for the social scene but clearly it IS a social scene even on the rare rare occasion that the music is stellar people are there mainly I think just to be public but why am I paying attention oh yeah because I'm really socially shy these types of places are not conducive for me to like talk with people but I think a walk with probably mostly women will be very different. Anywho.
I don't have a script about myself. What do I say "I'm a cardboard office worker cog?" --- This isn't self pity it's just well I guess I could just tell people about the hobbies I enjoy and I can just say I am trying to take better care of my health which is NOT a lie I have been doing sport stretching recently and really noticing how the age slowly creeps up.
I'm now really not into yoga for a few reasons. One big one is even if I do yoga at this point it's important to me that it's secular yoga because I am not into the woo woo vague cloud of whatever. Doesn't matter.
It's a little easier for me to stretch in my lower body and harder in the chest area I definitely think the ribs, heart, lungs are stress-tight and I don't want to assume anything. I don't want to assume it's any specific emotion thing but after doing some stretches I did notice a day afterwards for a brief moment like a weird wave of fear or panic well FEAR I think like came through my chest area and it passed -- and I do wonder if some stress is the body bracing against the emotional feeling of fear because that wave sort of made me think I don't feel that kind of wave of fear thing very much.
What am I saying here --- there are different kinds of stress there is vague stress where everything just slowly secretly tightens up or something and it doesn't FEEL like an emotion. --- Versus what I felt the other day where a wave of fear passed. And maybe I just need to kind of learn even this wave of fear thing it was okay that it passed came and went I don't know.
Anyhow. Whaver.
Yay me. Finding opportunities on occasion to go socialize.
Last night I went out listened to some music it was a mediocre band and I didn't talk to anybody just sat at the bar with a ten dollar beer I think I gotta stop that. Went to same location a while ago and they had some music that ended up being pretty good one never knows.
But if I am honest that is how I am at music places I rarely talk to anybody. Though sometimes I really do go for the music not for the social scene but clearly it IS a social scene even on the rare rare occasion that the music is stellar people are there mainly I think just to be public but why am I paying attention oh yeah because I'm really socially shy these types of places are not conducive for me to like talk with people but I think a walk with probably mostly women will be very different. Anywho.
I don't have a script about myself. What do I say "I'm a cardboard office worker cog?" --- This isn't self pity it's just well I guess I could just tell people about the hobbies I enjoy and I can just say I am trying to take better care of my health which is NOT a lie I have been doing sport stretching recently and really noticing how the age slowly creeps up.
I'm now really not into yoga for a few reasons. One big one is even if I do yoga at this point it's important to me that it's secular yoga because I am not into the woo woo vague cloud of whatever. Doesn't matter.
It's a little easier for me to stretch in my lower body and harder in the chest area I definitely think the ribs, heart, lungs are stress-tight and I don't want to assume anything. I don't want to assume it's any specific emotion thing but after doing some stretches I did notice a day afterwards for a brief moment like a weird wave of fear or panic well FEAR I think like came through my chest area and it passed -- and I do wonder if some stress is the body bracing against the emotional feeling of fear because that wave sort of made me think I don't feel that kind of wave of fear thing very much.
What am I saying here --- there are different kinds of stress there is vague stress where everything just slowly secretly tightens up or something and it doesn't FEEL like an emotion. --- Versus what I felt the other day where a wave of fear passed. And maybe I just need to kind of learn even this wave of fear thing it was okay that it passed came and went I don't know.
Anyhow. Whaver.