Recent Posts

21

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by lighter on April 25, 2026, 10:05:19 AM »

You can wear stilettos for 3 minutes?

I can't even stand in them!

That's what happens when one lives in Candy's too long. 

Oh....and injures ties in martial arts.

Still .... I'm impressed, Amber.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by lighter on April 25, 2026, 10:02:23 AM »

Meh, what's in your Therapist's toolbox, regarding trauma processing?

Maybe something will click, if you understand how your T can, and usually works.

What can they offer?  What makes sense to you?

My T always goes in through the body ....where is the distress showing up?  What does it feel like?  What's behind it?  She goes from there ....every time, which makes sense to me.

Good on'ya for hanging in there, and not judging.

See what's there, ((Meh ))

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 25, 2026, 08:20:15 AM »

You're doing it Meh. You don't know the therapist; she doesn't know you. To YOU, talking about your life, your feelings your thoughts is boring. To her it's information. From which - with enough information - she may be able to suss out and see some patterns. Which is more information.

Takes a while. Don't expect miracles too soon. Maybe don't expect miracles at ALL, because I found that most of the benefits I got were simple, tiny adjustments in my way of analyzing experiences that allowed me to journal out all the difficult things TO myself. The anger. Frustration. Always putting myself last. People pleasing. Never asking for help.

And from that time (about 10 years ago now; I still have an active journal - but last entry was 2 years ago.) I just kept going... making new choices... accepting that being an introvert wasn't a BAD thing - and learning to push back on my extrovert friends who keep trying to make me more socially active. BLECH! Not to my taste. No thank you, I'm fine.

Of course, I'm skipping over the episodes of rediscovering trauma, all the symptoms that come from that.... and being able park that in the chronological history as just "something I went through". I had a chance as an adult to revisit all those emotions/half theoretical assumptions/conclusions... and choose something else. RESOLVING it once and for all.

I will wish that you find what YOU need in this process too.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 25, 2026, 07:59:22 AM »

My silly absurdist brain just wants to become one with all that swirl of color. To immerse myself in the explosion of riotious joy of it all. It's almost a marinara sauce... spicy sicilian style! It would be like a red carpet experience just to make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in that space.

I'd want to wear stillettos in the kitchen! (for 3 minutes before the pain started)

MAYBE... the magic energy of the floor will act as a grounding touchstone????

(Yes.... I'm right on the cusp of too much coffee....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 11:04:01 PM »

So what can I say.

I feel like I am boring the therapist.

There is not a lot of structure to it they say like "so how are things going since last week" and then I sort of feel like I am just rambling and drifting off into thought like I feel like I am trying to make a point but I also just feel like I am boring them. I feel sad that I'm so boring?

I essentially said something like 1) I really don't have much of a support network but am trying to get out more often 2) my relative is always trying to get reactions out of me it seems like that is the point of their interaction is like baiting behavior.

I told her I treat my paycheck like my family, support network and my god. It's pragmatic.

It feels like nothing is happening other than boring her. What am I meant to do in therapy?

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by lighter on April 24, 2026, 01:06:32 PM »

LOL!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 12:22:52 PM »

Wow I would try to get out of that orbit.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on April 24, 2026, 12:19:44 PM »

I've appointment number two with the counselor today and I feel vaguely spaced out put so much effort into getting it set up and going with my insurance and now that I have it feel like I don't care about it all that much. Is that it. It's not that I don't care.

It all really feels like too little too late. I will try to regroup and make something of it I guess. "Show up"

Maybe my goal should be to simplify everything.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 24, 2026, 12:07:59 PM »

Woo boy....... I'm glad you're feeling centered, Hops.  I'm breathing like crazy, tryna make peace with having a special needs 34yo (nutsy sex driven) manboy in our orbit........the stepmom is SUPER reactive...... SUPER horrified at all interest in her.....mast**bating in public spaces......FBI shutting 👎 en his phone bc child p**n and he just stares at women.....any women.  I just stepped out of his site...   he stepped behind me.

::shudder::.

Aaaaand he and his dad dropped off the service pressure washer and are like fascinated children.....wanting to water the clover/yard/weeds......and it's creating such anxiety for me.  I don't enjoy teaching when the seedlings are so at risk.  My hyper focus is missing it's groove.

And
The.
Staring.

Gonna have to speak to his papa.....and maybe the son, in front of the papa.

The stepmom talks about her situation...... every time we see her..... exhausting for her, and for us.

My sister and I gave marching orders for chemical solutions.

I try to put myself in the dad's shoes.......
and I'm almost positive......raising a boy, in this rapey culture, would be something I tried to break, but this dad raised 4 children, alone, working 3 jobs.  This son was the youngest.....raised by the TV.

Terrifying.

That we live such lives......the social media dia, porn and TV shows ....is overwhelming and everyone should feel some pressure/pain/shame about it, imo.  I know I do.

Broken systems in a broke arse culture of extraction, and dominance.

Ahem.....
sorry about barfing that up on your thread, Hops.

I am glad you're not feeling any type-away about the Poet.  Sort  of amazing.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 24, 2026, 11:13:59 AM »

Well, I don't see Hops rolling around on the floor - but maybe sitting on it, petting it!