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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 22, 2026, 01:03:39 PM »

3. Chronological Grief & "Disenfranchised Loss"
The Key Researcher: Dr. Pauline Boss and Critical Trauma Studies.

The Core Idea: They look at the structural reality of missing out on decades of life. Boss coined the term "Ambiguous Loss," which applies heavily here.

The Breakdown: Because this loss lacks a funeral or a tangible physical marker, it is a form of disenfranchised grief—grief the medical system and society do not recognize. The intersection of Disability Studies and Trauma Studies (such as the work of Daniel R. Morrison and Monica J. Casper) directly addresses how socio-medical responses completely fail survivors by treating trauma as a temporary event rather than an ongoing, invisible developmental disability.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 22, 2026, 12:55:28 PM »

2. Neurobiology of Neglect & The "Freeze" State
The Key Researchers: Dr. Martin Teicher (Harvard Medical School) and Dr. Stephen Porges.

The Core Idea: They prove that emotional neglect is a physical, visible brain injury. Teicher’s neurological imaging shows that severe childhood neglect leads to the literal underdevelopment of the corpus callosum (the bridge connecting the left and right brain) and the pathways that regulate social behavior.

When the environment is constantly unsafe or neglectful, the nervous system drops into a permanent "Freeze" collapse state. In this state, the biological wiring required for social engagement is physically turned off by the brain to conserve energy. You do not want to socialize because your biology reads people as inherent threats, not rewards.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 22, 2026, 12:37:57 PM »

AI Summary of info looked up:

1. The Theory of Structural Dissociation
The Key Researchers: Onno van der Hart, Ellert Nijenhuis, and Kathy Steele.

The Core Idea: They explicitly address the "forced personality role" you brought up. Their work shows that chronic childhood trauma and neglect literally split the developing personality.

The Breakdown: They identify that a survivor splits into an Apparently Normal Part (ANP)—the cold, flat, polite, functioning adult shell that goes to work and handles mechanics—and an Emotional Part (EP), which holds the hidden, frozen terror, rage, and shame of the childhood years. They argue that this isn't a "feeling," but a structural alteration of the brain and personality architecture designed purely to ensure physical survival at the cost of actual life.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 21, 2026, 08:07:58 PM »

I'm still slowly reading through this adult children of emotionally immature parents book. Likely what I had seen years ago was adult children of alcoholics booklet similar but smaller.

At first I didn't want to read the little stories in here. Now that I am reading it every single page is relevant to me.

AND Also it becomes pretty obvious that I too am likely very emotionally immature. I don't think in the EXACT same way my parents do but similar-ish. Bad habits!

Something in this book I notice is that it says EIP usually often want to be the center of attention. I find that in-person I get uncomfortable sometimes when people focus on me too much but this I think is also part of the emotional immaturity thing.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 21, 2026, 06:21:33 PM »

Matching the shopping list to meal planning is an art. I'm still practicing!

It sounds like you are doing a great job of planning it out. And yes I agree for really hot days the no oven or no cook options are nice to have.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 21, 2026, 04:07:43 PM »

- went to church
- late but I am dragging today
- sat in back and I read a self help book
- the guest minister guy said something something "father, son, brothers" something something
- yes I am thinking how it's not "mother, daughter, sisters"
- It's not emotional feminist freak out to calmly notice this AND
- and the guy talks in a loud voice but with a fake cry quiver also and my brain registers it as weird
(ape males use loud vocalizations as a dominance signal) that is what i am thinking as I sit there
- afterwards I talk to a very nice very old couple I never met before and they make me laugh
- I just go to church because I like the building I like the idea of a place to worship
- I just go to church to talk to people I enjoy it
- I enjoy laughing and that is why I was there this morning
- am not trying to redeem my soul
- I don't view Christ as the savior or whatever
- Mathematically according to the sermon this makes me the anti-christ
- I mean look they are essentially saying everybody who is not Christian is this antichrist thing
😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
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Also found a pagan event to go to locally it's far off timewise
If I am available I will try it.
Shall I try to give a sermon to the pagans and tell them non-pagans are the vile Anti-pagans
nope pagans don't do that
and yes I am too old for paganism
oh well

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 21, 2026, 04:00:37 PM »

Well, I understand about sugar, too. I banished it from my house some years ago. Now I don't crave it any more. I do feel like crap after eating it, so I don't often. It doesn't feel like comfort or a reward, it feels like heroin.

So on we old ladies stumble and fumble but we still see. Breathe. Move. Rest. Watch. Wait.

hugs
Hops

Yep the sugar thing is definitely an impulse.

Eh don't worry. I am mainly commenting on my habits to get them out of my head and on paper so to speak. But yes it's sort of an adaptive habit not a natural choice habit.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on June 21, 2026, 11:26:23 AM »

Feeding just one of me... a person CAN buy veggies and protein and not break their budget. I don't need 2# of carrots - even though they keep pretty well in the fridge. A head of broccoli will give me 2-3 meals. Celery doesn't last so long, but a person can dehydrate it and add to soups. A chuck roast is more than one meal for me, so I cut it and freeze to use in any number of other kinds of meals - steak subs for instance.

My current "treat" for myself - is a smaller pkg of grocery deli cookies. Yeah, I can make cookies but I don't really want the oven on this time of year.

Buy wraps instead of bread; stir fries stretch the meat over several meals and can make a good lunch or dinner, in a wrap. Always buy a larger portion of meat and repackage/freeze for another meal. Breakfast - or brunch - we eat a lot of sausage, hashbrown, onion/peppers and eggs. Mostly we eat this in a breakfast bowl but would also go in a wrap. Leftovers get eaten for lunch if I make a casserole.

The only thing we don't buy much of is fruit. Maybe fried apples. I cut up a batch of strawberries for B and I and sugared them... and we just don't eat them. Headed for the trash tomorrow. Been in the fridge longer than a week. Might start buying those little pkgs of melons though. The squash I though was still good for last night's dinner wasn't. Matching the shopping list to meal planning is an art. I'm still practicing!

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on June 21, 2026, 10:00:40 AM »

I feel sad about how many struggles you go through, Hippy.
It ain't right.

Then again, your descriptions of your times outdoors make me think of you as rich. Many, many layers of sight and recognition and joy at beauty.

I've also picked up the occasional bumblebee. Every animal awes me. Wonder.

Makes me mad that people who need fresh produce most can't afford it. Furious.

Well, I understand about sugar, too. I banished it from my house some years ago. Now I don't crave it any more. I do feel like crap after eating it, so I don't often. It doesn't feel like comfort or a reward, it feels like heroin.

So on we old ladies stumble and fumble but we still see. Breathe. Move. Rest. Watch. Wait.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on June 21, 2026, 12:55:54 AM »

- Rest of the pastry is into the garbage now. DONE
- Roasted some yams for some other day. DONE

Finished with the junk food for a few more days at least.

- Have raisins which also represent junk food but I don't like them much. Telling myself they are already in handy little prepackaged bags so they are kind of a good emergency grab and go. Ugh.