Recent Posts

21

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on May 25, 2026, 09:24:33 AM »

As ever, what you're doing sounds like a lot of realistic and pragmatic coping. Such a thing to imagine. I've been fetal and feral lately. (House. Relationship struggles with a friend, very unexpected. Not Poet, either!)

I do wish you could bring your rubber band and monsters over here...I try to imagine what it's like to have a top-to-bottom clean house and imprisoned lover...Shades of Amber might be a very interesting flick! Snort.

Good on you for getting through a LOT lately. The inner tension is difficult, and so understandable. Now that you've done an emotional-endurance stretch, and still are with B's recovery....hope you'll plug in plenty of soothing white noise for YOU. Just a friendly background hum or vibration that tells you: you are safe and you are loved.

hugs
Hops

22

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on May 25, 2026, 02:04:00 AM »

We were heavy, so the plane sat and "burned off fuel" till my connecting flight became a fruitless mile sprint in Chicago.  I would have thrown up if I had a full stomach.

Having eventually bounced through a very yummy burger, I'm no longer feeling defeated.  I can make this 9pm standby flight, or not.  All will be well.

On the flight, I did make, I read The Four Agreements.  Very quick read....not at all what I was expecting, but provides back up perspective on my T's initial list:
Extend self compassion to self.
Replace all judgement with curiosity.
Embrace radical acceptance.
Release expectation.

I'm struck by the rule to be impeccable with words.....to others, self, and in the world.  It's very important, as explained.... it's a clear path. A known way to be..... to suffer less, though it's explained we create our own hell on earth, or heaven.  It's up to us to break the spells, stop the black magic, and escape the trance of laws we've been trained to believe, despite all evidence.

Trained to fear, ruminate, and stop resisting.  Trained to believe other people's opinions and mindless words.

I still have 5 copies on the shelf. Will use them as Christmas money delivery systems for the kids.  The rest is up to them.

The bartender is ready to be rid of me, and the same aged gal next to me.  We're both drinking 9oz pours of a questionable Chardonnay. 

The 50ish Eastern European waitress, with Shirley Temple Curls, and heavy accent, isn't alarming me with her habit of speaking near me, and to me anymore.  "Pickles are popular in her country ....she likes them.....good vitamins."
  Earlier, she needed our menus.....I thought she said mayo, which I was squeezing out at the time, while still sweating from the sprint.

The bartender is either high, looking for his bookie, or bf to arrive.  He bounces his ringed fingers on the stainless counter .....paces.....looks looks looks at the entrance.  Maybe he's just looking for business men with expense accounts. I can't know.

I can find a central spot to plug in my phone and watch my standby gate bounce around, while bundled in clean cotton shirts.  I didn't pack much, but I packed 2 of those.

The journey continues, and I'm happy about it.

Update:  I caught a 9pm standby flight, and competent Uber to an amazing old home with a carriage house Airbnb....so perfect.  They had me at deep, narrow clawfoot tub, with fireplace.  It's 1am and I'm going to bed.

Lighter

23

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on May 24, 2026, 07:13:47 PM »

We were heavy, so the plane sat and "burned off fuel" till my connecting flight became a fruitless mile sprint in Chicago.  I would have thrown up if I had a full stomach.

Having eventually bounced through a very yummy burger, I'm no longer feeling defeated.  I can make this 9pm standby flight, or not.  All will be well.

On the flight, I did make, I read The Four Agreements.  Very quick read....not at all what I was expecting, but provides back up perspective on my T's initial list:
Extend self compassion to self.
Replace all judgement with curiosity.
Embrace radical acceptance.
Release expectation.

I'm struck by the rule to be impeccable with words.....to others, self, and in the world.  It's very important, as explained.... it's a clear path. A known way to be..... to suffer less, though it's explained we create our own hell on earth, or heaven.  It's up to us to break the spells, stop the black magic, and escape the trance of laws we've been trained to believe, despite all evidence.

Trained to fear, ruminate, and stop resisting.  Trained to believe other people's opinions and mindless words.

I still have 5 copies on the shelf. Will use them as Christmas money delivery systems for the kids.  The rest is up to them.

The bartender is ready to be rid of me, and the same aged gal next to me.  We're both drinking 9oz pours of a questionable Chardonnay. 

The 50ish Eastern European waitress, with Shirley Temple Curls, and heavy accent, isn't alarming me with her habit of speaking near me, and to me anymore.  "Pickles are popular in her country ....she likes them.....good vitamins."
  Earlier, she needed our menus.....I thought she said mayo, which I was squeezing out at the time, while still sweating from the sprint.

The bartender is either high, looking for his bookie, or bf to arrive.  He bounces his ringed fingers on the stainless counter .....paces.....looks looks looks at the entrance.  Maybe he's just looking for business men with expense accounts. I can't know.

I can find a central spot to plug in my phone and watch my standby gate bounce around, while bundled in clean cotton shirts.  I didn't pack much, but I packed 2 of those.

The journey continues, and I'm happy about it.

Lighter

24

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 24, 2026, 08:29:51 AM »

I like Gold Bond for moisturizing my hands! It soaks in pretty quick and sticks around.

25

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming

« Last post by lighter on May 24, 2026, 08:17:40 AM »

Hops:  My cousin is getting through court fine.  The kids are grown..at University, and there's nothing to fight over, but drunken...."I don't want my wife to divorce me" drivel .  At the last court hearing, the stbx had to leave, bc he "had an accident in the bathroom." This, after attempting to approach cousin, again, with TPO in place, and the attorney calling for the sheriff.

Lordy, if only the DD's empathy wasn't being weaponized by stbx.

Cousins all look and sound great.... we're visiting now.  There's an odd letter from the court about the uncontested divorce and dismissal if something doesn't happen soon.  Stbx has turned in zero discovery, btw. 

The case with the child abuse, of three children, is with my friend's niece....and no one can tell her (the mom) anything, bc she knows everything, and is listening to two other moms, in the same court, who whip each other up in the worst possible way.  One mom only has phone contact, with her children, on a special phone recording every word.....supervised everything.

Tough lessons, but they're not learning.  I was so anxious, but accept she's choosing her path....... ignoring her attorney's advice, and hanging up on caring relatives paying her legal fees, and being present in every way. 

It's self sabotage, and her nose is firmly on the stbx pebble.

Lighter

26

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 24, 2026, 07:55:04 AM »

Oh, neither one of us is venturing up on this roof! If anything, I'll call the contracter who installed it to check it out. He's just down the highway from us, and is a super nice guy. I'm thinking it was just the direction of the wind, and the torrential downpour - a situational issue - rather than a serious problem.

B is finally sleeping. He's had a bit of nausea and the belly band he was given was too restrictive/too large for his frame (altho I will get it back on him when he wakes up) so he took it off for awhile. I went to bed real early last night; slept over 10 hrs again... and I NEEDED to. Feel almost human again.

Even though I didn't let my imagination terrorize myself through this - the usual coping habits only just kept the door closed on all the monsters in my head. House is relatively clean top to botton as a result. LOL. It was fortuitous that the surgery was scheduled just before a 3 day weekend. I can keep B a prisoner and VERY quiet for the first few days of healing; the rain is helping too. Towards the end of the first week, I'll start kicking his butt out of the house for a little exercise.

There's been a really tightly stretched rubber band vibrating somewhere in me for DAYS. And it's now starting to loosen up and rest.

27

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on May 23, 2026, 11:37:33 AM »

Fast and clean sounds good, whew. Sorry about the drive and city whelm...to a lesser degree, I'm finding myself feeling it in this small city for the first time. So many new folks and new neighborhoods in the outer ring. I still love the old streets downtown-ish and plan most of my routes to avoid the two big arteries. I'm a capillary girl. I can easily get turned around in the newer burbs with their boring repetitions of house designs, etc.

I even like detours. They replaced water mains on part of my street and although it takes forever, because I'm weird I get happy every time DETOUR signs go up, because it takes me through older neighborhoods with unique houses and gardens to enjoy. (Usually just takes one around a block.) The next section of mains replacement is right in front of my house. We'll see how I like that detour! And some degree of noise. But it'll give Pup something to supervise out the big window when he's home on his own.

Sorry about the roof leak, hope it's an easy repair that y'all don't do yourselves.

Hugs
Hops
 

28

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on May 23, 2026, 11:23:19 AM »

You just sound like you're LIVING, Hippy. (I like it that you like your original). Also loved the...conjugation?....of HECK, lol. I will still think of you as Boat That Rocks from time to time, such a peaceful image....

Have a happy picnic, it sounds yummy. We're finally getting some rain here which is cold. And wet. Things will start exploding into bloom. Irises are over already, but peonies are popping.

hugs
Hops

29

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 23, 2026, 07:59:05 AM »

Well; surgery itself was fast & clean; and so far he still isn't having any "pain" - which we expected since usually there is a minimal dose programmed for right after surgery. Supplemented with oral painkillers which bring a lot of side effects too, for B. The hard part was wretched/little sleep, and the long drive and just the environment of being in the city.

We've gotten over 3 in of rain in 2 days. It might be 50 outside and solid steel gray skies. I turned the heat back on. Roof started to leak a bit, when the wind got up.

Today tomorrow and Monday is cocoon time.

30

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 22, 2026, 11:15:20 PM »

my brother had wanted a pain pump and he rarely actually never talked to me about it. he was on a waiting list for it and then the one doctor in his area could do it moved away and he fell off that list. I guess I still don't know what he was going through exactly. makes me feel like not whining about minor neck pain or doing exercising

Good Luck