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21

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on March 30, 2026, 04:19:42 PM »

I was so confused trying to figure out what B has been President of. Took me a minute. LOL.
Any chance your brother would buy out your share of the factory? Sounds like a burden you'd like to be free of.

I'm happy B is getting a new pump. If you want to share the date, white light coming. With or without.

I love all your plans and know they engage you. Just don't let 'em wear you out.

My Big Project is having my water-damaged cork kitchen floor replaced. (I'll still have the cork, which I love, in the extension.) We can forget the HGTV requirement that open-ish floor plans include a sweep of matching flooring. I've got hardwood in the front room, soon-to-be Marmoleum in the kitchen, then cork in the back room.
No off-gassing, which I'm happy about. I also picked the wildest pattern for the linoleum that they offer. It has colors that work with the wall colors, including the weird one I made up, in the kitchen. I'm excited about it. And linoleum is just linseed oil plus wood fiber. So, "natural" floors throughout, even if they change every 20 feet. Snort.

hugs
Hops

22

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 30, 2026, 03:59:51 PM »

I dunno. Taking a positive risk, no matter the outcome, is something.

You got close to and loved a dog for a while.
You went to a church. It turned out not to fit you, but you did it. (Try UUs?)

Both of those were human engagement with sources of love. Or potential love.

If your rock didn't have that porosity, you wouldn't be able to try new things.
And it sounds like you're doing better in the self-love department. Whether it's through research, navel-gazing (my major) or taking gentle risks, you're trying, imo.

Small steps can be real leaps sometimes.

hugs
Hops

23

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 12:09:24 PM »

Sounds like some big heavy projects with the gravel and wall. It's still early spring yet so you have time!

24

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 30, 2026, 10:29:46 AM »

I've FINALLY found the oomph and momentum to tackle a whole litany of spring cleaning tasks around the house. As well as finish painting that godz-awful bench. Still have more to do in the mudroom and it has warmed up enough to start the outside "clean up" and seeds.

Have a date in May, for B's pump replacement surgery so hopefully he can till the garden, before. Hol & I have some landscaping projects on this season's list. Big rains washed out along the front edge of a culvert under the drive to the pond... so we're going to build stone retaining wall and backfill with shale. Then, I'll need to order another big load of gravel for the 3-4 miles of driveway we have on the property.

There is mutiny in my shop. Some of it is personality conflict; some of it is overly ambitious holier than thou overstepping one's role; and some of it is a lack of stepping into a new role. The good thing about all this is bro is taking a more pro-active stance now and I'm standing back advising. We're TALKING a great deal more and sorting all this out. Fortunately the former President is still working 3 days a week and he's been consulted often while we sort out just what is going on. And try to work with people to get them to stay in their lanes and pick up the slack that is falling on subordinates. There is always a loud scream in the back of my mind... about having to deal with this kind of crap... STILL.

I already have plenty to do and I'm enjoying finally having a life outside of managing other people. I would like this later stage of my life to be MOSTLY that slow, enjoyable "just being". Hell, I've earned it. But there is no rest for the weary, I guess. At least not yet. It's going to take some weeks/months to sort this issue out - and the pushy person thinks it needs to happen by Friday.  <rolleyes>

Looks like most of my herbs survived the winter. I've got 5 American Elders to transplant into their permanent home. Once I decide where that's going to be.  <grin> They get 10-12 ft tall. And I want to plant some more berries/shrubs this spring too. MAYBE a fruit tree or two... maybe. We have a lot of local orchards around us, so that's less of a priority.

When B gets back, this time we're organizing, purging, setting up garages and shops to be more functional and where everything wil have a "home".

It's that busy time of year. We still have a few things to refine out in the studio, too.

25

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 02:03:40 AM »

"Scheper-Hughes, N. (1992). Death Without Weeping: The Violence of Everyday Life in Brazil. University of California Press.

This book is considered a masterpiece of medical anthropology. It specifically details her fieldwork in the "Alto do Cruzeiro," a hillside shantytown in the town of Bom Jesus da Mata, Northeast Brazil.

The Core Concept: "Selective Neglect"
Scheper-Hughes challenged the Western idea that "maternal instinct" is universal and automatic. In a world of extreme poverty and high infant mortality, she observed:

Life-Leaning vs. Death-Leaning: Mothers categorized infants as either "fighters" (survivors) or those "wanting to die" (weak).

Delayed Attachment: Because babies died so frequently from diarrhea and malnutrition, mothers practiced what she called "maternal detachment." They would not name the child, talk to the child, or "mirror" its emotions until it had passed the high-risk infancy stage."

26

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 01:49:55 AM »

I found a book about lament not sure if mentioned that before. It's titled A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. The way it's written doesn't draw me into reading it. Lots of blah blah about nothing it feels like but I just like that a book on this topic exists as I was reading laments anyhow. So I will skim it. Flip through it. I like the concept that there is something in lament that is lost in society and something of value in it. That lament is a legit form of thought or expression. Why not. I feel people have suppressed laments. Not just a suppressed feeling but a whole string of something. Outside of toxic positivity and toxic negativity there has to just be plain real positivity and real negativity. I feel like if I quietly check in with myself at night and sort of think about how I am feeling even if they are not happy thoughts and if it's sad at least it's real and I don't feel that is negative. --- Actually what am I trying to say. I think I often just have a sad disposition and I feel it should be okay just to be that if that is how one is. I don't understand why it has to be like socially unacceptable to be a sad person.

being knee-jerk judgemental maybe is a habitual toxic-negativity thing idk. I'm getting into the false-positive/false-negatives like it's a medical test.

Wasn't always cynical really. It sort of started with one particular work group long ago that were all kinda grumpy and I caught it and kept it and have just been developing the cynicism oh well. 

I'm really not feeling like I have a strong sense of self these days. I feel like one of those ocean rocks that have the holes  all-over them. I think it's because I never keep all juggling everything and I've never had the emotional strength to have a lot of personal life as well as work. I sort of just completely lean into the work identity when I am working. The bits and pieces of me not the work person feel very small. My life is weird. This morning I asked someone how their week had been and they told me they had gone to a funeral ... and they asked me about mine and I couldn't say much because I've been self-absorbed/navel-gazing/barely existing or not existing in a socially acceptable way so what do I say to people: "oh just doing lots of errands." ---

Shrug doesn't matter. There just haven't been any mile stones recently. Nor hobbies. Nor going places. I better not think about it too much I will want to find the nearest moshpit which there are none.

27

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 29, 2026, 07:01:17 PM »

What SHE (Amber) said.
I don't find your thinking dull at ALL, Meh.

You are valuable and interesting to me.

hugs
Hops

28

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 29, 2026, 05:58:06 PM »

No worries. I know you're usually not looking for advice. Just sharing in hopes there might be a bit to inspire you or shine a light somewhere. And to essentially, let you know - it's not just you going through stuff like this.

               LOVELOVE           LOVELOVE
         LOVELOVELOVE       LOVELOVELOVE
   LOVELOVELOVELOVE   LOVELOVELOVELOVE
  LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
     LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
       LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
         LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
           LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
             LOVELOVELOVELOVE
               LOVELOVELOVE
                 LOVELOVE
                     LOVE

29

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on March 29, 2026, 07:56:10 AM »

No worries. I know you're usually not looking for advice. Just sharing in hopes there might be a bit to inspire you or shine a light somewhere. And to essentially, let you know - it's not just you going through stuff like this.

30

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 28, 2026, 06:16:29 PM »

Narcissists (and their children) often confuse the pain of being a victim with empathy.

True Empathy: "I feel the cow’s pain because I value the cow’s life as separate from mine."

Projective Empathy: "I feel the cow’s pain because I am the cow. If I save the cow, I am symbolically saving myself from my parents."


I've sometimes wondered what vegetarianism is really about.