Author Topic: Mindfulness and codependence thread  (Read 116084 times)

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1110 on: October 28, 2024, 09:00:46 AM »
Amber, I sent contact info for JA.  He's expecting a call from you or B.

Will hav lots of info and I'm praying things get back on track soon.

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1111 on: November 14, 2024, 11:52:40 AM »
Therapy appointment went like this:

Discussed current events. T believes the Vertigo is a protector part. Asked how I feel towards it .....
Fear.

T requested I ask the fear to sit in the waiting room so I could deal with the vertigo.

When I have internal dialogue, it's silent and my eyes are closed......usually takes a minute.  The fear moved to the left, but wasn't feeling happy about it.

T had me ask vertigo what she was trying to say.  "She took me out" was the response."

T said that made sense, to remove me from the people and direct stress around me.... she said cancer can work the same way. 

I didn't make bites, so this is a very loose account.

I asked vertigo what she needed......she was facing me.....them moved up and over my head.....behind me and I knew she meant....
"If you step up, I'll step back.". If I stop taking on stress and limiting the chaos, In can limit.... she'll stop forcing me to stop and deal with it.

I made an appointment next week to work on vertigo with T.  T said she was so glad, bc a part of her has summit fever and wants to get me through it .....but she didn't press or ask to do it with me.  Had to be my choice.

While we did this work.....when I addressed vertigo, T asked me to find the place in my body where I felt vertigo.....
Eyes...
Top of head....
Below solar plexus. 

I was asked to go inside and find....forget her words, but find ball of light.....warmth ...and that was in chest moving the below solar plexus....where it stayed. 

The light is me.... I wish I'd taken notes while fresh. The light is same source as the sun..... I'm my observer mode and everything is is just passing through.....like wind through a screen door.

That's remain in observer mode....take nothing personally means I notice all my wounded and protective parts so I can tend to them, ask them to become allies ....they all belong and trying to run from them, push them away just makes them angry/frantic/ more upset.

Everyone has these parts.....T shared her 20 year's sobriety journey.  She had a protective part that wanted to drink to protect her from pain attached stemming from shame.  She no longer feels that part come forward ...she dealt with it and it's at peace now.

Everything comes back to being present inside the body in observer mode so one may identify other people's stuff.... whatever that is, and to find out parts and tend to them when we're reactive.

I assume next week will involve much EMDR.

Lighter


Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1112 on: November 15, 2024, 04:09:33 AM »
Lots to unpack, Lighter, hopefully it's helped/shifted some things a little and it will make the day to day running of things a bit easier to deal with as time goes on xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1113 on: November 15, 2024, 12:34:13 PM »
I'm curious if next session helps the vertigo situation, for sure, Tupp.

Lighter


Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1114 on: November 15, 2024, 03:55:10 PM »
Lighter,
Have you tried any of these? I'd imagine resourceful you already has, but just in case....

https://www.webmd.com/brain/home-remedies-vertigo

I had it done once for vertigo in an ENT's office and was amazed how instantly it worked. It jogs loose calcium crystal deposits in the inner ear that are then resorbed. The doc and nurse held me and then tilted me very rapidly.
If I'd done it alone I'd probably have hit the floor, but you know your body. Maybe a DD could assist.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1115 on: November 24, 2024, 12:58:02 AM »
DD22 has pneumonia and was very weak and miserable for a while.  The upside.....she wanted attention, care and mommy food.....to watch Alien movies then Doctor Who episodes then the movie Chernobyl, which we've talked about watching for a while.  Usually, she doesn't like movies.

This felt very special.....like I got back a week of her young life.....to be very present, comfort her......nurture and feed, sans distractions. 

My head/sinuses began stinging this evening.  I hope it's just dust and change of season allergies.....I cleaned out the main HVAC returns just before the stinging began.....maybe the warm air inside the house?  I'm hydrated, eating poorly, but on top of supplements.

I changed out the ickiest spatulas and high temp spoons at the lake .....editing dishware......adding matching set of stemless plexi wine glasses.....so many stickers!!!!  Will see if dishwasher can do a better/quicker job.

DD24 just started work part-time at her old eye clinic job.  It's across the street from her apartment and she's very happy to be back.

 Her new bf pleases her very much.... she's happy, enjoying school and socializing.
That means she doesn't have time for Sunday dinner at Mom's for game night, anymore.  It's ok.


Getting sleepy..... bgpug snoring nearby. 

Lighter


lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1116 on: November 27, 2024, 11:58:14 AM »
I've had 2 T appointments and will jump straight into this morning 's.

T asked me to ask"the do'er" part to sit in waiting room so I could be present and curious about the "vertigo firefighter" part.  The "do'er" is the one who readied the lake house on her own, juggled new furnace attempted repair then replacement, the soot, the regular readying/work AND dead mouse I couldn't look for without the world spinning completely out of control.....like the morning vertigo began. Wheeeeee!

The "do'er" moved to the waiting room, willing only now, bc she got the Thanksgiving lake rental on track.  It felt like circles and circles of work, getting smaller and tighter and completed through intuition....certainly not through executive function and organization.

I noticed a lifelong pattern of putting others first. 

For instance, when we had Hurricane refugees at lake, I committed to having the dad guy and his DD for Thanksgiving......bc he's lonely.  My firefighter"do'er/fixer solved that problem, but created 5.....for my DD22, who dislikes him.  For myself, who is uncomfortable with his attraction to me AND his need to be liked solely for himself.....he doesn't want to spend any of his huge inheritance, bc ......his wounded and protective "parts" neeed to know his money isn't the attraction. Once he asked me if he was pulling his weight in our friendship and I reacted with YES, just to avoid the conversation.  I didn't help either of us.

He doesn't realize how always giving less, not handling his fair share burdens others who would enjoy him more, but for the restrictions and imperatives he imparts on relationships. 

In fact, I've been NC with him, but for one short text.  He could be a bright spot, but he's a heavy burden to carry and why don't I speak more truth to him?  He holds it against me, as I've been good enough friend to gift my truth to him. 

He sent a 6'4" schizophrenic after me, when I rebuffed his stated romantic intentions.  He laughed when I told him how horrible it was that he DID that aaaaand we're back to my Vertigo part being done with my she has...zero tolerance and requirement I set boundaries, state consequences and get that shite done and dusted sans any energy wasted on angst,bringing if hands or gnashing if teeth.....needing things to be different.  It was so clear.  I see it, but through many pov.  All my parts need tending and my presence.

Sad news this morning is....dd24's roommate was invited by her father for TG, but when she asked for clarity ....he didn't extend the invitation.  He wanted me to do and make and give and handle TG, but I can't do that.  I won't.  DD's roommate is sad and perhaps crying, and I care about her.  I just can't afford to care to the detriment of my friends emotional and physical safety.  Not anymore.  Not again.

And that clarity comes and goes, just as it's strengthened and becoming an imperative, if only a thready thing, during tough times. It's here.  Inside me. Anchoring me.
It's a desire and needful prayer I'm working to internalize and strengthen......
and vertigo will come to trust me on that. 

Back to the T session.....



Vertigo was on my head this morning, when I checked in with her....she was focusing hard on me.......focused on my altering the imperatives I live by.......she requires presence, discernment be allotted to her/me/all my parts.  To be priority.  Without fail.

All the parts......are me, btw.

The vertigo is a part I sent.

Being present with them, instead of dismissing or wishing them away, is what they want.

This is the shorthand, but pretty much how appt. Went.

Vertigo moved from my head to my R side when I asked her to work with me, alongside, instead of against me.  I assume her intentions are good, note them, express gratitude for her and all parts.

When I asked Vertigo if there was anything she wants to give up to the light/fire/water, etc......Vertigo sent fear of my failing health into the light and was absorbed, leaving only tendrils of herself.

Mission, now,is .....to be present.  Ask what I need before committing to anything. 

I'm not saying vertigo is completely gone.  Feels more like fogginess.   Not a solid thing ruling vision, balance and place in space.
More like...... tendrils.  No longer inside my body.  Maybe......acting on my person, but very faintly.  From a distance.

Lighter
PS. To get back inside my body I locate and focus on the light inside my body.....always chest area.....solar plexus....focus on what's around me, peripheral vision.  I gave myself 2 weeks to work on this before next T appointment.





lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1117 on: November 27, 2024, 12:07:21 PM »
Want to add.....
Vertigo was inside my eyes and top of my head two T appts ago.

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1118 on: November 27, 2024, 12:17:42 PM »
Aaaaand I'm back, full circle, to discernment.

Being responsive and able to respond IF I remain above reacting and reaction.

It's stupid simple, but for all the parts doing what they're always done .. reactively ...under stress.

I have more energy to give if I'm not spinning. 

Lord, help me teach my daughters, nieces and nephew how to discern and be present.

::tending to do'er part::.

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1119 on: November 27, 2024, 05:44:42 PM »
Vertigo completely gone at times.  Noticing big feelings being it back today.


I made Greek Sammie's, salads and last night's homemade Mac and cheese for elderly neighbors.....vertigo completely gone for that.

Got mad at terrible traffic and people not thinking.....vertigo back, but still very externalized. .  like a reminder.  Not to STOP everything and sit me down, like before.

Walked pug.....zero vertigo.

sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1120 on: November 28, 2024, 08:09:44 AM »
OOOOO that's interesting Lighter. You noticing when the vertigo "reminds you" what you're doing otherwise that you're not really paying attention to.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

We were beginning to grill/smoke brisket last night. Finally sat down together on porch for a catch-up & smoke when we both heard a POP. What was that? He put it down to grill heating up. Then the smoke was obvious; grill was on fire. He ran the outside steps; I ran inside & grabbed downstairs extinguisher. He'd already pulled propane bottle off (had welding gloves outside). Then he pulled the meat off (Amber runs upstairs for pan big enough to hold it & back down)... without propane, the grill quickly extinguished itself, although closer examination waits for light of day (glass in lid shattered; temp gauge probably gone; grill is toast).

Never felt dizzy at all in that "action-moment". Dinner is salvaged I think. He went to bed when I got up at 6:30. It's sauced & rubbed and back in a slow oven already... after he trimmed the char off last night.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1121 on: November 28, 2024, 08:13:59 AM »
Yikes, y'all are salivating through the screen!
(I need to clean my monitor anyway, LOL.)

So glad you averted disaster, leapt into action like Supergirl, saved the food.

I ate chicken intentionally. Didn't feel happy but did notice a subtle good change.
I know I am not getting enough protein. I have to learn my Instapot, which so intimidates me with its diggggggitalness that I haven't used it yet.

Lighter's lentils are calling and it's about darn time I made some. It shouldn't hurt my back much. That was the whole point of getting the thing.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1122 on: November 28, 2024, 09:39:15 AM »
Lots to unpack, Lighter.  Definitely sounds like focusing yourself and your immediate family is the way forward.  Which we all know anyway, but sometimes we all need that reminder xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1123 on: November 28, 2024, 11:16:48 AM »
I'm grateful for Doc G, this forum and it's members. 

Happy Thanksgiving, guys🕯️🙏🍂🦉🐝🐕

"Gratitude is the wine for the soul.  Go  on. Get drunk."

 - Rumi

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1124 on: December 07, 2024, 03:05:04 PM »
Hops:  My T was a vegetarian for a while and she noticed a decline in her health, general feeling of well-being and strength.  Her body needs class A protein, even though her spirit doesn't feel good about, like yours.

 I do adore lentils, but have a sensitivity to them!  Very sad about that.  If you're cooking them with the insta pot, use the regular brown ones.... they're yummy no matter how long they cook.  The orange ones  get starchy, like potatoes and the black ones are delicate and amazing when not overcooked, which is a trick to accomplish.

If you buy pre chopped onions, carrots and celery that's best for your back.

I can't help with the insta pot.  I'm afraid of mine too!  Haven't tried it yet either. 

Amber, the lake grill is coated in grease.... can't clean it, bc all the metal parts are a breath away from failing.  I need to pull it apart, order replacement parts and rebuild it as it's attached to the deck and propane. 

Quick thinking!  I'm glad no one was injured, including the brisket, yum!

Tupp, I have moments when there's zero vertigo and moments when I feel it in my eyes then moments when it man handles my brain and threatened to throw me sideways.  This morning, busy in the kitchen with plans to organize and edit in house....I feel very solid.  No vertigo.

Yesterday, roads closures all over the place meant I had to straighten up my approach 3 times while parking!  A regular parking jobVance visiting and normally bad Friday traffic was so bad Waze took me over a mountain to avoid it.  Was terrible to see all the flattened trees in that area.  Just me and 1 car.  Surreal....sad reminder.

Lighter