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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Meh on April 26, 2026, 07:02:24 PM »Continuing...
Today I think even though the minister's kid gave me this sweet heart warming hand shake in the lobby... the talk started off interesting the topic was related to "superstition" and I thought great it's fascinating that the minister tends to bring up topics that I also was thinking about. I was thinking about how even modern churches seem superstitions. And then the minster went into something where he was blaming some bubonic plague of rats and tumors Samuel 5–6??? -- And the minister goes on to say how this bubonic plague outbreak was the wrath of god. And then later in his talk he talks about gays spreading AIDS... and he talks about STDs... and my skeptical science mind just wants to reject what he is saying because they are cherry picking illness. (I have a point that isn't religious eventually)
Churches don't say kids with Chicken Pox are having a demonic punishment. Or the common cold or the flu.
Am I disappointed that this church is so superstitious... maybe a little. It kinda scares me a bit but I guess the big thing is I know I am an outsider forever to this church thing.
I find the conservatives and progressives in society influencer activism annoying and I also find the two ends annoying in church.
It's terrible but I guess church is just a temporary social experiment for me. There is a part of some of these people they do seem genuinely nice people.
I think conservative churches have a right to not buckle under the political pressure to all become X that which must not be named X.
At the same time I see why people have an issue against the conservative religions.
MY REAL POINT -- I first entered the church with a lot of skepticism and I don't voice it outloud. I guess I am thankful to have a calm place to go sometimes. But I think I knew from the start that I would never be in this community for years or be an insider. And I think it's hard to be an outsider all the time.
Lately I've been trying to get out more and confront my social anxiety and it seemed like the church was a convenient near lifeline of coregulation. I mean this was kind of the core of it for me not the politics. Some of the biblical messages are worth reflecting on.
I can't be picky right now. Wrecked my car and am not driving a long distance to go find a less superstitious more skeptical church.
ALSO I do find the in-person an antidote to modern culture. ALSO I do find the conservative old-school thing a bit of structure that I like. I guess purpose, organization, structure these are things I really do like. Maybe it mimics a high-functioning lifestyle idk.
In any case I am not making a political statement about the two sides of that social battle.
What am I saying.
I think I am simply saying I am experimenting with socializing but in the most mild safe ways possible. I like that in church there is a little bit of interaction but not a ton.
Also thought about going to a music event at a pub tonight but not sure if I have the full stamina for it today haven't been feeling good. See that is likely loud and it's going to be a guy on a stage with a guitar ... eh why am I analyzing everything so much.
I also like mellow acoustic music stuff.
Honestly I think I am a bit of one of those "highly sensitive people" whatever that means.
--- Is socializing worth the effort. The outcome seems kind of invisible and intangible. Is that my point.
Well I don't have a tribe that is my point.
Socializing is limited by proximity that is also my point.
Self agency I think means reflecting on what one's tribe even is and is it just a bunch of fluff on a screen.
Anyhow.
church seems nice and I do wish that maybe I had grown up in one but maybe not
just reflections not really any questions to the board in here - it's just thoughts about meeting people and what it means to be socially involved and how much is expected of me and my time and my opinions
I'm feeling strangely a little jesus-ified ... it's just hearing the content over and over again maybe is like brainwashing.
I've found value in the concept of lament, and interest in thinking about the idea of forgiveness and how it impacts the brain. But they lose me at superstition etc.