Recent Posts

51

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 03, 2026, 08:37:11 PM »

-- Don't worry about it Hops.

I will get the offices and ID stuff figured out soon. Was just frustrated that day but then I look at myself and realize I have to also let go of frustration and just move on. I already moved on.

52

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Hopalong on May 03, 2026, 01:15:09 PM »

I felt frustrated at the person who couldn't or wouldn't help you resolve the ID issue. Were you able to ask her what exactly is needed? Did she understand that the place had told you, you must bring exactly document X or Y? And here they are?

Grrrrr. I hope next steps are clear and make more sense.

The filterless public behavior....sad to me. Nose in book sounds like a good way to handle it since you were stuck on a bus.

A new city? Very interesting. Got a Pros and Cons list going? Those have helped me make key choices in the past. Whether things work out perfectly or not, doing that process has made me feel something like....my rational mind is helping me with this. So whatever decision I'd make wound up making more sense and easier to live with. Another method is Must-Haves, Likes, Wishes, Dealbreakers -- those lists helped me sort my priorities.

hugs
Hops

53

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on May 03, 2026, 01:06:31 PM »

I just wrote a poem about seeing the northern lights from a field in the south. With religious stuff, or beyond-religious stuff. Felt good. Still working at it.

Breaking off with Poet seems to have freed up some writing channel. Good thing. It's unusual for me to write two in a week. The other one was about words themselves.

Confrontation with kitchen is overdue. It's right bad, y'all. But I will be visiting D, my friend with glioblastoma this afternoon; perspective is everything. Last week I drove a man my age who'd had a stroke and is living on his own, walking like a fragile tortoise. I liked him, but so far I like nearly all of them. As does Pup!

Beautiful day here, despite the drought.

hugs all,
Hops

54

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 03, 2026, 01:00:53 PM »

Well, why not look at the fear that something bad will happen. Statistically, in general, I think a case could be made that it's just as possible something good will happen. I'd say it's almost 50-50 chance.

Why do you think you're singled out for just bad things? Bad things happen to ALL of us, at times. But it's usually not a life or death situation. It's usually just a problem that needs solved. You aren't helpless - we all know you're smart, have agency and can do.

If, in your pondering of this, you can pick out 3 things that inordinately make you afraid... how about thinking of a list of solutions or ways to protect yourself? Bet you can think of a lot of ways.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on May 03, 2026, 01:00:28 PM »

Thanks, y'all. Bday was peaceful, and sweet in the afternoon when neighbor brought me lovely irises and a bottle of wine. What a yak that was.

I'm sad for Hol but glad if it's the right change for her about C. Don't know what the toxicity was but it sure does happen. Too often, to too many.

Happy B's getting new pain relief and fascinated by his massive turtle-pace move. It's a happy thought that y'all have persevered with belonging together through all of these obstacles. There's got to be something deep going on, or being created.

Bird Nerd and I will be in friend zone for a good while or maybe forever, but I do enjoy his company so far. Not enough info yet and slowwwwww is my mantra. Anything rushed or whoopdedooey is a red flag for me.

One back-of-mind concern is his EXTREME introversion. I was babbling away over a brew and he was just nodding, smiling, listening. His ex is alcoholic and a painful subject for him. He has two grown daughters who're functioning well, sounds like.

Nothing to worry about. I'm very leery of any mantanglement right now, but still enjoying the contrast.

hugs
Hops

56

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by lighter on May 02, 2026, 11:58:06 PM »

We're having the most amazing weather, Meh. 

The sky....clouds....breeze.  Heck, it hailed after a rat a tat rainfall, then the sky went pink.  What an amazing sunset.....chirping bats.....golden light hitting green trees, and newly planted hosta.

Lighter

57

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 02, 2026, 09:17:57 PM »

I guess the fear of being alone to be more specific is the fear of being unsafe that something bad will happen.

It's not really the fear of being alone with oneself is it? No I don't have a problem with my own company.

58

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 02, 2026, 09:13:01 PM »

I had another therapy appointment and I want to journal about it as I feel something in the background edges of my mind that I'm having a hard time sticking my finger into. Fleeting vague thoughts like shadows.

It's related to my decision making problems, plan problems, anticipatory anxiety stuff.

I'm really not doing enough to make my life more stable. I've been very stressed about even the idea of what city to live in.

I keep telling myself that I will get stuck at a job I hate and a rental I hate. But I need to work around this. I do think there is just partially related to it the thing of belongingness and being tired of feeling like I haven't carved out a life where I belong. Because I think the whole like existential fear of being alone is related to it.

And maybe it's somewhat fear of abandonment I don't even know anymore. I have to be careful not to analysis paralysis.
 

59

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 02, 2026, 09:06:46 PM »

Yeah Skeptical

It's the places people hang out. Different places different types of behaviors.

I'm seeing more people obviously on drugs also. Flailing about like those wind-puppets in front of car dealers.

It's because I'm no longer in my safe bubble of my car and nice neighborhood. Oh well. I have to keep coping with it.

60

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 02, 2026, 08:41:35 AM »

I guess that behavior could be narcissism Meh. There seems to be an epidemic of people who feel entitled to force their inner dialogues and emotions and maladjusted behaviors on anyone around them. Inconsideration? Need for attention? I dunno. I call it "cheese sliding off their cracker" syndrome. I suggest carefully backing away quietly from all that! LOL. There is a reason I'm a hermit.

As for the reality of modern life in any agency or public-facing business... it's a wonder anything at all happens in a reasonable manner. Ham-handed, broad stroke AI phone bots that don't adjust to the often unique individual needs of a real human being (coz they ain't programmed to - just keep repeating representative or push zero to speak to a real human)... and people who don't know which end of a broom to use or how to sweep. It's an expectation for me at this point, that I'm going to encounter this kind of entropy or incompetence.

Maybe it will get better someday; but it doesn't give me warm fuzzies about the future of mankind.