Recent Posts

51

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on August 21, 2025, 10:54:17 AM »

Contractor having radioactive dye imaging this morning.  I'm cleaning up the job site.....everyone waited on my return.  Didn't pick up much.  Was a mess, and I realized....I trained them to expect I'll handle that, when really it's how I get so much done with a journey man.  It's economy of motion, for me....... maximizing dollars and time and getting on with the next thing.

But I've trained the contractor....the kids never consider joining in the projects, though the bf has, and likely will again, if asked.

Lots to mull over.  I'm glad you're enjoying the rain.  Everything is green and the moss sporaphites are thick and happy from our consistent downpours.

I can hear the bf belching, after a rich hunter's skillet breakfast of sausage, squash, bell peppers, jalapeno and onion.

I've made a pork roast for lunch.

::shaking head::.

Who would I be if I didn't make yummy trays of food and alcohol everything as it comes back out of the sick room?

I'm a little stumped....
and disappointed....
 in my lack of imagination with this. 
Could have shoved jerky and breakfast bars under the door, I guess. 

I suppose I think I'm cleverly being proactive, and keeping him in his room....not wondering to the kitchen,desperate for comfort food through his suffering.

Ya..... that's a relatively fair trade, imo. 

I'm glad we're having this chat.

How are you doing?

Lighter

52

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming

« Last post by lighter on August 21, 2025, 10:41:46 AM »

Hops, GAL is Guardian Ad Litem....an attorney in place to represent the minor child's interests in Court.

I'm simply accepting generational PD damage today.  That's a switch, bc it's normally something my Nervous System refuses to accept......at all.

That so many people, esp Court officers, assume the best.....boggles my mind.  Maybe it's better than assuming the worst?  Hard to say.

I think..... remaining curious,
to see what's really there,
is the better way of being in the world. Zero assumptions better. 

Mitigating harm.....as a normal way of being, means we accept harm is an ongoing reality.

Lately, a Qanon friend, of 40 years, is sending terrible stories about brutal crimes committed by undocumented and minority people.....drawings of terrible, secret, society crimes against children.....drawing connections to D politicians and famous folks, while ignoring anything to do with anything else, if you get my meaning.

It takes my breath away ...how willfully ignorant he's been.....continues to be about trafficking, child abuse and DV.  Wearing blinders, but for everything popping up on his news feed, validating his Qanon world view.

It's terrible for my Nervous System.  I imagine him driven into a constant state of fight or flight, ignoring the suffering around him while focusing on blood drinking, child skin wearing elites, ruling the world.

Well....that was a rant.

Two ongoing legal cases, in my world, have me looking over my shoulder, at past lessons..... it's distracting, but I'm back pulling legal documents, in my head, figuring out shortcuts, etc.

Mitigating harm.... that's the ticket.

Lighter

53

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming

« Last post by Hopalong on August 21, 2025, 10:08:21 AM »

This is dense of me, but is "GAL" an acronym here or just "gal" like the opposite of "fella"?

Oh so many bells ring at this, and with my Nmom's damage, I know how it can spiral down generations. What bothers me so deeply about abusers/groomers is perceiving a mind that simply feels entitled to TAKE. As though a child or victim is a bonbon.

Maddening, saddening.

hugs
Hops

54

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by Hopalong on August 21, 2025, 09:59:37 AM »

Bravo, Lighter.

This insight, about over involvement in an employee's medical stuff, seems big. Sorry it's a hassle for you if it slows the project but good to hear you naming it. Setting a boundary around it.

I have a fall rain sluicing down and love watching the mulberry trees dance like amazons in the breeze.

hugs
Hops

55

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Hopalong on August 21, 2025, 09:54:56 AM »

I like the idea of using elbows, especially in a booth or bar setting where "crowding" or "creeping" touches can sneak in.

Could almost move an elbow in a hail-fellow-well-met way, as it looks almost jolly. Meanwhile, it carries a point.

But you don't need me on self-defense. I'm just pissed at that guy. Yecchhhh.

hugs
Hops

56

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Predatory grooming

« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 06:20:59 PM »

A friend's divorcing niece had her husband removed from their home after GAL asked to have their 4yo evaluated for SA.

There was no physical evidence, but the child reported something to motivate the GAL to have police remove dad.

I'm wondering why this same charge isn't amused more with PDs manipulating children and turning them against the non PD parent.

Predatory grooming happens with regard to financial, sexual and is characterized as follows :

"The perpetrator's malicious intent and gradual escalation towards exploitative and harmful behavior."

For all I know, this removal is about the father attempting to alienate his DD from the divorcing mother.  I really hope that's what it is.

Lighter

57

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 10:32:57 AM »

Contractor getting blood drawn, for knee infection, again.

I notice frustration pop up....not just with contractor , but also dd's bf, for not taking better care of themselves.

Not sure how I'll find my chill, but will spend time asking where I feel it, tend to it, and try to resolve it soon.....before T appt on 25th.

My job isn't to caretake other adults.  Releasing outcome and making peace with what is ...... that's difficult for me, bc it impacts my life. 

Hungry.

Lighter

58

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 10:28:36 AM »

I slept 10 hours last night. Up at 6am, with the Pug.....baby girl needs her Nummies.

As I move through tasks.... unloading dishwasher, preparing to load, etc. I nite tasks requiring attention, check in with myself about who's job they are, then decide to ask adult children to show me how they do each job.  I'm determined to remain curious, nonjudgmental and open to how they perform tasks.

I'm also determined to not just DO tasks, bc it lowers my anxiety, etc.

Slowing down. Noticing my inner world, paying attention to any upset parts, before reacting, sets me up to enjoy what I'm doing in the moment.  It also makes it easier to plan and problem solve, sans neeeeding anything to be different than it is.

I'm having a wonderful morning....simply seeing what's here.

Tasks done "wrong" mean I haven't taught well enough or at all.  BF doesn't know there's a bin for lint.....yet. I fell some impatient energy creep in......I back burner all tasks with him, as he's in quarantine recovering from Covid and Flu B. 

I tell my younger selves it's OK.  There's plenty of time.  We "have a plan." I feel they're letting go and calming down ....like they're releasing holds on my stomach and organs.  Centered self energy comes forward, without thinking about it

Good.

It's becoming muscle memory. 

I didn't practice so well at wedding and during cousin visit.  Not sure, but it might be about feeling trapped, biting back boundaries ( for the sake of peace) and allowing physical touch I should (maybe) be catching with short quick pocks(spl?)/slaps with small movement only at wrist, sans emotional upset on my part.  I remind myself, action is faster than reaction.  I can't stop incoming unwanted touch, without distance. Keeping distance is more reasonable.  That's a good plan.  I remember my mother teaching us to use our elbows, as she did, with our Paternal GF.

I find I'm calmer/less reactive/angry now that chosen responses are in place, bc younger Lighters wanted to handle things more aggressively. 

Reassuring, younger parts, they have every right to feel the way they do....
Reassuring them.....we have a plan ...we don't have to allow inappropriate behavior/words any longer.  They're entitled to feel, complain and respond...
helps.

Including them in problem solving...helps.

Visiting with them at the tomato garden bonfire..... checking in with them....helps.

Now....back to teaching and moving through my day mindfully, and in joy.  Yes.

Lighter

59

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Interesting articles on loneliness!

« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 09:17:04 AM »

This makes so much sense, Doc. 

You're so right.  Relationship, with a good therapist, is an important part of healing, IME.

I want to add, parts work, and relationship to my wounded/younger parts, has been important too.

Thanks for sharing the articles, Doc. 

Lighter

60

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Interesting articles on loneliness!

« Last post by Dr. Richard Grossman on August 19, 2025, 06:18:57 PM »

Hi everyone,

Here are a couple interesting articles on the science of loneliness:

https://www.psypost.org/scientists-are-uncovering-terrifying-truths-about-loneliness-and-how-it-rewires-us/

and

https://www.theravive.com/today/post/new-study-looks-at-loneliness-and-its-impact-on-mental-and-physical-health-0005094.aspx

As you might imagine if you read my and my patient's books, I am encouraged that psychological science is finally moving in this direction.

Remember:  Your relationship with your therapist is of critical importance to the healing process!

As always,

Richard