Recent Posts

51

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on April 22, 2026, 11:58:29 AM »

The "dummy arch", as my brother's friend calls the 💍 arch, is planted with micro clover, and 32 Creeping Jenny plants...... they'll eventually cascade over the stone retaining wall.

The clover seeds are tiny, so mixed with 3 parts sand, 1 part seeds.

Water morning and night.

The sun is burning, so cover with straw.

Water morning and night.
In a drought, so not enough water pressure for sprinklers.

All things considered....will be ok if everything grows.

We have beautiful ferns, and wild growing forest things to transplant in the rain.....this weekend?  Hopefully.

The lake's SO far down. 

The dummy arch has an old bell mounted inside....must have been in my family 100 years.  It's big and has a lovely patina.

I'll start another post regarding choices on walking meditation garden, using old tiles.

52

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 22, 2026, 11:50:07 AM »

I agree, Hops.  Poet's ticked off, bc you didn't let her control the narrative.

It would have been more peaceful, but for her continued stomping of your stated boundaries. 

I guess we accept what is offered, from disordered people, or we limit contact/withdrawal with love.....but we make the different choices.

The PDs have only one script.....one pattern, IME.

How's it feeling, in your body, today?

53

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 22, 2026, 10:33:06 AM »

Man. She sounds like if she doesn't get to make the rules of how people act, think & feel about her she must adamantly proclaim she's taking herself and her toys home. Did she stomp her feet too?

But it was too late; she couldn't claim breaking things off - you'd already done that. Part of her realized this, I guess, and threw a rediculous hissy fit full of threats of denying access to her wonderful, but struggling self.

I hope ice cream was an adequate antidote to that level of ick. I know bourbon is!  <wink wink>

54

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 21, 2026, 12:43:28 PM »

Ugh ugh ugh. Her response was a lot of instructions about how we'd continue to be "email friends" only because she wants to "stay in touch" but even if she comes to town she wouldn't see me because it would be too "uncomfortable" and on and on....but she'll email again, unless she doesn't, etc. She says "uncomfortable" a lot.

Stupidly, I responded again. She'd mentioned seeing "old Hops" in my friendly, first response to her unexpected email. I wrote that "old Hops" had been ever-ready to support her intensely in all things but now I realize it wasn't quite reciprocal, but my codependent attachment that needed to loosen. And now it has.

Longer story shorter, she built up to fury again. "Goodbye. I will now resign from the poetry group. If I'm ever in your town again I will visit the other poets individually."
Blah blah etceterblah. Her last email was to announce that I wrote her "intentionally to hurt her" -- and she would never read an email from me again. Good, since I won't be writing one.

I think she's in a hot fury because I was blunt and direct. I said I believe that only sitting with "uncomfortable" in therapy would be truly freeing. It was unpleasant to feel her trying to reel me in again, so I'm glad she's spitting nails at my refusal to cooperate with her narrative. I hope her anger spurs her to leave me alone and I feel relief that she's leaving the poetry group.

Yeeessshhhh. I feel sometimes that one has to be hypervigilant with N-ish people, even those who were at one time close friends. I went out and bought a pint of ice cream and ate the whole thing to calm down.

But it was Cherry Garcia, so that doesn't count, right?

hugs
Hops

55

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 20, 2026, 02:49:07 PM »

Thanks a lot, Lighter. You taught me a lot during all that. Very strengthening.

hugs
Hops

56

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 20, 2026, 02:41:37 PM »

Makes sense to me, Hops.  I'm just proud you added that post script.....amazing to notice absent emotional charge!!

57

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 20, 2026, 02:27:49 PM »

So I wrote a PS, that I'd prefer no contact until July (for the 3rd time) and that I realized my impulse to thank her for writing was habitual but not healthy for me. Wished her health and good luck with the changes in her life.

Between us, it's just that she dismissed all I'd expressed and wants to go back to being in touch. Right now, I don't want it. No longer want to prop her up, I'm barely on my own feet these days.

(I remember M's habit too, of simply dismissing things I'd say that he didn't want to hear or were not HIS preference. Just because Poet sez "I want to keep in touch" doesn't mean I have to obey. DUHHHH, Hops!)

Whew,
Hops

58

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 20, 2026, 02:20:50 PM »

How about a "Friendship Moment: Indifferent"?

Got an "update" email from Poet. News of a potential move (to daughter's new house) IF she/Poet decides to sell own house as planned etc. The rest all about her goal of being "relevant and recognized" in the local poetry community. A complaint about the weather in MI, and how she had a good visit with pal in the Smokies.

So I replied with stuff at same level: spring is great, I like new kitchen floor but rest is still a challenge and doing baby steps, poetry reading series is helping me write.

Not interesting any more. She said "I know we're not close but I want to stay in touch anyway" .... so I'm not sure I'm interested. I previously told her twice I wanted to wait for contact until July. Deaf ears, but my fault for responding. I think I regret the reflex.

No turmoil though. No upset. Not feeling much of anything, except to share it here.

hugs
Hops

59

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by lighter on April 17, 2026, 06:59:40 PM »

I had enough, to double up.  Wish I'd read your post before gravel and topsoil went down this afternoon, Amber!!

Lighter

60

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 17, 2026, 03:42:41 PM »

No, but I'll look it up!
Great title.

Thanks, Meh.

hugs
Hops