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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Meh on March 30, 2026, 01:49:55 AM »I found a book about lament not sure if mentioned that before. It's titled A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. The way it's written doesn't draw me into reading it. Lots of blah blah about nothing it feels like but I just like that a book on this topic exists as I was reading laments anyhow. So I will skim it. Flip through it. I like the concept that there is something in lament that is lost in society and something of value in it. That lament is a legit form of thought or expression. Why not. I feel people have suppressed laments. Not just a suppressed feeling but a whole string of something. Outside of toxic positivity and toxic negativity there has to just be plain real positivity and real negativity. I feel like if I quietly check in with myself at night and sort of think about how I am feeling even if they are not happy thoughts and if it's sad at least it's real and I don't feel that is negative. --- Actually what am I trying to say. I think I often just have a sad disposition and I feel it should be okay just to be that if that is how one is. I don't understand why it has to be like socially unacceptable to be a sad person.
being knee-jerk judgemental maybe is a habitual toxic-negativity thing idk. I'm getting into the false-positive/false-negatives like it's a medical test.
Wasn't always cynical really. It sort of started with one particular work group long ago that were all kinda grumpy and I caught it and kept it and have just been developing the cynicism oh well.
I'm really not feeling like I have a strong sense of self these days. I feel like one of those ocean rocks that have the holes all-over them. I think it's because I never keep all juggling everything and I've never had the emotional strength to have a lot of personal life as well as work. I sort of just completely lean into the work identity when I am working. The bits and pieces of me not the work person feel very small. My life is weird. This morning I asked someone how their week had been and they told me they had gone to a funeral ... and they asked me about mine and I couldn't say much because I've been self-absorbed/navel-gazing/barely existing or not existing in a socially acceptable way so what do I say to people: "oh just doing lots of errands." ---
Shrug doesn't matter. There just haven't been any mile stones recently. Nor hobbies. Nor going places. I better not think about it too much I will want to find the nearest moshpit which there are none.