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51

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Hopalong on November 06, 2025, 03:41:12 PM »

The incredible intuition and kindness of many animals blows me away. I note that he was kissing your EYELIDS. Wow. Go, Stinkers, you empathetic creature.

Hope it all went well today and you'll soon be through the wake-up tunnel, comfy and settled in for a couple more days of not much.

Sending much love and not much light until those big dark glasses are off....don't worry about anything. Maybe that's your real job right now. Releasing worry. Relaxing with full comfort. Releasing others' over- or under-reactions or clumsy help.

It's okay. You're okay, they're okay, and Stinkers is most DEFINITELY okay!

(One way I weather medical procedures is to go when I can into Very Grateful mode....orienting myself as both cooperative and appreciative, thanking everybody before and after, etc. If I do that I find my feelings do catch up with my intent and I actually am extremely grateful for their expertise. It's a good trust-and-receive experience, ime. But I also understand ymmv.)

hugs
Hops

52

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 06, 2025, 05:45:35 AM »

I was just a grumpasaurus. I think I'm over it. We're up early because (thank you time change) we went to bed shortly after dark. Last night Stinkers hopped up, sat on my book, and proceeded to give me lots of kitty kisses, even licking my eyelids! It was really sweet.

Yes Hops, you could use a B. Maybe a local high school youth group has service projects? I don't remember how it was organized, but I know I participated in some yard cleanups, and exterior painting for people requesting assistance. It wasn't affiliated with any school or church group, I don't think. But finding things for kids to do, used to be a "thing" back in the 70s.

If anything tweaks my triggers, i plan on "removing myself" from my bodily sensations Lighter. Deep breathing, mental focus elsewhere, whatever "magic" is involved for me to just "step out" for the 10-15 mins the doc said was required for the surgery. it's just the coming back that could be a tad dicey. And since the location of the surgery is right next door to B's pain management doc, he's going to pop in there and see if they've heard from the gov't yet. (Not likely.)

53

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on November 05, 2025, 12:24:25 PM »

Divorcing cousin is here through the weekend.  She goes back hom for first divorce hearing next week.

Her h was removed from the house ...I think I said that already.  More importantly, so were all the guns. AND he can't buy more, according to the 2 year restraining order he agreed to.  He's begging their DD to bring him a fun "for protect." He's a very bad liar. 

He's also introduced another woman as "his wife" at his church. I know he's on "dating"apps....the pay by the minute kind.  I wonder if the new wife will care?  I doubt it.

I'm praying the Judge sends both of them into the hall to write up a Final Settlement Agreement.  Not much to fight over, but then..... it's difficult for PDs to agree, to anything, and move on.

I'm pretty sure the restraining order got done, bc the h went for hours without a drink......he was likely climbing the walls.  I don't laugh about his pain or suffering, for surely he suffers.

I do what I've come to do automatically.....
accept mitigating harm/expense/trauma and time, is the best possible outcome for all. 

The kids, at University, want to move back home from friend's houses.  Maybe.  The house might have to sell.

The DD loves and misses her dad.  So sad their together time includes him getting her drunk and terrorizing her.....asking her to do things NOT in her best interest.

I wonder if he'll pull his relationships, with his children, out of the dirt.  I have zero expectations he cares to.

I'll end on this note....cousin has documented proof of stbx's failure to comply with TRO.  She could have him arrested any time.....
which means he'll sweat out beer longer than he'll be able to endure going without a drink.

This gives me the best hope he'll do the right thing, and move on.

Cousin wants him to be ok.  She just wants out, and for everyone to be ok.

It's astonishing to witness parents, who care about protecting and shielding their young vs the one's sacrificing them to the Gods of Hate and Vengeance.  Always.

Nothin fair about it.

The sky is blue.
The grass is green.
Some parents eat their young.

There's an auction at the ReStore today.  I might drop a lot and off and stick my head in.

Lighter

54

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on November 05, 2025, 12:03:53 PM »

Contractor's been sick all week.  When he com s back, he has a drawer to cut down and install....a sink leak on o repair and skirting around the deck to deal with proper.

Hanging heavy things, changing a ceiling fan and big light....carry away some building leftovers, and Bob's your uncle. Done. I think.

Lake contractor says he'll carry away broken down fridge and freezers tomorrow.  I might tape them up this afternoon....drop off some large items.....a K air mattress, in case my buddy uses lake for her family Thanksgiving.

Heck....might take another mattress......
::gaging my strength::.

My cousin isn't sick.....neither am I.  We'd be doing all the schlepping, driving, taping and whatever mouse clean up, should there be any, alone. Will see.

Can hammer out details of wedding arch/whatever form that takes.  My cousin is amazing at this event stuff ...and getting things done.

Lighter

55

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on November 05, 2025, 11:44:56 AM »

Amber, my sister had a super easy recovery, after recent similar surgery.  Much easier than mine, 10 years ago.  Just remember to line up the toilet before dropping your weight.

Congrats on lift install, and good luck managing your emotions around old stuff and B.  Boundaries are a good, and necessary thing.....you already know that.  It's difficult to give up autonomy and control, once it's part of your life, IME.  Pick and choose what's important..... what's easier to leave go.

B has his triggers and charges too.......maybe speaking them, out loud, will diapers/reduce them?  Maybe you already have. 

Hops, I hope your little garden shed goes up easily.  I'm happily picturing your garden tools, pots and bags of soil arranged to your liking.  Projects more joyful....more ease.

Lighter

56

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Hopalong on November 05, 2025, 10:11:12 AM »

Wish a B. would appear here.
I'm going to buy one of those "tupperware" sheds...four feet high and 2-3 deep, I think.
It'll fit on my lower patio, which I call the "industrial patio."

It'll need assembling. Will fit right under my bedroom window and be a very helpful storage
and plant-pots kinda place. My garden tools are all rusty, as just under the eaves was
all the storage I've had here. I could store them in the outside-access basement, but getting to the entrance while carrying anything is hard on the back.

I'll ask my newish garden guy if he'd feel up to the task.

hugs
Hops

57

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 05, 2025, 08:21:40 AM »

Lift is all done. I'm pleased. It's a very simple functional "elevator". Will carry about 1000 lbs and is reasonably safe. There was a bit of panic over the measurements I was told would allow enough clearance for the box to travel through the deck. B made it one inch too short. But the installer told me the actual basket measurement was several inches smaller than I was given to believe. Now B is focused on A) making it pretty and B) keeping the cats safe.   <rolling eyes so hard they hurt>

When I'm doing something like this, I acquire all the information I need. I measure multiple times. I'm totally immersed in the project. Mr. Helpful constantly talks about all the things he thinks I haven't already thought about... and he obssesses over some of them. I usually gently hold him and kiss him... telling him to PLEASE stop talking until the current work is completed. From now on, I will be either asking Holly or contracting any other projects out. He assumes "ownership" over way too many things, and he moves so slowly working on them (Holly's jeep electical issue has been sitting a year, and still isn't done.) and like the rest of us, overwhelms himself with so many things going on. Because every week we have to go somewhere, or address other things.

I am not unfamiliar with phenomenon. Both my parents & grandmother were Aries and could make something like making breakfast as difficult as planning the Battle of the Bulge. It's kinda funny how much it triggers me. But, in the end, I understand he's trying to help and protect his "charges"... and I am responsible for managing my own emotional crap. I'm definitely doing something different now than I was THEN. It just feels weird. And will pass because distractions are taking my attention elsewhere, rather rapidly.

First eye surgery is tomorrow and like it or not, I am dependent on B for the first 24 hrs. Hopefully he doesn't overdo it. Having weird dreams and tomorrow is a full moon. SIGH.

Onwards, deliberately and slowly. Just use what I know to "think". Try not to imagine anything "extra" - or that I can't know for sure.

This too shall pass and I shall feel like a silly goose.    <grin>

58

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 04, 2025, 10:56:56 AM »

The lift is going in!! So far, so good.

But the deaf, ADHD, OCD person around here is about to make me crazy!!

59

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on November 03, 2025, 10:35:26 AM »

The new water closet is an amazingly useful addition to the house.  I have plush red bathroom rugs down....feels comforting in the stark little white room.

The leaves are turning, finally...... they're everywhere.....falling like little animals.  If we blow, daily, it's less of a hardship to deal with them.  I'm bundling up, going out to get things done.

Lighter

60

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on November 03, 2025, 10:24:56 AM »

4, out of 6, are ill right now.  Just my cousin, and I , remain well.  Contractor called in sick this morning....I pulled a 2' long hair out of the pug's throat.....and it's cold out.  So so cold, with all the Halloween stuff sitting at the garage entrance, waiting to be bagged and schlepped to the crawl space. 

Crawlspace needs some editing, but in good shape, mostly.  I SHOULD make returns to HD and drop offs to ReStore.....which opens tomorrow.  Returns today.  Food bank today.  Goodwill today. Veterans and ReStore tomorrow.

Hopefully, sister feels better tomorrow, so we can take cousin downtown to feel the vibe.  Maybe catch a Burlesque show, visit cool bars and eat somewhere yummy....Indian, maybe.

But first.....
the crawlspace.

Lighter