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31
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Predatory grooming
« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 06:20:59 PM »
A friend's divorcing niece had her husband removed from their home after GAL asked to have their 4yo evaluated for SA.

There was no physical evidence, but the child reported something to motivate the GAL to have police remove dad.

I'm wondering why this same charge isn't amused more with PDs manipulating children and turning them against the non PD parent.

Predatory grooming happens with regard to financial, sexual and is characterized as follows :

"The perpetrator's malicious intent and gradual escalation towards exploitative and harmful behavior."

For all I know, this removal is about the father attempting to alienate his DD from the divorcing mother.  I really hope that's what it is.

Lighter




32
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again
« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 10:32:57 AM »
Contractor getting blood drawn, for knee infection, again.

I notice frustration pop up....not just with contractor , but also dd's bf, for not taking better care of themselves.

Not sure how I'll find my chill, but will spend time asking where I feel it, tend to it, and try to resolve it soon.....before T appt on 25th.

My job isn't to caretake other adults.  Releasing outcome and making peace with what is ...... that's difficult for me, bc it impacts my life. 

Hungry.

Lighter
33
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 10:28:36 AM »
I slept 10 hours last night. Up at 6am, with the Pug.....baby girl needs her Nummies.

As I move through tasks.... unloading dishwasher, preparing to load, etc. I nite tasks requiring attention, check in with myself about who's job they are, then decide to ask adult children to show me how they do each job.  I'm determined to remain curious, nonjudgmental and open to how they perform tasks.

I'm also determined to not just DO tasks, bc it lowers my anxiety, etc.

Slowing down. Noticing my inner world, paying attention to any upset parts, before reacting, sets me up to enjoy what I'm doing in the moment.  It also makes it easier to plan and problem solve, sans neeeeding anything to be different than it is.

I'm having a wonderful morning....simply seeing what's here.

Tasks done "wrong" mean I haven't taught well enough or at all.  BF doesn't know there's a bin for lint.....yet. I fell some impatient energy creep in......I back burner all tasks with him, as he's in quarantine recovering from Covid and Flu B. 

I tell my younger selves it's OK.  There's plenty of time.  We "have a plan." I feel they're letting go and calming down ....like they're releasing holds on my stomach and organs.  Centered self energy comes forward, without thinking about it

Good.

It's becoming muscle memory. 

I didn't practice so well at wedding and during cousin visit.  Not sure, but it might be about feeling trapped, biting back boundaries ( for the sake of peace) and allowing physical touch I should (maybe) be catching with short quick pocks(spl?)/slaps with small movement only at wrist, sans emotional upset on my part.  I remind myself, action is faster than reaction.  I can't stop incoming unwanted touch, without distance. Keeping distance is more reasonable.  That's a good plan.  I remember my mother teaching us to use our elbows, as she did, with our Paternal GF.

I find I'm calmer/less reactive/angry now that chosen responses are in place, bc younger Lighters wanted to handle things more aggressively. 

Reassuring, younger parts, they have every right to feel the way they do....
Reassuring them.....we have a plan ...we don't have to allow inappropriate behavior/words any longer.  They're entitled to feel, complain and respond...
helps.

Including them in problem solving...helps.

Visiting with them at the tomato garden bonfire..... checking in with them....helps.

Now....back to teaching and moving through my day mindfully, and in joy.  Yes.

Lighter
34
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Interesting articles on loneliness!
« Last post by lighter on August 20, 2025, 09:17:04 AM »
This makes so much sense, Doc. 

You're so right.  Relationship, with a good therapist, is an important part of healing, IME.

I want to add, parts work, and relationship to my wounded/younger parts, has been important too.

Thanks for sharing the articles, Doc. 

Lighter
35
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Interesting articles on loneliness!
« Last post by Dr. Richard Grossman on August 19, 2025, 06:18:57 PM »
Hi everyone,

Here are a couple interesting articles on the science of loneliness:

https://www.psypost.org/scientists-are-uncovering-terrifying-truths-about-loneliness-and-how-it-rewires-us/

and

https://www.theravive.com/today/post/new-study-looks-at-loneliness-and-its-impact-on-mental-and-physical-health-0005094.aspx

As you might imagine if you read my and my patient's books, I am encouraged that psychological science is finally moving in this direction.

Remember:  Your relationship with your therapist is of critical importance to the healing process!

As always,

Richard
36
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on August 19, 2025, 02:02:16 PM »
We've had cicadas, earthquakes, mudslides, a hurricane and flash floods, hail......might as well have an early blizzard, yup yup yup.

Lighter
37
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on August 18, 2025, 11:31:48 AM »
Gonna be an early winter. B and I thought we heard acorns hitting a metal shed a couple days ago. He picked up a handful & gave them to me yesterday. It doesn't get light now till about 7. It was 5:30 a couple weeks ago. Totally dark by 8:30 now.

Farmer's Almanac says snow in the Rockies & northern states possible in Sept. Mid-atlantic/NE may see snow at Halloween and likely, Thanksgiving. Sigh. We'll be cutting more wood.
38
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Hair
« Last post by sKePTiKal on August 18, 2025, 11:26:57 AM »
Well, I've found that there are people cutting hair that can work with whatever kind of hair you have. I have a few determined waves that won't "behave" unless cut correctly. Once I get a stylist trained, I hate to change. So, I'll warn the new lady about what it will do and fingers crossed, she'll know how to compensate for it.

The right cut, means I can wash & go; let it air dry. My hair when long, and pulled back, takes ALL DAY to dry. Sounds like you might need some long layers or maybe a wolf cut - that would make the MOST of your waves/curls instead of trying to make it do what it clearly will not.

In my case, it's the "wicked" wave on one side by my ears and it matters not how it's styled, if it's cut incorrectly.
39
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on August 18, 2025, 11:05:48 AM »
I'm unable to remember 10 minutes of mindfulness every hour.  I set aside an hour, to meditate, at 12:30.

I might set a timer today.....just to see.

DD24 has to be out of her apartment at months end.  I'm letting her figure it out....not easy for me.

We had a wonderful visit to the farm yesterday...... mowed, BIL and his nephew repaired the Bobcat.

Picnic with a fire, smoked BBQ chicken thighs, long beans with potatoes, so good!!!

Later, for dinner. the neighbors made a lovely mince with veg...think Shepherd's pie, but with jalapenos and rice, yum!!!! Cucumber/onion salad and carrot raisin salads on the side.  Nephew cooked rapini on the outdoor gas cooktop....in the garden. Fellowship and catching up....the couple just returned from Barbados.  Lots of stories.

BIL tipsy.....with hiccups....funny and happy.  Nephew engaged and pleased to spend the day with his aunt and uncle ...be invited to dinner ....be asked to cook.  Interesting to be with social bears....adept at mixing and taking turns talking.

  It was a windy, cool day.....spitting rain on and off......perfect, IME.  I was downright chilly at dinner.

Lighter
40
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Hair
« Last post by lighter on August 18, 2025, 10:21:45 AM »
I'm flustered by hair that must be manipulated and trained into shape.  It takes too much energy, is boring imo, and leaves me unhappily sweating....sometimes with burns around my face. 

God bless women/men, who wake up with hair pointing in every direction, refusing to comply. 

I appreciate a quick top knot or ponytail, for sure.
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