Recent Posts

61

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on April 30, 2026, 11:42:40 PM »

Forgot what else I was going to say. Forgetting deserves a post too.

OH!!! yes I remember

the relative did drive me to therapy and I also knew I should probably do it anyways

but I had wanted to talk to the therapist about GAD and self-agency and like decision making issues and planning issues and my lack of friendships and "inner circle" people.

62

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on April 30, 2026, 11:34:01 PM »

Tonight I was really wondering if I should be doing therapy or just focusing on other stuff like financial stuff.

The monetary side of my life is bad it does feel like my GAD and everything else might be feeding into bad decisions.

I feel a bit confused.

I honestly feel like my lot in life is to just put all my energy into bad jobs until I die and do nothing else.

The therapy I know is not going to change the financial reality.

I've got zero debt so I guess that is something to feel good about? Or not I don't know.

- It shocks me that I spent so much of my lifetime being so stunted in life -- maintaining stuntedness whatever that means. Years of whatever it was social anxiety?

Maintaining stuntedness.

Does it have maintenance. Like avoidance.

What am I saying. Working only to be feeding the stunted version of self? Is that what I am saying who knows. I'm going to bed I guess.

63

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on April 30, 2026, 11:29:49 PM »

Happy Birthday.

64

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on April 30, 2026, 11:20:31 PM »

Too brain dead right now to type a whole lot. This week I did meet up with a new friend it was sort of a pain in the butt to figure out the bus and there was a long delay for me and transit.

I went and it was a good diversion. We walked on a long pathway somewhat in the woods and there were cherry trees blooming. They asked me if I would go again hiking with them and I sort of said sure but not commitment to it yet.

I'm a bit worried this person has a lesbianic thing going on. I did meet them at an exercise group and then they said their goal was just to get out more.

We talked a lot and it was an interesting convo like a lot of depth to it. Maybe we both over-intellectualize stuff idk.

I'm always looking for problems. I hope it doesn't get weird as I haven't made new friends in forever.

Sounds idiotic but I think I am a bit confused on even how to make friends at this age in my life.

Teenagers just fall into random friendships and they seem a bit random.

Seems like with older people friendships are curated in a certain way.

I've had superficial relationships for so very long. Hyper professional distance with everybody.

65

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Dirty Hippy on April 30, 2026, 07:00:49 PM »

Hol likes to tell me - repeatedly btw - about the tiny little things... ways of understanding... connecting feeling and thinking... that us 'rents and her teachers didn't explain to her. Because no one explained it to us either.

I sometimes see therapy as a way for another human to see those little understanding connections that we missed. Explain them to us when it pops up. And sometimes, it's a lot more than that. Everyone's journey is different.

I often wonder if for a lot of people, it's just learning to feel OK and accepting the things about our lives - past & present - that we can't change. To change the parameters of our lives, the patterns, to something we have actively chosen for our own satisfaction...........

Rainy day here. Good for pondering.

Okay understanding connections that we missed.

66

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 29, 2026, 10:58:45 AM »

Sounds divine to me...mountain area, rhododendrons coming awake...heaven.

I'm getting to know a guy who volunteers for the "Village" -- nice person, he seems. He's a bird expert; great big birdy career. In his 20s the job was opening areas of jungle in Hawaii. They'd use machetes to make trail and every 40 minutes would stop to listen to and record all the birdsong they heard, see them if possible. Amazing.

He just got back from a tramp in the U.K., sent me pix of jackdaws. If we get palsy (PAL-sy, not PAUL-sy--though at this age who knows? har har) at some point, I have a nickname ready: Bird Nerd.

I turned another year over yesterday and this one rattles me a bit. Motivation to get my head out of my heinie and act more like y'all: Get Stuff Done!

hugs
Hops

67

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 29, 2026, 07:53:08 AM »

It's looking like I was right to wait to start seeds; the Rhodis are finally starting to bloom. Might be thunderstorms and small hail later.

Mudroom is almost done; I have some nice rosemaling pieces to put up - and extra splash of color on the monotonous pine panelling in the house. Just need to smash out the pretty cover for the bench cushion.

I do need a dry day to get outside and start working on the herb beds, pull up last years weed fabric in the veggie garden, etc. Oh - and cutting the grass. Looks like Holly might be on strike this year. But B is leaving to bring in another load on Friday... so I'll have some help until his surgery.

Haven't heard from my new buddy yet much this week - but it's a busy time of year.

68

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 29, 2026, 07:40:29 AM »

Hol likes to tell me - repeatedly btw - about the tiny little things... ways of understanding... connecting feeling and thinking... that us 'rents and her teachers didn't explain to her. Because no one explained it to us either.

I sometimes see therapy as a way for another human to see those little understanding connections that we missed. Explain them to us when it pops up. And sometimes, it's a lot more than that. Everyone's journey is different.

I often wonder if for a lot of people, it's just learning to feel OK and accepting the things about our lives - past & present - that we can't change. To change the parameters of our lives, the patterns, to something we have actively chosen for our own satisfaction...........

Rainy day here. Good for pondering.

69

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 05:45:42 PM »

Lighter,
I really feel how you love plants and rain, equally.
Beautiful descriptions.

I love rain too. (We need some.)

It's the comfort nature brings over and over, no matter what humans are up to.

hugs
Hops

70

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad

« Last post by Hopalong on April 28, 2026, 05:43:28 PM »

Amber,
I love that you might be finding a new female friend. She sounds very interesting, open and there's SO much in common!

I look forward to how it goes. You (as do all introverts) deserve adjacent friends!

I hope this is the universe providing for you. (Even if the universe doesn't give a dang, it's a happy thought.)

hugs
Hops