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61
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming
« Last post by Hopalong on May 19, 2026, 01:06:55 PM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZEn8ToQCeM

Send this to your cousin.

If she wants to win she's got to focus on FACTS (all the court cares about) and not her feelings.

She should google Narcissist in Court for loads and loads of actionable advice. (One tip that really strengthened me in court was: zero eye contact or even looking at my brother during the hearing. I stayed calm and my lawyer systematically presented our exhibits (including a detailed, point-by-point rebuttal I had written about bro's lies.)

Good luck to them.

hugs
Hops


62
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on May 19, 2026, 12:26:29 PM »
The algorithm served up this interview today and I was impressed by how helpful they are. (Plus, her accent is a treasure, though her eye makeup might keep me up at night...LOL).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x44qWswco4E

hugs
Hops
63
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 19, 2026, 09:33:18 AM »
Well because the cabin is logs - it requires resealing periodically. And the deck makes it easier to access the peaks of the gables or dormers, the roof & chimney. Not to mention my Starlink receiver! So the 2nd story deck is necessary. It's also fire escape with steps outside, front and back.

Downstairs is a combo of concrete/decking. That could be all concrete, IMO but it might be a struggle as out back, is the beginning of the cliff. That deck is only a couple feet up from the irregular rocks. I've played with designs out back from the time I moved in. Everything from outdoor kitchen to upstairs screened in porchs or the two story "tower" to accomodate an elevator. So far the lift outside is working fine.

Sigh. It's awkward.
64
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 19, 2026, 09:04:39 AM »
Thanks Ladies.

I've recognized the quiet stress over this that we're both unable to exactly put down. Cope with, yes. So far that's working. The Rx are ready for pickup finally. And we have other errands to run too, to make it easy for us to be homebodies for a few days. He's got a list of things to keep his hands & mind busy that are not physically strenuous for that first week. He does heal up fast.

The garden just is setting expectations too high for me this year. I'll settle for amending the soil, and tidying my herb garden. I think my comfrey died over the winter - but I have another patch to check that I might be able to divide. And Hol has plenty to share. I have enough seeds for the next couple of years and depending on weather, might try for a fall garden.

He doesn't experience much pain from the surgery itself. He's had so many. The first couple days will bother him.  But the pump dosage will be minimal for the first week - then we should be able to get him back up to his normal dose AND with a controller that actually works to boost his dose a little within limits. I think it's the invasiveness that bugs him. I can relate.
65
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:56:29 PM »
Do you need all that deck, Amber?

I found closing up windows and doors on the cottage, (and removing a deck )very satisfying.  Less to maintain, and replace. 

Simplify, and make the most of what you need/use.

Lighter
66
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:51:17 PM »
It sounds wise to put garden down, Amber.  You'll still dream and plan.... prepare, but focus on other things seems reasonable.

Good luck to B..... I'll be sending white beams if justice and competence his way on Friday.

Lighter
67
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates
« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:46:14 PM »
Ahh...Hopsy.  Shame sucks.  Guilt too. 

You're a fine human. 

Shame is more counterproductive than anything.  Accomplishes nothing, except further paralysis, and guilt heaped on top of shame heaped on top of....
you get the picture.

I've found myself voicing dismissal of shame/guilt/unkind thoughts about myself/housekeeping/clutter blindness.  It helps shut the spiral down, and open up choice/possibility/getting one thing done/rolling into another, instead.

Or simply embracing the womb, and all it's comforts, wholeheartedly.

Relax.
Breathe.
Make an appointment.

Things go so quickly with help, IME.

Creating clear sunny space feeeeels so good, but it's requires a plan in my case.  Maybe yours too.

Lighter
68
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming
« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:35:33 PM »
Ok.

::looking down::.

Lessons in divorce court with abusive people.

1.  ONLY bring up what is well documented, and can be proven.  Do not blather on about one's "truth," sans documentation.  It's the kiss of death to credibility, IME. Pick top provable 3.  Expect to get in 1, maybe 2....3 if the judge/GAL/T seems interested, IME.

2.  Brother Mud said this to me, and it still holds true ....
Speak to court officers without expectation.  List facts, provide your evidence, then allow listeners to come to their own conclusions.

My update is grim for the case I'm referencing.  The mother blurted a lot of crazy unfounded accusations, told GAL, and her attorneys (plural bc she didn't like what her third attorney was saying, so she hired 2 more, making it 5 total).....she told everyone what they must do, think and feel, with devastating consequences.

She's (a children's play T, btw)  coming across as punitive, and not much focused on the child's best interests.

If she continues this way, she may lose custody to a man she claims is abusing their 4yo DD, and maybe he is. 😢

He may take that child, back to France, if the mom goes through with plan to have him deported.

Some people can't hear anything, but their own reactivity, and I get that.  Esp when children's safety's involved.

It's a train wreck situation for her, and she's having loud breakdowns, and talking about adult things in front of her 3 children (11ds, 9ds and 4 DD) who are all out of control, including the family dog. 

Thinking about it makes me feel weak and defeated.  She'll spend all her equity....go deep into debt, and miss so much time being present with her children, which is the really devastating piece, IME.

Lighter






69
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 18, 2026, 02:08:45 PM »
Well - you seem to like BirdNerd too. Friend zone for a decent while is sensible and it's you being your own best friend. So, worry about just having fun the introverted way! Stay present and no future thinking beyond your next outing. If ya need an example - B and I were friends for 5-6 years before we even had a face to face experience. And when we couldn't stop talking to each other... we both knew we weren't imagining things. I kicked sensibility to the curb at that point.

And our relationship has grown - but the majority of our interaction is still what the kidz call "friend zone". Despite all the intimate conversational sharing that's gone on. That's 4-5 years now. Things are shifting into other realms - and it's FUN.
70
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Hopalong on May 18, 2026, 02:00:09 PM »
That's a lot, Amber.

I just want to say (for you this is temporary) that when I realized I Just Can't Garden Now I grieved. Genuinely, it hurts. But that was a year or two back, and this year I'm not pretending about it. I'm not even composting now, same feelings.

But I DO feel good about accepting my current limits, and not letting grief go on forever. If it's a couple pots on the patio plus the yellow wheelbarrow, I will still take joy in lovely plants growing.

My three indoor plants are thriving. The baby begonia is now a beautiful monster. Betty B will go outside when the warmth can be trusted.

Phil O-Dendron is showing his muscle on a pedestal kind of setup. The one that needs transplanting and care is the cyclamen. Blows my mind when it blooms.

Enjoy all you can access without harming yourself, hon. And I am imagining how very much you'll love and use that grand deck.

hugs
Hops
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