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61
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 27, 2026, 12:50:44 PM »

Made a little doodle this morning to represent intuition. It was only a line drawing of a body emphasis on heart, lungs, stomach and feet. Refrained from adding any symbols beyond the body to keep it intuition focused and not out of body abstracted stuff. I was looking at it and I was thinking wow she is sad!

Here is the thing --- I have been going to church of months now. Doing new things meeting different types of people even the pagan thing. And fundamentally after this superficial transactional moments pass I am still very sad.

So I guess I am telling myself okay, it's OKAY to be sad but also I mean it indicates something is wrong right. Most people would DO something about their sadness they would NOT tolerate it. But I am NOT GOOD AT doing something about my sadness.

Being sad is exhausting. Maybe I need to try a different church meet a new set of people.

Doing self awareness - checking in with self and trying to be in touch with intuition.

So many things in my life are going haywire externally as well.

"A haywire camp is one where inferior equipment is used..." — Ralph C. Bryant, Logging (1913)

I really need to take the emotions out of my tasks while simultaneously being "more intuitive"  bwa hahahaha

Will finish breakfast and go do errands and then find a quiet spot to make phone calls from.

PEACE
JOY
ACTiON
and when all else fails TRANSMUTATION
62
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 27, 2026, 07:32:21 AM »
That sounds fun! Maybe you can find a free photo editing app. What matters when increasing physical photo size is the original resolution. And there are ways to "cheat" that in software.
63
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 26, 2026, 09:31:12 PM »
I understand the pain and annoyance of keeping up. It's inevitable though and when you do get new tech you will probably like it for a while at least until it has to be replaced again in much shorter time.

The one thing I had wished I could have afforded with this old phone is better camera. I don't take a lot of pics but I did go through a chapter of inspirational obsession. I had made some temporary nature art things and they were pretty awesome and I wish the photos could be blown up. Oh well.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 26, 2026, 09:27:53 PM »
Went to church and successfully avoided the dude by quickly walking past him and then also leaving when he came near the table I was at. I got to talk to ladies and the pastor's wife and that was good enough for me for socializing. Well I would have enjoyed a better weekend.

I feel like some of the people at the church have a good energy in the sense that some of them don't appear to be harboring a lot of resentment, jealousy, bitterness whatever. It's really hard to be around people that just FEED negativity and stir it out of boredom.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 26, 2026, 08:13:49 AM »
Yeah, and I used to work IT. But it makes/takes phone calls, texts, and takes pics. That works for me. Never dropped in coffee, whiskey or the toilet... LOL!
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 26, 2026, 12:15:25 AM »

18 year old cell phone that's wild
67
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 25, 2026, 11:43:27 AM »
Sigh. Slow summer - which doesn't bother me much.
Mowing is on hiatus - have to fix the mower deck and one of the parts ordered was the wrong one. But hot then rainy - as in topical storm downpours - then cooler & cocoonish...

I'm way behind on planting & weeding & building new beds... coz bugs. It'd be different if the bites/reactions went away in a week, but noooooooo. Still waiting on new locking mechanism to come in for front door. Deck is MOSTLY done, but B is using the scrap lumber to improve the lower deck and steps down into the jungle that is encroaching and needs cleared.

Hol's been preoccupied with C - and confusing the crap out of me - so it's not high on my priority "attention list". Usually she just want some Mommy time and I can do that. The frequency has slowed down.

My phone, ipad, and keyboard are all trying to go south on me at the same time. SIGH. And I'm not predisposed to deal with any of them. I think the battery in the keyboard just died; charging now. But the charging port on the ipad is loose so any cable I use refusing to stay "connected" long enough to charge it. Even when I'm not mobile. This is pricey replacement, because I usually get a cell chip in it - lets me deal with travel, etc and never be on public wifi. No Apple stores near me to get the port fixed. Cell phone is close to 18 years old... and can only be updated so much further. Ick, blech, don't want to make any changes in this arena... but I won't have much choice if I wait too much longer.

I'm kinda bored and gloomy doomy; grumpish. But I think I know a way I can change that - just have to get B's attention. Got fooled by Amazon last night - thought they were running the movie Young Washington, but it was just a trailer. Boo Hiss! Washington surveyed and fought the French-Indian war around here... so we're interested in the history.
68
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 23, 2026, 12:53:18 AM »
Won a raffle while back and got some lame-o art supplies.

Took my lame-o art supplies to an art get together and doodled some oak-ish leaf and branch thingy I picked on the way there.

There was not a lot of conversation at this art thing there often isn't or it references so much pop culture that I have no idea what people are talking about. Oh well I went. I am going. I am doing.

The mountain ranges are obscured from that smoke. It's still not awful yet.

The actual tree parts were more beautiful than my doodle of them. I feel guilty for molesting nature just to make a rendition of it. A bullshit rendition. Nature is so wonderful by itself even if nobody observes it or brands it or names it. It's fine all by itself.

I hastily had to put the leaf and twig parts into the bathroom garbage can on my way out. There is the chance I am allergic to it because of course I would have to be allergic to oak? maybe who knows doesn't matter right now .... have to set my alarm before I fall asleep and tomorrow I will wing it in the morning
69
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by sKePTiKal on July 21, 2026, 01:08:35 PM »
Yes, all these kinds of groups, IMO, are a lot like HS cliches. Even if they don't enforce political uniformity. Group dynamics is a real thing - and one can even recognize various types or stereotypes of personalities in almost any group. I briefly entertained participating in a local artist's co-op, until I started recognizing some of the types that eventually wear out my politeness/patience.

But there ARE small informal groups around and yes, everyone is friends so getting invited to join might take awhile and some effort. Quilters, crafters - lots of spinners, weavers, knitters etc - make an effort to get together on a regular basis, like monthly to share, problemsolve, etc. Same is true of outdoorsy people - hikers, water sports, rock climbers, cyclists. Forgot - gardeners, too! You can usually meet people like this at art fairs, farmer's markets, or even visiting those co-op store fronts.
70
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on July 21, 2026, 11:07:33 AM »

Yes, good reflection Skeptikal.

After reading your post I think it's helping me realize that I need both a private world and a social world. Also I think I am getting caught up with HOW OTHER people DO their social world.

I'm going to say that outdoors enthusiasts and musicians seem to have much cooler social lives than pagans. The pagans still seem like the very weird vulnerable kids at school or something but they've all gotten older and are still using bracelets as their symbol of social significance or something. idk

The church has some magical aspects - they prayers for sickness seems to be a constant at the church I attend and they tell the pastor AS IF he is a wizard that can enchant the correct words to bend gods will. This so much reminds me of every other cult.

I guess my concern about paganism is it seems to be a bit of a closed environment I do not really trust what might go on  AND I will say as an older person I don't like sitting at a table wondering who is actually really female and who is a male larping as female. If I look at their tits I'm trying to figure out if it's injection induced or what is going on.

Socializing is a lot of effort.

The smoke seems to be heading in our direction according to the radio maybe idk.
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