Recent Posts

61

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on February 23, 2026, 03:57:26 PM »

That last paragraph is so familiar, Meh. 

Your ability to see the behaviors, observe them, with some emotional detachment is huge, IME.

Just take care of yourself....limit contact, as you need/can. 

Lighter

Thanks Lighter.

Yes take care of oneself definitely has to be the ultimate goal. True true. And for whatever reason sometimes it's helpful to be told it.

Take care of oneself.
Take care of oneself....

62

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on February 23, 2026, 03:53:30 PM »

"They aren't looking at the food because they’re hungry; they’re looking at it because it belongs to you, and they want to see if they can get a reaction out of you by interacting with it."

63

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on February 23, 2026, 01:20:49 PM »

I've noticed my Therapist's kind eyes....sort of automatically appear in my mind's eye, for me lately.

It's the warmest experience....expressing and receiving deep compassion.

One of the unexpected, but delightful, fruits and flowers of extended T with the right person.

I wonder if you've heard of patients experiencing this, Doc. 
 
Lighter

64

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by lighter on February 23, 2026, 01:14:14 PM »

That last paragraph is so familiar, Meh. 

Your ability to see the behaviors, observe them, with some emotional detachment is huge, IME.

Just take care of yourself....limit contact, as you need/can. 

Lighter

65

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The island

« Last post by lighter on February 23, 2026, 12:17:53 PM »

I prolly should have, Meh.  Instead I sent a replacement water heater, installer, DVD player, new DVD player, installer again...until guest stopped reporting trouble. 

She never got hot water back.  I refunded $300 back, before she told me hot water gone 5 of her 7 day trip. 

Maddening, there's not enough follow up. 

Lighter

66

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by Hopalong on February 23, 2026, 11:02:32 AM »

Light and health to all as we stumble gratefully
toward spring....you can sense it! Smell it in olfactory motes in the air,
hear it in notes of hope in voices....see it in surprising small brown
birds hopping over muddy grass.

I just don't know how they made it but am so glad they have. Us too!

I'm focusing a little and getting help for the home de'clustering'. Mind's all over the place and back interferes, but I have a good place to start.

hugs
Hops

67

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 23, 2026, 07:55:53 AM »

SOMEWHERE I wrote down my log in, for whatever photo platform I was using... whatever it was called.

But, this week, I have my end of the tax prep to finish up, the mudroom painting & trim, and the eye checkup. Some things I need to follow up on.

There's a micro-layer of superfine snow on everything except the roads here and mega wind. I'm missing the tease of the 60 degree warmup days.

68

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on February 21, 2026, 03:45:55 PM »

And..... except for C yelling at Hol, and Hol having that aimed at her Nervous System.

A loud laugh upsets our Nervous Systems, sometimes, in the house.
  A 😱 screaming man might be all hands on deck.....maybe. 

That's one relief in having a big, tall guy in the house. Most men (who get loud at women) act calmer around other men, IME.

Stay warm.....garden plans will come when they come
  I wish I could see pics of your projects.

Lighter

69

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 21, 2026, 06:59:26 AM »

Hello winter my old friend... s'posed to get some snow (no one is committing to how much) tonight & tomorrow. I have another eye checkup Tues. B is still here; but leaving "imminent" - he just can't say when specifically. Hol is tired of being yelled at by C; I don't know if they're talking about it yet... Even after 10 days away from each other. She's fine with it too. Still letting her nervous system settle back down.

Progress is starting on the mudroom - nothing drastic; paint shelves cushioned bench... and I still haven't commited to garden plans yet. Don't think I'm going to pressure myself in that realm this year, either. The sewing projects have been on hold until I think my eyes are good enough to handle the hours of details.

So, same old same old... and pretty pleasant all except the crap I have to print, scan & upload for taxes. Blech.

70

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on February 20, 2026, 03:01:17 PM »

"It isn’t a conversation because a conversation requires mutuality and new information. What you are describing is a monologue with a required witness.

Why It’s Not Conversing
A real conversation is a "zero-sum" exchange where both people are changed or informed by the interaction. What the narcissist does is different:

Fixed Outcomes: In a conversation, the direction is unknown. With a narcissist, the "end" is already decided: they must be seen as the person with the "correct" taste.

Performance vs. Exchange: They aren't looking for your perspective on the subject; they are looking for a reflection. You are a mirror, not a participant.

The "Captive Audience" Dynamic: Conversations are voluntary. This is a hostage situation where silence is treated as a provocation and disagreement is treated as a "wrong" answer to a task you never applied for."