Recent Posts

61

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates

« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:46:14 PM »

Ahh...Hopsy.  Shame sucks.  Guilt too. 

You're a fine human. 

Shame is more counterproductive than anything.  Accomplishes nothing, except further paralysis, and guilt heaped on top of shame heaped on top of....
you get the picture.

I've found myself voicing dismissal of shame/guilt/unkind thoughts about myself/housekeeping/clutter blindness.  It helps shut the spiral down, and open up choice/possibility/getting one thing done/rolling into another, instead.

Or simply embracing the womb, and all it's comforts, wholeheartedly.

Relax.
Breathe.
Make an appointment.

Things go so quickly with help, IME.

Creating clear sunny space feeeeels so good, but it's requires a plan in my case.  Maybe yours too.

Lighter

62

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Predatory grooming

« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:35:33 PM »

Ok.

::looking down::.

Lessons in divorce court with abusive people.

1.  ONLY bring up what is well documented, and can be proven.  Do not blather on about one's "truth," sans documentation.  It's the kiss of death to credibility, IME. Pick top provable 3.  Expect to get in 1, maybe 2....3 if the judge/GAL/T seems interested, IME.

2.  Brother Mud said this to me, and it still holds true ....
Speak to court officers without expectation.  List facts, provide your evidence, then allow listeners to come to their own conclusions.

My update is grim for the case I'm referencing.  The mother blurted a lot of crazy unfounded accusations, told GAL, and her attorneys (plural bc she didn't like what her third attorney was saying, so she hired 2 more, making it 5 total).....she told everyone what they must do, think and feel, with devastating consequences.

She's (a children's play T, btw)  coming across as punitive, and not much focused on the child's best interests.

If she continues this way, she may lose custody to a man she claims is abusing their 4yo DD, and maybe he is. 😢

He may take that child, back to France, if the mom goes through with plan to have him deported.

Some people can't hear anything, but their own reactivity, and I get that.  Esp when children's safety's involved.

It's a train wreck situation for her, and she's having loud breakdowns, and talking about adult things in front of her 3 children (11ds, 9ds and 4 DD) who are all out of control, including the family dog. 

Thinking about it makes me feel weak and defeated.  She'll spend all her equity....go deep into debt, and miss so much time being present with her children, which is the really devastating piece, IME.

Lighter

63

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 18, 2026, 02:08:45 PM »

Well - you seem to like BirdNerd too. Friend zone for a decent while is sensible and it's you being your own best friend. So, worry about just having fun the introverted way! Stay present and no future thinking beyond your next outing. If ya need an example - B and I were friends for 5-6 years before we even had a face to face experience. And when we couldn't stop talking to each other... we both knew we weren't imagining things. I kicked sensibility to the curb at that point.

And our relationship has grown - but the majority of our interaction is still what the kidz call "friend zone". Despite all the intimate conversational sharing that's gone on. That's 4-5 years now. Things are shifting into other realms - and it's FUN.

64

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by Hopalong on May 18, 2026, 02:00:09 PM »

That's a lot, Amber.

I just want to say (for you this is temporary) that when I realized I Just Can't Garden Now I grieved. Genuinely, it hurts. But that was a year or two back, and this year I'm not pretending about it. I'm not even composting now, same feelings.

But I DO feel good about accepting my current limits, and not letting grief go on forever. If it's a couple pots on the patio plus the yellow wheelbarrow, I will still take joy in lovely plants growing.

My three indoor plants are thriving. The baby begonia is now a beautiful monster. Betty B will go outside when the warmth can be trusted.

Phil O-Dendron is showing his muscle on a pedestal kind of setup. The one that needs transplanting and care is the cyclamen. Blows my mind when it blooms.

Enjoy all you can access without harming yourself, hon. And I am imagining how very much you'll love and use that grand deck.

hugs
Hops

65

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on May 18, 2026, 01:47:04 PM »

From my pathetic physical point of view, you're in AMAZING shape, Hippie! I measure my progress in half-blocks. Small blocks, too.

Bravoooooooo. I'd bet anxiety will continue to settle the more time you spend in nature. Hope you can find happy ways to keep it up. (Preaching to self again....)

Hugs
Hops

66

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates

« Last post by Hopalong on May 18, 2026, 01:43:52 PM »

Thank you so much, Lighter. You've said all the right things. Except maybe for one part of the secret shame cycle:  I'm intensely uncomfortable inviting in (and paying a good bit) for a stranger, however kind, to come in and help with the ick.

Clearly, no choice but to suck my ego back in and make other appointments... including with laundry and a countertop. You could see it, I felt. Thanks.

Amber, you walking into doors really cheered me up, not that I want it to happen! And you're exactly right about me needing to MOVE. This morning I found myself getting anxious about Birdnerd, who clearly likes me....because given my track record with inappropriate men, I don't trust my own judgement. But we're in friend zone, so I'm going to aim to just enjoy that. Futureizing/fantasizing was always my weakest spot. Reality is still my friend, but I'm not certain what it is, in his case. The extreme introversion I mentioned does make it difficult to know him. No rush and no obligations, my new mantra for this interesting fella.

hugs
Hops

67

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 18, 2026, 10:26:09 AM »

Hippy, one more thing about Tai Chi. A lot of students said they were there for the physical benefits; but just as many said they appreciated the style of socializing too. Much of that doesn't involve talking - as the class learns the new positions and collectively performs the whole set of positions. But there are breaks - and gathering/leaving conversations. You get to know people over time.

--------

So B's surgery is scheduled for 7 am in the city on Friday (at least a 2 hr drive for us! Hol is driving because I don't do city rush hour traffic anymore.) We'll be awake at zero dark thirty. Hopefully there won't be any accidents on the way. None of this has been made any easier for us to deal with - because of software upgrades in the doc's office to integrate AI programs. One of which has cancelled his surgery appt 10 times and continues to do so. His Rx's for post surgery are also NOT making it into the pharmacy. The pre-op appt B had to sign all the basic boilerplate permissions again IN HARD COPY. I asked the nurse if it was because of the software upgrade - and YES - the IT company didn't carry over the initial paperwork every patient signs when seeking treatment. I rolled my eyes; she rolled hers and let out a huge sigh. They had to collect hard copy sigs from ALL their patients again. Big pain for all of us... and she let slip that yes, they are limited to 15 mins sessions with ALL patients.

Having managed those kinds of upgrades in my previous existence, I am not impressed. B on the other hand - is ballistic. It has to do with trust. He can't trust in people or processes that don't seem to know if they're coming or going. Can't blame him, either. And they take absolutely no time or consideration that after all the horrible things he's experienced at the hands of the medical "professionals" that there MIGHT be everything from suspicion, to distrust to outright PTSD about every little screw up, bureaucratic confusion, and personally inconvenient and painful consequences. He is not a person - just a procedure to perform.

We're dealing with it. Sometimes I have to walk away while he melts down. But he does eventually regulate and we reconnect. Hol and I can meet up at the studio... she'll play music... I'll calm down... and sometimes B joins us to unwind a little. He's been taking it out on dead/down trees. We already have enough wood for next winter.

But, just last week it was cold enough we had a fire in the woodstove again. Yesterday, I turned the AC on for the next few days of 90 degrees. High will only be in the low 50s on Friday. Sigh. Wearing layers that day.

-----------

The garden is probably not going to happen. What with the weather - things breaking around here (front door & garage door having issues) and all this running around... I'm going with cleaning up, adding compost to what is growing... and mulching this year. MIGHT do some herb seeds in a couple weeks for a few plants. Have raspberries ordered too. But not adding this to my to-do list right now.

68

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 18, 2026, 09:13:05 AM »

Yeah. Contractors don't seem to have good communication skills. Over promise and under-deliver is another thing I've noticed.

Never did find anyone to redo my deck this year. And once the tax return hit - realized it was a blessing. Altho I REALLY NEED that deck rebuilt. It's big; 2 levels; all 4 sides of house and 2 sets of steps. Hol found someone to do some tree clearing and brush hogging her field... sposed to start today; but they did call this morning to say they got a late start and would prefer getting a full day in tomorrow instead.

69

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:38:27 AM »

The clover did rebound, Meh!!!  But the wedding arch circle has obvious bald patches too....made more obvious next to all the thriving green.

Oh well.  The heat's up to 88 recently...will be today.  And sunny, oy. 

We ended up staying, bc contractor said he'd come, then didn't.

My windowed buddy came up, and we took apart 2 big 100 year old armoires downstairs.....moved them to out building. 

Downstairs looks clean and very large....will try the white marble buSt on that fireplace mantle today.....find another place for the carved wood deer with fragile antlers.

I want coffee.

70

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:28:13 AM »

Sounds like you're walking into new, interesting territory, Meh. 

Exploring a limit.....the outdoors, new friendship, and a church's offerings...... while sitting in nonjudgmental awareness.

It feels solid.

Lighter