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61
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 18, 2026, 09:13:05 AM »
Yeah. Contractors don't seem to have good communication skills. Over promise and under-deliver is another thing I've noticed.

Never did find anyone to redo my deck this year. And once the tax return hit - realized it was a blessing. Altho I REALLY NEED that deck rebuilt. It's big; 2 levels; all 4 sides of house and 2 sets of steps. Hol found someone to do some tree clearing and brush hogging her field... sposed to start today; but they did call this morning to say they got a late start and would prefer getting a full day in tomorrow instead.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:38:27 AM »
The clover did rebound, Meh!!!  But the wedding arch circle has obvious bald patches too....made more obvious next to all the thriving green.

Oh well.  The heat's up to 88 recently...will be today.  And sunny, oy. 

We ended up staying, bc contractor said he'd come, then didn't.

My windowed buddy came up, and we took apart 2 big 100 year old armoires downstairs.....moved them to out building. 

Downstairs looks clean and very large....will try the white marble buSt on that fireplace mantle today.....find another place for the carved wood deer with fragile antlers.

I want coffee.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by lighter on May 18, 2026, 07:28:13 AM »
Sounds like you're walking into new, interesting territory, Meh. 

Exploring a limit.....the outdoors, new friendship, and a church's offerings...... while sitting in nonjudgmental awareness.

It feels solid.

Lighter
64
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 17, 2026, 08:49:49 PM »

I'm thinking I need a nap.
Yesterday I walked 6.6 miles
Today I probably did about 6.4 miles
I'm guessing 7 miles would max me out.
I'm not in great shape or bad shape.
New friend is into outdoorsy stuff which is fantastic and we seem to both not know where our limit is at.
I think I need to de-prioritize exercise and then again my anxiety also seems to push me to do it.

Went to church it was nice.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 17, 2026, 08:44:40 PM »

Surely the clover will rebound fingers cross as long as mother nature thinks so.
💚☘️💚☘️💚☘️💚☘️💚☘️💚
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Dirty Hippy on May 17, 2026, 08:33:26 PM »

That sounds like great community time and also adulting productively.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates
« Last post by lighter on May 17, 2026, 06:38:54 AM »
Hi. Hops:

I tried to post to your fall from bed post.  It didn't go through.   You've had a recent incident, so I understand the increased worry.  It's valid.  You're listening to it....plugging in cardiac rehab...maybe some gentle walks.

As for time spent in the womb.  When you have it, take it, sans upset.  Breathe into, worthy and comfortable.  You don't have to earn that rest.  It's ok.

The house puzzle is a familiar one.  Easier tackled with assistance, and second pair of hands, IME.  It's ok to accept your brain isn't built for sorting through emotionally charged spaces, and things. It's ok to ask, and receive, help.  Open windows, let fresh air in..... sunlight too.  I won't say to pick a pile of laundry and get it put away.  You'll choose your own place to make a stand.  Countertop?

Or not, and that's ok too.  It's not time, if you aren't doing it, and doing might require some help.  Even if it's mostly company, with tea and conversation, as hands begin, and move through it.

The worry and fear have you..... it's paralyzing, ime.  Counterproductive. Roadblocks.

Their grip will loosen.  You'll shift out of survival mode, choices will appear, and you'll get on with what's possible.

Trust yourself, dear Hops.

Lighter



68
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates
« Last post by sKePTiKal on May 16, 2026, 04:45:47 PM »
Unless falling is a regular thing that happens, I don't think it's anything to connect with age, Hops. Being sedentary can be more than a lack of strength though. Balance, flexibility are things that aren't getting used as well. (This comes from a total klutz who KNOWS how to move well - and doesn't always practice it!) I run into doors and walls. Yes, for real.

Maybe find a leafy park to gently walk with bird nerd for a bit - doesn't have to be a 10 mile hike! Walking is good exercise - and probably gentler (coz you're in control of pace) than cardiac rehab.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Health Updates
« Last post by Hopalong on May 16, 2026, 12:16:01 PM »
Bit short of breath today. Thinking it's allergens but still always hate the sensation. For some reason, I'm pondering age and vulnerability a lot. I'll be starting again at the little cardiac rehab gym soon. Not looking forward to it but believe if I don't stop this sedentary cycle I'll die. When I start walking, the weakness hits. Immobility is a stupid, stupid way to manage anxiety, imo. And I'm probably having that because of getting to know another male and primarily, having let my house go completely squalid. It's not just shame, but fear. Both.

The back pain on bending is the primary physical cause, as doing dishes, food prep, etc send me into back spasms. I'm so weary of it and it's worsening. Actually, something else might be the primary cause: ADD. Once I started the cycle when my dear cleaner has been unavailable for months, it's been like falling. I stopped taking care of this, then stopped taking care of that, etc etc etc. It's been like watching a very slow, time-lapse mudslide that's now engulfed my kitchen, bath and bedroom. I wander around like a wraith with blinders on. I SEE the mess and detour around it back to the womb: on bed with laptop.

The extension isn't too bad, despite mounds of laundry that need folding and multiple more loads to go. Pulling wet laundry out and transferring it to dryer...ow.

I do know what to do. I don't know WHY I haven't done it.

Thanks for listening to an extended, really absurd WHINE. I am so lucky to live here and to be alive. Something's just not been connecting lately and I think it scares me.

There've been highs and lows this spring. Highs especially with the old family friends, a nervous bit with Birdnerd, lows about...falling, home mess, and Poet. Can I blame her for my recent decline? LOL. J/k, I'm no longer grieving but relieved.

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Hopalong on May 16, 2026, 11:57:48 AM »
That's interesting.

I sure wish stellar, outstanding, Scanda-quality public education for every single zip code was priority one.

Gotta nice afternoon ahead:
--visit to tax place to sign and pay for the extension (not fun but good to finish)
--cafe beer meet with Birdnerd
--possible meet with dogsitter pal

hugs
Hops
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