Recent Posts

71

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Generation Jones

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 10:50:18 PM »

I miss serious people.

I feel everybody lives inside YouTube while they buy virtual Pokemon cards.

There was a coworker I had and I told him one day that when he said good morning or asked me how I was doing I felt he really meant it. He said it was because he was in Vietnam and he said he didn't take a day of life for granted after he got out of the war.

72

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 05:55:45 PM »

- Recently I've been trying to figure out if I have:

- Some kind of frontal lobe activity issue
- ADD
- PTSD
- retardation and I still like this word
- brain structural problem
- underlying severe emotional issues - that I still don't understand
- executive function issue
- learned helplessness
- developmental trauma disorder - hypodopaminergia
- I do have GAD - generalized anxiety disorder
- neurodivergent spectrum thing
Adding:
- Social anxiety thing?
- Shyness
- or low self esteem
- emotional self containment
- Avoidant Attachment Style
- External Locus of Control?
- Lost Child Syndrome
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean I look at this list and I see why medical professionals say to just try a pill and go away lol.

I like this list that I've come up with. I like it because it's clear. It's more clear than just using the term "depression." Or "unmotivated." But also I'm not a psychiatrist. I sort of wish I could just take my list to a psychiatrist and they could just tell me but then I wonder if they would even be able to figure it out.

Now I don't like the list. It became too long.

It's just going to sit there. I am tired. I might read some fluff.

73

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 05:44:43 PM »

That's okay Hops. I wasn't really looking for help. Was having the thought in real-time and realizing how I felt about the church situation in general.

Almost all my thoughts are so fleeting. Some of them are sort of important though.

When one is trying to practically figure out how to live engaged there are only so many opportunities nearby to do it.

74

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Hopalong on March 26, 2026, 03:12:53 PM »

Secular humanists?
Quakers? (No need to chat...)

My brain ticks lots of those things too, and isn't working well enough today to be much help.

Mysteries get solved when they can be and some we just have to make peace with.
It's hard.

hugs
Hops

75

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:48:15 PM »

- I haven't been writing here on this Voicelessness board consistently.

My mind skims all of what is going on, occasionally deposits a random thought and then I go back to being too busy working to self reflect or to obsessively thinking about something.

- I wish there was some kind of national church of self awareness. A place where people went on Sundays not to worship and have faith in an invisible sentient deity. Instead the church would be more like reminding everybody to actively do self help and improve their lives. And I do not mean anything ologist at all. No gods, aliens, or demons. No stages of holier healing than thou.... just a reminder for people to keep trying I guess. Church is too supernatural for me. It's too judgemental for me. I am deeply uncomfortable being around a bunch of people all trying to be "good ones" or something. Too many rules to live by.

76

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:38:10 PM »

- Recently I've been trying to figure out if I have:

- Some kind of frontal lobe activity issue
- ADD
- PTSD
- retardation and I still like this word
- brain structural problem
- underlying severe emotional issues - that I still don't understand
- executive function issue
- learned helplessness
- developmental trauma disorder - hypodopaminergia
- I do have GAD - generalized anxiety disorder
- neurodivergent spectrum thing
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean I look at this list and I see why medical professionals say to just try a pill and go away lol.

77

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:31:51 PM »

- From a free book box I picked up "Your Second Life Begins When You Realize You Only Have One" by Raphaelle Giordano.

It's for middle class, middle age women. It's silly fantasy stuff. I'm not the target audience. I'm allowing myself to read it it's a small book. I'm willing to feed myself a dose of sugar I guess. 

78

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:28:24 PM »

- I only went to that church one time and I felt very guarded. I wonder if I am putting out the uncanny vibe to others.

79

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:26:03 PM »

Do we fall upon things out of intuition or is it random I don't know.

I was going to write something here about N but I am disinclined to focus on them right now. It's a quiet morning and I don't need to let them fill up my headspace in every way possible.

80

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again

« Last post by Meh on March 26, 2026, 01:23:29 PM »

Cortisol spikes in the morning. It's a time that I sometimes get panic attacks also. And a frequent theme if I do have any insights during that time is a feeling of existential loneliness. I think it's real. I think I was trained my entire life to accept social isolation as quite normal and so now I am left with a problem of how to deal with it or face it when I've pretty much suppressed it as a problem my entire life. The first time I had one of these existential moments of loneliness was a many years ago and I thought it was maybe a passing fluke like a remnant from a dream so I didn't pay too much attention to it besides what do you do anyways.

The loneliness I get is more of an animalistic existential fear of the tiger will eat me type. I don't think it's the type of a person who doesn't know how to be alone with themselves.

I do think it's starting to impact my waking life. Most adults do make decisions I feel like in a way based on - where is their family, where is their friend group, where is their familiar landmark. I am feeling almost 100% liminal. Anyhow I got an errand to do this morning.