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71
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by lighter on November 05, 2025, 11:44:56 AM »
Amber, my sister had a super easy recovery, after recent similar surgery.  Much easier than mine, 10 years ago.  Just remember to line up the toilet before dropping your weight.

Congrats on lift install, and good luck managing your emotions around old stuff and B.  Boundaries are a good, and necessary thing.....you already know that.  It's difficult to give up autonomy and control, once it's part of your life, IME.  Pick and choose what's important..... what's easier to leave go.

B has his triggers and charges too.......maybe speaking them, out loud, will diapers/reduce them?  Maybe you already have. 

Hops, I hope your little garden shed goes up easily.  I'm happily picturing your garden tools, pots and bags of soil arranged to your liking.  Projects more joyful....more ease.

Lighter
72
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by Hopalong on November 05, 2025, 10:11:12 AM »
Wish a B. would appear here.
I'm going to buy one of those "tupperware" sheds...four feet high and 2-3 deep, I think.
It'll fit on my lower patio, which I call the "industrial patio."

It'll need assembling. Will fit right under my bedroom window and be a very helpful storage
and plant-pots kinda place. My garden tools are all rusty, as just under the eaves was
all the storage I've had here. I could store them in the outside-access basement, but getting to the entrance while carrying anything is hard on the back.

I'll ask my newish garden guy if he'd feel up to the task.

hugs
Hops
73
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 05, 2025, 08:21:40 AM »
Lift is all done. I'm pleased. It's a very simple functional "elevator". Will carry about 1000 lbs and is reasonably safe. There was a bit of panic over the measurements I was told would allow enough clearance for the box to travel through the deck. B made it one inch too short. But the installer told me the actual basket measurement was several inches smaller than I was given to believe. Now B is focused on A) making it pretty and B) keeping the cats safe.   <rolling eyes so hard they hurt>

When I'm doing something like this, I acquire all the information I need. I measure multiple times. I'm totally immersed in the project. Mr. Helpful constantly talks about all the things he thinks I haven't already thought about... and he obssesses over some of them. I usually gently hold him and kiss him... telling him to PLEASE stop talking until the current work is completed. From now on, I will be either asking Holly or contracting any other projects out. He assumes "ownership" over way too many things, and he moves so slowly working on them (Holly's jeep electical issue has been sitting a year, and still isn't done.) and like the rest of us, overwhelms himself with so many things going on. Because every week we have to go somewhere, or address other things.

I am not unfamiliar with phenomenon. Both my parents & grandmother were Aries and could make something like making breakfast as difficult as planning the Battle of the Bulge. It's kinda funny how much it triggers me. But, in the end, I understand he's trying to help and protect his "charges"... and I am responsible for managing my own emotional crap. I'm definitely doing something different now than I was THEN. It just feels weird. And will pass because distractions are taking my attention elsewhere, rather rapidly.

First eye surgery is tomorrow and like it or not, I am dependent on B for the first 24 hrs. Hopefully he doesn't overdo it. Having weird dreams and tomorrow is a full moon. SIGH.

Onwards, deliberately and slowly. Just use what I know to "think". Try not to imagine anything "extra" - or that I can't know for sure.

This too shall pass and I shall feel like a silly goose.    <grin>
74
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025
« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 04, 2025, 10:56:56 AM »
The lift is going in!! So far, so good.

But the deaf, ADHD, OCD person around here is about to make me crazy!!
75
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again
« Last post by lighter on November 03, 2025, 10:35:26 AM »
The new water closet is an amazingly useful addition to the house.  I have plush red bathroom rugs down....feels comforting in the stark little white room.

The leaves are turning, finally...... they're everywhere.....falling like little animals.  If we blow, daily, it's less of a hardship to deal with them.  I'm bundling up, going out to get things done.

Lighter





76
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on November 03, 2025, 10:24:56 AM »
4, out of 6, are ill right now.  Just my cousin, and I , remain well.  Contractor called in sick this morning....I pulled a 2' long hair out of the pug's throat.....and it's cold out.  So so cold, with all the Halloween stuff sitting at the garage entrance, waiting to be bagged and schlepped to the crawl space. 

Crawlspace needs some editing, but in good shape, mostly.  I SHOULD make returns to HD and drop offs to ReStore.....which opens tomorrow.  Returns today.  Food bank today.  Goodwill today. Veterans and ReStore tomorrow.

Hopefully, sister feels better tomorrow, so we can take cousin downtown to feel the vibe.  Maybe catch a Burlesque show, visit cool bars and eat somewhere yummy....Indian, maybe.

But first.....
the crawlspace.

Lighter

77
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 03, 2025, 08:27:17 AM »
Hops - maybe you have an unconscious memory from a past life? (just kidding)

Halloween didn't interest me much this year. Not even the pagan rites. That's probably due to how busy we've been (doing), the eye situation, the lift, and managing my own unpredictable feelings. (High maintenance right now.)

Glad you had trick or treaters, Hops. Lighter, your house sounds like fun!
78
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by Hopalong on November 02, 2025, 02:55:30 PM »
Jump-scares give me angina.

I'm one-a THOSE.

A chicken shit. Here's the BIG TRUTH:
When I was about 10, my parents had to take me out of the Disney movie "Darby O'Gill and the Little People" because I was absolootely TERRIFIED of the banshee. Her moaning wail. That sound.

So my brother would hide under my bed for weeks after and pitch a moan after I'd been asleep for a bit. He loved my terror.

And did I say there were lots of 6-7-8 year olds who were just laughing during that movie? I needed a children's loony bin. (It hasn't improved much, LOL.)

BOO!

hugs
Hops
79
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Last post by lighter on November 01, 2025, 09:43:42 PM »
We had fun, Hops.  The haunted clown house was a smash success, again, AND the neighbors, with the fabulous cemetery set-up, came by.  We went to see them....they had a baby pool sized moon mounted over their house....SO Cool!  It had a backlit moon shower curtain stretched over..... can't tell you how amazing the stone look tomb stones, hooded ghoul and new faux stone/iron and chain fencing looked....candle lit lanterns everywhere, a bar and full sized candy bars, whoo hoo!  The husband, responsible for making everything, rode his Harley to our house, and we scared him many times!  He was impressed.  I really enjoyed people's faces as they contemplated sticking their hand in the cauldron of candy, as a shrieking clown face clacked it's sharp teeth at them.....such a dark cauldron..... I'd make a loud snarfing noise, by their head, when they stuck their hand in.....big fun!

My cousin's dh had a really scary costume, and the patience/timing to give the first BIG scare, at the entrance.  That set the tone.  Everyone of us, sat motionless, amid loud animatronics..... impossible to tell, which thing, was human or doll.....until we moved/jumped scared them.

A good time was had by all, and we went antiquing today.

I'm glad your avoidant prep wasn't necessary. 

Lighter



80
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Play Hookey
« Last post by lighter on November 01, 2025, 09:23:58 PM »
Meh, maybe, this job, is an opportunity to consider, and discern, how much work you're being paid for, and whether, going above and beyond.

Heck, it might be.....even if in ways you can't see in the moment. 

If not, maybe pull up, gain some emotional distance, and consider the entire field.....
 drop duties, not your own, or keep doing them?

Whatever comes, let it be a conscious choice of your making.

 Some of the frustration might drop away.

 Maybe, saying NO, will open floodgates of relief (you didn't know were there.)

In any case, I'm glad to read your post.....glad the board allowed me to post back, Meh.

Lighter



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