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« Last post by lighter on June 10, 2025, 10:04:47 AM »
It makes me sad.....
to notice things board members have accepted, as love, or parts of love, wrestling with it, like some live thing, when really..... it's just malformed......beliefs.....about love/earning love, and worthiness. Esp when it involves parents.
I guess the, often very toxic people, board members struggle with, are in the middle of their own struggles, involving childhood trauma.
Some people do more, or less, harm in the world. Some people (perpetrate?) more or less kindness/help in the world, but it comes down to neeeeeed, doesn't it? Needing things to be different.......
Choosing people, broken in familiar ways, so one can change past outcomes, in the present. That's what happens, right?
Poet's abusive husband reminds her of a childhood trauma, she's trying to change, in the present....right? Your relationship, with Poet, is/was about trying to change/heal relationships/trauma in your past....right?
That's pretty complicated, if one needs to go back, find the origin trauma, and heal it, rather than refile one person, and decide they'll simply install boundaries, practice and enforce them. Difficult to do, and not repeat..... if the struggle is about past yearning to fix old trauma overlayed onto present relationships......right?
It was niggling thing, for me, to notice what past small transgressions, I had allowed years and years ago....bc they lead to larger transgressions.
Some I let slide, some I didn't, but my blindness......my ability to ignore, shut out, explain away..... honestly not feel bothered by, in some astonishing cases....or......
accept, in other astonishing cases.....
that was all mine to discern and own.
Once we know better, we can do better.
There's 5 trucks, including 2 dump trucks, and various equipment he hauling flatbeds, on my street....I think working at the cowboy's house.
::calculating cash on hand::.
Maybe I can get some stuff done too!
I'm glad you're feeling less anxious,((Hops.)) Will likely come and go, ebb and flow, until something clicks.....heals that needful part, IME. Then, will feel like an old key,burning in an ancient lock. Calm and done ness.....zero desire to think about it for another minute, I think.
Lighter
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