Recent Posts

71

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by Hopalong on October 07, 2025, 12:24:47 PM »

Your first para just posed half the questions I was going to ask Lighter, too.
I guess practicality and adaptability and accessibility are much more interesting subjects in the final quarter for all of us.

I too imagine Lighter as a very spry 60s, in a cape, flying from strenuous task to complicated task to endless task. You too, Amber, though your teeth might be a tad longer.

I serve as humble contrast to you both. Aerobic reading. Pooch cuddling. Slow puttering in my saggy Prius.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by sKePTiKal on October 07, 2025, 07:57:22 AM »

Not a bad way to support your Ds while giving them enough space to flex their independence, Lighter. What are your plans for you? Do you have enough of a network at the Lake to have dependable people to call on, as you age? Or do you have alternate plans?

For some reason, I have the idea you're 10 years younger than me (gonna be 70 next year). I know that's not an indication of health and ability (my friend who just turned 60 and my 'little bro" are both worse off than I am). But along the way, with the passing of years, one does have to accept that we don't bounce as easily and it takes longer to recover when we do owies to ourselves.

Maybe you haven't had time yet to ponder that. I'm sure not getting B to slow down much. In his case, moving and focusing on projects helps him ignore the pain better.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on October 06, 2025, 08:11:06 PM »

The cousin lives 12 hours away, and will be here for a while.  Hopefully, her stbx will settle down.

My sister and I will likely drive cousin back home, for her first Divorce hearing.  It's good and right for women to have physical support when divorcing entitled, armed baby-man nutters, IME.  Esp a Christian man "doing the Lord's will" while insisting the Lord wants cousin punished.

That means cousin will have her sister, BIL and the two of us.  Will have to be super careful in the parking lot.  Maybe be sneaky with it.....use back door, if they'll let us.

:: remembering the stupid settlement conferences::.  The courts should punish the nutters for wasting the court's time, imo.  They're pathologically unable to agree to ANYTHING, so why waste that time and money?  It's nerve racking to face them....they have another ambush opportunity...... it's demoralizing to watch the court plod along, IME.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on October 06, 2025, 07:59:13 PM »

Yup, Hops.  Both daughters staying in present home.  I'll move to the lake, and travel as necessary. 

The Cottage housekeeper asked me to take her 15yo rising 11th grade DD....maybe for 2 years.  She's US born.  Her US Auntie can't keep her longer......and neither can I.  I don't have anyone I can depend on, at the lake, when I'm gone.  I think I'm done raising children.

The water closet trim is caulked and ready for paint.  Porch electrical sorted and done.  Huge PITA, but now everything on their own switch.....new outlet in the ceiling.

Contractor also fixed the rocking clown in a cage.  It works, but the cord is about shot.  I ordered a new one, and will put little feet, on cage bottom, to preserve new cord.

Tomorrow we cut tile!  The final project will be done soon. 

I have pressure washing, window cleaning and quite a lot of touch up paint to finish, as well. 

The journey continues.

Lighter

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by Hopalong on October 05, 2025, 10:57:20 AM »

Did I understand that DD23 is staying in your present house,
and you're going to move somewhere new?

hugs
Hops

76

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Hopalong on October 05, 2025, 10:54:44 AM »

Two thots:

1) When boys are no longer raised with macho models, in the world or online...then girls won't grow up to be viewed as property, objects that a men can do with whatever they want...

2) bipolar? or just a violent, entitled man?

3) do these folks live near you, Lighter? Or are you at a safe/sane distance?

hugs
Hops

77

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Adventures in renovations... again

« Last post by lighter on October 05, 2025, 10:05:25 AM »

Trim is finished in water closet.  Need to caulk and paint it now.  We used an already stained stair tread remnant, as a shelf over the toilet/next to sink.....looks great.

The sound absorbing boxes (6) we're finished yesterday.  They'll go in the jazz shed.  Drapes need stitched at the top, then will be installed.  The sewing space was just put back in order, after water closet build.

Ready to make costumes and get on with planning cousin visit. We have use of neighbor's freshly painted house..... I'll be staging it for sale.  That's 4 extra bedrooms and 2 bathrooms for our company.  We'll have a house full this year.

78

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by lighter on October 05, 2025, 09:58:09 AM »

You're right, Amber.  I wish cousin could stay safe and stop working, but my aunt and uncle are selfish dragons....sitting on their big pile of money....taking and taking.....which is what they've always done.  Cousin goes to court, next week, to make TRO permanent.  She doesn't know if the police took the gun from the home, or if stbx did.....when he was removed two days ago....by the cops.  She should figure that out AND be super safe in court house parking lot.

The DD joined the group chat, btw.  She's making jokes about her father trying to enter the courthouse with a gun and 2 beer full coffee cup.  My youngest DD laughs when she's nervous too.

The stbx's sister allowed stbx to stay one night with her.  He's a mess.  She's a neat freak. 

Apparently a church friend allowed stbx to stay with him last night, but that's it.

Stbx asked the next door neighbor, who's home he chased DD into, with neighbor chasing stbx OUT.  That neighbor said NO.  He'll be pulling sentry duty , when cousin and kids get their things.  What neighbor won't be doing, is providing a perch for stbx to stalk cousin from.  What a crazy thing to ask!!!! So familiar.....intense focus on cousin.... love, hate, love, hate.  He flips like a fish.

Cousin, predictively, feels bad for stbx's plight ....she pictures him living in doorways,and her brain goes down old protective pathways......she loses sight, of the self inflicted nature, of said plight.  It's really sad, and I don't know why stbx was removed from the home, come to think of it.

Cousin got an emergency TRO, assuming one menaces their child, they lose the kingdom.

The "other woman" is Vietnamese, btw.  I say this, bc she left lots of things in the family home, including large size shoes....larger than my father wore.  There's a chance  White Christian Catholic boy brought a lady-boy home.....and maybe didn't notice?

As much as he disdains women, that actually makes sense.

The journey continues.

Lighter

79

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by sKePTiKal on October 05, 2025, 08:27:45 AM »

Lighter, this kind of behavior won't be stopped by legal restrictions. Cousin & kids need to be gone in undisclosed location, total no contact, yesterday. Yeah, I know - jobs. But they can stay somewhere safe. Most states have a form of "underground railroad" - either a temporary shelter, or volunteers that will take the family in - and protect them from the violent "partner".

OBX even raised enough money they built a small 1 and 2 bed apartment complex (with security) just for this reason.

We're - Hol and me - tapping into what's available here too. To help people going through this kind of thing. A lot of it is unfortunately church based, which does give us pause. Mostly coz we've had our own experiences involving "church people".

https://nccadv.org/get-help/

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread

« Last post by Hopalong on October 04, 2025, 11:37:38 PM »

I think stbx = soon-to-be ex.