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71
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 07, 2026, 08:03:34 AM »
I'm not fussed about the eye situation. It can take months for light sensitivity floaters to diminish. Cheap sunglasses!

There is no escaping pollen when your work is outdoors! But opening windows invites it INTO the house. (Learned not to do that at the beach). Some years are worse than others, so we'll see what this spring brings. It doesn't last too long. Local wildflower honey in tea is effective - but it's not a quick fix.

I really don't like the springs where its 80+ for a week and then back in the 20s at night for a week. I have to have base layers AND shorts/tank tops at hand depending on the day. But everything is SOOO pretty right now. Trees leafing out/blooming - redbuds are like sparks of fire in the green.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 06, 2026, 06:28:20 PM »
:(  I'm sorry it's taking such a long time to retreat.

Imaging you starkers (or in tasteful bloomers) enjoying an outdoor shower.
I don't have allergies as badly as you do but imagine thick wonderful hair is target zero for pollen.

Yikes.

I'm sure you saw me preaching at you about a couple air cleaners.

hugs
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 06, 2026, 01:43:28 PM »
Sinuses better. But pollen is just starting here.
Eyes... I'm not sure. Still have floaters sometimes and distance vision isn't what I'd hoped. Today, at any rate.
74
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 06, 2026, 11:30:03 AM »
Amber, speaking of organ recitals, how are your eyes and sinuses behaving? Still plumbed together, I hope not?

hugs
Hops
75
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Hopalong on April 04, 2026, 08:56:13 PM »
"Unique, tragic superiority" is a helluva phrase.
Something to chew on when I contemplate a few people.

I was locked out (password rejected) all day but as Doc G advised, I just waited a good while to try again and it worked this time.

hugs
Hops
76
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.
« Last post by Meh on April 04, 2026, 02:02:44 AM »
"Help-Rejecting Complainer" (HRC), a term popularized by George Vaillant as a "polite" way to describe a specific defense mechanism. When paired with Covert Narcissism, it creates a cycle where the person seeks attention through distress but rejects every solution to maintain their "victim" status.


1. Help-Rejecting Complaining (HRC)
This is classified as a maladaptive defense mechanism. The individual deals with emotional conflict by complaining or making repetitious requests for help that disguise covert feelings of hostility or resentment toward others.

Psychology Today | The Help-Rejecting Complainer: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-creativity-cure/201402/the-help-rejecting-complainer


The "Help-Rejecting" & Narcissism Connection --???
In clinical literature, this is often linked to "Splitting" or "Projective Identification." By rejecting help, the narcissist proves that "no one understands them" or "no one can truly help," which reinforces their sense of unique, tragic superiority.

George Vaillant’s "Adaptation to Life": This is the seminal book that categorizes HRC as a "Level II: Immature Defense."
77
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Hopalong on April 02, 2026, 12:13:46 PM »
It probably looks like the inside of my mind, too. LOL.

Apart from the visual drama, for me the best thing about it is that it's NOT vinyl and does not off-gas toxic forever carcinogenic chemicals. I can't stand the new-shower-curtain smell of them and did so much research on it in a former job that I will squeeze my savings to use natural or zero-VOC materials when I can. If my kitchen weren't so small it would be out of reach. The cork nearly was when I first got my house fixed up but I loved it. Just not practical for anywhere that could spring a water leak.

I'm happy that my biggest room still has the cork underfoot. I didn't get any pattern with that, just the natural color that includes sliced recycled wine corks. It's pretty!

I can obsess over pretty simple things. The wheelbarrow awaits me outside, for its crazy unplanned load of annuals. That brought me joy every time I looked at it, and my yard guy enjoyed being told to "create anything, any mix--just enjoy stuffing it with flowers."

I think I'm just feeling happy today. Lighter (no pun intended!) and feeling hope about the decluttering and more. Leading covenant group tonight, which I always enjoy. Here's my outline, Lighter:

TOPIC: Where do you “go” when you’re scared?
If anybody’s not scared during this time in history, I’d love to have a beer with you. My treat! Most of us are feeling the varied attacks on democracy and humanity these days, OR may live with personal challenges that require dealing with fear. Yet for each of us, there might be individual sources of courage and inner peace. Let’s talk about them.

Questions to Ponder:
1-Do you have a consistent source of comfort? If Yes, what is it?
2-Who in your life has demonstrated notable courage? Has anyone inspired you?
3-If you were advising a child or young person how to cope today, what would you tell them?

hugs
Hops
78
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Anything again
« Last post by Hopalong on April 02, 2026, 11:56:17 AM »
Well, I kept trying to pin the label on myself and several therapists told me to cut it out, I'm NOT a narcissist. I'm lots of other fun things: codependent, highly sensitive, bigly ADHD, and anxious. Also creative, quirky and open. Way healthier now.

(I was just terrified when I learned about what Nism was about 20 years ago -- it's why I came here -- and had all those realizations about my mother and brother, that I was obsessed with the subject for a long time. I saw Ns behind every bush and kept diving into their orbits, like with boyfriend M and perhaps Poet too...and my child). I realized I'd been groomed to feel familiar if not comfortable in that position. Nobody "planned" it for me and I'm not a victim any more. It was just where nature and history put everybody, I guess. But I think I'll always need to be cautious and learn to put trust and vulnerability only in kind hands.

hugs
Hops
79
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Friendship Moments: good or bad
« Last post by Hopalong on April 02, 2026, 11:43:00 AM »
It's okay, there's loads of love in the universe. I think it's like the northern lights.
And although sometimes sincere, I think in my amaaaazing HINDsight that Poet's love has been more often a function of trying to maneuver everyone to get what she wants/needs from them. Not suggesting bad intent, just...unawareness.

A very understandable behavior for her to have acquired, given her childhood. I think she's been desperate for attention ever since. I was happy to give it for a long time.

I did a home test for apnea last night. Pup was very intrigued by all the stuff. It was tedious but I sure hope it worked. I don't want and wouldn't wear a standard C-pap but they make much simpler "nasal pillow" ones. Who knows. The only benefit of better diagnosis is awareness and, in case I decide to do it again, insurance coverage for GFP-1s. Which I'm not sure I want to take again anyway. Better sleep would be amazing enough.

My dear UU friend whom I spend a couple hours with a couple times a month has been in the hospital with blood clots in her lungs. I'm worried. It's the chapter we're in and the women in my covenant group have similar things on their minds. One lost a leg, one is going blind, one has incredible skeletal pain daily. I admire every single one of them.

I'm sure y'all have heard of "organ recitals?" Old joke about what old people talk about.

hugs,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2026
« Last post by Meh on April 01, 2026, 08:26:29 PM »

That marmoleum looks like flowing molten lava. Must be a very lively place.
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